Fresh Modesty's advice for teenage Sisters-in-Christ

[0 kids n not countin]

Anyone check out Olivia's latest post?

at least she is realistic about not getting married young (not that getting married young is necessarily something one should aspire to) but she might want to add in there "You probably won't get married young, if ever" (as seems to be the case in with certain fundie families).... 

 

Dear Teenage Sister-in-Christ,

I turned 23 last week, which means I've had a few years to process some things that I did- or did not- do right while I was in my teens. I wish I could go back and encourage myself that life is short and tedious, but to not grow weary and take every moment captive. I can't though, so I'm writing you, hoping that maybe you'll learn from my perspective things that I wish I had studied or skills that I've been so grateful I've developed:
 

• Learn food photography. There WILL come a time you need to do it well. 
• Go the extra mile in math. You may need to figure out how many pounds of sand you need to buy to level out under the swimming pool someday.
• Learn good housekeeping habits, even if you're not naturally inclined towards tidying up. 
• Don't use Bath and Body Works products. The smell of Twilight Woods is not worth the toxic load on your skin. 
• You probably won't get married young. 
• Learn house/table/product staging. Like food photography, there WILL come a time when you'll need that skill. 
• Read the classics. Read the poets. Read about art. Learn about your city. 
• Learn how to sew with excellence. 
• Learn web design, even if you're not "techie".
• Learn how to do hair.
• Redeem your time with audio books. Still one of my fondest times from my teenage years was listening to Augustine's Confessions while sewing Reformation Day costumes for my sisters and me. 
• Loosen up on the eyeliner. It doesn't make you look older. 
• Acquire a basic understanding of needlework, even if you don't have the patience for it. 
• Study the golden ratio. 
• Don't ignore "the little kids". Some of my best friends now are younger girls I had to grit my teeth and "put up with" when I was 15 and they were 11/12. The older we get, the easier it is to forget that there's an age difference. 
• Learn Photoshop, video editing, and typography. You may not plan to ever have a business, work as a graphic designer, or blog, but the chances of you being asked to make a flyer for a church event or help your husband with t-shirts for his company, etc. are preeeeetty high. 
• Explore your interests. Draw, paint, sculpt, sing! Economics, politics, theology-- it's all profitable. 
• Invest in your siblings. They will be your best friends. 
• It is better to be quiet than to fill silences with meaningless flirty chatter. 
• Enjoy family time, but making the effort to hang out with friends will also be a big blessing in your life. 
• Learn to read sheet music.
• Don't say derogatory things about guys. Build them up with your words and actions.
• Learn some pop culture. 
• Pinterest is great! In moderation. 
• In social gatherings, relax. 
• Keep a journal. 
• Learn the art of story-telling. Whether it's entertaining company, sharing a life-lesson at a Bible study, or simply making small-talk, being able to tell an interesting (and not super long) story will serve you well. 
• Instead of filling your hopechest, simplify your stuff to leave time, energy, money, and space in your life for ministry, hospitality, and friendships. 
• Cook a real meal at least once a week. Cooking is a muscle that has to be exercised. 

But most importantly, memorize Scripture, talk with Jesus, and share your joys, hugs, and struggles with your mom. She can be pretty great.

Do you have any advice/skills you would add? I hope this has encouraged a few of you to take life by the horns and enjoy the day.

[quiversR4hunting]

You won't probably get married young.  

Sad that is a goal. It's sad the goal isn't marrying someone you love and connect with and both lift each other up- no matter the age.  

Learn food photography. There WILL come a time you need to do it well. 

So far, I have never needed food photography. I am almost double her age.

Invest in your siblings. They will be your best friends.  

Not if they are batshit crazy, like my aunt. If my dad had invested time into her, she would have sucked the marrow of his living right out of him. She is a parasite.  

Don't say derogatory things about guys. Build them up with your words and actions.

What about girls? It's ok to be a Queen B to other girls and to talk behind their backs?

As for the rest of the items- seem fairly reasonable. 

[sparkles]

Unless you're a food blogger or plan a career as a food photography, I can't figure out why the average person would need that skill so much that she mentions it twice. She does make some good points—can you imagine the Maxwells talking about the value of knowing at least SOME pop culture?—but it's buried in some major WTF-ery.

[clueliss]

yes, learn math - but not because you'll need to level the pool.  Someday you may need to cut that recipe down - ala Jill Duggar.

