Bro Gary Hawkins 4: HAY-MAYUN!

[Granwych]

4 hours ago, General Jinjur said:

Ok folks, Bro Ween is now boycotting Walgreen's, even though he hasn't been there in years anyway. He appears to be upset that people are allowed to pee.

That man is an ignorant twit, and I'm being unusually kind.

[Nikedagain?]

4 hours ago, General Jinjur said:

Ok folks, Bro Ween is now boycotting Walgreen's, even though he hasn't been there in years anyway. He appears to be upset that people are allowed to pee.

Can you just imagine this conversation? The Walgreens employee had to be completely and totally flummoxed.

Bro G never disappoints. 

[Carol]

I am totes boycotting Chick-A-Fil even though I have never eaten there.  I"m gonna bring them DOWN!!  

Am I the only person in the world who refers to them as Chick Fillet?

[Carol]

45 minutes ago, Nikedagain? said:

Can you just imagine this conversation? The Walgreens employee had to be completely and totally flummoxed.

Bro G never disappoints. 

Good Morning, Walgreens, how may I direct your call?

HAYMAYAN!!  

Excuse me, sir?

Do you done have baffrooms that lets boys and girls use them at the same time?

Yes, sir, each can use their own bathroom at the same time.

Kin you tell the difrinse between a boy and a girl?

Umm...most of the time.

Whadya mean, most of the time?!?

Well, some boys have long hair and some girls have short hair.  Girls wear jeans and t-shirts.  Younger boys can have higher voices and long hair.

Huh?

Is this a prank call??  I've got things to do!

This ain't no prank call!!  This is Brother Gary Hawkins of Hawkins Family Ministries!  We are travelin, bible believin' Christians and nowhere in the Bible does it say boys and girls should share the same baffroom!!  PRAISE JESUS!!  HAYMAYN!!

Please do not call again, sir!!

Hey, wait!  Wait!!  Don't hang up!!  Are you saved by the blood of Jesus??  If not I'm speaking tonight at the Holy Church of the Blessed Monthly Payments which supports our ministry.

I'm calling the police... 

[Carol]

Have you you upgraded your GOD today??!  No more of those low-end GODS, now you can upgrade to a better, more appealing GOD!  Show HIM off to your friends!  Get discounts at major hotels and restaurants!  Free towing!  Money back on your GOD credit card!  Do it today!

This offer good in limited areas.  Charges and fees may apply.

[Texas Heifer]

1 hour ago, Carol said:

Have you you upgraded your GOD today??!  No more of those low-end GODS, now you can upgrade to a better, more appealing GOD!  Show HIM off to your friends!  Get discounts at major hotels and restaurants!  Free towing!  Money back on your GOD credit card!  Do it today!

This offer good in limited areas.  Charges and fees may apply.

I want to know how HE shows you HE loves you? I'm not trying to be an ass; not even being sarcastic here. I have personally never felt anything at all re: god, which is the main reason I am now an atheist.

Where does the proof of love come from? The fact that others feel it and I never have has always baffled me, and used to make me feel pretty lonely.

ETA, Bro Tex constantly shows me he loves me. After a lifetime of pretty much never trusting anybody to take me as I am, he does. It took an atheist to make me believe that real love is a thing. Before, I was Aimee Mann in her song "Save Me." God never did shit.

[Dandruff]

I think someone has weens on the brain.

[Closed Womb]

On 2/9/2018 at 4:07 PM, Ozlsn said:

I suspect Bro Gary was a bit of a rebound thing after her divorce, and she is now doing some stepping back and reassessing of the situation. Part of which quite possibly involves her telling Bro Gary that he can minister on weekends and public holidays but needs an actual job to pay the bills the rest of the time. I suspect that beliefs or not she will divorce him if she gets fed up enough. Or at least walk out and give him an ultimatum or two.

 

In all seriousness, I think GHaw is an over-correction for poor Becky.  Didn't her ex come out as gay?  I'd guess that she went far, far to the other side looking for a man that would never hurt her in that way; someone who is against the LGTBQ community.  Hopefully, she will not shackle herself to this bozo for life. 

