Lori Alexander - Still Not Learning A Thing, Part 5

[quiversR4hunting]

8 minutes ago, Koala said:

Lori:

Quote

Stay in the Word and in prayer. Find a good church to find support. Pray for a godly, older woman to come into your life to help you through this journey

So in response to abuse she advises the reader to:

1) Pray

2) Go to church

3) Pray for a Godly Mentor to walk you through the journey of abuse

First, WHY OH WHY do I keep clicking on this thread?! I am a glutton for punishment! As @Yogi said, Lori is so infuriating!

Back to the above quote. So what if headship doesn't want the little woman to go to church? Is Lori saying it is ok to not be submissive to the headship if it is to attend church?

No way to know for sure but I bet there was more to that comment than what Lori published. And if that comment was made on the entry with the heading: "What Makes a Woman Lovely?" it is now gone.

[littlemommy]

Ugh. You just know that if Ken ever raised a hand to Queen Baby Lori she would not meekly read her bible. 

[sawasdee]

I'm with you, @quiversR4hunting! There is a kind of fatal fascination which makes me keep returning to Lori. She is arrogant, she manipulates truth, she contradicts her edicts in her own behaviour, she has no empathy, she arrogates to herself the definitive interpretation of the Bible. What she advocates for others is never what she herself would tolerate. Would that all women had partners who could provide child carers and house cleaners for their extraordinarily lazy SAHMs, who sabotaged their BC to force their husband to their will.

And I wonder what Lori would say to a wife who defied and deceived her husband to that degree? Grrrrrrrrr - she makes me incoherent with rage!

[salex]

Quote

 

Would that all women had partners who could provide child carers and house cleaners for their extraordinarily lazy SAHMs, who sabotaged their BC to force their husband to their will.

And I wonder what Lori would say to a wife who defied and deceived her husband to that degree? Grrrrrrrrr - she makes me incoherent with rage!

 

I suspect she would say "well done, good and faithful servant!"

[Koala]

Someone called her on it:

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Do you think this is always true? "Men don’t fish in another lake if the fish are still biting in the one they’re familiar with." 
I think that is extremely bold to quote, and doubt that it is always the case - it brings poor Anna Duggar to mind - I'm sure she was still "biting" and yet her Husband still sought other fish in other lakes!

Lori:

Quote

I am sure for the majority of marriage it definitely does work, Amanda! We, as wives, need to do everything in our power to make ourselves lovely to our husband since we have a much better chance of protecting them from wandering. Hopefully and prayerfully, Anna will win Josh to the Lord and back to her. I know this is the desire of her heart.

So she's sure it "definitely works" but cites absolutely nothing to back up her assertion. Awesome!

I also like that husbands now need to be "protected" from wandering.  She paints them like foolish little lambs that might accidentally wander off if you don't build a big enough fence around them.

Just once I'd like to see her say, "You know, that was a really stupid comment.  I don't know what I was thinking when I posted it."  

[OnceUponATime]

I think you have a higher chance of seeing "You know, that was a really stupid comment.  I don't know what I was you were thinking when I you posted it."  

If I was a guy married to one of those women I would be tempted to go looking in other lakes purely because I know I wouldn't be blamed for it. They really can't see how warped that thinking is can they?

[zebra #13]

Having had a husband who found a new fishing spot. . . .  The pain was excruciating, in an of itself.  Added upon that was the knowing that many, many thought that I "must" have been withholding in some way.  And after he'd destroyed our marriage, and was the father of a new baby in the new one, he left her, too.

Irony alert: his new wife was so paranoid about how she'd acquired him, she'd hound him whenever he was out of sight, and he finally decided he might as well do what he was being blamed for. 

[polecat]

39 minutes ago, zebra #13 said:

Having had a husband who found a new fishing spot. . . .  The pain was excruciating, in an of itself.  Added upon that was the knowing that many, many thought that I "must" have been withholding in some way.  And after he'd destroyed our marriage, and was the father of a new baby in the new one, he left her, too.