[SolomonFundy]

Olivia has had the koolaid, and she likes it, but I have to say that her voice as a writer has matured in recent years. Compared to an Anna Maxwell for instance, she is growing up and developing skills and interest in things beyond her family and church. She tacitly acknowledged that guys have expressed an interest in courting her over the years, but she obviously has had other goals for herself. Olivia may still see her "daddy" as her authority on earth (even at the age of 23), but at least she has the instincts and intelligence to run her own business, and she seems aware that she has more to offer her community than simply her uterus.

I liked the post, though the references to food photography and protecting men from "derogatory comments" or "mindless flirting" pretty much scream "fundie youth". 

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

I'm also so very confused about the all-important art of food photography! I wonder if it's for a future "family ministry" blog? E.g., "Look at all the awesome food I make as a QF SAHM, don't you want to join us?" That's my only guess.

[AlwaysExcited]

I'm almost her age.
Why on earth I need food photography skills? I do cook to eat not to brag about how pretty my food looks (it doesn't). And talking about Pinterest this article is great (I found it on Pinterest :D): http://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelwmiller/all-we-do-is-pin#.xlG4pwm6q

 

[defraudingjezebel]

Some of those are cracking me up. I, too, am completely confounded about the need to know how to photograph food. I mean... what a random niche skill to know! I'm 26 and haven't taken any pictures of food except when it was particularly exciting. 

Some of them are kind of snarky....

• Loosen up on the eyeliner. It doesn't make you look older. 

Dayum, gurl. *snap snap*

• Don't say derogatory things about guys. Build them up with your words and actions.

 

LOLLLL.  Poor widdle men. Their poor widdle egos can't handle a bit of criticism. Sounds about right for the men in fundiedom!  

[Handmaiden of Dog]

 What a strange list.  It seems very personal to me and not something with broad applications. Like photographing food I can't see the need to learn needlepoint or this:

 Learn Photoshop, video editing, and typography. You may not plan to ever have a business, work as a graphic designer, or blog, but the chances of you being asked to make a flyer for a church event or help your husband with t-shirts for his company, etc. are preeeeetty high. 

 Typography, really?  Does she assume that every young woman is going to start a family blog at some point?

 

 This certainly does not apply to the Maxwells: 

Enjoy family time, but making the effort to hang out with friends will also be a big blessing in your life. 

The only friends the Maxwells are allowed are family, so hanging out with friends to Sarah Maxwell is the same as hanging out with family.

[nickelodeon]

Photographing food is a silly but fun hobby for a lot of people, and I won't knock it! Overall, the emphasis on fun, friends, learning, having time to yourself, and thinking about things is nice to hear from someone discussed on this site. It sounds to me like the emphasis is less on the godliness of doing hair and reading Augustine than on the enjoyment that makes grooming and reading worthwhile activities. But I'm not very familiar with this lady, so I don't know her intent.

Can't resist a bit of snark, though: hooraaaayyyy, Reformation Day Costumes! 

[quiversR4hunting]

yes, learn math - but not because you'll need to level the pool.  Someday you may need to cut that recipe down - ala Jill Duggar.

or you know- teach your homeschoolin' kids! Or you know figure out how to take 30% off an item in the store. Or you know do a household budget... I could go on but instead -  

[AlwaysExcited]

Some of those are cracking me up. I, too, am completely confounded about the need to know how to photograph food. I mean... what a random niche skill to know!

 

And she emphasizes that we WILL need that skill. Why? When? How? WHY?
 

[Columbia]

I wonder if " you won't marry young" has come from her hanging out with the Botkinettes. Between those two families I would much rather spend a day with Olivia; she seems a lot more down to earth since she started that clothing brand.

[AmazonGrace]

Oh come on guys, you need excellent food photography skills to properly humblebrag about your fabulous cooking skills on Facebook,  Instagram, and your housewifely blog.

[defraudingjezebel]

I wonder if " you won't marry young" has come from her hanging out with the Botkinettes. Between those two families I would much rather spend a day with Olivia; she seems a lot more down to earth since she started that clothing brand.

I too was shocked to see "you won't marry young." I think young women in fundie Christianity are finally realizing that pickin's are indeed slim. Still, I was surprised to see her admit it, given that most of the people in her community are very much of the "better to marry (young) than to burn" mindset. 

