Josiah and Lauren 12: Usual Duggar Social Media and Drift

[Audrey2]

My sister's birthday is December 18th. When I was growing up, we traditionally decorated the Christmas tree on her birthday after doing her birthday supper and took it down on New year's Day while watching the Rose parade and football games. It was always a live tree.

[SorenaJ]

We go out and cut down our real tree 3 days before Christmas and put it up 2 days before (otherwise all the needles will fall off if it's inside for too long + the cats will climb in it and push down all the baubles + the dogs will chew on the decorations) 

[HRM1216]

5 hours ago, obiwanfreak said:

I take down the Christmas decorations very early.  My daughter's birthday is in early January and we like to have some sort of separation between the two.

I am a New Year's baby and my parents have never been huge festive people, so our tree generally goes up one or two weeks before Christmas and comes down after we open gifts and eat Christmas morning lol.

I personally have always hated my birthday's closeness to Christmas (and just in general being on a holiday) because it doesn't feel like "yours". I've always appreciated my parents making a clear separation between the two events. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

I know several people with birthdays close to or on Christmas, and with the exception of that one woman everyone's families went out of their way to make their birthday's a special separate event form Christmas. 

My son was due Christmas Eve and we were kind of bummed that he would have a Christmas birthday for this reason, but he came 4 weeks early on Thanksgiving. That had enough issues being so close to that holiday every year, but didn't affect Christmas.

We did however, have an issue with dds birthday, she was born 8 weeks after Christmas, and several people would say since it was just Christmas, we'll just get her something small.  That wouldn't have been an issue, IF they hadn't gotten something so extravagant for ds.  My father was the worst, one year he got DS a PlayStation console and only a little doll for dd. Thankfully she was only 4 and didn't realize this, but I did and I had to have a chat with him, about either stepping up what he got for her or cutting back what he got for him. Since they WOULD start to notice it sooner or later. The next year he started giving them like $50 and he would take them to lunch and then shopping to spend the money. They both LOVED doing that, Now they just get the cash & dinner, they can shop on their own. Shopping with dd is a NIGHTMARE, I won't even go with her anymore, I just give her my credit card and a spending limit. It is SO MUCH easier and we are both much happier afterwards, since joint shopping trips always leads to a fight. LOL!  

 

[BachelorToTheRapture]

I dont understand all the combined presents hate. My sister has a July birthday and will sometimes wait to get anything to get a combined gift with Christmas, as will my siblings and I with birthdays in August and October. The one with a March birthday sometimes gets Christmas gifts late in order to combine. As we've gotten older (10ish and up) we've often chosen to get something that's more than my parents will spend for one occasion and decided it's worth the wait.

As an adult I really only do gift exchanges with close family, maybe something small for a close friend or coworker for a birthday, but no Christmas gifts for friends or extended family (giving or receiving).  I can understand how parties can be harder for people with birthdays close to Christmas, but in my experience even as a kid friends only gave smallish birthday presents and maybe candy (the same under $5 gift) for friends, if anything. As long as the kid understands what's happening and the parents/close family give similar total value gifts, I thought it was nice to have a birthday closer to Christmas so there's no wait to get the bigger gifts I wanted. 

[Blessings of the Corn]

December is for Christmas and that's it in my house. I enjoy the season, but when it's over I am ready to move on to the new year. We decorate/put up the tree the first or second week of December and then it usually comes down the day or two after Christmas Day. I like it, but a few weeks is more than enough and I'm ready to have my house back.  Our space is small and all the extra décor starts too make my house feel/look cluttered which really stresses me out.

 

Happy New Year!

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, BachelorToTheRapture said:

I dont understand all the combined presents hate. My sister has a July birthday and will sometimes wait to get anything to get a combined gift with Christmas, as will my siblings and I with birthdays in August and October. The one with a March birthday sometimes gets Christmas gifts late in order to combine. As we've gotten older (10ish and up) we've often chosen to get something that's more than my parents will spend for one occasion and decided it's worth the wait.

As an adult I really only do gift exchanges with close family, maybe something small for a close friend or coworker for a birthday, but no Christmas gifts for friends or extended family (giving or receiving).  I can understand how parties can be harder for people with birthdays close to Christmas, but in my experience even as a kid friends only gave smallish birthday presents and maybe candy (the same under $5 gift) for friends, if anything. As long as the kid understands what's happening and the parents/close family give similar total value gifts, I thought it was nice to have a birthday closer to Christmas so there's no wait to get the bigger gifts I wanted. 

