Josiah Duggar Part 6: Now Officially Engaged!

[Meggo]

1 minute ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

@Meggo So.Many.Rules.

I couldn't use tampons because only bad girls use them before they're married.

I could only go out with my friends one night per week, and I had to be home by 10:30 (even in high school).

I could only use the phone for 20 minutes at a time, for a total of 1 hour per day.

 

I had to sneak my own tampons. Same thing.

I couldn't go out with friends during the week - and had to be home by 11. But not home as in - in the driveway. It had to be home as in - IN MY ROOM. 
I couldn't call anyone after 10pm - even that's when the rates went down to call my boyfriend (and I was always getting in trouble for it costing too much to call him - but I wasn't allowed to call him any later to save on the cost). 
I also lost the door to my room for awhile in.... junior high? I said something snarky to my dad so he took it off its hinges and put it in the garage. I think he made me ask to get it back. (I think I also decided to wait to see how annoying they'd find it...) 

One time - this is one of a friend of mines' favorite stories - I was walking my boyfriend to his car and I kissed him. My mother leaned out the back door and yelled at the top of her lungs Meggo LastName! Get in here right now and quit making a spectacle of yourself. 
Because you know - the neighbors might have noticed the teenagers kissing at 7pm in the summer but they SURE noticed the crazy lady yelling down the street.... 

 

[SapphireSlytherin]

@Meggo - you are legit the ONLY PERSON that I've ever heard of that had these asinine restrictions! I thought I had the world's most bizarre parents, but yours and mine were probably blood-kin. lol

[viii]

I think the genuine worst wasn't growing up without a TV, not allowed to listen to secular music or be involved in activities (theatre, school dances, etc) but the worst was when my parents read my diary. I had detailed in there about my crush and what I hoped would happen between us, and my parents found my diary, read it, and then sat me down to discuss it. I still feel sick when I think about it. 

[Meggo]

3 minutes ago, viii said:

I think the genuine worst wasn't growing up without a TV, not allowed to listen to secular music or be involved in activities (theatre, school dances, etc) but the worst was when my parents read my diary. I had detailed in there about my crush and what I hoped would happen between us, and my parents found my diary, read it, and then sat me down to discuss it. I still feel sick when I think about it. 

Oh god- that’s the worst invasion. 

[Daisy0322]

@Meggo @viii @SapphireSlytherin

Not oersobal experience (my parents had zero rules) but my friends parents were like this. She wasn't allowed to talk in the phone unless it was on speaker or an adult was listening in, she had to be home by 10 even our senior year, she wasn't "allowed" to kiss or date until she was 16, once she was 16 she wasnt allowed to get picked up by a boy she had to meet him where the date was, they always did her hair and dressed her much younger looking than she was, no make up til high school then it was minimal make up, she wasn't allowed to see pg 13 movies until she was 16, no books that weren't pre approved,I could go on but I'm sure you get the point.

anyway she was a wild child and all though rules just made her good at hiding it.

[QuiverDance]

I’m 45, but these rules sound similar to my rules growing up. Until I was 17, I was not allowed to go out on weeknights with friends except for cheerleading and school activities. I had an 10 pm curfew on weekends, but there is actually an under 17 11 pm curfew in my hometown.  Truthfully I don’t think these rules are that unusual. The tampon restriction is a bit much, but I do recall my mother being very reluctant to let me use them. I just start using them anyway. Same with makeup, shaving my legs, and doing shit to my hair.  

