You're 18, get out of my house! (Duggars)

[Daenerys]

Where can a poor foreigner watch this episode online? It's very difficult to snark without seeing it first haha.

Boob was actually 19 when they got married and Michelle was only 2 months off 18. She must have graduated early, though, as she's a September birthday and she seems to have finished school before marrying.

[jockosmom]

I would certainly not have kicked my kids out at 18 or 19, but I definitely wanted them to be out on their own, as much as possible. That was just our family's (my family of origin) way of looking at it. By the time you're 18 or 19, it's time to go to college, get a job, start making the move toward independence. When I was in high school, the big rumor (still don't know if this was true) was that a large rural family in our area surprised their oldest son when he graduated from high school by having his suitcase packed for him so he could leave immediately after the graduation party. This was a kid about 3 or 4 years older than me and our class did not have a member of this family in it so we never knew for sure if this was true, but that was the rumor all the kids talked about. Now, working at a university, I see a lot of parents who don't seem to want to cut the apron strings and let go. Mommy calls jr. every morning to wake him up for class and so on.

[lilwriter85]

The Duggars are such hypocrites. For those families that kick their kids out at 18, JB accuses them of being cruel and un-loving. For the families that support their kids well past 18, JB acts like he's better than them because his kids are so speshul that they can support themselves and a family at a younger age (which isn't actually true). Basically no matter what you do, JB will disapprove.

True, he will disapprove no matter what. If Boob saw a family that had a 21 year daugher living at home while going to college, working and hanging out with friends he would disappove of that situation immeadilately or if it was son living at home while going to college. Boob would also disapprove of that family because the son isn't completely serving the family.

[dormouse]

My mom didn't kick me out but circumstances did. We had been renting then same house for very cheap since I was born, but a few months shy of my 18th birthday, the landlord died and the new landlord wanted the house for himself, so he legally had the right to kick us out. By the time we had to move, I was 18 and was spending 99% of my time at Evil Ex's place anyways, and my ungrateful 18-year-old self was way more comfortable there: they had cable, ate takeout almost everyday, could afford to decently heat the house in the winter, which wasn't the case when I was living with my mother. So I moved in with Evil Ex, his parents helped us find our own apartment, and there I was, stuck. My mom found a small 1-bedroom apartment for herself, so even if she knew I was experiencing abuse, there was no turning back.

Very often, kids move out by themselves at 18, either because of college, or because they have fallen in love with someone, or just want to be independant. I particularly find it to be true in big cities where apartments are smaller (living in a 2-bedroom flat with your parents when you are a sexually active 18-year-old is pretty awkward, especially if they don't go out much), or in big families where siblings have to share bedrooms. However, in the suburbs, such as my husband's hometown, I see many 25+ people still living with their parents and having no intention to move on their own : when you have a whole basement to yourself that's almost a 1-bedroom apartment, and no bills to pay except maybe a car, why move out and have to pay rent/food/utilities? Lots of my husband's friends are also boomerang-ing to said basement after an unsuccessful attempt to live on their own in the big city on little more than minimum wage.

[AnnoDomini]

most kids get jobs at 14 or 16

Really? Most kids? But that's so young! How could a kid like that get a job? Who would hire them? Also, office or factory work was ever enough to support someone living on their own?

[emmiedahl]

I started working at 12 as a babysitter, one stepson worked at Macy's, another as office help for a local attorney and two stepchildren worked at Papa Murphy's, all starting at 16. My 15 yo turns 16 in a week and he has been all-but-hired at Taco Bell (he has to be 16 before it can be official). He did yard work for money before.

Most of the teens that I know have part time jobs. There comes a time when the needs exceed the available allowance, especially if they have a car.

[lilwriter85]

I started working at age 15 as a hostess as a restaurant in the summer after my freshman year of high school. Most of my friends in high school had part time jobs either in the summer or year round. I had a few friends that didn't work at all in high school.

[AnnoDomini]

I didn't, and none of my siblings did either. (Ok, I very occasionally taught a beading class on weekends and I had a part time job for about a month when I was 19. Neither lasted long or was regular so I tend to forget about them.)

