Bro Gary Hawkins 4: HAY-MAYUN!

[Ozlsn]

4 hours ago, Carol said:

I would like to know why Gary switched churches.  I think he said it was a better fit?  My guess is that the old church got tired of his grifting and told him to find another group of suckers place to stay .  I doubt it was a happy parting.

The bus's whereabouts remain mysterious but I sure hope he comes back with it.  Everything about it was hilarious.  And now that the kids are gone(except his son), I can laugh about it without feeling bad for them.

PLEASE JESUS, BRING BACK GARY'S BUS!!

Pretty sure that's on the mind of every worshipper at the church Bro Gary is haunting the basement of. I suspect there will be a working bee/love offering drive soon to help poor Bro Gary and Sis Becky fix their RV and go away already!!

[pamplemousse]

4 hours ago, Carol said:

Gary Hawkins and the Caterwalling 4.

I hope this is OK to post for Gobsmacked.  My sincere apologies for  any hearing damage that may occur while listening to this.  This is about an hour old.  It's frightening.

What in the fresh hell is this?  I made it through almost 2 minutes of this video before my ears started bleeding and my cats started yowling in agony.  Whoever told Bro Gary that he could sing is beyond delusional.

[Texas Heifer]

4 hours ago, SuperNova said:

Sweet Rufus on a raft!

I died. I am typing this from Beyond. 

Halleluyer! God is good allatime.

[Texas Heifer]

Ok folks, I am an admin for a Facebook group where we post inappropriate stuff we don't want our parents to see. It's not huge, and I'm not mentioning FJ, so don't worry, this is all on me. Besides, these people are cool, so I'm introducing them to some good weens.

Anyway, whilst going through my screenshots, in the Real Man Food Eating(tm), I noticed...in the top left corner? *shudders*

Whyyyyy don't these people crop their pictures? Do they even look at them before they post them? 

I mean, there is nothing NOT gross about this picture. Toes, half-eaten weens and gravy slopping off onto what appears to be G-Haw's knee?

My eyes are crying.

Sis Tex

[Snarkylark]

Someone refresh my memory- how was bro Gary discovered? I’ve done a search but nothing comes up. 

[AuntK]

3 hours ago, Texas Heifer said:

Ok folks, I am an admin for a Facebook group where we post inappropriate stuff we don't want our parents to see. It's not huge, and I'm not mentioning FJ, so don't worry, this is all on me. Besides, these people are cool, so I'm introducing them to some good weens.

Anyway, whilst going through my screenshots, in the Real Man Food Eating(tm), I noticed...in the top left corner? *shudders*

Whyyyyy don't these people crop their pictures? Do they even look at them before they post them? 

I mean, there is nothing NOT gross about this picture. Toes, half-eaten weens and gravy slopping off onto what appears to be G-Haw's knee?

My eyes are crying.

Sis Tex

OMG! I don't know what in the Sam Hill all of this is this is, (yeah, weens & "real flour" - what is faux flour?), but I would not give this to my dogs!! I can't look at this longer than 2 seconds because it makes me gag. And those toes!! They are so long, they look like fingers! 

Oh, and a question based on the caterwauling videos . . .Do these people live in a basement and does Bro. Gary ever leave the couch?   Excuse me, must go, (running to the bathroom, retching. . .)

[Coy Koi]

35 minutes ago, Snarkylark said:

Someone refresh my memory- how was bro Gary discovered? I’ve done a search but nothing comes up. 

He's FB friends with the Rods and I found him when he commented on something on their page (I don't remember what it was that made me click in the first place though). I brought him up and linked to him a few times on the Rod thread without it really going anywhere. Finally, it took off, I think after someone noticed the weens (which I had foolishly neglected to mention). And then @General Jinjur made him his own thread, and here we are. 

[General Jinjur]

I thank Rufus every day for @Coy Koi bringing me the gift of Bro Ween.

I know we're discouraged from  approaching our fundies in the wild, but I'll be weened if I pass up the opportunity to hear him sing in person. They're living dangerously close to me now, and are going to be doing their "ministry" near me. I've always wanted to go to a good old fashioned revival, and this seems like a good opportunity. I don't own any long skirts though, and I'm not sure if it's less godly to wear pants or a knee-length skirt. If I wear pants, Gary won't know if I'm a man or woman, but Rufus knows I don't want my exposed calves to cause him to stumble.

[Gimme a Free RV]

@General Jinjur, as long as you throw a couple of 20s in the KFC bucket when it's passed around, Bro GHaw ain't gonna care one iota that yur a'wearin that which pertaineth to a man.

 

[Nikedagain?]

Why can't he haul his fat ass up from that sofa to get his own phone charger?! 

[PumaLover]

Please do, General Jinjur! And report back to us.

I have nothing to do at work so I busted out the headphones and finally watched the singing videos. Thank you kind FJers for warning me about hearing damage so I was able to turn the volume down.

Now, I can't sing (except drunk karaoke) so I can't really judge, except for the fact that they are trying to get PAID to do this!!! I wonder if they're ever invited back to the same church again? Or do fundies really think their music is good?

He was making me dizzy with the way he kept moving the phone/tablet around. It was giving me vertigo. That was almost worse than the music.

Agreed that I too am sick of seeing up his nostrils. I can't snark on his man boobs or gut because honestly Mr. Puma looks like that. But Mr. Puma also has a real job and doesn't beg for money from internet strangers.

