Bro Gary Hawkins 13: What's the other one, Becky?

[FundMe]

23 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

Darn, if Opp, Alabama wasn't a 4 hour ride, I'd take a jaunt to go see Gary to do some in-person reporting.  I could be one of the heathens he prays for to get saved.  Although I've already made a profession of faith and I'm a wicked Southern Baptist.

Let me clarify -- I'm not really going to touch the poop, but it would be a bit entertaining to see him in action in person.

I'm in Western NC, so there's a very good chance he will be close to me. While I won't touch the poop, I am all about going for the pure entertainment!

[Four is Enough]

I am a Roman Catholic. I'm used to a priest giving a homily. However, I'm used to complete sentences. I'm used to things that make a point. I've had the occasional priest laugh at his own jokes. However, I don't remember a priest who'd punctuate his homily with support for himself. (Haymayun!)

Brevity is encouraged in a priest.. Apparently, a minister like Gary (and I use "minister" lightly) has no such limitation placed on him. He can say anything for as long as he likes, apparently.

What is my point? I'm not sure I remember, but oh, yeah, it's this? How on earth does Gary get an audience? Does he get repeat audiences at the same places, or does he travel a sort of circuit, same states, same times, and find different sites every year? If he's rejected from returning to a site, does he get a clue as to why?

In short, I think Gary would do better if he

made sense, made a point, was coherent, was brief, and was literate!!

[thoughtful]

55 minutes ago, Four is Enough said:

How on earth does Gary get an audience? Does he get repeat audiences at the same places, or does he travel a sort of circuit, same states, same times, and find different sites every year?

I haven't really researched whether there's a pattern or a geographical circuit, but I think it's mostly random. I know he has some "regulars."

Why they want him may be a mix of a few things, depending on the venue. My guess is that those things are:

- the Southern Baptist tradition of loving what I call the scat-singing quality of the preaching -- all of that repetition, whispering, hissing, dancing, bellowing and screaming, regardless of what the words are. Some of these churches have quiet pastors, so Gary represents variety. Some have ranters, so Gary is what they are comfortable with, but they might get to hear his repetitive riffs, instead of the ones they hear three times a week already. I think it fills the niche that would be filled by secular music, sports and/or movies and TV.
- his allegiance to the KJV and the same theology they have.
- his hero-worship of the sin-callin'-out preachers of the past, who some of them also revere.
- his "we're alone against The World," we're so persecuted," "we have to stick together (and I think "so be loyal to me regardless of the quality of my product" is implied)" attitude.
- his "down home, ah'm just a hick (and there are so few of us left, and the Northern elites hate us, etc.)" schtick.
- his liberal-hatin', Trump-lovin' politics.
- pity for his children - he may find his gigs gone when Jacob reaches 18.
- pity for Becky.
- they all have a desperate need to know the connection between Christian theology and "Walmarts."
- addiction to Becky's weeny gravy and biscuits - the first hit is free, but, after that, ya gotta give Gary a gig to get more!  ?

55 minutes ago, Four is Enough said:

If he's rejected from returning to a site, does he get a clue as to why?

I assume he doesn't. If Gary had a baptism in the Clue Bucket, with the tadpoles reciting his social security number, then the reason he failed, as he was repeatedly dunked, for hours and hours, he would still not get a clue.

Narcissist rule #1 - nothing bad that happened is ever their fault.

 

Edited May 20, 2020 by thoughtful

[Flossie]

1 hour ago, Four is Enough said:

How on earth does Gary get an audience? Does he get repeat audiences at the same places, or does he travel a sort of circuit, same states, same times, and find different sites every year? If he's rejected from returning to a site, does he get a clue as to why?

I've wondered the same.  Is there some sort of Craigs List for itinerant preachers where he hooks up with like minded churches?  Does he call up churches and yell his inarticulate rants and "heymans" at whoever answers the phone until they hang up or agree to let him come?  Have they ever heard of him before or once they've heard his online "sermons" they feel a sense of professional courtesy to allow him to come anyway?  Does he ever have much of an audience?  Maybe once a church has realized what's coming their way they arrange for only polite people who are willing to sit through his nonsense.  I can't believe that he gets a lot of return business.  If he ever hears criticism, I'm sure he immediately decides that they're wrong and he's right, and goes on his merry way.  I still can't figure out why Becky took up with Gary and support him in all this.  Is she atoning for some atrocious sin?

