Bro Gary Hawkins 4: HAY-MAYUN!

[Texas Heifer]

I am truly sorry for this, but after he bellowed, "we practicin'," all I heard was Gary warbling (terribly off-key, I cannot stress this enough) about how god came inside of him that night, and I had to close it right out, I cannot even believe I heard that, I will never be the same again, Thor help me.

[MayMay1123]

ohmahgawd! he wants people to pay them? for this? i lasted approximately 3.5 seconds and noped on outta there...so very, very awful...i would leave church if this ever happened...bro gary would actually turn me so far away from church i might start worshiping satan. seriously dude, get a job. no one want this. even God doesn't want this. stop it.

sincerely,

sis may-who loved the music in church this morning

[Granwych]

14 hours ago, keepercjr said:

Bro gary is live now practicing what some might call singing.

I saw this can at the dollar store and thought of our favorite illiterate preacher.
 

You mean, weeny peenie?  Too small for a can?

14 hours ago, keepercjr said:

Bro gary is live now practicing what some might call singing.

Caterwauling, definitely.  Deafening all functioning ears, maybe.

[Tree Hugger 2]

On 2/7/2018 at 9:37 PM, Gimme a Free RV said:

This angle reminds me of too many selfies I’ve seen on dating sites.  Why would a man think that angle is flattering?

(Unless he’s thinking, “If we hit it off, better get used to this view.”)

And now, you’ll be needing this: 

Oh please dear gawd.  That's enough internets for me today.  

[Four is Enough]

17 hours ago, foreign fundie said:

Sorry, but he does.

Deuteronomy 23 says:

What in the HECK did I do with the Bible that's normally on my desk? I MUST read this for myself!!!

[foreign fundie]

1 hour ago, Four is Enough said:

What in the HECK did I do with the Bible that's normally on my desk? I MUST read this for myself!!!

Many people advise Bible readers to skip Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy because boring and no longer relevant. But it has lots of truly fascinating stuff, I mean who could not be interested learning how to keep a pre- modern nomadic desert community of two million former slaves functioning in a hygienic and orderly way? All these little details trigger my imagination. I loved my OT readings

 

[Lillymuffin]

Oh, sweet tap-dancing Rufus, I just sat (suffered) through all three of Bro Gary’s live videos. My takeaway? 

1. The words “I felt God come inside me” should never be spoken, sung, or otherwise included in a performance. Full stop. 

2. These are not musically talented people. None of them, in fact. They’re maybe passable on their instruments, but as soon as they open their mouths to sing, the Baby Jesus cries. Seriously, I have a BA in music, specifically vocal performance, and I used to believe anyone could be taught to sing. My belief has been shattered. 

3. Bro Gary is an unwitting master of irony. He keeps saying, “I hope we aren’t hurtin’ your ears.” Oh, Bro, you have no idea... Bad weens, dude. Bad, bad weens. 

4. In his last live, it looks like our Bro Gary has some serious man boobs. Check out around the 9.59 mark, especially, and see if I’m seeing things. 

 

Sis Lilly, whose ears may never be the same 

[EmiGirl]

5 minutes ago, Lillymuffin said:

1. The words “I felt God come inside me” should never be spoken, sung, or otherwise included in a performance. Full stop. 

There's a line in a song we sang in choir at my old church that said "when God dipped his love in my heart." I have a dirty mind and giggled each time.

[Texas Heifer]

1 hour ago, Lillymuffin said:

Oh, sweet tap-dancing Rufus, I just sat (suffered) through all three of Bro Gary’s live videos. My takeaway? 

1. The words “I felt God come inside me” should never be spoken, sung, or otherwise included in a performance. Full stop. 

2. These are not musically talented people. None of them, in fact. They’re maybe passable on their instruments, but as soon as they open their mouths to sing, the Baby Jesus cries. Seriously, I have a BA in music, specifically vocal performance, and I used to believe anyone could be taught to sing. My belief has been shattered. 

3. Bro Gary is an unwitting master of irony. He keeps saying, “I hope we aren’t hurtin’ your ears.” Oh, Bro, you have no idea... Bad weens, dude. Bad, bad weens. 

4. In his last live, it looks like our Bro Gary has some serious man boobs. Check out around the 9.59 mark, especially, and see if I’m seeing things. 

 

Sis Lilly, whose ears may never be the same 

Oh my stars and garters. You got through all three...with a BA in music? You deserve all the cookies in the quality and flavor of your choice!

I cannot fathom listening to that with musically-trained ears. I hope it didn't make you cry.

[Dandruff]

13 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

And why in the name of all that is holy does he suddenly think a music ministry is going to work for him?!

Othur Cristyins ar singin fer munny n pepul giv them munny fer singin fer LORD HAY-MAYUN!

[Lillymuffin]

1 hour ago, Texas Heifer said:

Oh my stars and garters. You got through all three...with a BA in music? You deserve all the cookies in the quality and flavor of your choice!

I cannot fathom listening to that with musically-trained ears. I hope it didn't make you cry.

Oatmeal scotches, please. Send the ferrets. They know the way by now. 

[Texas Heifer]

Something else (besides god coming in G-Haw ) has been bothering me about that first video.

