Jinjer: Throwing Shade since April 9, 2017

[Greendoor]

In Canada you can marry in a church or not with a member of the clergy.  A Justice of the Peace will marry you outside a church.  It's not a contract in the sense I think you mean it.  

When we married in church, we regestiered our marriage by signing.  My brother and his wife married civilly with a Justice of the Peace on top of a mountain, and in signing they registered their marriage.

I'm not sure how many people do pre-nuptial agreements on a first marriage, but I suppose it would be a good idea for a second time around; you have assests then and children to leave them to.

 

[sadiZ]

Didn't see this latest pic posted here yet - looks like Jinger is getting more comfortable in pants. Of course people are freaking out on Jeremy's Instagram. 

[Carm_88]

That heat will get you? So wear black pants? Um...perhaps not but yay pants? 

[Gobbles]

@Greendoor

Since a few years you can have a civil marriage at certain places around the town here. But just picking a park or beautiful spot is not allowed. You can marry at the zoo or up on our TV tower, but those places have to be officially recognized. A "Standesbeamte" (registrar) will marry you. 

So only going to a church and marry there doesn't do anything. And no registrar will go to a church to let you sign the papers there I think. 

 

 

[PreciousPantsofDoom]

32 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

 

Question for those who are shocked/dismayed/stunned/grossed-out by cake/punch receptions: 

FTR, I wasn't judging anybody for having a cake/punch reception only.  Just genuinely surprised since I hadn't encountered it before.  Your reasons for doing it sounded solid, particularly if that is not unusual for your area.  If you had done it around here, it might have gotten some shade thrown, but just by the  people who would have complained no matter what you did, so who cares about them?

In this area, when money is tight people do usually elope or do only a small number if guests. One friend got the food for 100 people provided FREE by the ladies of her church-but that was an unusual circumstance.  It was  such a nice thing fir them to do as the couple had no money and her mother and her husband's sister were both just recovering from breast cancer at the time.

As far as whether people should or shouldn't have a certain type of reception? I think it's up to the couple.  Everybody's situation is different. Different money situations, different family circumstances, different cultural and regional expectations etc.  It's always going to depend on what things you think are important, including how much importance you pUT on public opinion. IMO, do what makes you happy. 

[llg1234]

I almost always wear skirts/dresses in the summer since I feel it's cooler, but I'll switch to pants or leggings under skirts/dresses during the winter. Wearing full length pants in the summer though?! Sounds like a nightmare and an invitation for heat rash.

ETA: I didn't consider that Jinger's level of comfort with wearing 'modest' shorts in public isn't quite there yet. Even if it's not as comfortable, her choosing to wear jeans may seem like she's still pushing boundaries. She may never feel comfortable wearing shorts in public (which is fine: I almost never wear them myself), but hopefully she'll get to a point where she can wear what she feels best in during whatever weather she encounters.

[SapphireSlytherin]

Is her hair shorter? I know it's pulled back, but it doesn't look as long overall.

 

[Lurker]

Here in the NY metro area, most weddings I have attended started with an elaborate cocktail hour buffet  followed by a sit down meal.  Open bar for both, with music and dancing during the  reception.   

When my daughter married last year in the East Bay area of San Francisco, she had a ceremony at the venue, then a cocktail hour with passed hors d'oeurves before a lovely sit down lunch reception with a dj and dancing. An early wedding was picked so people could get flights home if desired Our east coast based families were  shocked at the lack of a huge buffet at the cocktail hour,  local friends thought it was very fancy, and overseas family didn't understand the berry pies in mason jars and a naked wedding cake as part of the dessert table.

Groups and areas do things differently, but as long as you don't invite someone at mealtime and give them just punch and cake there shouldn't be criticism.

We went to a bat mitzvah last year.  Since it was my husband family, we went to temple in the morning for the entire service.  This was followed by a reception in the hall downstairs with bagels, salad, fish, fruit and cookie trays, plus wine and vodka.   This kiddush was open to everyone in the congregation that had attended services plus the invited friends and family.    They  had a party with a much tighter guest list that evening.