I see that @thoughtful replied before me, and did a better job at it than I did.

[thoughtful]

"It's Windsdy! Windsdy, a day, midweek . . . humpback - hump hump hump day."

Lots of pointing fingers, shoving palms and other gestures in today's video, and many stops for the "just sayin'" face.

Gary clumsily wishes well to a man who comments that he is supposed to find out today if he has cancer.

He says it's time to "do what you're gonna do," and forget about (insert several real or Gary-invented names for Covid-19 here). He boasts that it hasn't stopped him at all, and rattles off his upcoming schedule. We know, Gary.

His cousin went to Myrtle Beach, and said "This don't look like social distance to me, and it don't look like these people are really livin' amen."

Interesting meaningless statement - did Gary's cousin see people all crowded together or glumly sitting six feet apart? Gary, you can do your "why should I be careful when others aren't bothering" baby whine, or you can do your "you're not living a full life if you follow the guidelines" rant, but I don't think you can do both in one sentence.

In the middle of Gary's usual "people of God have to get back to normal" rant, Becky comes up behind him and asks if she can interrupt him for a few seconds. Gary flows right into "Go raht ahead," still in his "declaring the Truth" voice, still staring at the camera. She whispers in his ear:

Spoiler

and he answers "Fresh ones, please," and goes right back to his routine.

Hell, Gary - most people make eye contact with waitstaff while placing their order.

Oh, well - at least he said please.

"We have played with this little game long enough - we have destroyed America."

He says the stimulus check is "makin' Americans LAZY!"

Shit, there goes another irony meter. Hope those things are recyclable.

He appreciates what Trump is doin', but people need to get out and work. He praises his 72-year-old father for being a hard-working man, and planting a garden. His grandmother "went through a depression" and they "made do with the homemade stuff amen."

"Homemade stuff's a whole lot better than this - my wife is sellin' Tupperware, and she showed me somethin' yesterday that Tupperware has come out with, it's like a bowl that you can put in the microwave, 'n' put noodles in it, any kinda noodles, 'n' put it in there with water, 'n' cook it in the microwave." Disgusted look.

He talks about a preacher who, years ago, preached a message on "instant foods." Wait - he corrects himself - "instant religions."  Oooh, does Gary have a new metaphor?

Nah - he's still talking about food - he fumbles to the end, saying that the microwave is good for some things, but not as good as old-fashioned cooking (which I imagine he has never done in his penis-privileged life).

BTW, Gary, pasta is not a good example for making your point, but since you don't cook, you wouldn't know that.

He tries to do the "put on the armor of the Lord" riff, and his brain refuses to cooperate - he can't get the word "armor" to come, I think. After a few false starts, he lets out the "my goodness" he says when he's annoyed/amused at himself for a word retrieval problem (which is the only time I ever sympathize with Gary, and the only time ever see him being sincerely self-deprecating), and ends with "get our clothes on for battle."

He talks about a preacher whose name he forgets, who "goes around in the politician world," who has people doing without a midday meal, to pray for America.

"If the Lord don't intervene, we know exactly what's gonna happen."

Our forefathers fought for religious freedom, there are people who are backing off (obligatory "I ain't throwin' stones), "this generation knows nothing about fighting for rahtsss."

He's been rebuked by preachers, and he didn't like hearing it, but it made him what he is today.

So he's claiming he would get a clue from the clue bucket, but I still have my doubts. Especially since he flows from imitating others rebuking him into him rebuking us, without even realizing he did it, I think.

Becky showed him something she thought was funny, but he thinks it's sad. He goes on to describe a - well, he doesn't say what it was (meme? cartoon?) - that showed something about limited seating in pews. "Listen, hey, we've just about social-distanced Jesus out (shoving gesture) . . . out of the way (three more shoves). Uh, huh."

