Joe and Kendra: Holding Hands and Saying I Love You

[Karma]

7 hours ago, sansan said:

I have heard that it is a thing now to ask for donations for the honeymoon, weird.

We went to an engagement party last weekend for two people in their late 50s.  His second wedding, her first.  I was surprised they had a party as they don't have a lot of money, and there was about 100 people there.  Anyway, the invite said no presents, but if people wanted to give one, money towards their honeymoon to Italy would be appreciated.  What choice did we have but to give money?  We gave cash, but in euros, so it wouldn't be spent on just anything in the next year.

But is it just me, or is it weird to have an engagement party in your 50s?  We didn't have one in our 20s.  If I was getting married now, I think I'd just get married, not bother with an engagement party as well.  And I don't think I'd ask for honeymoon money.

[mpheels]

I have a friend who jokes about registering for sperm since she and her soon-to-be-wife are planning to have a baby right away and "samples" from a sperm bank costs several thousand dollars.

[infooverload]

I know someone who said she went to a baby shower once and the couple asked did you spot the joke item we put on the registry? She was confused and was all um nope. They started laughing and said they put a box of condoms on the last page. They all had a good laugh. As far as my own wedding registry I knew I was having a small wedding and most of my items were reasonably priced household items. The most expensive thing I was tempted to put on the registry was a KitchenAid mixer, which I didn't end up doing. In the end we received a fair amount of stuff from the registry or people just gave cash.

[LacyMay]

First post, but this seemed like a fairly safe and easy topic to wade into. 

 

Mr. May and I had a bit of a Jinjer situation on the go where he was already living across the country (he moved 6 months before the wedding)  and I moved the week after our wedding.  We did a small registry but also registered for gift cards. That way we could purchase the things once I got out West and not have to worry as much about shipping wedding gifts. We received some lovely gifts off the registry (especially from church people) but the gift cards definitely made our life easier. 

The honeymoon thing is so weird in my mind, we had people gift us money which was much appreciated but I couldn't imagine asking for it for something specific. But it was actually a big thing at a couple wedding shows I went to, actual companies that allow you to set up a honeymoon registry. Maybe it's just getting bigger. 

[HarleyQuinn]

I had a joke item on my wedding registry - a ShamWow (it was around the time those annoying commericals were everywhere) they were so cheap that even though it was clearly a joke and it showed "purchased" it didn't stop 5 of our friends from buying them anyways. I have shamwows for life.

 

[JesSky03]

We registered for camping stuff as it's something we love to do together and were pleasantly surprised when one of my aunts purchased a few of those items. We still use that gear 6 years later and I always think of my aunt when packing up for a trip.

Now my mom purchased this canvas painting we had registered for and hung it up in her living room. I saw it was marked as "purchased" on our registry and was surprised- I didn't really expect anyone to buy it. I forgot about it until later on when I realized we didn't actually receive the painting. I still don't know what she was thinking to this day. If she liked it great, she could have bought one for herself but then why take it off our registry? She never said a word about it and I never bothered to confront her.

[VineHeart137]

6 minutes ago, JesSky03 said:

Now my mom purchased this canvas painting we had registered for and hung it up in her living room. I saw it was marked as "purchased" on our registry and was surprised- I didn't really expect anyone to buy it. I forgot about it until later on when I realized we didn't actually receive the painting. I still don't know what she was thinking to this day. If she liked it great, she could have bought one for herself but then why take it off our registry? She never said a word about it and I never bothered to confront her.

I don't know why but for some reason I'm finding this really funny. Did she get you something else? Maybe she didn't mean to take it off your registry.

[karen77]

14 minutes ago, JesSky03 said:

We registered for camping stuff as it's something we love to do together and were pleasantly surprised when one of my aunts purchased a few of those items. We still use that gear 6 years later and I always think of my aunt when packing up for a trip.

Now my mom purchased this canvas painting we had registered for and hung it up in her living room. I saw it was marked as "purchased" on our registry and was surprised- I didn't really expect anyone to buy it. I forgot about it until later on when I realized we didn't actually receive the painting. I still don't know what she was thinking to this day. If she liked it great, she could have bought one for herself but then why take it off our registry? She never said a word about it and I never bothered to confront her.

So weird!