The thing that bothers me most about how I as raised was the lack of sexual agency afforded to girls. It was insulting to my intelligence. One of the worst things my mother ever tried to pull was when I was going to my gynecologist to get treated for irregular periods and heavy bleeding. I was miserable with heavy periods, and at age 17 I went for five months with no menstrual period at all. Of course the standard treatment was hormonal birth control pills. Before the appointment she pried into my sexual activity (I was a virgin) and interrogated me, insinuating my amennorhea was because I was somehow pregnant. She pried about everything else  I may have “done” since I could have possible gotten pregnant even without penetration. I hadn’t done anything at all.  And I was so closely supervised there was no way she couldn’t KNOW THIS. It was so infuriating.  When the doctor prescribed the Pill, I did get the script, but she tried to tell me it was only to treat my irregular periods and wouldn’t prevent pregnancy.  I asked her if she thought she was raising an imbecile and told her I had not had sex, but if and when I chose to, she would be he last to know because it was none of her business. When I finally did become sexually active in college, she was really angry. Called me a whore. I was basically.... FUCK OFF.  I cannot imagine insinuating myself into my daughter’s sexuality that way, but things are a bit different now. 

[Meggo]

24 minutes ago, Daisy0322 said:

@Meggo @viii @SapphireSlytherin

 

anyway she was a wild child and all though rules just made her good at hiding it.

Yep- I got better at lying. I had a friend whose parents were super strict too- she got grounded an entire summer because a boy was throwing pebbles at her window.

sure- she graduated high school, college and went to law school. But she also was married by 22 to the guy she was babysitting for.. soooo

1 minute ago, QuiverDance said:

The thing that bothers me most about how I as raised was the lack of sexual agency afforded to girls. It was insulting to my intelligence. One of the worst things my mother ever tried to pull was when I was going to my gynecologist to get treated for irregular periods and heavy bleeding. I was miserable with heavy periods, and at age 17 I went for five months with no menstrual period at all. Of course the standard treatment was hormonal birth control pills. Before the appointment she pried into my sexual activity (I was a virgin) and interrogated me, insinuating my amennorhea was because I was somehow pregnant. She pried about everything else  I may have “done” since I could have possible gotten pregnant even without penetration. I hadn’t done anything at all.  And I was so closely supervised there was no way she couldn’t KNOW THIS. It was so infuriating.  When the doctor prescribed the Pill, I did get the script, but she tried to tell me it was only to treat my irregular periods and wouldn’t prevent pregnancy.  I asked her if she thought she was raising an imbecile and told her I had not had sex, but if and when I chose to, she would be he last to know because it was none of her business. When I finally did become sexually active on college, she was really angry. Called me a whore. I was basically.... FUCK OFF.  I cannot imagine insinuating myself into my daighter’s sexuality that way, but things are a bit different now. 

Yes. My mom had the gall to ask me- at age 25- while I was in my own apartment- paid for by myself- if I was sleeping with my boyfriend.

i shot  back with “are you sleeping with dad?”

she also claimed my boyfriend (now husband) was “taking advantage” of me - just like Bill Clinton did to Monica. This was in 1999. My husband is 5 years older than I am but ... as a pointed out to my mom- my dad is 5 years older than her.

In any case- we need an entire thread to talk about insane moms!!

[scribble]

4 hours ago, Meggo said:

Are we related? I couldn't watch Love Boat, Three's Company, Who's the Boss... Little House was approved - as was Dukes of Hazzard - which now strikes me as bizarre.

I was not allowed to watch "Dukes of Hazzard" or "Three's Company" either because they were "junk TV."

[SapphireSlytherin]

1 hour ago, Daisy0322 said:

anyway she was a wild child and all though rules just made her good at hiding it.

Oh yeah. I was too - and when I went away to college I did what the fuck I wanted, when the fuck I wanted. I gave no shits. It was AH-mazing.

1 hour ago, viii said:

my parents found my diary, read it, and then sat me down to discuss it.

Mine too, when I was 18 - and then they called my boyfriend's parents and read it to them. Fun times.

[sleepy_doggos]

I think the genuine worst wasn't growing up without a TV, not allowed to listen to secular music or be involved in activities (theatre, school dances, etc) but the worst was when my parents read my diary. I had detailed in there about my crush and what I hoped would happen between us, and my parents found my diary, read it, and then sat me down to discuss it. I still feel sick when I think about it. 