"What happened to Jonah? When God told Jonah to go to Ninevah, Jonah run! Wint the other way. He wint 'n' got on a boat." Then storms came up because "God judges those He loves, God whups those He loves. AMEN!" "When ah do wrong, He whups me."

He does his riff about Israel being punished for rejecting God - "He divorced 'em, He put' em over in a corner, set 'em up on a shelfff. And now look what's goin' on. "

He tells us to read Jeremiah and some other prophets, in a resentful voice.

"One day we may have to stand and get keelled for the cause of Christ."

He glides from a long "we need to do right" riff to "We need to stop social distancin.'" He tells us that when he goes to "Walmarts" and they got "that little plexiglass up there," "we're still reachin' around, time she - he or she - hands me a receipt, or time that ah hand 'em a Gospel tract, we've done touched one another. And she's touched every one o' my groceries - he or she touched every one o' my groceries. And the people that stocked 'em touched the groceries, and (video skips)." Hearty chuckle.

He goes through the whole list (because somebody told him - he couldn't think of this himself?) of parts of your fast food meal that have been touched by various people.

Do what's right. "You say, 'what's right?' Get in that 1611 King James Bible and read it."

Follow the example of what Jesus did, then suddenly "Be very careful when you complain about yer church. It is issintial."

Andy Stock comments that the video is cutting out, and Gary says he's glad he'll be on the road soon, and somewhere where the "Internet is a whole lot better 'n' ever'thin', but uh."

Gary:

Spoiler

 

Edited May 20, 2020 by thoughtful
riffles

[AmazonGrace]

I just don't get how such a hateful man can think himself the light of Jesus' love.

[Xan]

I think the only way Gary gets his gigs is that he doesn't ask for money.  He just asks that they pass the collection plate for him.  If he only has 5 or 6 people in the congregation, old Gary doesn't even get enough money to gas up the truck.  No wonder he keeps yammering on about people getting back to church.  It's hurting Gary's wallet.  

He's managed to do this since 2012.  People have fed and housed him and given him enough money to travel around, eat in restaurants, and not do any real work.  It's no surprise that he's more irritable lately.  If things don't pick up, Gar might have to find a job -- or find one for Becky, most likely.  He preaches against social distancing because it's killed off his income stream.

We used to get flashy religious con men who at least knew how to put on a show.  (Benny Hinn slapping people to the ground as he healed them was both awful and hilarious.)  Now we have preachers like Gary who can't preach and singers like JillRod who can't sing.  They don't make grifters like they used to.

[thoughtful]

4 hours ago, Flossie said:

I've wondered the same.  Is there some sort of Craigs List for itinerant preachers where he hooks up with like minded churches?  Does he call up churches and yell his inarticulate rants and "heymans" at whoever answers the phone until they hang up or agree to let him come?  Have they ever heard of him before or once they've heard his online "sermons" they feel a sense of professional courtesy to allow him to come anyway?  Does he ever have much of an audience?  Maybe once a church has realized what's coming their way they arrange for only polite people who are willing to sit through his nonsense.  I can't believe that he gets a lot of return business.  If he ever hears criticism, I'm sure he immediately decides that they're wrong and he's right, and goes on his merry way.  I still can't figure out why Becky took up with Gary and support him in all this.  Is she atoning for some atrocious sin?

I see that @thoughtful replied before me, and did a better job at it than I did.

Oh, you did just fine, and articulated a lot of the "how could anyone want this" thoughts we all have. Despite my list, I don't really get it at a gut level. Why anyone enjoys Gary's company is beyond me. Becky seems truly fond of him.

The place in my brain where I squelch my "people actually like that?!" reaction and tell myself "yeah - get over it - people actually like that, as your grandmother said, that's why they make chocolate and vanilla" is really useful here. I feel that way about a lot of things that other people love -  I figure we all do. But, usually I'm thinking that way about forms of entertainment.

I said, earlier, that I think church fills the entertainment niche that some of these people forbid themselves (or have but feel guilty about). Three church services a  week are group audience experiences in which they can be transported, participatory and passionate (or a passive listener), and feel righteous for doing it (bonus!).

