Erika Shupe *leer smirk* Large Families on Purpose Part 6

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

2 hours ago, lawlifelgbt said:

I was just thinking about Erica since I am going to Olive Garden for date night tonight. That she leaves her kids to eat popcorn and snacks rather than taking them (or at least a few at a time) out makes me ragey. Ms. Lawlife and I don't have kids yet, but if we are visiting inlaws and want to go out, we'll often take one or two of the pack of nieces and nephews with us. They deserve good-tasting food too, and as they are young, taking them out helps them learn how to behave in public.

I mean, I get what you're saying; I don't like the way Erika handles it. When my husband and I go out alone, we get the kids movies and treats so it's fun for them, as well.  It's really sweet of you to take some nieces and nephews along, but as you said, you don't have your own children yet, so you may not fully appreciate how nice it is to go out by yourselves ;-). Of course, the difference for us is that we also take our children out sometimes. 

[lawlifelgbt]

16 minutes ago, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

I mean, I get what you're saying; I don't like the way Erika handles it. When my husband and I go out alone, we get the kids movies and treats so it's fun for them, as well.  It's really sweet of you to take some nieces and nephews along, but as you said, you don't have your own children yet, so you may not fully appreciate how nice it is to go out by yourselves ;-). Of course, the difference for us is that we also take our children out sometimes. 

Right. I understand the need to go out on one's own as a couple, too. But if you do, the kids can have a fun night too! Have the babysitter order pizza or something, or take them somewhere fun.

[Antimony]

1 hour ago, ViolaSebastian said:

They don't even have a guarantee of the jelly belly...sometimes they get a slobbery kiss. 

Yeah, Erika, I'm sure they're just *dying* for a "long noisy" kiss...

As a child, kisses like this disgusted me.

But sometimes she also offers hugs!

I think that

1) affection is not a reward to be doled out in exchange for chores or behavior. That's really sick.

2) if those kids are actually satisfied, the amount of affection in the home is probably too low

3) the kids probably want to go wipe of their faces (which is what I wanted to do when I was a kid when adults did this to me because it's FREAKING DISGUSTING)

On other points, I have no problem with Erika having date night out with her husband at Olive Garden. But in previous posts, she said they get take out, eat it in front of the kids who get snack-food for dinner. To me, it's the discrepancy in food quality. We see this similarly with the drink reward system. The fancy coffee drinks are "too expensive" to buy for her daughters every time they go but she and Bob like to "stop for a treat" every once in  awhile. Well. I feel like that implies that Erika is buying something on the same price scale as those fancy drinks for herself but won't justify for the kids that are with her. (If she is purchasing a small plain coffee for 1.50 however, it would be reasonable if she said no to fancy drinks but allowed them to pick a tea or lemonade, some drink on a similar price scale.)

As for sticker charts, I made one for myself and classmates as a teenager but then again, it was a 5 person AP Chemistry class, so we were really close, it was half in jest but it helped us slog through the work. (We also assigned our teacher stickers and each other for various chemistry achievements!)
 

[onlyme]

You guys, this is Erika. Pop corn and snacks may BE a big treat for her kids. I wonder if they count the kernels. 

[mango_fandango]

42 minutes ago, Antimony said:

As a child, kisses like this disgusted me.

But sometimes she also offers hugs!

I think that

1) affection is not a reward to be doled out in exchange for chores or behavior. That's really sick.

2) if those kids are actually satisfied, the amount of affection in the home is probably too low

3) the kids probably want to go wipe of their faces (which is what I wanted to do when I was a kid when adults did this to me because it's FREAKING DISGUSTING)

On other points, I have no problem with Erika having date night out with her husband at Olive Garden. But in previous posts, she said they get take out, eat it in front of the kids who get snack-food for dinner. To me, it's the discrepancy in food quality. We see this similarly with the drink reward system. The fancy coffee drinks are "too expensive" to buy for her daughters every time they go but she and Bob like to "stop for a treat" every once in  awhile. Well. I feel like that implies that Erika is buying something on the same price scale as those fancy drinks for herself but won't justify for the kids that are with her. (If she is purchasing a small plain coffee for 1.50 however, it would be reasonable if she said no to fancy drinks but allowed them to pick a tea or lemonade, some drink on a similar price scale.)

As for sticker charts, I made one for myself and classmates as a teenager but then again, it was a 5 person AP Chemistry class, so we were really close, it was half in jest but it helped us slog through the work. (We also assigned our teacher stickers and each other for various chemistry achievements!)
 