Irony alert: his new wife was so paranoid about how she'd acquired him, she'd hound him whenever he was out of sight, and he finally decided he might as well do what he was being blamed for. 

 

bbm -- to be fair, he'd have probably cheated on her even if she hadn't hounded him. People who cheat like that are looking for something missing within themselves -- not necessarily something missing in the relationship. 

[quiversR4hunting]

12 hours ago, Koala said:

Today Lori quotes Michael Pearl:

Quote

Don’t assume you have rights as a wife. Earn your place in his heart and he will be faithful to you. Men don’t fish in another lake if the fish are still biting in the one they’re familiar with. {Michael Pearl}

1) Women have no rights.

2) Men don't cheat on "good wives"

I wish someone would ask Lori if this is what she really believes.

Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt to Angelia Jolie

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck to the nanny

Sondra Bullock and Jesse James to Kate Von d

Princess Di and Prince Charles to Camilla

These four women are/were very attractive yet their douche of a husband (now ex) still cheated on them

and we could all go on and on......Michael Pearl can go suck it.

 

[Hane]

51 minutes ago, quiversR4hunting said:

Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt to Angelia Jolie

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck to the nanny

Sondra Bullock and Jesse James to Kate Von d

Princess Di and Prince Charles to Camilla

These four women are/were very attractive yet their douche of a husband (now ex) still cheated on them

and we could all go on and on......Michael Pearl can go suck it.

 

Anecdotal evidence from people I know: The men married to the most conventionally attractive women have been the most likely to cheat. Two of them actually told their 30-something model-quality wives "you're getting kind of old" and left them for 19-year-olds. All the makeup and dieting and sweetness and loyalty didn't keep these douchebags from cheating.

Meanwhile, I have legions of ordinary-looking, chubby friends and relatives who have been happily married for decades and whose husbands are still besotted with them. 

[Catey]

Tiger Woods.

Nuff said.

She can make my blood boil on so many levels,

Just a small observation, some men that are rotten cheaters do so to pump up their own self worth, because they are insecure pricks who take esteem from the conquest more than the actual act, I don't think that an entirely available woman at home does anything to help them with that, perhaps having to work for it from time to time would keep their need for conquest fed.

Not entirely though because if you are just a douchebag cheater there is not a damm thing that any woman can do about it since it is not a problem with the woman it is a problem with the dirty dog that she married.

[feministxtian]

36 minutes ago, Hane said:

Anecdotal evidence from people I know: The men married to the most conventionally attractive women have been the most likely to cheat. Two of them actually told their 30-something model-quality wives "you're getting kind of old" and left them for 19-year-olds. All the makeup and dieting and sweetness and loyalty didn't keep these douchebags from cheating.

Meanwhile, I have legions of ordinary-looking, chubby friends and relatives who have been happily married for decades and whose husbands are still besotted with them. 

I am short, chubby, 51 years old and gravity has done it's thing on me. Hubby thinks I'm all that....that's me below...

[polecat]

14 hours ago, polecat said:

bbm -- to be fair, he'd have probably cheated on her even if she hadn't hounded him. People who cheat like that are looking for something missing within themselves -- not necessarily something missing in the relationship. 

This strikes me as really callous towards your feelings -- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry your husband cheated on you. I think he was just a cheating asshat who cheats.

[Firiel]

9 hours ago, Hane said:

Anecdotal evidence from people I know: The men married to the most conventionally attractive women have been the most likely to cheat. Two of them actually told their 30-something model-quality wives "you're getting kind of old" and left them for 19-year-olds. All the makeup and dieting and sweetness and loyalty didn't keep these douchebags from cheating.

Meanwhile, I have legions of ordinary-looking, chubby friends and relatives who have been happily married for decades and whose husbands are still besotted with them. 