[browngrl]

The Boob talks about the secular world as if there is some dark motive behind all of our activities. At least in my family and I suspect many many others leaving home is just a means to an end. All my sisters and I left my parent's home by 18. It was not because of anything dramatic - we just left to go to university. We ended up being able to get good summer jobs in the cities where we went to university - so we would just go to my parent's to visit. We all had jobs when we were quite young - first things like baby sitting and mowing the grass and paper routes and then better paying jobs as we got older. Again it was not because of some drama but simply because my parents were too poor to pay for our university education; so we all started saving up early. We weren't so much getting out as just getting on with things.

[QueenNocturne]

I didn't have a job in high school because I didn't have a car and my parents wanted my younger sister and I to focus on doing well in high school and getting into college. Though, we did have a system where as long as I kept my grades at a certain level and did various chores around the house when needed, they paid for some of my wants.

Though, since I ended up getting a lot of scholarships to undergrad, my parents said I made up any money I lost out on by not having a job.

[bananacat]

I was one of those rich kids and I got pretty much whatever I wanted, but even I got a part-time job as a teenager. I needed it to look good on college applications and future job application. I had 3 internships during college so I had relevant stuff to put on my resume for "real" jobs, but even to get the internships I needed something.

[xReems]

My boyfriend still lives at home but his parents let him be more independent which is there's nothing wrong with. His sister doesn't accompany him everywhere we go nor do they make him stay home all the time. They know he's an adult with a steady job, and are aware that they cannot treat him like a child. It's fine if the Duggar kids are forced to live at home, but they should allow them to be a lot more independent.

I feel like Jboob and Michelle give them "options" in their lives but use scare tactics into making them pick the "right" decision that they want them to do. For example:

1) Scaring them that dating can lead to premarital sex and giving pieces of your heart away which could most likely lead you to have problems with your future spouse: Children's decison--courtship

2) Possibly allowing them to live on their own but then saying how lucky they are to live at home since most families kick their children out after they turn 18: Children's decision--Be thankful to live at home and turn into little slaves for the parents.

It's fine if you choose to live at home, hell, I'm moving back home after I graduate in December but at least my parents will allow me to grow and be a better person. Shunning them from the secular world isn't helping your children.

[ADoyle90815]

My brother and I stayed at home while going to college as we went to commuter schools, and because we've always been in a high cost of living area. It wasn't until we got jobs that we were able to move out, and often that included moving in with the person we were going to marry. In my case, my ex-husband was abusive, so when I left him, my parents let me move in for a while to recover from his abuse and to focus on finishing my college and getting a job so I could save up so I could eventually afford an apartment. Obviously while living there in college, we were expected to focus on college as well as any part time jobs we had. Unfortunately, most of our part time jobs didn't pay enough to afford an apartment, so it wasn't until we got jobs after college that we were able to afford to move out.

[DamnPrecious]

My dad wouldn't let me move out for college. He was afraid for something bad to happen and him not being able to physically protect me. My husband (then boyfriend) and I did have a place of out our own when I was 21, but my mom died and at that time my dad needed help. I'm 26 and I'm afraid to leave my Dad, because he gets so sick so fast he doesn't know what happened.

So, not all of us, move out and completely say "Screw you". We still have family values.

[clibbyjo]

My son will be 24 this week. He was working full time and then got laid off. He's been job hunting for over a year. He's at home because he can't afford anything here on his unemployment. His sister works full time and goes to school 1/2 time. She will be the one who leaves first. Most of his friends work and live at home.

Here in LA it's not the easiest to find affordable housing. We live in what's considered a not so good city and pay $1900 rent for a duplex. Across the street in the better zip code, we'd be looking at 2300 and up for what we have here. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

Wow, $1900 here is a mortgage payment on a pretty nice house. My mortgage is half that and I have an old farmhouse on 3 acres.

[mythoughtis]

Are the time that Michelle graduated, the cut-off age for Kindergarden was age 5 by Dec 1st. Many people were still 17 when they graduated. I was, because my birthday was late fall.

[Lillian]

I'm 19 and living at home, and so is my 21yo brother. I go to uni full time, and he works 1/2, studies 1/2. It's really more of a 'come and go' house, my mum works full time and goes out a lot, so she is hardly ever home, my brother is the same, and I spend a fair amount of time staying at my grandparent's house because it is closer to uni. There is no pressure to move out. I don't know hardly anybody around my age who has moved out. There are one or two who did because of family problems, and a couple who had to go to uni way out in the country because they got bad high school scores, but the large majority are still at home. I'm focusing on my studies and saving money, and plan to move out when I am 21.