I think the take-out was when the kids were too young to be left alone, and Erika didn't want to pay for a babysitter. Now Karen and Melanie are the ages they are, Erika and Bob do leave the house, which is why they wrote the Incentives Part 2 post last year, which is actually the biggest chunk of new material on the blog in years. 

[Anonymousguest]

32 minutes ago, onlyme said:

You guys, this is Erika. Pop corn and snacks may BE a big treat for her kids. I wonder if they count the kernels. 

Right, if they rarely get snacks like popcorn they may think it's a big treat to get popcorn for dinner. We've done popcorn and ice cream for dinner while watching a movie and the kids loved it when they were little. 

[elliha]

12 hours ago, ViolaSebastian said:

They don't even have a guarantee of the jelly belly...sometimes they get a slobbery kiss. 

Yeah, Erika, I'm sure they're just *dying* for a "long noisy" kiss...

To me using affection as mainly a reward is even more disturbing than the food rewards. My kid gets hugged and kissed because she is wonderful and I love her, it is not a reward for putting away her slippers properly. I am not the type of mom that never gives rewards for doing things but it is more of an exception than something that happens every day. Often it is also presented like this: "Go and put your pyjamas on! No, I want to play. OK, but once you had put your pyjamas on I was going to give you X but if you are going to play first there will be no time for that..." *child runs to get her pyjamas* If she says she would rather like to play, I let her for maybe 10 mins.

[TShirtsLongSkirts]

1 hour ago, elliha said:

To me using affection as mainly a reward is even more disturbing than the food rewards. My kid gets hugged and kissed because she is wonderful and I love her, it is not a reward for putting away her slippers properly. [snip]

I agree. Also, some people are just not affectionate in a physical way. If any of Shupe's kids are like that, I bet a long sloppy kiss is torture :S

[salex]

On ‎3‎/‎8‎/‎2016 at 8:16 AM, OnceUponATime said:

umm... so now I'm a tad embarrassed to say this after reading all the reactions about Erika's basket, but we didn't really get stuff on Easter day. Sometimes we got one tiny chocolate Easter egg. On Easter Monday we got to go buy one big* hollow chocolate egg each when they were on mega discount in the shops. It was always spun as 'Jesus is the reason for the season' and that eggs and bunnies are heathen things so it wasn't something we did. I never quite understood the Easter craze . I do think a lot of people go a bit over the top with it all. You don't *need* 5 jellybeans after all

*probably not American big think 7-10 oz.

 

OK< my mom was not big on feeding us a lot of candy as kids.  We got new clothes (and hats and shoes for church on Easter) And we colored eggs (and we kids hid them from one another, multiple times) and knew the easter bunny (like santa) was a game.  Yet we always got some easter gift.... one year we all got kid sized garden tools, one year we got a toy tent, one year we all got kites.  My grandmother had chicks at her house that eventually became part of the chicken flock, and bunnies were not rare to us (we raised them for a while for the meat truck-- we were farm kids, after all)

Husband's family was more likely to hide candy in plastic eggs and push the easter bunny experience, but less likely to get toys.

 

 

[refugee]

On 3/17/2016 at 0:23 PM, happy atheist said:

I was referring to this. I guess I conflated her with jingerbread's post. Sorry for the confusion.

Although the statement you quoted is true. Norovirus and gastrointestinal "flu" is not the same kind of illness as the respiratory flu, and is not covered by a flu shot.

The thing about norovirus that really irks me is that you can be contagious for at least 24 hours *before* the symptoms show, and again still contagious for awhile after you are feeling better.

During a particularly bad outbreak in the past, we stopped eating at church potlucks and at restaurants, and used a lot of hand sanitizer when we were out in public. (ETA: This was because of the people who were likely eating at the same potluck or buffet who had norovirus and were contagious but wouldn't start throwing up until the next day. If I'm remembering right, you can take 10 days after exposure to show symptoms? But that's a guess from memory, so that might not be accurate. Still, it makes it easier to spread -- you're feeling fine, so you go out in public, to church, to the store, whatever, touching things like serving spoons and door handles, spreading the virus to others... I am not a germaphobe for the most part, but I think that norovirus outbreak a few years back scarred me somewhat) I don't know how much difference it made in truth, but we certainly weren't down with it for weeks like other families we knew. (Another thing I hate about norovirus is you can keep getting it over and over again, so it seems like it can pass through a family and then start all over again, over and over. Yuck.)

[refugee]

On 3/19/2016 at 8:25 PM, THERetroGamerNY said:

You have gravely violated Section 127.3c of the Draconian Shupe Jellybean Code. Please step into the airlock and prepare yourself for the recurring birthday camping trip.

