Amy and the Pickle 5: Trekking to TLC

[oldfashionedgal]

9 hours ago, JesSky03 said:

I currently have a hard time keeping my mouth shut about carseat and sleep safety on social media posts. I recently saw a picture of a very young baby sleeping in a rock in play (which has been recalled) with a loose blanket tucked up their chest. The caption indicated the baby had slept like that all night. I'm not close to the person who posted the picture at all, and she was just babysitting, but I hemmed and hawed over messaging her about safe sleep for quite a while before deciding not to. Still not sure if that was the right decision or not. 

I’m currently pregnant with my first and have cried more than once over car seat safety. I’ve had to have incredibly awkward conversations with my in-laws about not wanting my SIL’s second hand car seat (because it would mean we’d have to turn this bub at less than a year old which is absolutely not happening.) Trying to explain my reasoning without shaming my SIL was next to impossible!

Mother-in-law thinks I’m being a snob and it’s absolutely unreasonable of me to want to buy our own, and that if I *must* buy a new one maybe I should spend less than I plan to. I’m not asking her to pay so the money is none of her business, and the more I think about it the most upset I get that she’s more interested in what’s cheapest than what’s safest.

 

Sorry, I needed to vent a little.

[Giraffe]

10 minutes ago, oldfashionedgal said:

I’m currently pregnant with my first and have cried more than once over car seat safety. I’ve had to have incredibly awkward conversations with my in-laws about not wanting my SIL’s second hand car seat (because it would mean we’d have to turn this bub at less than a year old which is absolutely not happening.) Trying to explain my reasoning without shaming my SIL was next to impossible!

Mother-in-law thinks I’m being a snob and it’s absolutely unreasonable of me to want to buy our own, and that if I *must* buy a new one maybe I should spend less than I plan to. I’m not asking her to pay so the money is none of her business, and the more I think about it the most upset I get that she’s more interested in what’s cheapest than what’s safest.

 

Sorry, I needed to vent a little.

I’m all for hand me downs. Car seats are one of the items I would absolutely buy new. 

Edited October 16, 2019 by Giraffe
De-awkwarding my sentence

[FluffySnowball]

19 minutes ago, oldfashionedgal said:

I’m currently pregnant with my first and have cried more than once over car seat safety. I’ve had to have incredibly awkward conversations with my in-laws about not wanting my SIL’s second hand car seat (because it would mean we’d have to turn this bub at less than a year old which is absolutely not happening.) Trying to explain my reasoning without shaming my SIL was next to impossible!

Mother-in-law thinks I’m being a snob and it’s absolutely unreasonable of me to want to buy our own, and that if I *must* buy a new one maybe I should spend less than I plan to. I’m not asking her to pay so the money is none of her business, and the more I think about it the most upset I get that she’s more interested in what’s cheapest than what’s safest.

 

Sorry, I needed to vent a little.

Feeling pressured in such a time when a lot in your life is changing and you want to do what’s best for your baby and you is difficult! But as so many people - likely with good intentions - will want to give tips and advice to new parents, it’s best to always listen to your heart and your intuition. Go get that new car seat you want!!! Don’t let people make you crazy! Also, I hope you have your husband’s support!! 

[Bad Wolf]

We know so much more about car seat safety than we did when I had my kids.I'm glad my grand wolves have had this updated knowledge.

[oldfashionedgal]

19 minutes ago, FluffySnowball said:

Feeling pressured in such a time when a lot in your life is changing and you want to do what’s best for your baby and you is difficult! But as so many people - likely with good intentions - will want to give tips and advice to new parents, it’s best to always listen to your heart and your intuition. Go get that new car seat you want!!! Don’t let people make you crazy! Also, I hope you have your husband’s support!! 

Oh I do, my husband is great! I feel a little bad for them, I know they mean well, and I know my emotions are all over the place and impacting my reactions. I also know my decision is entirely rational and not one I’m willing to compromise on.