So yeah, it must a cultural/ fundie 'worldview' thing. I don't know anyone whose parents made the move out straight away.

[luckylassie]

I know of a girl that is from Vietnam, in her culture it is also common (somewhat like the Dugars) for the children to stay in the home until they marry. Many cultures have practices that the Duggars probably never even knew existed.

[Aurora]

I worked as a babysitter, at a video store and as a sports coach from 12-16.

I finally got A Love That Multiplies from the library! Will be able to read what you folks all probably discussed a long time ago :D

[CanadianHippie]

Wow, $1900 here is a mortgage payment on a pretty nice house. My mortgage is half that and I have an old farmhouse on 3 acres.

$1900 can either get you a really nice house or a crap hole. The cheapest rent I've seen in my area was $375 a month, but you had to live in a bedbug infested no-tell motel next door to a strip club in a gang infested area.

Personally, I think the pressure to move out as soon as possible can put far to much pressure on someone. particularly in an area like where I live, where someone without a degree can't get a job that pays more than $14/hour unless they are seriously lucky, and the rent for living in someone's basement is $600-$800 a month. Having roommates doesn't help since rent increase for every person living there, and you still end up paying $600-$800 a month. Like many people I know, I've chosen to save the money (and my credit score) by staying at home until I can actually support myself.

[doggie]

I don't know how the boobs know what everyone else does when they don't even live in the real world. How do you know when you live in this little fantasy world where no one can do anything without daddy's permission and you cna't leave the house by yourself or have friends.

[Rosa]

Jobs a 14 year old could get in 1990: fast food, waitressing, construction help, farm labor. Those are all legal, paycheck-type jobs; I wasn't allowed to get one, so I just babysat for $1/hour, and did farm labor (walked beans - detassling corn paid better, but it was hard to get hired). 14 year olds with jobs or who lived on farms could get a driving permit for school/work only.

Jobs a 16 year old could get: retail clerk, lab assistant, receptionist, delivery driver, carpenter's assistant, nursing home aide. Random stuff - my little brother worked demolition, we have a friend who installed fencing all through high school. ALL of my friends were working by 16, some more than others. Now fewer kids work but it's because fewer of them can get a job. When I was in high school the really privileged kids, like me, worked one day a week or less; most kids worked 20-30 hours a week, and a few worked full time or more. The laws about school-aged kids working late at night are stricter now, but even they exempt farm labor and family businesses.

I don't think things have changed that much there, except for general unemployment going up; my neices' friends on Facebook, the 14 year olds are jobhunting.

The factories didn't hire under 18, but they do pay a living wage if you can get on with them - not a *good* wage, but the cost of living isn't high where I grew up, and it's higher there than where the Duggars live, I'm pretty sure. They don't hire much, though - a big chunk of my graduating class ('92) enlisted and went to Iraq.

[Daenerys]

Wow, $1900 here is a mortgage payment on a pretty nice house. My mortgage is half that and I have an old farmhouse on 3 acres.

WHOAH, a deposit here for a small 2 bed house is around £20,000. I don't even live in a particularly popular city for people to move to. It's considered 'cheap' round here because you can get a pretty nice sized 1 bed flat for a couple for under £150,000.

[emmiedahl]

From what I have heard, the cost of living in the UK is considerably higher than in the US.

[blisterine]

if jb was as douchey at 18 as he is now and i were his mother, i would have kicked his ass out the second he turned 18!

i lived on my own since i was 16. me, my mom and half-sis had always lived with my grandmother and once my mom got her nursing degree she moved us out because my grandmother didn't like my grown thrice-divorced mother to date. once she moved out, she moved in with her boyfriend and i had a 13 sister to take care of. she was wild and ended up moving back in with my grandmother.

so i was 16 and lived alone in a 3 bedroom apartment that my mom's boyfriend payed everything for- rent, utilities, phone and cable. i just had to work and buy food. my boyfriend who is now my husband lived close and took me to work and picked me up.

i had to keep it a big secret that i lived alone. i knew some kids who had been kicked out by their parents before they were 18 and they often lived 8-10 kids in a 2 bedroom. i didn't need any free-loading room mates.