[VelociRapture]

As I've said so many times, all you need to do when hosting a wedding is to be sure guests know exactly what to expect. We were married in early November 2015 in southern New England. The ceremony at our venue is held outside unless weather permits (weather was in the 60's during the ceremony, so we lucked out big time.) We also had dinner items that contained alcohol in the sauces and a cake that contained nuts and alcohol. We marked the invitations and RSVP cards accordingly so that people were able to make informed choices. We even provided a special nut-free cupcake specifically for one of my Bridesmaids because she couldn't have our cake due to an allergy. Worked out perfectly fine for us and everyone seemed happy enough.

To anyone currently planning a wedding or who may be planning one in the future - screw anyone telling you that you absolutely must do anything a specific way. If you want a cake and punch reception in the Northeast, do it. If you want black tie formal with a sit down meal in early south, make it happen. If you want to get married on the beach or in a forest or have a full-on themed wedding complete with costumes and appropriate food... you do you. 

Basically, do what you want, fully inform guests about exactly what to expect, and enjoy your wedding day. People who truly love you won't give a shit whether you have a punch and cake reception or a black tie sit down reception. The only things they'll care about is being prepared ahead of time and seeing you happy.

ETA: Forgot to add - work with whatever budget you have. We spent just under $20,000 total on our's and it was wonderful... but we could afford that and weren't going broke to make it happen. We spent more on things important to us (food, photography, entertainment) and less on things not so important to us (my dress was half the amount the budgeter suggested and we skipped having a limo completely.) Budget isn't what makes a wedding beautiful or special - the love and happiness of the couple does that. Don't let anyone shame or guilt you for what you choose to spend. 

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

I saw the latest Jinger pants pic in a tabloid article just now, and had to comment. Looks like her pants are getting tighter. Those appear to be a skinny cut. Strange choice for hot weather, but go Jinge!

In the tabloid article I saw there was mention that some fans thought they saw a baby bump (actually, the tabloid article was a bit snarky about this). Serious wishful thinking on behalf of leg humpers. She's wearing a loose shirt, and sitting down.

[PennySycamore]

@PreciousPantsofDoom,  I see that @Exposedknees has already posted about the mints that we Southerners tend to have a weddings.  These mints are also called butter mints and here is a recipe:

Butter mints

I happen to like butter mints and reading that recipe I know why.  They're a lot like buttercream frosting.

[Snarkylark]

2 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

That heat will get you? So wear black pants? Um...perhaps not but yay pants? 

Right??! She'd be more comfortable in one of her shorter, light skirts. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

Just now, Snarkylark said:

She'd be more comfortable in one of her shorter, light skirts. 

I wonder if we'll ever see her in anything but skirts on Counting On? Are skirts in their contract? Serious question.

[lumpentheologie]

I definitely had never heard of the 'pay for your plate' rule before FJ.  I suppose if that's definitely the norm in a certain culture/region it should be respected, but I have always figured that the money I spend on a gift is determined by how close I am to the bride/groom and how much money I have.  I'm a grad student and don't have a ton of money, so lately I've spent about $30-40 for colleagues and acquaintances, $70-80 for cousins I'm not particularly close too, and $200 for a couple I was very close friends with but couldn't afford to make it to their wedding on the West Coast when I was living in Germany. 

There has also always been food at the weddings I've attended, if the couple has no money then their relatives/friends bring homemade stuff, but there is still food. I've been to some very modest weddings that still had more food than anyone could eat, I think it's considered important that guests are fed. And the weddings I've been to aren't just an afternoon affair, so people need to eat. 

It's interesting to me to hear that people don't want to take up 'a whole Saturday night' with their wedding -- I guess that makes sense if you have a lot of guests and most of them are local, but the vast majority of the weddings I've been to involved flying to another city, paying for accommodation as well as plane fare, several meals out on my own, and often missing work, so going to all that trouble for just a few hours and no food seems a bit like a raw deal to me. I would also be very upset if I did all that only to find out I was on the "B-list" and other people got food but I didn't. 

