Quiet Time

[docmom]

I have discovered the secret of True Christian Motherhood- it's Quiet Time. I honestly felt a bit sorry for the poor down trodden mother of 11 until I read "be a living sacrifice's" tips on child training. Apparently, from the age of NINE MONTHS she trains her children to sit quietly (not moving, not talking, not breathing maybe) on the sofa for an hour each day. Then she trains them to sit quietly at the table over lunch for one hour. They are apparently allowed to chew but not to talk. Obviuosly, all this quiet sitting still is exhausting, because she then trains them to have a THREE HOUR nap (if they wake up they must sit quietly in their bed). Now, what does poor exhausted Mommy do during this time- laundry ?- nope the 6 year old does that. Prepare the meals?- nope the 10 year old does that. Clean?- nope, that's what the other 9 kids are for.

So, everyone is either asleep or resting or being very quiet for 3 hours every afternoon during Quiet Time. This gives Mommy 3 hours to accomplish many things. There is time for a daily nap, and still time to work on her To Do list. Or just sit and think or pray in complete "QUIETNESS"!

These poor kids spend FIVE hours each day in complete silence. Is she training them to become Trappist Monks? There's picture on her website of her toddler doing "sit still please" training. His eyes look dead.

[bananacat]

The length of naptime really depends on the kid, but 3 hours seems really excessive for anybody. All the kids I know take naps for 1-2 hours. When I babysit I do have a rule during naptime that if they don't want to sleep, they can stay in bed but have to keep their eyes and mouth closed. But this rule is just because a lot of kids say they aren't tired when they really are and they always fall asleep after 30 seconds of sitting still. If a kid really isn't tired, I would still expect them to do something quiet without making a mess. Nap time is sort of break time for the adult caregiver. People in any paying job get scheduled breaks, so I think it's reasonable to have a break for 1-2 hours.

Eating silently just seems horrible. Meal times are the best time for family bonding, and they're supposed to be fun. In my evil public middle school, we were occasionally punished with silent lunch. I think a lot of these kids will develop weird attitudes toward food because of this. It's just not normal or healthy.

It seems like this woman can not stand her children or the sound of their voices. I guess I can't blame her for being overwhelmed, but it was her choice to have so many kids. She's the kind of person who would benefit greatly from a normal life, where she could love her kids but share the responsibility of raising them. I think 1-hour trip to the spa, library, or anything she likes without the kids would really do her some good.

Those kids are being treated like toys that can just be turned off when she is tired of them.

[Rosa]

Every once in a while I'll be in the Kids Gym at our Y with my son, and the noise level will be just completely overwhelming, and I'll look around and count kids and realize there are, say, 11 or 13 of them - the same or fewer than some of these fundie families. (and for that number of kids there are 2 or 3 staff members, of course. Because kids deserve individual attention and to be able to do different activities.)

I can completely sympathise with the mom even though I see some obvious solutions that wouldn't stifle her kids and make them think she hates the sound of their voices - like, say, public school. Allowing the older kids to have their own friends and hobbies. Or telling them to go play outside for an hour so Mommy can have a nap. Or the Great Babysitter - TV.

[titus2_4u]

Is she training them to become Trappist Monks?

No, at least Trappist monks get awesome beer. All these kids get is tater tot casserole.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

This is a perfect example of why a quiver that full isn't the right answer for everyone. If this woman is so overwhelmed that she requires 3 hours of silence a day, I can't imagine what she would do without it. Snap? And yet this is the perfect answer and everyone should have a zillion kids so they can ignore them for the better part of the day.

[Guest Anonymous]

When I babysit I do have a rule during naptime that if they don't want to sleep, they can stay in bed but have to keep their eyes and mouth closed.

Really? That sounds like an extreme rule - are the parents really OK with that?

I can understand needing a break, but when you are in childcare, there aren't the same opportunities for breaks as in other jobs, because you always have to be 'on call'.

I did nannying for a while, and I used to keep special 'quiet toys' and books that only came out at certain times, which incentivised the kids to play nice while they had the opportunity. :D

[pomology]

I have discovered the secret of True Christian Motherhood- it's Quiet Time. I honestly felt a bit sorry for the poor down trodden mother of 11 until I read "be a living sacrifice's" tips on child training. Apparently, from the age of NINE MONTHS she trains her children to sit quietly (not moving, not talking, not breathing maybe) on the sofa for an hour each day. Then she trains them to sit quietly at the table over lunch for one hour. They are apparently allowed to chew but not to talk. Obviuosly, all this quiet sitting still is exhausting, because she then trains them to have a THREE HOUR nap (if they wake up they must sit quietly in their bed). Now, what does poor exhausted Mommy do during this time- laundry ?- nope the 6 year old does that. Prepare the meals?- nope the 10 year old does that. Clean?- nope, that's what the other 9 kids are for.

These poor kids spend FIVE hours each day in complete silence. Is she training them to become Trappist Monks? There's picture on her website of her toddler doing "sit still please" training. His eyes look dead.

Maybe she just wants her children to get into the Milford Academy where they need to learn to be neither seen nor heard.