[Carol]

1 hour ago, Texas Heifer said:

I want to know how HE shows you HE loves you? I'm not trying to be an ass; not even being sarcastic here. I have personally never felt anything at all re: god, which is the main reason I am now an atheist.

Where does the proof of love come from? The fact that others feel it and I never have has always baffled me, and used to make me feel pretty lonely.

ETA, Bro Tex constantly shows me he loves me. After a lifetime of pretty much never trusting anybody to take me as I am, he does. It took an atheist to make me believe that real love is a thing. Before, I was Aimee Mann in her song "Save Me." God never did shit.

He shows you he loves you by sometimes answering your prayers.  So, say, if you need a new  car because your old one broke down, just pray and wait for a car.  If you get it, it's part of god's plan for your life.  If no car shows up, it's also part of his plan for your life.

I think that means prayer is superfluous 'cause god's gonna do what god's gonna do.  People will counter that you pray to accept god's will in your life but, let's be serious, most people pray for something or they wouldn't be doing it.  

There is so much about god that doesn't make sense but that is called faith.

Neither prayer nor faith are fact-based.  We call that proof.  But you can fall somewhere in the middle and still have a pretty good life.  You can also have a pretty good life if you are an atheist.  Hyper religious people think they have a pretty good life but I don't.  I need to swear, laugh, snark and consort with the devil on a regular basis.

[Texas Heifer]

1 minute ago, Carol said:

He shows you he loves you by sometimes answering your prayers.  So, say, if you need a new  car because your old one broke down, just pray and wait for a car.  If you get it, it's part of god's plan for your life.  If no car shows up, it's also part of his plan for your life.

I think that means prayer is superfluous 'cause god's gonna do what god's gonna do.  People will counter that you pray to accept god's will in your life but, let's be serious, most people pray for something or they wouldn't be doing it.  

There is so much about god that doesn't make sense but that is called faith.

Neither prayer nor faith are fact-based.  We call that proof.  But you can fall somewhere in the middle and still have a pretty good life.  You can also have a pretty good life if you are an atheist.  Hyper religious people think they have a pretty good life but I don't.  I need to swear, laugh and consort with the devil on a regular basis.

My mom, re: prayer: "Sometimes God says no." 

Just seems there's no rhyme or reason to it. When I prayed, I always felt like I was talking to my bathtub, or my pillow, or the air. There was never anyone listening, not for me. I've gotten better results from meditation/hypnosis apps on Amazon. Like what is even the point? If god is omnipotent, omnipresent, all-knowing, etc., he already knows what he's going to do, what you are going to do. Why bother? I just don't get it. I would bet every red cent I possess that I never will, either.

My best friend is a Lutheran minister's daughter, single mother, twice-divorced, recovering alcoholic/drug addict, lives with her elderly mother in poverty and gives me religious romance novels as gifts. I have no clue where she gets her continuing faith, but even she can't convince me that a deity exists. 

[foreign fundie]

8 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

I remember NOWHERE in the Bible where God tells me where and how to use a restroom.

Sorry, but he does.

Deuteronomy 23 says:

12 Set up a place outside the camp to be used as a toilet area. 13 And make sure that you have a small shovel in your equipment. When you go out to the toilet area, use the shovel to dig a hole. Then, after you relieve yourself, bury the waste in the hole. 14 You must keep your camp clean of filthy and disgusting things. 

Nothing about ladies and gents toilets though. Now I wonder how many fundies do take the word as literally as they claim and carry around a little shovel for this purpose.

[Beermeet]

@foreign fundie. They forgot to mention to find a leaning tree if you got one!  Oh so useful for #2 in the woods!!!

[smittykins]

4 hours ago, Carol said:

I am totes boycotting Chick-A-Fil even though I have never eaten there.  I"m gonna bring them DOWN!!  

 

Now that there's a Chick-Fil-A coming to the Syracuse area, I can finally boycott them! 