Think about it - concerts of any musical style are likely to have a mix of loud and quiet, fast and slow, high-pitched and low, varying timbres, choppy separated sounds and flowing connected ones, short motifs and long sweeping passages, opportunities to feel the rhythm (internally or actually moving), and lots of those nice "ooh - I remember this part from earlier" sensations. If the music has lyrics, they may or may not have an obvious meaning, and an audience member can just enjoy the flow and ignore the lyrics. That Southern Baptist preaching style has all of that. The congregants might as well be holding up lighters, or yelling "Bravo! Brava! Encore!" instead of "AMEN!"

Movies and TV, opera and musicals would have much of the above, and add a story, wild adventure and gentle moments, character interaction and relationships, visual contrast, humor, characters to love and hate, a fantasy component and/or a moral. They can get entertained by all of those ingredients in church, too.

They're like intense genre fans who love hearing about the same characters in all kinds of situations. The KJV is their Harry Potter, Star Wars, Star Trek, or reality TV. And their genre makes them feel clean and righteous - relatives are less likely to chide them for wasting time on it and buying all of the licensed merchandise.

They can satisfy any craving they have to feel like they've sat in a classroom and learned at the feet of a wise, smart, or lively and funny teacher (or feel self-satisfied that the teacher's an idiot and they already know more), in a way that threatens nothing that they already believe.

I can see how it replaces a lot of activities the rest of us consider life-enhancing or harmlessly entertaining.

The only thing missing is the possible surprise element inherent in sports (watching or playing), or getting together to play cards or bingo. They always know who's going to score and win, and they assume it is their team.

I guess the "nobody knows the hour or the day" stuff provides the closest they get to that. But a little competition wouldn't be a bad thing, would it? I mean, check this out:

Spoiler

 

 

Edited May 20, 2020 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

Gary put an ad for his services on Facebook. I assume it was written by Becky.

He got invited to Kenya, by a man who clearly doesn't realize that Gary is a missionary to the USA of America only!

 

Edited May 21, 2020 by thoughtful

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

I guess not everyone agrees Church should be open.

Spoiler

 

[keepercjr]

42 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Gary put an ad for his services on Facebook. I assume it was written by Becky.

He got invited to Kenya, by a man who clearly doesn't realize that Gary is a missionary to the USA of America only!

 

"7 children with only 1 left at home".  Way to stretch the truth there Gary and Becky.  I get so infuriated about Becky's poor kids.  It doesn't appear that she even visits them monthly.  Calling and facetime isn't the same.  They will never get over the fact that she chose Gary over them.  She mothers and schools Jacob all while her young kids are states away. 

[Ozlsn]

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

They're like intense genre fans who love hearing about the same characters in all kinds of situations. The KJV is their Harry Potter, Star Wars, Star Trek, or reality TV.

And my mind went straight to 1611 KJV fanfic and now I need brain bleach.

9 hours ago, Xan said:

They don't make grifters like they used to.

Oh I dunno, Joel Osteen seems to be making a go of it. 

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

I guess not everyone agrees Church should be open.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

That's horrific. I hope the perpetrators are caught and incarcerated.

If it was done by someone frustrated with their continuing to have church indoors or suing the city, I am also pissed off at their making those of us on the "stay home" side of the argument look like monsters.

Maybe I've watched too many true crime shows, and maybe it's wishful thinking because I really don't want it to have been for the reasons the graffito implies, but I always suspect insurance fraud in a situation like this.

Either way, the people who did it are shit.

I am trying to find Gary's comment, and reading some violent ideas for revenge, hateful statements about "the left," and assumptions that the perpetrators were demon-possessed, among the very real shock, sadness and understandable anger.

 

[thoughtful]

Found it. For once, Gary was dignified and succinct.

Let's see what he says tomorrow.

ETA - it's a Pentecostal church, which I figure Gary would ordinarily disapprove of.

 

Edited May 21, 2020 by thoughtful

[Ozlsn]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

That's horrific. I hope the perpetrators are caught and incarcerated.

I am tired and my internet has crashed for the billionth time today which may explain why I read the last word as "incinerated" and thought "that seems unusually harsh..."

I totally agree with the incarceration. Even if they'd just graffitied it I'd be happy with them paying a fine (or being made to clean it up AND paying a fine) but arson is really several giant leaps too far.