[HereticHick]

I'm kind of amazed that all this discussion about wedding  reception variations is only about regional differences--not religious or ethnic differences.  Seriously is no one on FJ Muslim, or Hindi or Sikh?

No offense to my fellow Southerners, but saying that we all have buttermints at our wedding receptions is like saying every Southerner is a white Anglo-Saxon Protestant. Which we ain't  : )

[formerpastorswife]

3 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

I wonder if we'll ever see her in anything but skirts on Counting On? Are skirts in their contract? Serious question.

I doubt they're in the TLC contract, but I'm going to guess that Mom & Dad Duggar wouldn't allow her to appear on camera with the rest of the Duggars if she was wearing pants (coming from a fundie family myself, they/she probably wouldn't consider it "respectful" to wear pants in front of them, period)... It would be a big shocker if her parents would let themselves be seen "palling around" with her on camera while she was so flagrantly immodest. lol

(Delurking here)

[mtc3659]

So I am getting married in just under a month and most of our guests are coming at least 200 miles. We are having a sit down dinner with cake and dancing and open bar. We had to take out a few loans in order to pay for the wedding because neither set of parents could really contribute in a serious way and we started planning this shindig in January. But we are trying to do as much as we can ourselves. 

[seraaa]

I've known of some weddings where guests are split into two groups - the first group attends the service and the reception afterwards, and the second group (who are usually not as close to the couple) attend for the evening after party/reception.

Also as a rule and in my experience there would be a drink allowance provided with the meal (if there was a meal), but any subsequent drink would have to be bought at the bar. 

(The same applies to funeral wakes I've attended - tea and coffee might be provided, a the family might pay for everyone's first alcoholic drink, but it's a cash bar if you want more that that).

[PreciousPantsofDoom]

42 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

@PreciousPantsofDoom,  I see that @Exposedknees has already posted about the mints that we Southerners tend to have a weddings.  These mints are also called butter mints and here is a recipe:

Butter mints

I happen to like butter mints and reading that recipe I know why.  They're a lot like buttercream frosting.

Thanks to you and to @Exposedknees for the mint info.  The funny thing about that is  that my Yorkshire grandmother used to make something like these for us when we were kids.  She always called them Mintoes (this was before we had ever heard of the commercial candy of that name, so no relation)  I hadn't though about them in years, but they were a nice little treat. 

[lumpentheologie]

Totally off topic but I just want to say that I'm really excited to be Bong Hits for Jesus now because that whole thing went down at my high school. 

[IReallyAmHopewell]

On Jinger wearing pants. I've said before--it is only at Gothard events that they have a strict "Mormon Missionary" dress code. If Daddy or Hubby "allows" it they can wear pants or a normal bathing suit. Modesty is the thing, but it doesn't have to be old-style Bates modesty or horrible swimming dress modesty.  Most families do choose skirts, but not all.

[JDuggs]

15 minutes ago, mtc3659 said:

So I am getting married in just under a month and most of our guests are coming at least 200 miles. We are having a sit down dinner with cake and dancing and open bar. We had to take out a few loans in order to pay for the wedding because neither set of parents could really contribute in a serious way and we started planning this shindig in January. But we are trying to do as much as we can ourselves. 

Good for you and your fiancé for doing this on your own without huge financial expectations from your parents. Since you are responsible for the finances, hopefully all the wedding decisions are exactly what you want. I hope your wedding day will exceed your expectations!

[HarleyQuinn]

Black jeans in Texas heat? ffs just wear shorts, Jinger. Bermudas can still be "modest"

[Buzzard]

There was an instagram back in March where she was wearing shorts.  I wonder why she'd wear them back then but not now.  

[Dutch_girl]

2 minutes ago, Buzzard said:

There was an instagram back in March where she was wearing shorts.  I wonder why she'd wear them back then but not now.  

Maybe for the same reason I wore jeans today: because she didn't have time to shave her legs