That is totally horrifying.

[Ivycoveredtower]

ah parents and diaries. my mom found out I started my period by reading my diary. honestly have no clue why I didn't tell her but yep that's how she found out then called me crying about it. (I was at my grandma's.)

[Daisy0322]

6 hours ago, QuiverDance said:

Before the appointment she pried into my sexual activity (I was a virgin) and interrogated me, insinuating my amennorhea was because I was somehow pregnant.

When I was 13 or 14 I had the flu and while I was throwing up all morning my mom was yelling at me freaking out about me being pregnant. I was actually just really sick and honestly didn't even know what the two had to do with each other at the time. 

[tabitha2]

I was just told in a matter of fact voice if I come home pregnant don't come home at all.  

[coexist]

11 hours ago, Meggo said:

...snip...

One time - this is one of a friend of mines' favorite stories - I was walking my boyfriend to his car and I kissed him. My mother leaned out the back door and yelled at the top of her lungs Meggo LastName! Get in here right now and quit making a spectacle of yourself. 
Because you know - the neighbors might have noticed the teenagers kissing at 7pm in the summer but they SURE noticed the crazy lady yelling down the street.... 

 

I had some similar restrictions and probably some that were even worse, lol. But this part reminded me of my childhood best friend calling last week to share something that has stuck with her since we were 13 (we're 41 now). Apparently all the teens from church were hanging out at her house on a Saturday evening and when my mother came to pick me up, my best friend and her boyfriend walked me out to the car. He made the mistake of holding her hand as they walked. Apparently when my best friend tried to call me later that night, I was allowed to speak with her just long enough to let her know that I had been put on restriction indefinitely because SHE AND HER BOYFRIEND HELD HANDS. (I wasn't allowed to date until 18 and was actually keeping to that rule, so getting punished made zero sense.) She said she has never forgotten it to this day and uses that incident and a host of nonsense from her own parents as a reminder of what not to do now that she's a mom. 

 

[Georgia3112]

Starting 16, I was allowed to have a boyfriend but it was sugested I could bring a guy home only when I was in a very serious relationship (like over 20-21, someone who I thought I could get married to). Strating that age (15-16) it was also almost impossible to sleep some other place than home (small exceptions- some trips but after 18). I think my mom would have loved me to be more like her (dad was her first boyfriend at 19 or 20, so she never even kissed someone else). Part of this I think it was out of love- she thought this was the way I could avoid love deceptions. Other part was related to gossip- she was sooo afraid I could give people reasons to gossip about me etc- I HATED this part and told her all the time.  But I had a pretty strong personality and we agreed on some healthy limits once I went to college, so I guess I had it easier than others. Also I respect my mom because she really tried to understand my point of view, even though she thought she was right most of the time :).

[singsingsing]

...I think I'm going to go hug my mother.  These stories are terrible. I'm really sorry so many of you had to go through all of that.

[viii]

I should say now though that I have an amazing relationship with my parents. I've never held their actions against them, because I know they were pressured from the church. And they've since apologized to me so it's all good.

[Four is Enough]

When I was in high school, my bedtime was 9:30 on school nights. OK... 

My dad controlled the only TV we had.. as in, "My name" go change the channel, no, no, no, no, ok there... now change it back...  so we watched the three or four shows he watched at the same time, changing only when commercials happened. Has anyone noticed that nowadays tv shows all show commercials at the exact same time? I believe it's to stop people from changing channels during commercial breaks.

Weekend curfew was "ten (maybe twenty) minutes after the movie's over" (small town, easy enough to get home in ten minutes.)

Somehow I still managed to lose my virginity, have a pregnancy scare, and still get home smack dab on time, all those years...

Tampons were ONLY for "married women"...

 

[HereticHick]

I see Josiah's future in laws (and his parents, and the Bates) are speaking at Big Sandy Family Camp next month: https://familyconferences.org/events/family-conference/bigsandy18/  Maybe the happy couple will be dragged onstage at some point or another.