[catlady]

I don’t have kids, but my understanding is that car seats expire after a few years and getting them second-hand should be avoided whenever possible.  It makes sense that the materials would wear out after constant, prolonged, most likely daily use, and that they would gradually lose their effectiveness over time.  When a baby’s safety and life are at stake, why anyone would be willing to compromise that is beyond me.

[OldFadedStar]

On 10/14/2019 at 9:01 AM, JesSky03 said:

I was induced at 6am Monday (didn't give birth until like 2am Tuesday) and didn't get discharged until Thursday afternoon. I was sooo ready to go home- I could not sleep at the hospital AT ALL. I will be pushing for an earlier discharge with baby #2 if I'm feeling ready. 

This sound almost exactly like my story but minus the induction. I went into labor at 3am Monday morning and gave birth 346 the next day. I didn’t go to the hospital until like 4pm though. Because she was born in the middle of the night they kept coming to do the tests in the middle of the night too. Like I was willing to go home with a catheter if it meant I could leave the hospital then lol

[BemusedByFundamentalism]

10 hours ago, Iamtheway said:

I don’t really want to start the shoes inside debate again, but she let you wear shoes in bed? I’ll happily eat food I dropped on the floor in my house. But that’s because I know no one walked on that floor with shoes on. I wouldn’t eat something I dropped at a café or outside though. Because poop. 

I think the poster meant that she had only worn those socks with shoes on, so the socks hadn't touched the floor or anything else, just the inside of the shoes. She wasn't wearing the socks WITH the shoes on in bed. 

[JesSky03]

11 hours ago, Giraffe said:

I’m all for hand me downs. Car seats are one of the items I would absolutely buy new. 

I'm generally on the same page but my sister offered us her bucket seat she no longer uses and I took her up on it. If it was anyone else I would have declined but I know she is as serious about carseat safety as I am and she would have never offered it if it was expired or she had any reason to believe it had been damaged. Her kids have always been larger too so they really didn't use it for very long. 

10 hours ago, catlady said:

I don’t have kids, but my understanding is that car seats expire after a few years and getting them second-hand should be avoided whenever possible.  It makes sense that the materials would wear out after constant, prolonged, most likely daily use, and that they would gradually lose their effectiveness over time.  When a baby’s safety and life are at stake, why anyone would be willing to compromise that is beyond me.

I believe its 6 years from the manufacturing date that carseats expire. The materials can break down over time and the inner foam too can become less able to withstand impact. 

Thankfully most people in my life have been supportive of doing whatever I ask. A few older people have commented that they think its so weird how long kids rear face for now but I just try to explain why its safer that way. Only my dad has suggested I do something truly unsafe- feed my infant in the car while someone else is driving (so not in a carseat). He also didn't believe me that infants should only be in the carseat for about an hour before being taken out for a break or that babies could suffer positional affixiation in the carseat.  Its was one of those times I was thankful my dad lives 800 miles away and has no opportunity to be in a vehicle with my child. 

[BullyJBG]

On 10/15/2019 at 9:55 AM, JesSky03 said:

@BullyJBG some topics are hard not to "shame" about, and spanking is definitely one. I'm very against it personally as I was spanked as a child and it had a negative impact on my life, but unfortunately in the states it is legal so unless the parents are obviously abusing the child I generally keep my mouth shut about it. I would likely distance myself from them if I can though as it would make me very uncomfortable, especially if they had no problem threatening or carrying out a spanking publicly. But  you are right that it is difficult with family. I know my SIL spanks her kids but I have never witnessed her do it. She did bring it up one time at family dinner because she had spanked one of her kids at school and another parent told the principal about it because it made them uncomfortable and it led to an awkward discussion about spanking and the table was pretty divided over whether or not it was okay.

Thanks for sharing that. I am not sure I am COMPLETELY anti-spanking; I got spanked, and I know my parents didn't know much different. A number of years ago(also pre-2004; we have NEVER discussed it after that law came out then) it came up in another conversation and my mom actually said "it should be done VERY SELDOM". But I know that's not what they did. I understand there are times, especially with little children, that it seems it's the only way to get their attention about certain things. The law talks about age limits, what to use/not to use, where not to strike, and consider the context. But, it says nothing about how many strikes, how often, or what one should and shouldn't spank for. Crying is a release of emotions and in most cases isn't something one can just stop. If the kid was saying "I'm staying here and you can't stop me" or "shut up you meanie" or throwing things at them, I'd understand. Or if they'd just let them get the crying out of their system for at least a minute or two first, and then say "that's enough" if the crying got louder and more intense.