[MonkeyMomma]

Maybe she just wants her children to get into the Milford Academy where they need to learn to be neither seen nor heard.

Nice. :lol:

[MamaJunebug]

Confused as usual. is this June Fuentes?

[Boogalou]

Really? That sounds like an extreme rule - are the parents really OK with that?

I can understand needing a break, but when you are in childcare, there aren't the same opportunities for breaks as in other jobs, because you always have to be 'on call'.

I did nannying for a while, and I used to keep special 'quiet toys' and books that only came out at certain times, which incentivised the kids to play nice while they had the opportunity. :D

I used to do the same thing when I used to babysit, although it was always with older kids at bedtime. I would tell them it was time for bed but they always said that they weren't tired. Then I told them they did not have to sleep, they just had to lay down and close their eyes. I would go check on them about 15 minutes later and they would be sound asleep. Bananacat said pretty much the same thing in her post. It is not to make them be perfectly silent it is to get them into their bed where they will probably then fall right asleep.

[docmom]

Confused as usual. is this June Fuentes?

No it's Sherry Rovirosa. Classic fundie blog.

[Sola]

I have discovered the secret of True Christian Motherhood- it's Quiet Time. I honestly felt a bit sorry for the poor down trodden mother of 11 until I read "be a living sacrifice's" tips on child training. Apparently, from the age of NINE MONTHS she trains her children to sit quietly (not moving, not talking, not breathing maybe) on the sofa for an hour each day. Then she trains them to sit quietly at the table over lunch for one hour. They are apparently allowed to chew but not to talk. Obviuosly, all this quiet sitting still is exhausting, because she then trains them to have a THREE HOUR nap (if they wake up they must sit quietly in their bed). Now, what does poor exhausted Mommy do during this time- laundry ?- nope the 6 year old does that. Prepare the meals?- nope the 10 year old does that. Clean?- nope, that's what the other 9 kids are for.

These poor kids spend FIVE hours each day in complete silence. Is she training them to become Trappist Monks? There's picture on her website of her toddler doing "sit still please" training. His eyes look dead.

OMG! Seriously lady, if you need 5 hours quiet time each day you have too many kids. In fact I would go as far as to say you shouldn't have had kids. Kids are noisy, that's part of being a kid.

As for the eating in silence, :shock: Mealtimes are a great, social time in my family where we all gather round the table, eat and talk. Talk about teaching her kids to hate mealtimes.

Do you have a link for her blog?

[docmom]

Do you have a link for her blog?

It's bealivingsacrifice. It's kind of sad recently. She's lost her sister and had a stillbirth earlier this year, but even so her child training stuff (see sidebar on the left) makes me crazy.

[gustava]

bealivingsacrifice -- Seems as if she's making her children live up to her blog name....they're sacrifices to her misery.

[DamnPrecious]

The length of naptime really depends on the kid, but 3 hours seems really excessive for anybody. All the kids I know take naps for 1-2 hours. When I babysit I do have a rule during naptime that if they don't want to sleep, they can stay in bed but have to keep their eyes and mouth closed. But this rule is just because a lot of kids say they aren't tired when they really are and they always fall asleep after 30 seconds of sitting still. If a kid really isn't tired, I would still expect them to do something quiet without making a mess. Nap time is sort of break time for the adult caregiver. People in any paying job get scheduled breaks, so I think it's reasonable to have a break for 1-2 hours.

Eating silently just seems horrible. Meal times are the best time for family bonding, and they're supposed to be fun. In my evil public middle school, we were occasionally punished with silent lunch. I think a lot of these kids will develop weird attitudes toward food because of this. It's just not normal or healthy.

It seems like this woman can not stand her children or the sound of their voices. I guess I can't blame her for being overwhelmed, but it was her choice to have so many kids. She's the kind of person who would benefit greatly from a normal life, where she could love her kids but share the responsibility of raising them. I think 1-hour trip to the spa, library, or anything she likes without the kids would really do her some good.

Those kids are being treated like toys that can just be turned off when she is tired of them.

Speak for yourself :lol: For me that sounds like a grand ole time and can accomplish it easily.

That is too much for children, unless they are sick or extremely exhausted.

[BlackHawk]

I used to do the same thing when I used to babysit, although it was always with older kids at bedtime. I would tell them it was time for bed but they always said that they weren't tired. Then I told them they did not have to sleep, they just had to lay down and close their eyes. I would go check on them about 15 minutes later and they would be sound asleep. Bananacat said pretty much the same thing in her post. It is not to make them be perfectly silent it is to get them into their bed where they will probably then fall right asleep.

5 hours? Seriously? Does she beat them basically to death to achieve this? I am a private nanny and the boys I used to watch.. they all make noise even in their sleep! I swear I would go up to the room they slept in and get ready to fuss a bit over talking.. and they'd be talking intheir sleep.

My general rule was 30 mins of quiet time. No noise and laying in bed with the covers up. I would check on them in 30 mins. If they were still bright eyed and bushy tailed we'd get up. If they were nearly alseep I'd offer them 10 more min in bed. Typically by that point they'd either be fully asleep or awake. Naps were as long as they needed/until time to go home. I never put a time limit on them because that was their parent's choice. Mostly they slept 1.5 to 2 hours. Some days they'd fall asleep at lunch and sleep 4 hours till it was time to go home. Those were nice days :D .