The issue isn’t when people are giving one big gift for both. It’s when they deliberately use the fact that someone’s birthday falls close to or on a big holiday to not give them as much as they would have if their birthday fell further away from the holiday, especially if it’s a close family member doing that. 

[mpheels]

I also have a December birthday. My family never did combined presents until I was old enough to specifically ask for larger combined gifts. As a teenager/young adult, we did have a few years when my parents did a trip to Europe as a combined birthday/Christmas gift for everyone. That worked out mostly because all of the birthdays in my family fall between mid-October and early January.

[WiseGirl]

Daughter's birthday is the 25th. She gets her birthday presents and cake after Christmas dinner. There is a clear separation between the two. She always preferred to have the friend celebration in January rather than a 6 month celebration.  

[patsymae]

My son was born on Christmas Day. Big family, lots of friends and he never felt screwed in the present department. When he got old enough to hang out with "the men" he'd actually clean up because after the brouhaha and everyone sat around drinking beer it would be, "Oh, kid, I didn't realize it was your birthday." and they'd pull out a $20.

That said, I did tend to have fancier birthday parties (by my standards) than I normally would have for a small child, because I wanted something that would stand out a little in all the Christmas/Channukah hoopla.Plus most relatives or friends if we were at their house would have a separate birthday cake/time/little celebration for him. Except my bitch of a mother, but that's  a different story.

He says he never felt anything about presents, but it bothered him that he didn't have a special day for himself.

[caitrona]

Our decorations stay up until 12th Night (Epiphany), and then we put up Mardi Gras decor. Our outside lights stay up until the end of January because our area leaves all outdoor displays, etc. up until the local stock show is over.

[Audrey2]

When I lived in my old house and had no cats and room to decorate, I took down my Christmas stuff between January 1 and 6 and put up snowmen through January and February. It was nice to still acknowledge winter and separate winter and Christmas.

[patsymae]

What I now realize is a pathetic story. Very late on Christmas Eve my dad would take us out to "pick out" a Christmas tree. We'd always be so excited. And I always thought it was a great tradition to pick out and put up your tree on Christmas Eve.
So embarrassing to say how old I was to realize that the old man, who never took us anywhere and never held a job for long, took us out when he knew they were stuck with the trees they couldn't sell and we were the little pathetic props to get a free tree.
That said, I still put up a tree when I do on Solstice and take it down on New Year's Day. Feels riht and examining it would take more shrink time/money than I have.

[Jatalie1996]

1 hour ago, caitrona said:

Our decorations stay up until 12th Night (Epiphany), and then we put up Mardi Gras decor. Our outside lights stay up until the end of January because our area leaves all outdoor displays, etc. up until the local stock show is over.

Same here! Up on Black Friday, down on Twelfth Night (mainly because it's right around when school starts back up.)

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

For those who can’t keep the cats away from the tree here’s a great solution!!

Spoiler

 

[nvmbr02]

My daughter's birthday is Jan. 9th and about half the time the tree is still up for her birthday. We always leave it up through Jan. 6th and if that falls on a week day then the tree usually comes down the weekend after. We usually put the tree up the weekend after Thanksgiving. We have a fake tree, so no worries about needles. I would love a fresh tree but Dh's allergies go crazy and we travel before or after Christmas most years. 

My sister's birthday is Dec. 21st and we always had our tree up before her birthday. As an adult she always has her tree up early too. When her birthday came around we decorated for her birthday around the Christmas decor. I guess in my mind I don't see how it is any different than my cousin who was born on Halloween or my other sister who sometimes has her birthday on Easter or even my own birthday which is close to Thanksgiving when it comes to decorations. I do think it important to celebrate the birthday though, and not just brush it off because it is outshined by a holiday. 

[Travlr98]

1 hour ago, nvmbr02 said:

My daughter's birthday is Jan. 9th and about half the time the tree is still up for her birthday. We always leave it up through Jan. 6th and if that falls on a week day then the tree usually comes down the weekend after. We usually put the tree up the weekend after Thanksgiving. We have a fake tree, so no worries about needles. I would love a fresh tree but Dh's allergies go crazy and we travel before or after Christmas most years. 