[FloraKitty35]

If this twit saw Buck Angel walk into a woman's room, it would blow his mind (if he has one). 

[DancingPhalanges]

Ok Sis'

I fell asleep last night reading FJ. Kind of scary for potential dreams. Mine was weird, the entire dream was framed in a movie camera screen. You could see the "record" and date and stuff. In the top left hand corner of the movie camera (big wide format kind) was G'haw's socked foot. The bottom right hand corner was a countdown. The actual filming was just my regular life. I'm just wondering if it was counting down to an unsocked foot? Maybe a very loud and scary Haymun!!??? That would be a nightmare, right. I woke up before the unthinkable happened. 

Sis Dancing 

[Black Aliss]

On 2/7/2018 at 5:09 AM, Yogi said:

I CANnot imagine a less flattering angle for this video. We have to look at his heaving gut takinf up half the screen and then his tiny head. 

Food stains on his shirt that barely buttons over his gut and I do not want to know what he's doing with his right hand that makes his upper arm jerk like that. (I'll show myself to the prayer closet now, and if anyone wants to join me I'll have a fifth of rye whiskey in my purse.)

[Granwych]

3 hours ago, Dandruff said:

I think someone has weens on the brain.

Poor nutrition, y'all.

1 hour ago, Beermeet said:

@foreign fundie. They forgot to mention to find a leaning tree if you got one!  Oh so useful for #2 in the woods!!!

Are you supposed to aim for the tree or use it for "scraping off?"

Oy vey!

[Beermeet]

8 minutes ago, Granwych said:

Poor nutrition, y'all.

Are you supposed to aim for the tree or use it for "scraping off?"

Oy vey!

Hang on to it to get in a easier squatting position.

[Granwych]

1 minute ago, Beermeet said:

Hang on to it to get in a easier squatting position.

We senior citizens need all the help we can get! Thanks!

[Black Aliss]

6 hours ago, Carol said:

I am totes boycotting Chick-A-Fil even though I have never eaten there.  I"m gonna bring them DOWN!!  

Am I the only person in the world who refers to them as Chick Fillet?

They're named for Jack Chick, aren't they? I've never been in one myself.

[keepercjr]

Bro gary is live now practicing what some might call singing.

I saw this can at the dollar store and thought of our favorite illiterate preacher.
 

[keepercjr]

Speaking of Gary being illiterate, it is a good time to remember that this fool was homeschooled!  I really wonder what the hell was going on.  Does he have a learning disability that she refused to acknowledge?  Was she just that terrible of a teacher?  I homeschooled for several years and I just can’t even imagine considering his use of the English language a success.

[Georgiana]

Bro Gary has posted videos of the "music ministry" practicing. Or rather, attempting to practice while Gary disrupts from his Lazy Boy. 

Gaurd your ears. It's hardly music or a ministry, though it could be both if only they could somehow kick Gary out of the band.

[mango_fandango]

8 hours ago, Carol said:

Have you you upgraded your GOD today??!  No more of those low-end GODS, now you can upgrade to a better, more appealing GOD!  Show HIM off to your friends!  Get discounts at major hotels and restaurants!  Free towing!  Money back on your GOD credit card!  Do it today!

This offer good in limited areas.  Charges and fees may apply.

*snort laughs*

Gary is the gift that keeps on giving. He’s gonna need his own sub forum soon...

[Ozlsn]

 

5 hours ago, Georgiana said:

Bro Gary has posted videos of the "music ministry" practicing. Or rather, attempting to practice while Gary disrupts from his Lazy Boy. 

Gaurd your ears. It's hardly music or a ministry, though it could be both if only they could somehow kick Gary out of the band.

Is it wrong that I now want to see Bro Gary and Jill R. in a duet while the actually talented members of those groups sneak out and jam somewhere?

5 hours ago, keepercjr said:

Bro gary is live now practicing what some might call singing.

"Some might" is stretching it I think. And why in the name of all that is holy does he suddenly think a music ministry is going to work for him?!