Bro Gary Hawkins 5: Preaching From The Basement In Bed

[catlady]

OK, folks, if Rufus abides and Satan doesn't distract me with alcohol tonight, i want to compile a list of all the Putzyscratchy (thanks, @Black Aliss!!)  synonyms.  they've been just plain hysterical.  

[Jenn43]

1 hour ago, Black Aliss said:

So that vendor was probably trying to recoup her original investment. I guess that means the seller's cost is $1.50. If so, GarynBecky make a whopping $3.50 on each piece they sell.

Over the course of an hour, they sold 11 pieces of putzyscratchy? I guess that's more than they could make working the fryer at Chik-fil-A, but if that's their takehome for the entire day (took some work to hang that blanket, I guess) they'd still be better off with at least one fast food job.

I have 2 kids working at Chik-fil-A and they both make a little over $10/hour.  They've been there awhile though. 

[MayMay1123]

2 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

Over the course of an hour, they sold 11 pieces of putzyscratchy?

okay, this is my favorite so far! i've been giggling about it over and over since i first read it. i'm going to be at a church meeting tonight and have no way to explain why i suddenly have a fit of giggles

sis may-who is very easily amused

 

[mango_fandango]

Can someone please explain the Dallin Bagley thing? I’ll give you some cornbread milks if you do! OK maybe not 

Papatrotsky! Putzascratchy!  unfortunately I’m not so good at coming up with these names myself. 

[MarblesMom]

Someone on FB named Dallin Bagley was commenting in Weenese during the live feed.  It was fairly amusing!

[luv2laugh]

What if Dallin Bagley geniunely has the same weenese spelling as Gary and isn't a FJ member?

The BEST part was when Gary's (son?) was trying to read the comment and Gary deciphered it.  

[pamplemousse]

3 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

Over the course of an hour, they sold 11 pieces of putzyscratchy? I guess that's more than they could make working the fryer at Chik-fil-A, but if that's their takehome for the entire day (took some work to hang that blanket, I guess) they'd still be better off with at least one fast food job.

But...but...didn't Gary say something about not being able to stay in one place and work because he must be out traveling and preaching? Or is that truvlin n pareachun HAYMAYUN? Or something like that?

Now as for selling that poopysprotty joolry, if they really think they can make much money on that, then I don't think I want to know what psychedelic substances are created when Becky cooks up those monstrosities she calls gravies to go with those weens.

[mango_fandango]

Ahhhh, they were speaking in Weenese. I thought it was a joke name that I didn’t get because I don’t have an American accent.

[MayMay1123]

1 hour ago, luv2laugh said:

What if Dallin Bagley geniunely has the same weenese spelling as Gary and isn't a FJ member?

The BEST part was when Gary's (son?) was trying to read the comment and Gary deciphered it.  

"I leyek thayt won bee cause itch's mei lokey knumber"

an example of that person's comments, for those who can't see...

[mango_fandango]

3 minutes ago, MayMay1123 said:

"I leyek thayt won bee cause itch's mei lokey knumber"

an example of that person's comments, for those who can't see...

That HAS to be trolling.  

[Snarkylark]

Ok folks. Bro Gary says Sis Becky says he no longer has morning breathe after using his special MLM toothpaste. Better get that checked out, Bro. That’s called apnea and can kill you. Better stick to selling PeenyWeeny jurrie. 

[Snarkylark]

7 hours ago, EyesOpen said:

Question. Is there any proof Becky is a currently licensed nurse? Does that lapse? Could something have happened where she can’t practice or something? Ffs, I’d be working 80 hours a week to get and stay away from Gary so I don’t quite understand...

It’s pretty easy to track down a nursing license if she has one. There is a Rebecca Bonnie Hawkins whose license is inactive on the NC registry. Without knowing a birthdate or any other info it’s hard to be sure if that’s her. 

[luv2laugh]

Dallin Bagley comment on the live jewelry show:  "How money tat won?" 

Also "Terkykoyse" 

[Black Aliss]

20 hours ago, Coy Koi said:

And FFS, Becky, there is no "L" in the word "drawing". ("Drawling", if you didn't watch. She said it several times.)

I'm sure she meant that as an obscure literary allusion that would make the more well-read viewers feel a bond with her. 

Quote

 

Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle replied; 'and then the different branches of Arithmetic - Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision. . .'

'Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography; then Drawling - the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to come once a week; HE taught us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.'

 

 

[TheWayTheWorldWorks]

1 hour ago, luv2laugh said:

Dallin Bagley comment on the live jewelry show:  "How money tat won?" 

Also "Terkykoyse" 

OMG - that one there took me a moment. I cackled. The peeps stopped and stared at me. I love FJ. You are all exactly what I needed to chill the F out.