For others who watched it (Rufus bless), when everyone was banging on instruments and caterwauling, and Gary kept shouting, "Do it agin! Agin!" did anyone else think that seemed excessive...possibly abusive? Like what does he do when the camera is off? Does he shout worse things? Does he hit them? I always felt before that he's a caricature, like JillRod used to seem to me, basically benign and more than a little stupid. After watching that, though, I feel like he's kinda sinister. It makes me worry about what goes on behind the scenes.

I'm trying to find the courage to check out the man boob situation. Wishing I had alcohol.

 

[Texas Heifer]

Ok folks, Bro Gary wants to point out that it's Sunday. I mean, in case you weren't aware. Additionally, we should preach like the world is going to he'll. I thought G-Haw was already convicted that it's hell-bound?

My snark skills are lacking today; my apologies. I had a night filled with stressful Plexus dreams, and I'm tired. (Not even kidding. Plexus dreams all night long. Ugh)

[smittykins]

@Texas Heifer, I confess that at first, I thought "world going to he'll" was an autocorrect on your end, when it actually was on G-Haw.  

Rufus, forgive me.

[Dandruff]

5 hours ago, Texas Heifer said:

I always felt before that he's a caricature, like JillRod used to seem to me, basically benign and more than a little stupid.

Yeah, I'm not so sure about benign either.  I am sure about more than a little stupid.

[FloraKitty35]

Brother Gary has accomplished a miracle (of sorts).  He makes the Maxwell's sound almost good.  May they never have the chance to duet.

[Granwych]

5 hours ago, Texas Heifer said:

Ok folks, Bro Gary wants to point out that it's Sunday. I mean, in case you weren't aware. Additionally, we should preach like the world is going to he'll. I thought G-Haw was already convicted that it's hell-bound?

My snark skills are lacking today; my apologies. I had a night filled with stressful Plexus dreams, and I'm tired. (Not even kidding. Plexus dreams all night long. Ugh)

Brother Gary's own Supper Yowl.

[Snarkylark]

What a find Bro Gary is!! Lol Does he have restless legs syndrome? I swear his feet were about to take off out of that recliner! HAY-MAYUN!

sis snark

[Texas Heifer]

Ok folks, I saw the man boobs. I had to take a few hours to recover. Thank everything that he keeps his shirt on.

I did notice in one of the videos that the first shot is, again, of his nasty bare foot, Jesus H.

Whilst I was on the ManBoob Hunt, I listened to him talk about their practicin', and he went on about how they are not professionals, and if yer lookin' fer professionals, yer gonna be disappointed, haymayan, halleluyer, glory ta god.

Ahem.

Gary: nobody believes y'all are professionals. Nobody will ever think that, ever. Please don't let that be a worry for you.

Oh my heck, those kids. Those poor kids. What a way to grow up. 

Yours in Wearing Socks,

Sis Tex

4 hours ago, smittykins said:

@Texas Heifer, I confess that at first, I thought "world going to he'll" was an autocorrect on your end, when it actually was on G-Haw.  

Rufus, forgive me.

I definitely forgive you. I am a benevolent heifer.

[Snarkylark]

Oh, forgot to add- from his video asking to go where he’s never been- he says they’ll be in Maine this summer. Be on the lookout for more weens in ME

[Mayluka]

Y’ALL. I just spent most of my weekend reading through all 4 of these threads. When Bro Gary first appeared in the JRod thread, I was so grossed out that I never wanted to read any more about him. But my oh my, have I been missing out! I have never laughed so much while reading FJ. These are probably my favorite threads ever. You people are the best!

[ViolaSebastian]

Ok folks:

First of all, I have never been in a Walgreens (my pharmacy of choice) that had bathrooms that were anything other than a single-stall, one person at a time-type. 

Second, they're sitting down while practicing? In my (admittedly short) time in a choir, we were told to stand to facilitate breathing and whatnot. Also, I could barely stand about 30 seconds.

Sis. Viola

[Nikedagain?]

One must wonder, does he ever leave that spot? Change his socks? 

The 1,2,3 post - HAD to either be Becks or copy/paste, too many words spelled correctly.

And I agree with @Texas Heifer I also thought he sounded very aggressive at the beginning of that video. I wouldn't be surprised at all if Bro G wasn't abusive to his family. 

Asshole. 

[Gimme a Free RV]

9 hours ago, Snarkylark said:

Oh, forgot to add- from his video asking to go where he’s never been- he says they’ll be in Maine this summer. Be on the lookout for more weens in ME

He's wanting to go places where he's never been---proof that he's expecting others to finance a vacation in a free RV.  Gimme, gimme, gimme.  I've also never been to Wyoming.  C'mon.  Who wants to be the first to give toward a sparklin' big RV for me to go there, expenses paid by y'all, of course!

 

Also want to add:  if he's grifting for a new RV and trips to places he's never been, why not just go ahead and ask for filet minon?  Why eat crap like weens when people could be putting expensive food in your mouth, Bro GHaw?

[Four is Enough]

It is possible that Bro Gary has never heard of finer cuts of meat. Since he SEEMS to be so poor that only cheap pink weens are what satisfies, perhaps he's never had a steak of any kind..after all, weens have to be easier to cook in that deathtrap RV than something like steak!

Although I wonder... have they never passed a Hoss's, or a Golden Corral., or laws a mercy, a Cracker Barrel?