Okay, this is a lovely rabbit trail. Naturally now I wonder how Amy would answer that question, but after she put her foot in her mouth/fingers over the scandals, I'm sure she'd evaluate more carefully what to share.

[Melinda]

Baby Daxton has an Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/daxrking/ Amy tagged the account.

Carlin (Bates) and Evan Stewart did the same thing. Their daughter isn't born yet... 

[Audrey2]

this makes me wonder what daxton and Layla will do when they get older. Will they be so used to having everything posted on social media but they won't think twice about posting everything on their own accounts, or will they resent the invasion of privacy that's been going on since birth and before in Layla's case, so they would absolutely refuse to have anything posted online

[Daisy0322]

21 hours ago, oldfashionedgal said:

I’m currently pregnant with my first and have cried more than once over car seat safety. I’ve had to have incredibly awkward conversations with my in-laws about not wanting my SIL’s second hand car seat (because it would mean we’d have to turn this bub at less than a year old which is absolutely not happening.) Trying to explain my reasoning without shaming my SIL was next to impossible!

Mother-in-law thinks I’m being a snob and it’s absolutely unreasonable of me to want to buy our own, and that if I *must* buy a new one maybe I should spend less than I plan to. I’m not asking her to pay so the money is none of her business, and the more I think about it the most upset I get that she’s more interested in what’s cheapest than what’s safest.

 

Sorry, I needed to vent a little.

I'm sorry! This happened with my first too! My step mother in law had an all out hissy for about it and how we weren't accepting our blessings and being upity....seriously we were broke as hell from me being on bed rest and took EVERY OTHER hand me down possible. My God mother actually bought us a very nice car seat and my whole husbands dads family was still up in a riot for like 6 months. Don't let them make you feel bad for doing what's best for your kiddo! You sound like a fantastic mom already ❤️

[Iamtheway]

21 hours ago, Giraffe said:

I’m all for hand me downs. Car seats are one of the items I would absolutely buy new. 

We used my nephews seat when Miniway was a baby but I knew exactly where it came from and that it was safe. We just changed from the second chair to a forward facing one now. We bought both of them new. Bugging someone that wants to keep their kid safe is horrible. Don’t listen to them!

14 hours ago, BemusedByFundamentalism said:

I think the poster meant that she had only worn those socks with shoes on, so the socks hadn't touched the floor or anything else, just the inside of the shoes. She wasn't wearing the socks WITH the shoes on in bed. 

Aw! Yeah that does make more sense. ?

4 hours ago, BullyJBG said:

Thanks for sharing that. I am not sure I am COMPLETELY anti-spanking; I got spanked, and I know my parents didn't know much different. A number of years ago(also pre-2004; we have NEVER discussed it after that law came out then) it came up in another conversation and my mom actually said "it should be done VERY SELDOM". But I know that's not what they did. I understand there are times, especially with little children, that it seems it's the only way to get their attention about certain things. The law talks about age limits, what to use/not to use, where not to strike, and consider the context. But, it says nothing about how many strikes, how often, or what one should and shouldn't spank for. Crying is a release of emotions and in most cases isn't something one can just stop. If the kid was saying "I'm staying here and you can't stop me" or "shut up you meanie" or throwing things at them, I'd understand. Or if they'd just let them get the crying out of their system for at least a minute or two first, and then say "that's enough" if the crying got louder and more intense.

Okay, this is a lovely rabbit trail. Naturally now I wonder how Amy would answer that question, but after she put her foot in her mouth/fingers over the scandals, I'm sure she'd evaluate more carefully what to share.