Don't forget your towel!

[refugee]

20 hours ago, Shiny said:

Jelly Bellys were on sale at Costco recently. Maybe the kids will get 2 soon! *holds breath* *passes out* 

Okay... I'm gearing up for the Easter Basket Surprise.

Can someone please suggest budget-helpful ways to fill those Easter baskets? My first instinct would be to buy Easter candy on Sunday or Monday, to get the discounts, hah (snarking at myself), but of course that would defeat the purpose.

Just BASKETS by themselves at places like Target and Walmart are $10!!!

I need to go to the thrift store and see if there are any halfway decent baskets left there...

Maybe buy a big bag of Hershey kisses and spread it around the baskets? With a small chocolate bunny for each? I saw Easter grass at Target yesterday, small bags for a dollar each. Maybe look for little baskets, even though in my heart I want to blow the teens away with humongous dental-caries-inducing gluts of goodies...

[refugee]

18 hours ago, Antimony said:

On other points, I have no problem with Erika having date night out with her husband at Olive Garden. But in previous posts, she said they get take out, eat it in front of the kids who get snack-food for dinner. To me, it's the discrepancy in food quality. We see this similarly with the drink reward system. The fancy coffee drinks are "too expensive" to buy for her daughters every time they go but she and Bob like to "stop for a treat" every once in  awhile. Well. I feel like that implies that Erika is buying something on the same price scale as those fancy drinks for herself but won't justify for the kids that are with her. (If she is purchasing a small plain coffee for 1.50 however, it would be reasonable if she said no to fancy drinks but allowed them to pick a tea or lemonade, some drink on a similar price scale.)

As for sticker charts, I made one for myself and classmates as a teenager but then again, it was a 5 person AP Chemistry class, so we were really close, it was half in jest but it helped us slog through the work. (We also assigned our teacher stickers and each other for various chemistry achievements!)
 

Y'know, when I "treat" myself or the kids by going out to coffee, I try to keep mine close to $2 -- which works out to brewed coffee, most of the time, not fancy drinks, and often not even just plain tea. (Why should tea cost more than brewed coffee, I have to ask? It's not like the fancy tea bags cost a lot more than coffee... or do they?)

I tell the kids I'll subsidize their drink choices up to the same amount I spent on myself. So if they want the fancy drinks, I pay the first $2 and they pay the rest...

It doesn't sound like this is the kind of thing Erika means, though.

[December]

18 hours ago, Anonymousguest said:

Right, if they rarely get snacks like popcorn they may think it's a big treat to get popcorn for dinner. We've done popcorn and ice cream for dinner while watching a movie and the kids loved it when they were little. 

My mom grew up in a large family (not like Schupe or Duggar large, but above average even for the 50s). Her mom used to make the kids popcorn and milkshakes for dinner some nights, and they all loved it. Years later, they found out it wasn't supposed to be a treat, it was just my grandma's idea of a super easy meal to give herself a night off cooking! 

I'm reading through the repost of pt. 2 of the incentives and rewards part. How many different systems does she need for keeping track of whether the kids are good or not? I'm honestly surprised she doesn't mention numbering the jelly beans to make sure nobody sneaks one. I feel like the use of food as a reward could be problematic, but the kisses for good behavior thing is just disturbing. Affection towards your children shouldn't require some regimented rewards system, it should just be the way you naturally act towards them.

[libriatrix]

19 hours ago, Antimony said:

1) affection is not a reward to be doled out in exchange for chores or behavior. That's really sick.

Bingo. What a horrible object lesson she is teaching (hopefully by accident but that's still not excusable): you have to earn love by being good. You have to earn affection by following the rules. If you can't follow the rules, you don't deserve to be loved and you won't be. That kind of lesson stays with a person for life, encoded in their subconscious, and takes a lot of therapy to root out.

[refugee]

16 minutes ago, libriatrix said:

Bingo. What a horrible object lesson she is teaching (hopefully by accident but that's still not excusable): you have to earn love by being good. You have to earn affection by following the rules. If you can't follow the rules, you don't deserve to be loved and you won't be. That kind of lesson stays with a person for life, encoded in their subconscious, and takes a lot of therapy to root out.

And you pass it on to your children. My spouse was raised this way, and it has come out in our teens' therapy that this is how they perceive his "love" for them. He's totally gobsmacked. (I think that's the right word.) He keeps denying it. But if that's what they perceive, isn't there an element of truth to it, that he needs to accept and even acknowledge?