[Walking Cat Bed]

12 hours ago, keepercjr said:

"7 children with only 1 left at home".  Way to stretch the truth there Gary and Becky.  I get so infuriated about Becky's poor kids.  It doesn't appear that she even visits them monthly.  Calling and facetime isn't the same.  They will never get over the fact that she chose Gary over them.  She mothers and schools Jacob all while her young kids are states away. 

Becky's kids at least have a (seemingly) good father. We only know what we've seen, but what we've seen is a man who was willing to let his wife take custody and then gladly took that custody back when the kids wanted stability and an actual dad. And his significant other seems to have a similar perspective. 

They may not have their mom, but they have (seemingly) good parents.

[thoughtful]

Gary's trying to be funny this morning:

 

ETA - looked at Becky's Facebook, and here is one of the very important ? errands they were doing, instead of staying in one place:

Spoiler

 

Edited May 21, 2020 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

14 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

I am tired and my internet has crashed for the billionth time today which may explain why I read the last word as "incinerated" and thought "that seems unusually harsh..."

Yeah, even if a person had been hurt, I'm just not the "eye for an eye" type.

[larrysmom]

On 5/20/2020 at 1:09 PM, thoughtful said:

"Homemade stuff's a whole lot better than this - my wife is sellin' Tupperware, and she showed me somethin' yesterday that Tupperware has come out with, it's like a bowl that you can put in the microwave, 'n' put noodles in it, any kinda noodles, 'n' put it in there with water, 'n' cook it in the microwave." Disgusted look.

So wait. His wife is selling Tupperware and he's turning his nose up at it? Say what you will about Tupperware and MLM companies, at least she's putting some effort in trying to earn some money.

[griffin]

He thinks cooking something in the microwave makes it "fast food".

[Idlewild]

I don’t know if the Irish comedy “Father Ted” ever made it to US- it was hilarious. In one scene Ted’ s housekeeper Mrs Doyle ( her character implored everyone ‘ will you not have a cup of tea, go on’) is given a demonstration of a tea making machine and told ‘it takes the misery out of making tea’. Her reply is ‘maybe I like the misery’. 

My point ( and I do have one!) is Gary thinks preparing food for him is not only a duty but an honour and should involve a certain amount of hard work and misery- not for him obviously. He is a bone idle unpleasant creature.

Edited May 22, 2020 by Idlewild

[thoughtful]

Gary is back on the road, and back on Facebook. He's happy  - he even has a moment with Rascal when someone comments about the dog's cuteness:

Spoiler

After staring at Gary, Rascal does this:

Spoiler

as if he's checking in with Jacob, which is tempting to mentally caption:

"Am I safe? He's actually acting nice to me, which creeps me out."

or just

"Can you believe this asshole?"

I think that zebra-striped thing is a booster seat for dogs, and the humans are all in seat belts (Gary - that's doing something that is mandated by law, and that experts recommend, to keep oneself and others safe - just like masks and social distancing - so why . . . oh, never mind). And the truck is still parked - he's not doing this on a highway somewhere.

Small mercies.

Lots of tooth-sucking and "'n' ever'thin'" today. And, of course, the tapping. I think the reason we only hear the tapping in the truck is that Gary usually drinks from plastic, but his car mug is metal. He probably always taps as one of his many fidgets.

Gary asks prayers for his mother (Becky has to remind him of when the procedure was done), because she's still having problems with her kidneys, and doesn't want to go on "dallasis."

He asks prayers for "safe travellins," and tells us his travel plans, again.

He greets someone who comments, and prays he is doing well in (I don't know if I can even come up with a spelling for how he says this, but here's an attempt): "Massishooshisss."

That's Massachusetts, in case you couldn't figure it out.

He's giving a sermon now. We need to stand for the Lord - he rambles incoherently about a New Jersey preacher who was on channel 10 news. This story, or something related to it, I imagine:

https://6abc.com/some-nj-churches-to-reopen-in-defiance-of-state-order/6199407/

As angering as it is, I laughed at one quote in that news report (bolding mine):

Quote

Pastor Charles Clark, of Solid Rock Baptist Church in Berlin, said the United States Constitution gives him the right, and the Bible gives him the mandate to invite parishioners back to the pews.

