Jan Crouch has died

[pook]

Always sad for the family to hear of someone's passing, RIP Ms. Crouch.  In bad taste I came across this thanks to the googles.

 

 

 

[anniebgood]

She looks like a melted wax doll and look at those wrinkled hands. (I'm not saying wrinkled hands are bad, but hers compared to her face...sheesh. 

[pook]

38 minutes ago, anniebgood said:

She looks like a melted wax doll and look at those wrinkled hands. (I'm not saying wrinkled hands are bad, but hers compared to her face...sheesh. 

I saw that pic too today and decided on Miss Piggy instead b/c this one is nothing short of the bizarre.  What would Jesus think about plastic surgery?

[ScreamingIzzy]

3 minutes ago, pook said:

What would Jesus think about plastic surgery?

He's got better stuff to worry about. 

[pook]

9 minutes ago, ScreamingIzzy said:

He's got better stuff to worry about. 

He's too busy making sure there are enough likes on Facebook to save whoever, no?

 

[Jana814]

What a creepy looking woman. 

[Geechee Girl]

She was such a caricature of who-knows-what. I don't believe any televangelist will ever top her countenance. Her righteous hair is legendary. 

[EyeQueue]

10 hours ago, clueliss said:

That eye makeup is right out of Twisted Sister.

You took the words right out of my mouth. I was going to go for B-level (or lower) 80s glam rocker.

3 hours ago, anniebgood said:

She looks like a melted wax doll and look at those wrinkled hands. (I'm not saying wrinkled hands are bad, but hers compared to her face...sheesh. 

OMG. This can't possibly be real.

Is this real? It has to be photoshopped.

Right?

Please?

Thanks for the nightmare material. This is some seriously Uncanny Valley shit.

PLEASE SEND HELP AND CHOCOLATE!

[Destiny]

There is a part of me that is sad she is gone. Many a boring evening years ago was spent making a drinking game out of watching her and her husband's show. We called her pink lady and thought she was hilarious.

That said, it makes me angry that she and her husband bilked people out of their money. :/

[anniebgood]

1 hour ago, EyeQueue said:

You took the words right out of my mouth. I was going to go for B-level (or lower) 80s glam rocker.

OMG. This can't possibly be real.

Is this real? It has to be photoshopped.

Right?

Please?

Thanks for the nightmare material. This is some seriously Uncanny Valley shit.

PLEASE SEND HELP AND CHOCOLATE!

I'll send the rescue ferrets with chocolate and tequila. Would that help? Poor Jan, wonder what the Diety will say when she stands before the pearly gates with that wig?

[SnazzyNazzy]

My old BFF and I would get stoned out of our gourds, and watch them for hours. She in particular, was absolutely fascinating, to our stoned selves.

My BFF, while stoned, pranked their phone line. He went on and on, about how their children's sponsorship thing, had really helped him as a kid, and he was a successful person now, thanks to all of their help.

Good times I say, good times.

[Howl]

I came across the Babylon Bee this morning -- a Christian Onion.  Pure gold. Check it out at BabylonBee.com.  I'd recommend the Christian Living category for today, with topics such as "Man mistakes indigestion for pastoral call".   But back to Jan Crouch: 

Quote

 

BabylonBee: Top Prosperity Theologians Puzzled Over Death Of Jan Crouch

ORLANDO, FL—As the nation mourns the sudden and unexpected loss of TBN co-founder Jan Crouch, various baffled prosperity gospel preachers have begun offering theories Tuesday on how Crouch could possibly have passed away, given her overabundance of faith, her supernatural ability to name and claim health and wealth at will, and her decades of collecting donations while promising that God’s will is for everybody to be wealthy and healthy.

“Even the best of us, like Jan Crouch, have moments of doubt, when we allow a downward spiral of negative thoughts to take hold and steal our health,” Joel Osteen noted in a video posted to Facebook. “Maybe she read a really mean tweet or some criticism of her theology, and she spoke the words out loud and gave them life. How else can you explain someone who possessed supernatural health from God dying four years before the average female life expectancy in the U.S., while she owned a company running a program called ‘Receive Your Healing’.....“She must’ve spoken negative words out loud. That’s the only explanation I’ve got,” Osteen concluded.

Fighting off tears, televangelist Benny Hinn told reporters during an interview that Crouch must have spoken her own death into existence. “People who are strong in faith unlock their own potential and destiny. Jan must have tired of the treasures of this life—luxury has its limits, which she certainly tested—and she spoke her own demise into being. I can’t think of a single other reason that can explain why she would die of a stroke during ‘healing month’ on TBN, when the network is reminding its fans that ‘God wants them well and whole,'” Hinn added, before being ushered into a limousine and speeding off to his private hangar for his next crusade in a third-world country.

Bishop T. D. Jakes posited his own theory in an afternoon press release, stating that the massive stroke she suffered must have simply had more faith than her. “We must speak victory over our obstacles, and in this case, the stroke must have somehow released its life force by declaring victory over Jan Crouch’s health—activating God to do its will through faith, unfortunately.”

