“Certificate Of Purity”

[Tikobaby]

It's hard to believe people are worried about such a thing in this day and age.  

[iweartanktops]

I'm so glad someone started another thread on this again. This is such a weird story. As someone said on the shelter, even when applying fundie logic, wouldn't it make more sense to give it her her husband, not her DAD???

No. I feel like this is bordering on something my SIL would have done! When she was courting my brother (in her late 20s) they signed a purity contract with her dad! 

[Deist woman]

The only time in my parenting that a hymen was ever of note was when my 3 year old daughter fell onto the handle bar of a seesaw, and bruised her labia, along with a small laceration.  I took her to the doctor, and I thought, OMG, he's going to think she's been abused!   He made a note in her medical record to the effect of "no blood noted behind hymen", which I guess was to rule out the question of sexual abuse. 

[BamaBelle]

My Dad didn't worry about the state of my hymen in my teen/early adult years, as he was busy preparing me for life.  He made sure to teach me how to make simple home repairs, and car repairs just like he did my brothers (but my brothers weren't taught "woman things" like cleaning, cooking or sewing).  I was raised fundie-lite, and we had a purity ceremony at our church.  I wanted nothing to do with it.  My purity had been stolen by a cousin in his late teens when I was 6 and I felt squicky about standing up there and lying to everyone and Dad respected my decision (my parents also had him prosecuted and he is now in prison).  When the pastor questioned us together on our lack of participation, dad told him "I raised her right.  That's nothing to make a show of.  She doesn't need some stupid ring she doesn't want to remind her of the difference between right and wrong."  Side note- I had asked my parents for a new clarinet instead of a purity ring.  

[nomoxian]

5 people on Buzzfeed thought this was "cute" and 3 people responded with "yaaaas" (which I think means they like totes agree like reely)

Shaking My Head!!

[browncoatslytherin]

My Dad didn't worry about the state of my hymen in my teen/early adult years, as he was busy preparing me for life.  He made sure to teach me how to make simple home repairs, and car repairs just like he did my brothers (but my brothers weren't taught "woman things" like cleaning, cooking or sewing).  I was raised fundie-lite, and we had a purity ceremony at our church.  I wanted nothing to do with it.  My purity had been stolen by a cousin in his late teens when I was 6 and I felt squicky about standing up there and lying to everyone and Dad respected my decision (my parents also had him prosecuted and he is now in prison).  When the pastor questioned us together on our lack of participation, dad told him "I raised her right.  That's nothing to make a show of.  She doesn't need some stupid ring she doesn't want to remind her of the difference between right and wrong."  Side note- I had asked my parents for a new clarinet instead of a purity ring.

your dad sounds really freakin cool. props to him.

[Sobeknofret]

Huh. My dad had to settle for a pair of cuff links and a glass of champagne at my wedding...

[StopUsingPurposeAsAVerb]

I'm not terribly surprised that she was able to find a doctor to indulge this bullshit idea. I suffered from severe endometriosis for years, and I went to see a new obgyn. She was a total religious nutbag, and she asked me if I had been having sex with lots of random men. I told her no, I am married and monogamous, and she kinda looked at me sideways, and said that endometriosis is often caused by the inflammation due to frequent casual sex. I called foul on that claim, as I know full well that it's insane, and she insisted she was right. Then she refused to give me birth control to manage my pain, because she said that it causes abortions, and besides, don't I think it's best to leave those kinds of decisions up to god? I was absolutely stunned that she was allowed to say those things to me, and I made quite a scene at reception as I left. Reported her to the state board, but never heard anything about it. There are plenty of stupid fundies, in all walks of life and positions. 

[BamaBelle]

He definitely has his moments.  I've learned as the years have passed, that he really only does the church thing for Mom.  She's the one that's into it, and he goes along because it makes her happy.  

[Bethella]

 

I'm not sure about physical exams, but a very few states require blood tests (for STIs and/or genetic disorders) before the marriage license is issued. According to this website http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/chart-state-marriage-license-blood-29019.html DC and Mississippi require both people to be tested while Montana tests women and New York tests Hispanics and African-Americans (for sickle cell). It used to be almost all states required it but most have repealed the laws-  CA stopped in 1994.