Either wya, how sad. I loved lunch time to be a great talking time. Nothing like hearing a little kid explain their day to you, even though you were there.

[bananacat]

Really? That sounds like an extreme rule - are the parents really OK with that?

I can understand needing a break, but when you are in childcare, there aren't the same opportunities for breaks as in other jobs, because you always have to be 'on call'.

I did nannying for a while, and I used to keep special 'quiet toys' and books that only came out at certain times, which incentivised the kids to play nice while they had the opportunity. :D

I guess tone doesn't come across well. Like I said, kids will fall asleep in 30 seconds if they just close their eyes and settle down, no matter how much they protest that they aren't really tired. I tell them to lay down, close their eyes, stop talking, take some deep breaths, and just relax. 99% of the time they are out like a light and I avoid the power struggle of them trying to prove that they're not tired because they are given the "choice" between sleep and just relaxing. I don't say it in a harsh way. In the rare cases that they don't fall asleep in 5 or 10 minutes, they can do something quiet that doesn't make a mess, like look at a book in bed. It's as much for the kid as it is for me because a cranky, sleep-deprived preschooler isn't fun for anyone.

[3 is enough]

Just checked out the blog. While I'm sorry for her losses, I have to say I'm a little creeped out by all of the Victorian art, and obsession with white, lacy clothing. I know many of us who got married in the 80's look back at our wedding photos with a bit of horror, but that was excessive even for that era.

It looks like her sister never married or had kids. I have to wonder why. Maybe she was horrified at the idea of having the same kind of life as the blogger?

[Beeks]

Speak for yourself :lol: For me that sounds like a grand ole time and can accomplish it easily.

That is too much for children, unless they are sick or extremely exhausted.

My 2 year old has taken 1 three-hr nap per day for over a year now.

His doctor is fine with it and I love it!

[DamnPrecious]

My 2 year old has taken 1 three-hr nap per day for over a year now.

His doctor is fine with it and I love it!

Really? That would be great!

[Beeks]

Really? That would be great!

Yeah, my mom said my older bro did the same thing until he was FIVE. I hope mine goes that long. The downside is that he only sleeps 11 hours at most at night and goes to bed by 7:30pm, so we are early risers around here!

[acheronbeach]

Just checked out the blog. While I'm sorry for her losses, I have to say I'm a little creeped out by all of the Victorian art, and obsession with white, lacy clothing.

Yes... wtf? It's as if she chewed up Godey's Ladies' Book and a bottle of Pepto Bismol and vomited it all over the page.

[ems]

This is a perfect example of why a quiver that full isn't the right answer for everyone. If this woman is so overwhelmed that she requires 3 hours of silence a day, I can't imagine what she would do without it. Snap? And yet this is the perfect answer and everyone should have a zillion kids so they can ignore them for the better part of the day.

Exactly. And yet she thinks that people who have few children by choice are being selfish. I'm single and don't have any kids yet, but I'm an introvert and know I could never handle the constant noise and pressure that having 11 or so young humans dependent on me would bring. Knowing your limitations is a good think. I'm thinking it's more selfish to bring other human beings into the world and then expect them to conform to your unrealistic expectations.

[koolmom]

Funny, I recall some fundies actually diss the notion of "quiet time" for moms in that they want to be "selfish" in needing time for themselves. Being as I was raised in somewhat isolation from much socializing as a child by my dysfunctional family, I grew to appreciate quiet time and solitude, and made it a vital part of my and my children's lives when they were growing up. I never forced it on them, rather, made time during some of the day (not every day, mind you) to do quiet pursuits or just nap when they needed it. I'd just close the front door, no TV, radio, and just made it our time to rest...they now appreciate it as grown-ups themselves and are comfortable with "down-time", per se.

[ems]

I guess tone doesn't come across well. Like I said, kids will fall asleep in 30 seconds if they just close their eyes and settle down, no matter how much they protest that they aren't really tired. I tell them to lay down, close their eyes, stop talking, take some deep breaths, and just relax. 99% of the time they are out like a light and I avoid the power struggle of them trying to prove that they're not tired because they are given the "choice" between sleep and just relaxing. I don't say it in a harsh way. In the rare cases that they don't fall asleep in 5 or 10 minutes, they can do something quiet that doesn't make a mess, like look at a book in bed. It's as much for the kid as it is for me because a cranky, sleep-deprived preschooler isn't fun for anyone.

I think it depends on the age of the child. I spent some time in before/aftercare in elementary school (heaven forbid---my parents placing me in the card of others!) and I remember the rare school days off when my parents didn't get off work and I would be stuck there :( (also have a brother 6 years younger who went to the same daycare). And I remember the boredom of "nap time" as an older child. We (the older ones) were never made to keep our mouths shut, but we were expected to lie in the cots and not disturb the younger, supposedly sleeping kids. I remember usually just lying there and reading the whole time.