[QuiverFullofBooks]

38 minutes ago, JesSky03 said:

Now my mom purchased this canvas painting we had registered for and hung it up in her living room. I saw it was marked as "purchased" on our registry and was surprised- I didn't really expect anyone to buy it. I forgot about it until later on when I realized we didn't actually receive the painting. I still don't know what she was thinking to this day. If she liked it great, she could have bought one for herself but then why take it off our registry? She never said a word about it and I never bothered to confront her.

Is your mom married and/or absent-minded? My parents frequently forget who they ordered stuff for by the time it arrives, and sometimes accidentally intercept something the other one ordered.

[JesSky03]

I'm trying to remember if she bought us something else...I'm sure she did but I can't remember what specifically. I guess you could call her absent minded but I think its more likely that she bought it with the intention of giving it as a gift but then decided she liked it so she kept it. 

[MadeItOut]

Has she ever shown it to you? Like 'look at my lovely painting. Do you like it?'

[FleeJanaFree]

I'm perpetually single but if I get married, I want money. I'm not tacky enough to ask for it outright though, I just won't  register. I think that's the best route. If I receive a Tupperware set anyway, I will just smile and say thank you.

 

as for not people registering for gifts when they're older than mid twenties, why the hell not? I don't have a problem with it at all. I would argue it's rude to expect people to give you a gift at your wedding because you were under a certain age limit, but don't give yourself at theirs because they didn't marry when you did. We're not all blessed enough to marry straight out of college. If I spent money on your bridal shower, bachelorette party, and or wedding, I sure as hell expect you do to the same for me regardless if I already have a toaster. coughThisIsWhyMoneyIsTheMostPracticalGiftCoughCough. It's basic etiquette.   

 

[Iamtheway]

It's very common for people here to ask for money towards something. Everyone already lives together and many lived alone before they moved in together and if you already have two toasters there really is no need for another one.

Some people find it tacky. I think it's just sensible. And it is just a wish, you can still buy whatever you want really. It's usually worded like ”all we want is your company on our wedding day but if you do want to give us something a contribution towards our honeymoon would be greatly appriciated.”

A friend that got married recently is going on a honeymoon later this year and they had a list of things they plan to do on their trip, everything from meals to hotel stays and different activities, and you could pick from that just like a register. There was a vide range of things, some very cheap and others more expensive. Since we have a habit of eating fancy breakfasts together and there was some  breakfasts listed I bought all of them. 

We didn't register or write any wishes on our invites, but we got something from everyone and only good stuff.

[JesSky03]

2 hours ago, MadeItOut said:

Has she ever shown it to you? Like 'look at my lovely painting. Do you like it?'

She hung it right on her living room wall so I couldn't miss it. But she never went out of her way to point it out. On the scale of things I don't understand about my mother this one sits pretty low- I forgot about it until reading this thread. She's an interesting case that's for sure. 

[aurora_boo]

ProfBoo and I got married in the town we were living - which was 6+ hours driving from my family home (other relatives lived further) and a different country from the countries his family/friends lived (obviously flying was required). Also, where we lived was a popular tourist town, so accommodation was not cheap in Summer. Almost everyone had to pay for at least two nights accomm, let alone transport to get there.

We didn't make a gift list - we told our guests that we knew coming was very expensive, and that their presence and helping us celebrate our wedding was more than enough. We stressed that we weren't expecting gifts, but if anyone really wanted to get us something they should just get us something small that we would find amusing, or tokens for the UK's major DIY chain or biggest department store. 

We got very few presents other than a few gift cards from friends who said they couldn't afford to come. 

We also asked people not to bother spending a fortune on new clothes/outfits. Just come smart(ish) and/or comfortable. We had guests ranging from new amazing dresses and feathered hats to my cousin in denim dungarees, a wild scarf and rainbow socks. My nephews (5&7 y.o) decided on the day that they wanted to wear ties, so my sister took them to the local charity shop - where they chose the wildest, most hideously awful 1970s ties possible - they rocked them. ProfBoo wore a bespoke traditional kilt, I had a ridiculously expensive couture dress (we like dressing up!). What shines from the pictures though is that everyone was happy. No-one was stuffed into clothes they didn't want to wear and no-one was made to do anything they didn't want. I would say it was a good day.

IF that is Joe and Kendra's real wedding list, then I think 'fair enough'. It's very practical for a couple of kids setting up home on their own. I don't even think the restaurant gift cards are a bad thing - they're 'low value' (good for those who can't/don't want to spend a lot of money) and probably cover a 'date-night' per week for a year.