That NOLO chart of marriage blood tests is outdated.  DC repealed its syphilis blood test in 2008:  ""Pursuant to the Marriage Amendment Act of 2008, DC Law 17-222, effective September 11, 2008, a blood test is no longer a requirement obtain a marriage license in the District of Columbia."  [The blood test was a public health measure, by the way, not a purity thing! But it became ridiculous over time that they were testing for only syphilis and not AIDS or other things]

I was married in DC before 2008 and remember the blood test fondly-- the blood lab people said it was their favorite test and gave me a flower!  Husband to be and I got goofy certificates that said, "to the best of DC's knowledge", we didn't have syphilis! Alas, we had to turn them at the courthouse in exchange for the marriage certificate--or we would have framed them, just for the LOLs!

 

Good to know- I remember that there were a few left and just googled to see which ones.

[Sarai]

So creepy & disgusting. I think the father is perverted for accepting such a thing in the first place.

[FloraKitty35]

This story brings to mind a quote from that great American, Alfred E. Newman:  BLEECH!

[zebra #13]

Had a friend in group therapy--her dad used to take her out to the garage and discuss in great detail things she was NOT allowed to let a boy do to her. . . .   Took her many many years of therapy to get over it.  She knew at 12 and I'm sure her dad knew it was verbal incest.  This is spiritual incest.

[Guest]

My heart goes out to those of you who weren't allowed to use tampons.  I wouldn't have been able to function without them.  I was raised Catholic and mostly attended Catholic schools, and never heard about the losing your virginity to a tampon thing until I was in college.  

[Guest]

@BamaBelle Your dad sounds like a wonderful man.  I'm sorry that happened to you.  The same thing happened to a friend of mine when she was 5, and her parents did nothing about it.  She never got counseling and the cousin was never punished.  It was just never spoken about and her family continued to go visit the cousin and his family every year.  It tore her apart.  I'm always glad to hear about parents who do the right thing.

[RosyDaisy]

I tried tampons, and they were uncomfortable as hell.

[roddma]

I was going to post this but agree EWWWW. Even in secular society, instead of being happy for the couple, people wait to see if the bride wears white. Of course males can do what they want. Why is it anyone's dang business? .It's great if you want to save yourself, but it should be a personal and private choice. People or some online rag asked Amy DUggar King if they were going to wait. She answered" I made a lot of mistakes, but that Dillon and I were waiting" She should have said none of your beeswax. Any the virginity certification doesnt seem to be regulated to Fundies. anything new. Didn't British royalty often require certificates of virginity?

[Kittikatz]

This story is just so disturbing and sad. My mother went through a phase when I was a teenager where she was obsessed with my sex life. It wasn't rooted in religion, but was straight up about controlling me, and was part of a larger control agenda about restricting my mobility and socialisation (I was home schooled and not allowed to talk to anyone or do anything without her). I put up with it until I was 18, then rebelled against pretty much everything. I flat out told her that I was an adult and woukd  make my own descisions,  and that my social life in general and sex life in particular was none of her business. My mother couldn't cope with the fact that I had a super hot, long haired, drama student boyfriend , and that he and I were probably sexually active. My refusing to play by her rules helped to trigger a breakdown that wound up with her being hospitalised, given masses of therapy and medicated. My mother is a lot better and happier now, but I cannot imagine any adult voluntarily subjecting themselves to this level of parental control.

[nastyhobbitses]

I remember not being able to use tampons until I went to college because I would "lose my virginity to it". And my parents were run of the mill Methodists, not even really fundie-lite. 

I didn't realize the whole ban on tampons or other activities was a thing until I was in college. My roommate's mom had told her tampons would make her lose her virginity, so she was afraid to buy them even though she really needed a better solution than pads. I was stunned -- my parents didn't let me use tampons at first, but it was because they were worried I wouldn't be careful and would get TSS. So I ended up taking my friend to the drugstore, helping her decide which tampons to buy, and explaining how to use them. 

Can I ask if people who were taught this learned it from just parents, church, school, or a combination? I had comprehensive sex ed, so we learned about tampon usage and safety in like middle school and specifically that it wasn't the same thing as having intercourse.