[catlady]

ok, folks, i put it under a spoiler because it's long and i can't figure out how to undo the double spacing.  but behold your collective fanciful humor at Bro GHaw's mangling of the name of his current MLM scheme, Paparazzi:  

Spoiler

Snarkylark:         Paparotsy

MayMay1123:   Posta-ra; PopsaRopsy; PoppaRassy; PoppyRoppy

Carol:                  PoppyRatcyy

NikedAgain?      PoppyRocky

TheWaytheWorldWorks:  PetsaRocksy

CoyKoi:               PeppyRocket

GeneralJinjur:      PepsiRupee

MayMay1123:    PocketRocket

CandyDandy:     PoppyTratzi

LovelLuna:         PapaRotzie

Carol:                  PapsaRotcy

GeneralJinjur:    PapaTrotsky; PapsaCrotchy

MarblesMom:   PopsaRottsee

Fruitcake:           PappaRutsky

Georgiana:       PoppetRocksy

ChickenettiLuvr:   PyahtzeeScrotchee

MayMay1123:    PotsaRotsa; PoppyRocky; Popperoni

BlackAliss:          PutzyScratchy

Pamplemousse:   PoopyScrotty

Snarkylark:        PeenyWeeny

my profuse apologies if i missed anyone.  Enjoy!!1!!111

[Coconutwater]

This thread made me reactive my Facebook account to watch this hot mess and just...omg if he would stop creeping in the back and kept saying “now it’s cheap, but don’t look chea” she might actually sell some of this. Is it just me or does she look nervous af? This was hilarious. 

[Nikedagain?]

25 minutes ago, Coconutwater said:

is it just me or does she look nervous af?

She does look nervous. I'm sure his hoverin' and hollerin' contributed to her anxiety. (it contributed to mine!)

 I think GHaw has put a lot of pressure on her to make this into a huge income generator (so he can spend more time sitting on his fat ignorant ass). 

And many of us suspect he has a temper...

[MayMay1123]

1 hour ago, catlady said:

ok, folks, i put it under a spoiler because it's long and i can't figure out how to undo the double spacing.  but behold your collective fanciful humor at Bro GHaw's mangling of the name of his current MLM scheme, Paparazzi:  

  Reveal hidden contents

Snarkylark:         Paparotsy

MayMay1123:   Posta-ra; PopsaRopsy; PoppaRassy; PoppyRoppy

Carol:                  PoppyRatcyy

NikedAgain?      PoppyRocky

TheWaytheWorldWorks:  PetsaRocksy

CoyKoi:               PeppyRocket

GeneralJinjur:      PepsiRupee

MayMay1123:    PocketRocket

CandyDandy:     PoppyTratzi

LovelLuna:         PapaRotzie

Carol:                  PapsaRotcy

GeneralJinjur:    PapaTrotsky; PapsaCrotchy

MarblesMom:   PopsaRottsee

Fruitcake:           PappaRutsky

Georgiana:       PoppetRocksy

ChickenettiLuvr:   PyahtzeeScrotchee

MayMay1123:    PotsaRotsa; PoppyRocky; Popperoni

BlackAliss:          PutzyScratchy

Pamplemousse:   PoopyScrotty

Snarkylark:        PeenyWeeny

my profuse apologies if i missed anyone.  Enjoy!!1!!111

Ohmagawd! I laughed so hard I scared my husband, and then had to read them to him. He doesn't understand, but was mildly amused. Thank you @catlady!

[MarblesMom]

@catlady wins the internet tonight.

I seriously had to stop reading because I was choking on a pretzel, laughing too hard.

 

[ChickenettiLuvr]

*literally gasping for air* *with laughter*

.... "now where is that goshdurn inhaler?" she mumbles incoherently...

[luv2laugh]

 

Pop-a-Rat-zee! 

[Beermeet]

Just got caught up!

Omg, he found the snark page!  Bwahahaha!!!!

That live video.  Redic.  He can barely speak!  Why he so twitchy?  That was the first time he legit creeped me out in a stranger danger way.  These people are bottom barrel quality, just like their dollar store ugly ass jewry.  You can wear the set if ur gettin married!  Hard no.  

I saw the mater gravy.  I want to unsee it.  And, stop being a dick to the dog.  Fuck these people!  I need a beer!

[Yogi]

So Becky seems to think their joint MLM page is called GarynBeckys Bling. It’s not. Its the far more boring GarynBecky Hawkins. 

[MayMay1123]

13 hours ago, ChickenettiLuvr said:

*literally gasping for air* *with laughter*

.... "now where is that goshdurn inhaler?" she mumbles incoherently...

Passing some albuterol...