[Marshmallow World]

"Learn some pop culture."

Did I read that? Did I really read that? Oh, she's probably talking about LOTR and other "sanctioned" stuff.

[imokit]

I take pictures of food, if I've cooked something I'm proud of or if I'm eating ice cream/having a smoothie in either a cool place or one from one of the places which the mother likes but is far far away from us.

I only sent them to the mother and grandmother, and I wouldn't say that I spend much time doing them or that I feel they deserve my spending time to make the food more presentable.

Still I like her focus on herself and interests and relaxing and not on serving/preaching.  This post is very reasonable for a fundie!

[AmazonGrace]

I like the focus on learning  :-)

 

[clueliss]

Maybe food pictures comes from watching Jessa Duggar and her selfies taken of fast food in cars and restaurants?

[Loveday]

 

I turned 23 last week, which means I've had a few years to process some things that I did- or did not- do right while I was in my teens. I wish I could go back and encourage myself that life is short and tedious, but to not grow weary and take every moment captive. I can't though, so I'm writing you, hoping that maybe you'll learn from my perspective things that I wish I had studied... 

Olivia, I really don't want to come off sounding like a patronizing older woman, but you're 23. Not 63, or 73. Just...23. Yes, life is short, but it does NOT need to be tedious, and believe me, you've got many years ahead of you, God willing; it is not too late, even at your 'advanced' age, to study all the things you didn't get to while you were still a teen. 

I do like your list, though, even if it is a bit top-heavy with food photography. I hope some of the young girls you've written this for take your words to heart. Including the bit about Twilight Woods. That stuff is noxious.

 

 

[Terrie]

Well, it's a better list than Raquel would come up with, I'll give her that, but I do find parts of it very silly. (Count me in as being baffled by food photography)

[polecat]

Oh, I'll go against the grain and say she's made some decent points. It sounds like she's saying do stuff you enjoy just because you enjoy it, learn something you don't necessarily want to learn because it might be useful or more interesting than you thought, don't try to be something you're not, don't try to be something other people want you to be ... 

Some of it's weird (photographing food? typography? Mkay). 

And "married young" makes me sad because that was thing when I was growing up fundy. If you graduated high school without a ring on your finger, you were two shakes from an old maid. And if you graduated fundy U without a ring, you were entirely on the shelf and hopeless. They simply cannot acknowledge that women are people in their own right and don't magically become more of a person merely because they get married. 

[samurai_sarah]

 What a strange list.  It seems very personal to me and not something with broad applications. Like photographing food I can't see the need to learn needlepoint or this:(snip)

Knowing your way around a sewing kit can be useful. Needlepoint is different from run-of-the-mill sewing though. Mending, patching and darning are rather useful skills, whereas producing the perfect sampler is a bit limited. All of which is a roundabout way of asking for clarification for which kind of needlepoint you mean.

[longskirts]

I'm not so impressed. This is the usual Botkin advice dressed up in more natural language. The Botkins are always telling girls they need to learn economics, food preparation, literature, math, whatever because it might be useful in ministry or running the home and their husbands may need them to have the knowledge. What they mean by learning is usually reading a fundie how-to manual or attending a Botkin seminar on the topic.

Olivia parrots the Botkin lines and this is no exception.

[Georgiana]

I think this goes back to the fundie view on men: that men have two urges-->lust and hunger.  Or, in layman's terms: the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

If you are looking to catch you a husband AND you are very limited in your opportunities to socialize in mixed gender company/meet new people AND your social circle is small, your best bet at attracting a like-minded mate is probably through your blog.  And while you may have excellent writing skills, men tend to be visual creatures.  And that means the photos you post are your personal ads for yourself.

Not all women are going to be photogenic.  Even with much attention to their dress, hair, make up, etc., not everyone is pretty enough to entice a mate from afar...and there's nothing fundie approved you can do to change that.  However, you CAN work on your food photography skills and post photos of amazing looking food in the hopes of selling yourself that way.  After all, cooking is a major wifely duty.  I think that's why the only fundie women we have seen admit to being poor cooks are also some of the most physically gorgeous.  They can afford to make that admission,

So if you're trying to sell yourself as a potential wife and you don't look like a Duggar or a Bates: work on your food photography.  It's the next best way to catch a man from several states away, other than being naturally beautiful.