My sister's birthday is Dec. 21st and we always had our tree up before her birthday. As an adult she always has her tree up early too. When her birthday came around we decorated for her birthday around the Christmas decor. I guess in my mind I don't see how it is any different than my cousin who was born on Halloween or my other sister who sometimes has her birthday on Easter or even my own birthday which is close to Thanksgiving when it comes to decorations. I do think it important to celebrate the birthday though, and not just brush it off because it is outshined by a holiday. 

My birthday is also on January 9 

[Themanda Duggar]

3 hours ago, patsymae said:

What I now realize is a pathetic story. Very late on Christmas Eve my dad would take us out to "pick out" a Christmas tree. We'd always be so excited. And I always thought it was a great tradition to pick out and put up your tree on Christmas Eve.
So embarrassing to say how old I was to realize that the old man, who never took us anywhere and never held a job for long, took us out when he knew they were stuck with the trees they couldn't sell and we were the little pathetic props to get a free tree.
That said, I still put up a tree when I do on Solstice and take it down on New Year's Day. Feels riht and examining it would take more shrink time/money than I have.

I don’t think this is a pathetic story.  I think it sounds like the excitement that you kids felt about getting your tree was important to your dad, and he made it happen however he could.

[Sky with diamonds]

My birthday is 9 days before Christmas. The last couple of years it's been pretty much forgotten. 

My Christmas tree is still up until old Christmas Day. This year it might be kept up for longer. For my father. 

[neurogirl]

I think Lauren actually looks totally rockin' in that red dress. My not-fundie but Christian grandma balked at the idea of me having a red prom dress once upon a time because red was for ladies of the night or something? Anyway, we usually see Lauren in kind of frumpy denim skirts and I think she looks fantastic. 

Also, and this is really personal and something I'm feeling sensitive about right now, but there's some negative talk about fundie couples who don't conceive right away having bad sex or not knowing how to have sex properly. And that somehow dooms their relationship. I've been looking for a place to put this to my online friends, but my husband and I got married this summer and even being intimate before marriage (though only with each other), haven't quite figured it out yet. For the past 4 years of us being sexually active, one or both of us has had had roommates (and we're shy), and/or were long-distance, so intimacy happened about once a month or even less frequently. Combined, we also struggled with depression/anxiety/eating disorder/medications for said mental health crises, which totally killed our sex drives and/or functioning. Now that we are married and into an apartment just the two of us, we should be all "good to go" and according to some thoughts about newlyweds, going at it like rabbits. But instead its rather emotional because my husband has been my first every thing, self-exploration does not work for me, and I don't know what i like. We are taking it slow and trying out different things, but I have so much anxiety about it now because we "should" be having crazy hot, frequent sex and instead its a thing we are working on.  (Also still a lot of anxiety in general, so I really think I need to work on that)

That being said, we are still very intimate in terms of cuddling, kissing, and more PG-13 activities, and my husband is a really great guy who is truly my best friend, is so caring, trying all he can, balances me out and helps me be the best me, and is the love of my life. We have been through a lot together and are happy, but it's very frustrating to us to hear from all forms of media and culture what "should" be happening if we really are so well suited and happy with each other. And I feel very happy with him but that cultural expectation makes me insecure.

Sorry for that rant. It's really embarrassing and I don't know who to tell so it's just been gnawing at me. I also didn't really know where to put it and it kind of came out here with one poster saying they bet Josiah and Lauren have bad sex because...home decorations? 

[Gobsmacked]

My dads birthday was 8th January. We always kept the tree up until the 9th. He didn't have much growing up during WW11 so he felt special having a tree for his birthday. 

[AliceInFundyland]

@neurogirl Oh sweetie I am soooo sorry. That was my bad.

Yes I feel the large wretched photo is overcompenstion. I do not think these two are compatible. That was a  BEC way of saying it. 

That said, couples do take time. As long as you are laughing and trying and working together. It’s good. Um, maybe join us in the single ladies thread. There are some posters in various stages of experience and it’s a closed club. We would love to help or listen. 