I read a book called The Care and Keeping of You (it was from American Girl, and it spoke very candidly about the changes your body goes through during puberty -- I recommend it to any girl about to go through or going through puberty), and it explained the basics of using a tampon. I got my period at summer camp, and had to use tampons because I went swimming a lot; a counselor coached me on how to put a tampon in through the bathroom door (she obviously couldn't be in there with me for legal reasons). My parents didn't care much about virginity except that I not have sex until I was emotionally ready to do so and with someone who loved and respected me, so tampon use was no big deal to them. I remember asking my mom about the hymen once (I'd been reading a lot of period novels...no pun intended), and she said that most girls "pop" it by riding horses, using tampons, any sort of physical activity, or by masturbating, and it was silly to get worked up about such a little membrane (again, virginity wasn't really prized in my family in any real way).

My middle school also did a special event where parents and kids came to school and went to gender-segregated talks about these issues. Girls got a girl video, boys got a boy video, and then we watched the opposite sex video. Then it was open Q&A, though I think that while it was nice to have the parents there, kids would have felt more comfortable asking certain questions without mom or dad sitting next to them.

Anything I didn't learn from my peers/counselors at summer camp, from my parents, or from middle school health class, I figured out on the internet or just as I went along. I think the only major drawback to having such a candid and open discussion about sexuality and such when I was very young was that by the time I lost my virginity at 17, it was so underwhelming because I knew what was supposed to happen and I knew what constituted good, pleasurable sex from all my--ahem--research. Which just wasn't going to happen with two awkward 17-year-old virgins.

[Tdoc72]

My mom had to wait until she went to college to try tampons, as my grandma was convinced they would take her virginity.  When I got my period, my mom asked me if I wanted to use them, but I had read the tampon insert and was just convinced I would get TSS.  So I never did.  When my then 13 yr old got her period, she said she didn't want to use tampons yet, but might someday.  She waited about  a year or so and then she asked because she wanted to go swimming.  I had no problem, although I worried she'd ask me for help and I would be able to provide any.  But she was fine on her own.

And a second for the book 'The Care And Keeping Of You'--I've given that to 2 of my daughters and it is a great book.  It covers a lot of topics and has questions I might have forgotten or not gotten to yet.  I did it at around age 9-10, and just told them to read it at their own pace and ask if they have any questions.  My little one turns 9 in Feb so that'll be the last for me.  :-(

[Snarkangel Gabriel]

I am trying to imagine the bemused and faintly repulsed expression on my own dear dad's face if I presented him with a medical certificate concerning the state of my girlie bits. I definitely don't think he'd have that broad grin!  Maybe next time I have a smear test I'll frame the results for him as a thoughtful present. Maybe he could reciprocate when it's time for his prostate exam. And I do hope my son gives me the results of that hernia test they do so that I can hang in pride of place the certificate showing all was well when he coughed with the doc holding his testicles.

Or maybe some things are not made for sharing between generations and that my dad's bits and my son's bits are no more to do with me than my bits are to them!

[AmazonGrace]

Oh but it's not just a medical statement about your girlie bit status, it's a huge pat on dear old daddy's back: Good job Mike, you didn't raise a slut.

[nomoxian]

I'm not terribly surprised that she was able to find a doctor to indulge this bullshit idea. I suffered from severe endometriosis for years, and I went to see a new obgyn. She was a total religious nutbag, and she asked me if I had been having sex with lots of random men. I told her no, I am married and monogamous, and she kinda looked at me sideways, and said that endometriosis is often caused by the inflammation due to frequent casual sex. I called foul on that claim, as I know full well that it's insane, and she insisted she was right. Then she refused to give me birth control to manage my pain, because she said that it causes abortions, and besides, don't I think it's best to leave those kinds of decisions up to god? I was absolutely stunned that she was allowed to say those things to me, and I made quite a scene at reception as I left. Reported her to the state board, but never heard anything about it. There are plenty of stupid fundies, in all walks of life and positions. 

That is DISGUSTING. I am really sorry you had to experience that!

[Snarkangel Gabriel]

Oh but it's not just a medical statement about your girlie bit status, it's a huge pat on dear old daddy's back: Good job Mike, you didn't raise a slut.

Oh I see. So if I marry I would just need to have my hymen restitched? Or would the illegitimate child still be a problem??

[AmazonGrace]

Hm, husbands expecting  offspring quickly used to be a big deal back when fathers more commonly sold their daughters so one could always frame the midwife's statement as a certificate of the bride's fertility.