If my kid is sad and acts out I talk to him and try to comfort him. I don’t hit him. I want to teach him that it’s perfectly ok to have feelings and show them. Hitting a child for crying is just teaching him to hide his sadness. 

If my kid does something that’s actually bad I still don’t hit him. I don’t want to teach him that we solve conflicts with violence. And especially not that it’s only ok to hit those that are smaller then us that we have power over. Because that’s what spanking is. A person that is much bigger then you and that already control almost everything in your life hits you for not behaving exactly like they want. It’s a behaviour that is not ok in any other context and it doesn’t actually teach children much. I want my kid to learn what’s right and wrong and to behave because he wants to be a good person not because he’s afraid he’ll get hit. 

[QuiverFullofBooks]

I just realized that Dan Dillard’s son’s name is Jaxon. Will Sam and Izzy have play dates with cousins Daxon and Jaxon?

[SassyPants]

2 hours ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

I just realized that Dan Dillard’s son’s name is Jaxon. Will Sam and Izzy have play dates with cousins Daxon and Jaxon?

Don’t forget Axton Maxwell.

[Dandruff]

On 10/14/2019 at 4:31 PM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Oh sweet baby Rufus!  What the fuck is this monstrosity?

I got an immediate Magnolia Pearl vibe, for all the usual horrific reasons.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

39 minutes ago, Dandruff said:

I got an immediate Magnolia Pearl vibe, for all the usual horrific reasons.

At least the ruffles on "rufflesnbuttons" look clean. The things on Magnolia Pearl look like the models used the outfits as dust cloths before they put them on!

Edited October 17, 2019 by WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
capitalization

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

17 hours ago, Audrey2 said:

this makes me wonder what daxton and Layla will do when they get older. Will they be so used to having everything posted on social media but they won't think twice about posting everything on their own accounts, or will they resent the invasion of privacy that's been going on since birth and before in Layla's case, so they would absolutely refuse to have anything posted online

Layla will be a MOMMY DUH! 

 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

On 10/16/2019 at 8:28 PM, SassyPants said:

Don’t forget Axton Maxwell.

Are these names going to be the Aiden Hayden Kaden and Jaden of the 20's?

[SassyPants]

10 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Are these names going to be the Aiden Hayden Kaden and Jaden of the 20's?

It certainly looks that way!

[Screamapillar]

I think names that have an X in them have been on the rise for the past couple of years. My three year old has a Maddox (boy) and a Paxton (girl) in her preschool class. Another big trend is old lady names. My daughter has one, though it's not ranked in the top 1000 names, and she rolls with other little girls with names that were popular in the 1920s.

Daxton sounds like a made up name to me, but he won't be unusual amongst his generation with a name like that.

[HereticHick]

On 10/14/2019 at 4:31 PM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Oh sweet baby Rufus!  What the fuck is this monstrosity? 

 

 

I know!! Christ on a cracker, people, the Hospital is not a Prom venue.

[Longhairedheathen]

On 10/16/2019 at 2:22 PM, Melinda said:

Baby Daxton has an Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/daxrking/ Amy tagged the account.

Carlin (Bates) and Evan Stewart did the same thing. Their daughter isn't born yet... 

This feels like the 2010 of the internet. 

It is a very dumb thing to do. You'll get people who use her picture or create fake accounts. 

[FluffySnowball]

29 minutes ago, Longhairedheathen said:

This feels like the 2010 of the internet. 

It is a very dumb thing to do. You'll get people who use her picture or create fake accounts. 

I don’t like it when parents post many or intimate photos of their children online so I might be projecting.

However, with fundies basically using their children for their own goals, filling their proverbial quiver with them while not treating them with the care, time, emphasis on education and emotional well-being in the way they should, I wonder: Is making an Instagram account before Layla is even born just one more sign of “objectifying” her? Instead of waiting years and asking her when she is 5 or 6 or older if she even wants her photos to be shared, she’s made into one more aspect Carlin and Evan and others like them can use to make their brand more popular. They can try to get sponsorships on her account, they can portray themselves as doting parents... all without even thinking of getting her consent first. 

Edited October 18, 2019 by FluffySnowball