More anecdotal evidence... I think I'm fairly conventionally attractive, although my presentation sucks and I prefer sweats to heels.  Anyway, my ex cheated on me and left me for the other woman*.  After we separated, he told anyone who would listen that we hadn't, erm, had sweet fellowship in over a year... a statement that was absolutely untrue.  So even if a guy says he had to look elsewhere because his own fish wasn't biting, it doesn't mean it's true.  Cheating assholes are often assholes in general who are willing to lie to justify poor behavior.

*Who was also married, FWIW.  Only she didn't leave her husband for him, which at least gave me some manner of comfort.

[molecule]

Hell has frozen over. I am a Christian who works in marriage ministry, and I not only don't disagree with Ken's post today, these are the exact same things I tell people who are trying to heal in their marriages. The real test, of course, will be how the comments are handled, but at the moment I am somewhat in shock. Yikes.

[Florita]

42 minutes ago, molecule said:

Hell has frozen over. I am a Christian who works in marriage ministry, and I not only don't disagree with Ken's post today, these are the exact same things I tell people who are trying to heal in their marriages. The real test, of course, will be how the comments are handled, but at the moment I am somewhat in shock. Yikes.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

[Hane]

12 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I am short, chubby, 51 years old and gravity has done it's thing on me. Hubby thinks I'm all that....that's me below...

In my family, you'd be one of the hot, skinny ones!

[polecat]

13 hours ago, Hane said:

Anecdotal evidence from people I know: The men married to the most conventionally attractive women have been the most likely to cheat. Two of them actually told their 30-something model-quality wives "you're getting kind of old" and left them for 19-year-olds. All the makeup and dieting and sweetness and loyalty didn't keep these douchebags from cheating.

Meanwhile, I have legions of ordinary-looking, chubby friends and relatives who have been happily married for decades and whose husbands are still besotted with them. 

Ordinary chubby chick here, and my husband regularly waxes poetic about my preternatural beauty. One of these days, we have GOT to get his eyes checked. Maybe.

[kpmom]

3 hours ago, molecule said:

Hell has frozen over. I am a Christian who works in marriage ministry, and I not only don't disagree with Ken's post today, these are the exact same things I tell people who are trying to heal in their marriages. The real test, of course, will be how the comments are handled, but at the moment I am somewhat in shock. Yikes.

I read what he wrote and yes, nothing he wrote in that particular post is alarming.  We've seen enough writings from both Ken and Lori to know that's often not the case.

I also worry (and wonder) about Lori and him "working" with couples who are having marital problems.  What exactly are their credentials?   Giving advice as friends (and even that is pretty scary with these two) is one thing, but Ken and Lori "working" with anyone is downright frightening.

 

[usmcmom]

This is the part that bothered me a bit:

Quote

One of the first things I coach husbands in difficult marriages is that we cannot expect the Lord to do His mighty work if we don’t set the standard of “all things Christian in our home and marriage.” On the surface this sounds so simple, but in practice it is too easy to allow our spouse to trigger our hot buttons and pull us into the mud of sin and despair with them.

After reading that, I basically skimmed the rest.  While the majority of his post seemed reasonable, that first point was his typical, yet subtle, way of blaming the wife, in my opinion.   He seems to be implying that all marital problems are triggered by the wife and the man just has to learn how to resist "sinning" along with her. 

It would be different if he'd written, "Lori and I advise men and women to avoid being pulled into sin by their spouse," but he didn't.  He specifically writes that husbands face this difficulty, which, in my opinion, is Ken's standard way of thinking.  I've yet to see him describe a specific marital problem that was attributable to the husband.  There are many examples, however, of his minimizing a husband's sins while putting a wife's under a magnifying glass.   When specifically asked what HE did early in his marriage that might have harmed the relationship, he could not come up with ONE mistake he'd made.  I think Ken believes he's infallible; therefore, cannot comprehend that a husband could ever be at fault for destroying a marriage. 