[bertnee]

20 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

I don't want clutter in my house. I definitely don't want the amount of clutter that 9 kids could create. Holy Jesus. I think the honey on the tongue thing is odd too, but what's odder, is the rewarded child recites a Bible verse with Erika while enjoying their drop of honey.  The wtf-ery is strong with that one. 

I don't want the clutter of 9 kids either...so I don't have 9 kids! I think Erika would be a lot happier with 0 kids and maybe a nice goldfish or two. 

[refugee]

Speaking of honey on the tongue, one of my kids would consider it punishment, as the kid hates honey. I wonder if Erika would take that into consideration, or would insist on carrying out the "reward" because it's biblical?

[Shiny]

1 hour ago, refugee said:

Okay... I'm gearing up for the Easter Basket Surprise.

Can someone please suggest budget-helpful ways to fill those Easter baskets? My first instinct would be to buy Easter candy on Sunday or Monday, to get the discounts, hah (snarking at myself), but of course that would defeat the purpose.

Just BASKETS by themselves at places like Target and Walmart are $10!!!

I need to go to the thrift store and see if there are any halfway decent baskets left there...

Maybe buy a big bag of Hershey kisses and spread it around the baskets? With a small chocolate bunny for each? I saw Easter grass at Target yesterday, small bags for a dollar each. Maybe look for little baskets, even though in my heart I want to blow the teens away with humongous dental-caries-inducing gluts of goodies...

Michale's has baskets on sale for only $1 right now, until Saturday. Costco does have pretty good deals on candy, as does Target right now. 

[refugee]

Just now, Shiny said:

Michale's has baskets on sale for only $1 right now, until Saturday. Costco does have pretty good deals on candy, as does Target right now. 

Cool!!!! I am literally bouncing up and down. Shopping day today, for sure.

 

[libriatrix]

4 minutes ago, refugee said:

And you pass it on to your children. My spouse was raised this way, and it has come out in our teens' therapy that this is how they perceive his "love" for them. He's totally gobsmacked. (I think that's the right word.) He keeps denying it. But if that's what they perceive, isn't there an element of truth to it, that he needs to accept and even acknowledge?

Yes. I'm not an expert but I think so. Sounds like it is completely subconscious for him and he feels accused when it's brought up. But if it is subconscious that means it's not his fault but it is still there and he needs to be able to recognize it in himself and start working to change it without blaming himself. Again, painful and takes a while. 

[Jingerbread]

1 hour ago, refugee said:

Okay... I'm gearing up for the Easter Basket Surprise.

Can someone please suggest budget-helpful ways to fill those Easter baskets? My first instinct would be to buy Easter candy on Sunday or Monday, to get the discounts, hah (snarking at myself), but of course that would defeat the purpose.

Just BASKETS by themselves at places like Target and Walmart are $10!!!

I need to go to the thrift store and see if there are any halfway decent baskets left there...

Maybe buy a big bag of Hershey kisses and spread it around the baskets? With a small chocolate bunny for each? I saw Easter grass at Target yesterday, small bags for a dollar each. Maybe look for little baskets, even though in my heart I want to blow the teens away with humongous dental-caries-inducing gluts of goodies...

We reuse the same basket like stockings.  Empty basket with the previous year's grass goes out, and the bunny comes and leaves treats.

[refugee]

4 minutes ago, Jingerbread said:

We reuse the same basket like stockings.

I gave away all my collection of baskets when we were purging, a couple years ago, in order to sell our house and move.

(and it also makes me sad to remember, I had a lovely large basket with a hinged lid, that was on the front lawn while we were organizing what we would keep and what we would get rid of. While organizing, I put all my art supplies and all the music I'd handwritten over 40 years into that basket, that I was going to keep... and someone stole it off the lawn while we weren't looking. Might have kept the art supplies, probably dumped all the music. I assume they stole the basket for the basket's sake, as it was beautiful, large enough to keep folded blankets in.)

[Granwych]

7 hours ago, Jingerbread said:

We reuse the same basket like stockings.  Empty basket with the previous year's grass goes out, and the bunny comes and leaves treats.

I used to make "bunny footprints" with index fingers and baby powder.  kiddo was more excited about the bunny prints than any candy.

[Chelio93]

On Monday, I went to the grocery store, Starburst Jelly Beans were on sale 2/$3.  Each kid was given a bag. They still have candy.  They can self regulate.  I do not withhold food to a point they are starving.  They eat food, interact with other children, take a shower and grab a handfull of jelly beans and brush their own teeth.  My DD even left the nasty colors for me because she trusts that I will not starve her.