"Walmart is open, the pet store is open, the bicycle repair shop is open, and all are considered essential, but the church has been closed," he said.

No wonder Gary admires him.

"Let the Lord Jesus Christ just foller us 'n' take keer of us 'n' supply our every needs, 'n' get all the, y'know, ya listen, hey, if you think you're not gonna have some afflictions and have some a'versaries  uh serving uh God, I'm sorry, yir wrong (tooth suck, sad head shake, tapping). You are tee-totally wrong, uh, 'n' ever'thin', but, uh (more tapping)."

Into the End Times stuff. Maybe Jacob and Becky don't have the same physical needs I do, but I would be asking Gary for a bathroom break already, and they haven't even left the church parking lot. Gary bellows "Hang in there!"

Spoiler

He just wanted to let ever'body know they were about to leave, and he'd better not be on Facebook travelin'. The video immediately cuts off, comes on again, and now the truck is clearly moving. So much for that.

How come Gary ignores the things that look like clear signs from God?

He complains about the bad Internet (at this place that has housed and fed him for a month), and tells us again that, the Lord's will, the next place will be better, and his videos won't "crackle' 'n' pop 'n' all that good stuff."

"God bless ya! See ya 'til the next time!"

Well, no, you won't  . . . oh, never mind.

Gary, as always:

Spoiler

 

Edited May 22, 2020 by thoughtful
had a ' where I actually didn't need one!

[AmazonGrace]

For my peace of mind, I'm going to assume that it's a finger.

[thoughtful]

He was on again! While driving, Gary sings along with Thank You, Lord, For Your Blessings on Me. His love for this song adds to my disgust with him, since it thanks God for things like shelter, clothing, shoes and food, which Gary gets from other people - people who meet God halfway by actually doing some work to earn their money, or even make what they need.

He gestures and "conducts" with one hand while belting out the song, and looks at the phone or Becky (granted, mostly just glances, but he's stacking up the distractions, which is never good).

Spoiler

The song ends, and he tells us that God is good - he's in preaching mode, which can't be good for driving safety. Then he plays it again, and again, and again, and sings along with even broader gestures and longer (and longer, and longer) looks at the phone. He also stops singing to bellow "Yes!" "I ain't wealthy!" "That's 'zactly raht!" and other exhortations, or to just whoop, while tapping on his mug.

He starts preaching over the song, then gets a call (the "This is Donald Trump" ringtone), and fusses with the phone. He goes into full bellowing and screaming mode, and continues to preach over the song.

Ten minutes and 34 seconds of Gary doing what he just this morning said he wouldn't do - get on Facebook while driving.

Sarah Anne comments, using dirty words like "work" and "volunteer" and hinting about ways to protect our health:

Spoiler

Gary, you drive (see what I did there?) me nuts,

Spoiler

 

Edited May 22, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle, adding gif, Sarah Anne's comment

[keepercjr]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Gary is back on the road, and back on Facebook. He's happy  - he even has a moment with Rascal when someone comments about the dog's cuteness:

  Hide contents

 

  Hide contents

as if he's checking in with Jacob, which is tempting to mentally caption:

"Am I safe? He's actually acting nice to me, which creeps me out."

or just

"Can you believe this asshole?"

 

I am worried for Jacob in  the back seat crammed with that open bin of stuff.  It isn't going to end well if they get in an accident.  We have had to be creative with packing items in the car on occasion (usually after a costco run as we don't have cars with large trunks) but only for a very short distance.  Not hundreds of miles on the freeway.

On 5/21/2020 at 7:33 AM, Walking Cat Bed said:

Becky's kids at least have a (seemingly) good father. We only know what we've seen, but what we've seen is a man who was willing to let his wife take custody and then gladly took that custody back when the kids wanted stability and an actual dad. And his significant other seems to have a similar perspective. 

They may not have their mom, but they have (seemingly) good parents.

That is very true. I hope they have been able to process any feelings of hurt caused by Becky.  It still can't be easy for them. 

Edited May 22, 2020 by keepercjr