I think Ken worded this post very carefully to gain favor with a variety of readers. Coming from somebody else, I would consider it sound advice. Until I see Ken write the words "I've had a change of heart about a few things regarding marriage," I will always be skeptical of anything he writes.  In fact, my first thought was that he had merely copied the majority of this post from another source. 

 

[desertvixen]

More on the anecdata front: I'm also fairly conventionally attractive, and my husband left me.  His new wife is apparently much different (although about the same place I am on the attractive scale).  Bottom line: people who want to cheat are going to cheat.  It's their own choice to cheat.

Although every time I see someone in our general circle post that stupid "if you had to marry your s.o. where you met them, where would it be" and she comments, I do want to reply "when he was married to someone else"...

[salex]

I'm not going to reread Lorken's post for the day, but did her also talk about how emotional women are (well, maybe people, but mostly women) and how that is damaging- i wonder how his stereotypes would hold up if he had ever worked with large groups of men...

 

 

[usmcmom]

1 hour ago, salex said:

I'm not going to reread Lorken's post for the day, but did her also talk about how emotional women are (well, maybe people, but mostly women) and how that is damaging- i wonder how his stereotypes would hold up if he had ever worked with large groups of men...

 

 

He sure did. 

Quote

Feelings are Too Often Big Fat Liars

Far too many people live their lives according to their feelings and sensibilities and not by their values. Sorry ladies, but half the time your feelings are lying to you. God says that we are to take every thought captive to Christ Jesus, and I am sure He is including feelings. Some feelings come from emotions, others from thoughts and still others are simply fleshly desires. It is hard to even differentiate at times between what is of the Spirit and what is indigestion. Even when feelings are legitimate, one must decide if they should be held onto or discarded for some higher value. If I value relationships, I will quickly suppress my anger, my frustrations, even my unhappiness so that I may live out my values.

 

[lilwriter85]

16 hours ago, kpmom said:

I read what he wrote and yes, nothing he wrote in that particular post is alarming.  We've seen enough writings from both Ken and Lori to know that's often not the case.

I also worry (and wonder) about Lori and him "working" with couples who are having marital problems.  What exactly are their credentials?   Giving advice as friends (and even that is pretty scary with these two) is one thing, but Ken and Lori "working" with anyone is downright frightening.

 

I'm guessing that if they are asked about credentials, Ken ends up mentioning that he has DVM degree from Biola. For some people, they do seek out counseling from ordained ministers even if those ministers don't have psychology backgrounds.

I do worry about Ken and Lori's "counseling" and "work" with couples too. Both aren't qualified and from the blog they have given very shitty advice on different subjects. Lori and Ken don't empathize with people on various subjects.  Lori time and time again has shown she can't understand why some women need or have to work.  But, Lori did admit once on the blog that some women and couples have rejected them as "mentors". She once said that a couple from their church met with them a couple of times and then refused to meet again with them. Lori also said somewhere on the blog about women who have rejected her as "mentor".

 

I'm looking at website of the church Loriken attend and they have a marriage and family pastor. The website doesn't much on the pastor's background. I think he probably has better training than Ken and/or Lori. I wonder if the higher ups at the church avoid Lori and Ken. She said something recently that the church was opposed to her speaking out against working women.

[usmcmom]

This is also part of Ken's advice:

Quote

Until we have given our lives over to walk in the Spirit, and put aside fleshly dead deeds, we have no choice but to battle against sin with every weapon we have. We must apply self-discipline, and the tools of human behavior and psychology to lessen their effects, but the real hope of ridding ourselves of our bad rabbits is to give them all to Jesus

As is usually the case, when I read their blog; I'm confused.  Hasn't Lori written a post or two in which she states she is vehemently against psychology and conflict resolution tactics?  I seem to remember there was some back and forth with Sheila (of To Love, Honor and Vacuum) over this very thing. 

Suddenly, Ken is promoting these things?