[sansan]

4 hours ago, FleeJanaFree said:

I'm perpetually single but if I get married, I want money. I'm not tacky enough to ask for it outright though, I just won't  register. I think that's the best route. If I receive a Tupperware set anyway, I will just smile and say thank you.

I may be in the minority but I never have and never will give money. I have been in conversations where many people have said the same thing. Maybe if people sent invitations out with an additional envelope saying, We didn't register for anything, please put the money in here and bring to the wedding, maybe. Nah, still wouldn't.

[louisa05]

3 hours ago, Iamtheway said:

It's very common for people here to ask for money towards something. Everyone already lives together and many lived alone before they moved in together and if you already have two toasters there really is no need for another one.

We had three toasters. But we also did not have a pot with a lid. Not a single one between us. So we registered. In a way, I think the registry was more important because we were older and had some stuff already. There were things we absolutely did not need--like a toaster, although two have died and we are using the third now, eight years later. If we had not registered, we could have easily ended up with five or six toasters. 

[2manyKidzzz]

So, the balloons are still suspended.

What is that all about, ha ha

[aurora_boo]

Out-right asking for money would be considered very outré at any wedding I've been to. 

The whole 'you must give what your meal cost x whatever' thing is just awful, to me. You've invited people to a celebration you're hosting/throwing. 

Why not just send begging letters?

[Jana814]

All the weddings I have been to I have given money (a check) as a gift. Usually I have also been invited to a shower so I have been a gift for that. 

[aurora_boo]

5 hours ago, FleeJanaFree said:

I'm perpetually single but if I get married, I want money. I'm not tacky enough to ask for it outright though, I just won't  register. I think that's the best route. If I receive a Tupperware set anyway, I will just smile and say thank you.

Remind me not to go to your wedding. People spend enough to go to these things, I'm not ponying up cash for people who think they deserve it.You should be looking after (feeding/watering/entertaining) your guests.

Sorry Americans - you're weird. It seems you feel obliged to pay for other people's nuptials.  (strange, since you baulk at contributing to other people's health!!!)

(yes , yes - I know - not everyone! ;-) )

[Nashville92]

Not sure of it's  been mentioned but the date on the registry has been changed it seems.  A few minutes I had it showing as November 4th now it shows October 7th.  The registry seems prety reasonable to me.  Would love that Kitchen Aid mixer tho!

[FleeJanaFree]

27 minutes ago, aurora_boo said:

Remind me not to go to your wedding. People spend enough to go to these things, I'm not ponying up cash for people who think they deserve it.You should be looking after (feeding/watering/entertaining) your guests.

Sorry Americans - you're weird. It seems you feel obliged to pay for other people's nuptials.  (strange, since you baulk at contributing to other people's health!!!)

(yes , yes - I know - not everyone! ;-) )

I'm sorry, what? I just said I wouldn't register for gifts. I'm not putting out a "PAY FOR MY HONEYMOON FUND" on the invitation or website, etc. Guests can literally give whatever they wish if the couple isn't registered. Donate to a charity if you want. Write a check. Frame a photo. Buy an ice cube tray. Doodle me a caricature. Etc. How you got that to mean I wouldn't look after guests at the reception, I'm clueless. I don't know where you're from, but I have never, ever, heard of it being acceptable to not give some kind of gift to the wedded couple. 

[Anonymousguest]

28 minutes ago, aurora_boo said:

Remind me not to go to your wedding. People spend enough to go to these things, I'm not ponying up cash for people who think they deserve it.You should be looking after (feeding/watering/entertaining) your guests.

Sorry Americans - you're weird. It seems you feel obliged to pay for other people's nuptials.  (strange, since you baulk at contributing to other people's health!!!)

(yes , yes - I know - not everyone! ;-) )

Huh? She said she wouldn't register and would thank people politely for whatever she got. 

People in your country don't give wedding gifts? 

@FleeJanaFree jinx! 

[karen77]

1 hour ago, Nashville92 said:

Not sure of it's  been mentioned but the date on the registry has been changed it seems.  A few minutes I had it showing as November 4th now it shows October 7th.  The registry seems prety reasonable to me.  Would love that Kitchen Aid mixer tho!

Not Oct 7!! that is my son's birthday!