Lastly, Kenneth Copeland gave an interview saying that the circumstances of her death didn’t make sense, before nervously adding that he’s going to increase his health declarations to four times per day, since he “ain’t gettin’ any younger” himself.

Whatever the reason for Crouch’s sudden passing, Trinity Broadcasting Network has announced an upcoming month of solemnly and aggressively seeking donations in her honor.

 

 

[Dreadcrumbs]

I never watched her, did I miss out on some good laughs? Maybe I'll go look on Youtube later for some videos.

Speaking of the Holyland Experience, I think my grandmother likes that place? No surprise there, she's her own category of WTF.

 

[CTRLZero]

She was pretty fascinating to watch--that hair, that tear-stained mascara.  Other than the weeping for funds, I really only remember a couple of scenes.  She cried over sending dolls to the poor children of some country or another.  At the time my thought was the children might have benefited more from food, medical or educational supplies, but what do I know.  And my memory may be faulty, but I could swear she modeled a lace dress, which was inexpensively made from a tablecloth and starched to give it shape. 

Were there makeup wars going on between Jan and Tammy Faye?  One of my favorite t-shirts said Tammy Faye and resembled a makeup-smeared face plant on the front.  RIP ladies.

[Dreadcrumbs]

9 minutes ago, CTRLZero said:

 She cried over sending dolls to the poor children of some country or another.  At the time my thought was the children might have benefited more from food, medical or educational supplies, but what do I know. 

Well, what child would want all that boring stuff when they could have a doll instead?  But really, it's quite telling when people focus on sending toys to impoverished children. 

She sounds like a real hoot, though.

[SnazzyNazzy]

1 hour ago, Dreadcrumbs said:

I never watched her, did I miss out on some good laughs? Maybe I'll go look on Youtube later for some videos.

Speaking of the Holyland Experience, I think my grandmother likes that place? No surprise there, she's her own category of WTF.

 

It was like watching Tammy Faye Bakker pretty much. Jan had way more epic hair though.

[princessmahina]

2 hours ago, Dreadcrumbs said:

I never watched her, did I miss out on some good laughs? Maybe I'll go look on Youtube later for some videos.

Speaking of the Holyland Experience, I think my grandmother likes that place? No surprise there, she's her own category of WTF.

 

You definitely missed out. You should absolutely go look it up on YouTube. We can send rescue ferrets if need be 

[LadyCrow1313]

On ‎6‎/‎1‎/‎2016 at 0:52 PM, formergothardite said:

Whatever convinced her that this was a good look

?

Great googly moogly! What has been seen can never be unseen.

Tammy Faye Bakker, perhaps? My grandmother & mother always used to call the PTL club either "Pass The Loot" or "Pay The Lady".

[Tim-Tom Biblethumper]

5 hours ago, Dreadcrumbs said:

I never watched her, did I miss out on some good laughs? Maybe I'll go look on Youtube later for some videos.

I used to watch PTL with Jim and Tammy Faye for my earliest snarking, then turned to the Crouches.  I've never forgotten Jan's hair, or the great Roger McDuff's (their in house singer).  
I've been waiting years to share this video with like-minded people, and now's my opportunity.  Enjoy!   

 

[Naga Viper]

Found the old Holy Land thread! That was a good time. @Lady Grass Lake, do you still have the photos somewhere?

 

[Geechee Girl]

@Tim-Tom Biblethumper thanks for my newest earworm. 

[MatthewDuggar]

RIP Jan.  I loved watching her.  I often wondered if her "styling" was a result of trying to look like the Barbie Dolls she claimed the poor Haitian little girls were so desperate for.  Unfortunately she ended up looking like a Bratz Doll.  

I've been to The HolyLand Experience more than once, both pre and post the TBN take-over.  It was much more interesting and less evangelical before the TBN money poured in.

[LadyCrow1313]

13 hours ago, Tim-Tom Biblethumper said:

I used to watch PTL with Jim and Tammy Faye for my earliest snarking, then turned to the Crouches.  I've never forgotten Jan's hair, or the great Roger McDuff's (their in house singer).  
I've been waiting years to share this video with like-minded people, and now's my opportunity.  Enjoy!   

 

Talk about bad prom outfits from the 80's! Roger's voice isn't that bad.

:: shrugs :: 

[vspielman]

The one thing that always sticks in my mind with this lady is stumbling across their network during the Christmas holiday several years ago.  The way she looked made me stop.  She was attempting to read the nativity story.  I say "attempting" because she would read maybe a sentence, or half a sentence, and then stop and blather on.  The whole thing was SO strange.  I also remember some christian cooking show she did on there.  She was making some kind of snack with crackers in the oven, and was telling about how she loved to cook for her family every day.  I don't think I could roll my eyes back far enough in my head.  I've searched for the cooking show from time to time on youtube and have never found it.

[MatthewDuggar]

This drew me in a few years ago.  If you can stand watching it, it's quite something.