This ad popped up for me. What would our antlered lord and savior Rufus have to say about this!?

[Candydandy]

Well folks I have a hard time snarkin on someone singing for the Lord. So let's have a Haymuhnn! that we dont belong to the good bro's church and have to listen to it week after week, tent after tent.

That there pile o weens pic though  is a whole new level of what the heck how do you actually eat that! 

Sis Candy 

 

[Granwych]

On ‎2‎/‎12‎/‎2018 at 10:45 AM, Gimme a Free RV said:

Also want to add:  if he's grifting for a new RV and trips to places he's never been, why not just go ahead and ask for filet minon?  Why eat crap like weens when people could be putting expensive food in your mouth, Bro GHaw?

Now, why would anyone waste really good food on Bro Gary??  Or really good anything?

10 minutes ago, Candydandy said:

That there pile o weens pic though  is a whole new level of what the heck how do you actually eat that! 

Sis Candy 

With your eyes closed and a clothespin on your nose after a 4 day fast.

2 hours ago, General Jinjur said:

I thank Rufus every day for @Coy Koi bringing me the gift of Bro Ween.

I know we're discouraged from  approaching our fundies in the wild, but I'll be weened if I pass up the opportunity to hear him sing in person. They're living dangerously close to me now, and are going to be doing their "ministry" near me. I've always wanted to go to a good old fashioned revival, and this seems like a good opportunity. I don't own any long skirts though, and I'm not sure if it's less godly to wear pants or a knee-length skirt. If I wear pants, Gary won't know if I'm a man or woman, but Rufus knows I don't want my exposed calves to cause him to stumble.

I say go in a hijab--that would make for the most interesting time!

[keepercjr]

Watching the singing videos makes me laugh because Gary doesn’t even know all the words to the songs.  At certain parts he mumbles and it is clear he has no idea.  Also I legit started laughing when they sang the second song (they sing the first one a few times before moving on) on the video from last night.  He is sooo terrible and it hurt my ears. He must think he is super awesome though because why else would he put that crap out there for everyone to see and hear.

[Texas Heifer]

Ok Folks,

OMG. FB group is reacting hilariously to the weens. Behold:

Then, a different former student of mine chimed in (my students are now mid-20s, just in case anyone is clutching their pearls--I was their teacher 10 years ago):

Spoiler

Here are her Google search results:

Spoiler

Spoiler

Yours in Youth Corruption,

Sis Texas

[DancingPhalanges]

8 hours ago, Coy Koi said:

He's FB friends with the Rods and I found him when he commented on something on their page (I don't remember what it was that made me click in the first place though). I brought him up and linked to him a few times on the Rod thread without it really going anywhere. Finally, it took off, I think after someone noticed the weens (which I had foolishly neglected to mention). And then @General Jinjur made him his own thread, and here we are. 

It was his atrocious Confederate flag cover photo and ridiculous rant on why the country has gone to hell post that brought him to your attention. Ugh. 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

6 hours ago, PumaLover said:

Now, I can't sing (except drunk karaoke) so I can't really judge, except for the fact that they are trying to get PAID to do this!!! I wonder if they're ever invited back to the same church again? Or do fundies really think their music is good?

Mebbe the good folks in teh churchs are givin Bro Gary and his famly money to stop singin and go way?

Sis WWJCD 

[pamplemousse]

Curse you all talking about weens. That made me remember the video for the Ween song about pushing up daisies that Beavis and Butthead mocked on their MTV show back in the day.  Now I'm watching B&B clips on YouTube.  It's all your fault...no. It's not your fault. It's all Bro Gary's fault!

[Texas Heifer]

Ok Folks,

Most recent comment on the pink weens in ME screenshot is from one of my actual friends.

Laughter and thumbs up is from moi.

Appropriate observation is appropriate.

Sis Texas

[General Jinjur]

Ok folks, Sis Becky made Valentine weens! That's some good man food eating.

Spoiler

 

This person asks what we've all asked:

Spoiler

I love that he answers, then four minutes later specifies that you use RED weens. ( Though these weens aren't as red as the ones in ME, which make it more pink.)

[MsSaylor]

Holy shit Valentines day weens!!! With heart shaped bisquits! I cant. Is he trolling us? Seriously. 

[Georgiana]

This WOULD be a cute and endearing story, but somehow it isn't.  I'm just kinda mad that someone failed Bro Gary and his family to the point that all they had was weens and milk...and now we have to live in a world where weenie gravy exists. 

Also, it's unclear from his account whether he was grown or not, so it's entirely possible that the person failing Bro Gary was indeed Bro Gary.

[catlady]

Since he says that Sis Becky "got up and made" the magical Weeny Gravy, can we assume it's for breakfast?  and if so, is that can of what looks like Dr. Pepper a common breakfast beverage in that house?  

yours in bad weens,

Sis CatLady

[Gobsmacked]

Yuck. Yuck. Yuckity yuck. 

Thats all I can say right now.

YUCK.

 

[Texas Heifer]

Ok folks,

I for one am glad to know the basics for producing weenie gravy, so I never make it accidentally. I avoid processed food as a rule, but you never know when you might lose your mind and cook up an abomination like G-Haw's mama did. 

Yours in Valentine Nausea,

Sis Texas