So sorry ❤️

[sleepy_doggos]

I think Lauren actually looks totally rockin' in that red dress. My not-fundie but Christian grandma balked at the idea of me having a red prom dress once upon a time because red was for ladies of the night or something? Anyway, we usually see Lauren in kind of frumpy denim skirts and I think she looks fantastic. 
Also, and this is really personal and something I'm feeling sensitive about right now, but there's some negative talk about fundie couples who don't conceive right away having bad sex or not knowing how to have sex properly. And that somehow dooms their relationship. I've been looking for a place to put this to my online friends, but my husband and I got married this summer and even being intimate before marriage (though only with each other), haven't quite figured it out yet. For the past 4 years of us being sexually active, one or both of us has had had roommates (and we're shy), and/or were long-distance, so intimacy happened about once a month or even less frequently. Combined, we also struggled with depression/anxiety/eating disorder/medications for said mental health crises, which totally killed our sex drives and/or functioning. Now that we are married and into an apartment just the two of us, we should be all "good to go" and according to some thoughts about newlyweds, going at it like rabbits. But instead its rather emotional because my husband has been my first every thing, self-exploration does not work for me, and I don't know what i like. We are taking it slow and trying out different things, but I have so much anxiety about it now because we "should" be having crazy hot, frequent sex and instead its a thing we are working on.  (Also still a lot of anxiety in general, so I really think I need to work on that)
That being said, we are still very intimate in terms of cuddling, kissing, and more PG-13 activities, and my husband is a really great guy who is truly my best friend, is so caring, trying all he can, balances me out and helps me be the best me, and is the love of my life. We have been through a lot together and are happy, but it's very frustrating to us to hear from all forms of media and culture what "should" be happening if we really are so well suited and happy with each other. And I feel very happy with him but that cultural expectation makes me insecure.
Sorry for that rant. It's really embarrassing and I don't know who to tell so it's just been gnawing at me. I also didn't really know where to put it and it kind of came out here with one poster saying they bet Josiah and Lauren have bad sex because...home decorations? 

Aww neurogirl. I feel you. I haven't been married, but I've been through bad sex and anxiety and depression and trying to figure it out together but feeling utterly responsible for it. It's the freakin worst. I don't know if it's worth it to you, but there are some resources out there-- pelvic floor physical therapists can help people work through physical/ sexual issues, as can some other professionals.
Anyways I hope that it starts to feel good and comfortable for both of you, no matter what it is you decide to do together! You have always spoken of your husband with love and high regard and I respect that so much. Sex isn't easy. It's really just not that easy for everyone, and that's ok. It doesn't mean you guys don't have an amazing loving relationship.

[Someone Out There]

4 hours ago, neurogirl said:

Now that we are married and into an apartment just the two of us, we should be all "good to go" and according to some thoughts about newlyweds, going at it like rabbits. But instead its rather emotional because my husband has been my first every thing, self-exploration does not work for me, and I don't know what i like. We are taking it slow and trying out different things, but I have so much anxiety about it now because we "should" be having crazy hot, frequent sex and instead its a thing we are working on.  (Also still a lot of anxiety in general, so I really think I need to work on that) 

That being said, we are still very intimate in terms of cuddling, kissing, and more PG-13 activities, and my husband is a really great guy who is truly my best friend, is so caring, trying all he can, balances me out and helps me be the best me, and is the love of my life. We have been through a lot together and are happy, but it's very frustrating to us to hear from all forms of media and culture what "should" be happening if we really are so well suited and happy with each other. And I feel very happy with him but that cultural expectation makes me insecure. 

If it helps, there is no such thing as "should".  What the media and culture portrays is often very different from reality and there is much more to marriage and relationships than sex.  Yes, it can be an important part (it is more an issue if one parther has a significantly higher sex drive than the other), but it is not the main part of the relationship.  There is also more to sex than just intercourse.  To me what you are describing is the foundations of a good marriage.  Additionally if one or both of you are on anti-depressants then that definitely affects sex drive.

Here is what I  think is a nice article: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-weiss/how-much-sex-is-healthy_b_4214472.html

Also in Australia there was a TV documentary series about having better sex.  I'm not sure if it is available where you are but this is the show https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5527380/ if it interests you.  Luke McGregor has significant anxiety issues and was single at the time of recording (I'm not sure what his current status is now).

[Flossie]

22 hours ago, Marly said:

Don't they water the tree then? Or does it get too dry due to airconditioning/heating? 
I've never seen a real tree become dry. My parents always have a real tree, and they water it daily. They don't put it up before December 10th though, so it might be that they just don't have it inside long enough for it to become dry.

IIRC, that was the first year my friend was in their new house, and she put the tree up in a corner of the living room that had big picture windows on each of the walls that intersected to make that corner.  She wanted to show off her tree, I guess.  One of those walls also had a baseboard heater on it.  Anyway, the tree was sitting in full sun much of the day, and a heater 24/7, so she kept going through trees that year.  After that, she put her tree up in a different spot and she didn't have to keep replacing it.