What do fundies get for their wedding presents?

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new post from SnarkyJan

Custom-mixed fragrances:

For the bride-"Joyful Submission"

For the groom-"Muscular Christianity"

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new post from xDreamerx

Hopewell wrote:

Intended for PleasureCome on--tell us you watched the dvd for laughs! Give us a review!!! lol..........I remember Josh's strangled laugh when he opened it!

Koala wrote:

It was actually cassette tapes. And yes we listened. On our wedding night no less. We were both exhausted, and it was hilarious! I kept the book for years, but it got tossed out in one of my cleaning sprees. *sigh* If I'd known I would find a place like FJ I would have saved all of that stuff....we could have snarked for days

I have to ask, were there or are there usually pictures? Is it like the Joy of Sex only for fundies?

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new post from The Archivist

Well, if anyone's in a bidding mood...

ETA: lol, there's also a Kindle edition.

AND you can look inside. *shudder*

Everything you wanted to know about fundie sex (but were afraid to ask.)

[activespinster]

new post from twin2

Well, as we found out from the Standon wedding today the happy couple recieves a "sheepskin of fun."

(sorry to plagiary this from you theologygeek, but I couldn't help myself)

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new post from Mompom

I was a fundie when I got married, and the church ladies gave us a great shower! I'm still using the pots and pans, cuisinart food processor, and kitchenaid hand mixer 16 years later. My fundie church was very supportive and generous even though people were middle income farm families mostly or from small towns with blue collar jobs.

I registered at Walmart, Target, and Younkers (local department store). Wedding gifts were sooooo much fun.

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new post from Gizmola

Kegelmaster - after 20 babies they'll need some help to keep the fetus from slipping out.

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new post from Bekah

The Archivist wrote:

Well, if anyone's in a bidding mood...

ETA: lol, there's also a Kindle edition.

AND you can look inside. *shudder*

Everything you wanted to know about fundie sex (but were afraid to ask.)

I think that just *ruined* sex for me. Seriously. That sucked. Perhaps that's why Fundies are generally successful in promoting abstinance until marriage? They make it sound like more Bible Study?

The woman who didn't know if she had had an orgasm or not? Honey, if you have to wonder, then the answer is NOT. Get thee a Bunny Bullet, and get thee one quickly!

And that line we see oh so often: "I will make him an helpmeet for him", it makes my brain hurt. I GET that it's KJV, I get that, but that doesn't mean I don't have to read it, out loud, 5 or 6 times because the grammar is so. freaking. off. If I could wipe that line from the face of the earth I'd do it.

Sorry. I'm picky.

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new post from clarinetpower #

If Dougie ever renews his vows, I totally found the perfect manly gift for him. A new Bible Cozy!

http://www.etsydotcom/listing/68124340/ ... v1_other_2

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new post from Mompom

Hopewell wrote:

Intended for PleasureCome on--tell us you watched the dvd for laughs! Give us a review!!! lol..........I remember Josh's strangled laugh when he opened it!

Koala wrote:

It was actually cassette tapes. And yes we listened. On our wedding night no less. We were both exhausted, and it was hilarious! I kept the book for years, but it got tossed out in one of my cleaning sprees. *sigh* If I'd known I would find a place like FJ I would have saved all of that stuff....we could have snarked for days

xDreamerx wrote:

I have to ask, were there or are there usually pictures? Is it like the Joy of Sex only for fundies?

I didn't need it by that time as I had already found it while sneaking into my parents closet in elementary school and reading it from cover to cover in bits and pieces. Yuck. Ed Wheat. Blech!

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new post from Swamptribe.freekatie

I used to work in the bridal registry department of a large retailer. Felt so sorry for brides and grooms who would drag around cartloads of weird gifts, trying to return them to get what they needed. People would look at their registries, then go buy something 'sorta like it' somewhere else, cheaper. China that did not even come close to what they had registered for, 20 toasters of various types. Used to scan each item to see if any one of our stores carried it, then we'd return what we could so they could get what they needed.

My advice to those who weren't sure what to get, get a giftcard!!! It's not impersonal as so many worry, but can really help out a young couple setting up a new household.

Favorite wedding presents, not the silver or china. But an afghan that an Aunt crocheted. Fits a king sized bed. Five bucks cash a cousin gave us that I know they really couldn't afford. The set of pots and pans the MIL gave us, we are still using. A set of glass bowls that came from hubbies Grandparents. Still using 'em. WE never got anything weird, but it was a small wedding.

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new post from fundiefan

My favorite gift was the money. Not because I am greedy like that, but because I was 30 when I got married and my ex had been married once before. We were already trying to merge two homes into one and didn't technically need any more stuff! I moved into his house when we got engaged and we worked on updating it and combining all our crap room by room. By the time we got married, our bedroom and both bathrooms were done and the kitchen was in progress. So we registered for things that needed updating or replacing simply because what we already had was old enough and used enough that it wouldn't last forever and we figured we may as well go for the replacement at a time when we were going to be given gifts rather than wait for the inevitable.

The money, however, went a long way in that house updating venture after the wedding.

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new post from RascalUnFundie

From the one fundie wedding I attended and then later talked with the mom about what I could get the couple that they hadn't received yet, I learned they did receive a lot of towels, and dish towels, and pillow cases--no sheets. The rest of the list was odd and irriating to think about. We sent them a Kitchen Aid mixer, which every fundie wife needs.

[ladypuglover]

When I married my first husband we got a ton of qoutes from his faith all done up in the fake forever flowers and raffa bows. The only one I displayed was one that was done in rice paper and dried flowers in said paper. When we divorced not even my ex would take the stuff as it was too tacky for his taste.

[deelaem]

For the bride - Valium (with BC pills mixed in)

For the groom - Saltpeter

Yeah, I'm just nice like that. As for Target, I still occasionally shop there despite the fact that they have a minor anti-gay agenda. Just not as much.

[Black Aliss]

My ultra-fundie uncle and aunt sent us a greeting card with a dollar and a tract titled "Papa, hell is so hot!", which you can view here (and order by the 100 count):

http://www.osterhuspub.com/PhotoGallery ... de=0001107

[clarinetpower]

I'm perplexed. I do not understand fundie logic.

Why a buck with the tract? Is it like leaving a penny tip for a bad waiter?

Why pillowcases but no sheets? If it's "teh sex", obviously they've never heard about the pillow under the hips trick. ;)

*secretly hopes they're reading here so there will be some happier helpmeets in the future*

[themadapple]

As an act of charity to new fundie brides, I propose we mail them each a photo of St. Alan as well as one of many fine, ah, appliances available from any adult store (maybe one that sparkles?) Fundie grooms will receive a Lego set.