I don't see why some of these Gothard families don't just go ahead and hold their weddings at Big Sandy. You've got half your guests there already.

 

[singsingsing]

22 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

I see Josiah's future in laws (and his parents, and the Bates) are speaking at Big Sandy Family Camp next month: https://familyconferences.org/events/family-conference/bigsandy18/  Maybe the happy couple will be dragged onstage at some point or another.

I don't see why some of these Gothard families don't just go ahead and hold their weddings at Big Sandy. You've got half your guests there already.

You forgot the most exciting speaker: the Pecan Thief himself! Oh boy!!!

[QuiverDance]

I am dying of embarrassment at all the typos in my post, above.  I did it on my phone, and these old eyes are not what they used to be.  

I'm so glad that our daughters are being raised to make choices about their sexuality based upon what they WANT, rather than what is expected or required of them.  I was SO worried about people gossiping about me when I was in high school.  Guess what?  They gossiped anyway.  It is shocking the things that boys will make up out of whole cloth to impress other boys.  

So I got over that shit.  

As an adult, I slept with whom I wanted, when I wanted to, and I don't regret any of it.  Usually it was in a committed relationship, but sometimes it wasn't.  And it was all my choice, on my terms, and guess what????  I don't feel damaged or hurt.  

I hope I can somehow teach my little girl to wait until she knows what is right for her, and then proceed based on her own intelligence and judgment, to take care of her body and her self-esteem and to have a healthy attitude about sex, not something based in guilt or shame.  It took me a really, really long time to get over that Catholic shit. 

 

 

[Daisy0322]

11 minutes ago, QuiverDance said:

 

As an adult, I slept with whom I wanted, when I wanted to, and I don't regret any of it.  Usually it was in a committed relationship, but sometimes it wasn't.  And it was all my choice, on my terms, and guess what????  I don't feel damaged or hurt.  

 

 

I ... eh hem "got around" a lot between the ages of 14-21. Honestly I wish I hadn't even though I was happy at the time. I wish I could've made sex more special especially now that I'm married. I have no clue what I'll tell our son one day lol but I hope to get somewhere in between Charlie Sheen and the 700 club haha

[PainfullyAware]

When I came home my first visit back after leaving for university the first thing my parents did was sit me down on the couch and inform me they had packed up my room and moved my little brother into it. In the process they'd found a birth control pill wrapper. My Mom accused me of lying (by omission I guess since they'd never asked if I was sexually active). I guess I was supposed to make a public service announcement about it I was surprised this was news to them because I'd had the same boyfriend for 5 years and ever since I'd turned 15 my mom would say 'if you get pregnant I'll kill you' as a 'joke' when he'd pick me up to go out!

[JeanieCat]

3 hours ago, HereticHick said:

I see Josiah's future in laws (and his parents, and the Bates) are speaking at Big Sandy Family Camp next month: https://familyconferences.org/events/family-conference/bigsandy18/  Maybe the happy couple will be dragged onstage at some point or another.

I don't see why some of these Gothard families don't just go ahead and hold their weddings at Big Sandy. You've got half your guests there already.

 

Truly Gothard missed a big opportunity! He could have had a fundie matchmaking service and performed mass wedding ceremonies at Big Sandy! Of course, there might not be as many wedding gifts, but they could have a communal potluck!

[Ivycoveredtower]

1 minute ago, JeanieCat said:

Truly Gothard missed a big opportunity! He could have had a fundie matchmaking service and performed mass wedding ceremonies at Big Sandy! Of course, there might not be as many wedding gifts, but they could have a communal potluck!

I am of two minds here about this one. on one side I think the fundy's like the individual over the top attention of giant weddings and their you tube live streams (For many of them). and they already share so much I want them to have that. 

on the other hand a giant fundy multi wedding would really get the tabloids attention and Fundie's eat up that attention.