“Certificate Of Purity”

[AngelGirl8811]

I showed this to my partner and she didn't believe it was real.  Poe's law getting all crazy up in here!

 

 

i told my fiance all about this last night. one of the very few times i've rendered him speechless. the last time that happened, i had just told him i was pregnant, so that's quite a feat.

I told a doctor friend of mine and he snorted hot coffee and said "What kind of quack did that test?" 

[Anny Nym]

And she got it professionally framed, with flower petals behind glass and all...

 

Is Dad going to put it over the fireplace in the living room? Just imagine now, you would visit someone who actually HAS such a nice piece of family memories in the living room, right next to that picture of late grandma and the bowing trophy.

[Dutchie]

Ok, the blood on the sheets thing is bs. I did not bleed my first time. And as I understand, that is something that does not necessarily happens. 

I bled quite a bit. So it was true for me! Unfortunately. 

that seems scary, my point was more the it does not have to happen. It can but it isn't proof of not being pure if it doesn't

[MatthewDuggar]

 

Haven't seen this mentioned, but the OB/GYN is a woman 

This is no shocker!  I can't imagine that daddy would allow any man, even a doctor near his daughter's who-ha!

[AngelGirl8811]

Ok, the blood on the sheets thing is bs. I did not bleed my first time. And as I understand, that is something that does not necessarily happens. 

I bled quite a bit. So it was true for me! Unfortunately. 

that seems scary, my point was more the it does not have to happen. It can but it isn't proof of not being pure if it doesn't

No it definitely does have to happen! I would consider someone lucky if it didn't! There's no shame in any of it. Contrary to Fundie beliefs!  

[Dutchie]

The fact that I just used the word pure in this context makes me feel icky. I am, and have been raised, very liberal. My mom told me to "have sex before marriage and make sure you connect on that level". So I don't see pure and celibacy as connected.

[JesusPony]

And she got it professionally framed, with flower petals behind glass and all...

 

Is Dad going to put it over the fireplace in the living room? Just imagine now, you would visit someone who actually HAS such a nice piece of family memories in the living room, right next to that picture of late grandma and the bowing trophy.

It'll go on the wall right next to her college degree. Oh, wait...

[Georgiana]

@purple_summer, they are absolutely NOT a thing where I come from!  Where I come from, a women receives medical examinations as often as she and her doctor feel is prudent.  That may be more or less frequently depending on her sexual habits.  She DOES NOT share the information disclosed in those examinations with anyone except for other doctors, and perhaps close friends if she is the kind of person who likes to share that information.  

Certainly, no one is ENTITLED to that information.  I would NEVER have my doctor provide ANY medical specifics to ANYONE besides another doctor, and certainly not my prospective Mother In Law.  I might get an exam if she wanted it, but she would have to take my word on anything that went on or was said in it.  

Heck, if I tried to hand my gynecological medical records to the mothers I have met, THEY would try to call off the wedding and consider me crazy.  I've actually had several mothers who were perfectly fine discussing sex with me...but to see another woman's medical records feels like an invasion of privacy on both sides.  I certainly wouldn't want to see my (hypothetical) DIL's.   

[Bethella]

 

Serious question- are premarital exams not a thing??? Pretty much everyone in my family "had" to have one regardless of if they were considering birth control or not...

 

where are you from? And more importantly, why should you have an exam?

I'm not sure about physical exams, but a very few states require blood tests (for STIs and/or genetic disorders) before the marriage license is issued. According to this website http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/chart-state-marriage-license-blood-29019.html DC and Mississippi require both people to be tested while Montana tests women and New York tests Hispanics and African-Americans (for sickle cell). It used to be almost all states required it but most have repealed the laws-  CA stopped in 1994.

[Dandruff]

I feel sorry for this woman's unborn daughters already.

[purple_summer]

@purple_summer, they are absolutely NOT a thing where I come from!  Where I come from, a women receives medical examinations as often as she and her doctor feel is prudent.  That may be more or less frequently depending on her sexual habits.  She DOES NOT share the information disclosed in those examinations with anyone except for other doctors, and perhaps close friends if she is the kind of person who likes to share that information.  

Certainly, no one is ENTITLED to that information.  I would NEVER have my doctor provide ANY medical specifics to ANYONE besides another doctor, and certainly not my prospective Mother In Law.  I might get an exam if she wanted it, but she would have to take my word on anything that went on or was said in it.  

Heck, if I tried to hand my gynecological medical records to the mothers I have met, THEY would try to call off the wedding and consider me crazy.  I've actually had several mothers who were perfectly fine discussing sex with me...but to see another woman's medical records feels like an invasion of privacy on both sides.  I certainly wouldn't want to see my (hypothetical) DIL's.   

That's how it should be but my family has it's own weird quirks I've noticed.I don't think any of the info went to in-laws but my grandmother was VERY invested in what her daughters were/weren't doing, and now my mother/aunts are the same way with us.

[purple_summer]

Well I found a local news article about the incident- http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Embracing-Purity-Why-a-Maryland-Bride-Signed-a-Virginity-Certificate-336048261.html

 

A Prince George's County couple had their dream wedding this month. The bride wore Vera Wang, the groom wore Tom Ford, they welcomed more than 2,500 guests -- and the bride presented her father with a "certificate of purity."

Boutique owner Brelyn Bowman (née Freeman) surprised her father at the reception of her wedding to gospel singer Tim Bowman Jr. with a document signed by a doctor stating she had kept her promise to remain abstinent before marriage.

Brelyn Bowman, 22, said she told her father, Pastor Michael A. Freeman, when she was 13 that she would refrain from having sex. At her wedding, she said she wanted to show her dad and their loved ones that she had been faithful to their values.

"It's one thing to give your word. It's another to give proof," she said. "My whole message is embracing purity. It's all about how you honor yourself and your God."

Before the newlyweds flew off to their week-long honeymoon in Dubai and the Maldives, they posted wedding photos to their social media accounts. One photo shows Brelyn Bowman slow-dancing with her father. "I was able to present a certificate of purity to him signed by my doctor that my hymen was still intact," the caption says. Another photo shows the bride and her father holding the certificate and grinning.

When the Bowmans' plane touched down back home this week, they turned their phones back on and were stunned by a flood of hundreds of messages.

"We were sitting on the tarmac looking at our phones like 'What is this?!'" Tim Bowman, 28, said. Many of the messages called the virginity certificate "creepy" and sexist.

"At that moment, we had a brief meeting," Tim Bowman said. "We don't look at them like haters ... We made a decision that we were happy that people were even talking about it."

The Waldorf couple decided they could use their own story to help lead others.

"The whole goal is to make Jesus famous and debunk the myth that living for Jesus is wack and unfulfilling," said Tim Bowman, whose song "I'm Good" is near the top of the Billboard gospel charts.

They both said staying abstinent was difficult.

"We're both attracted to each other, not only physically but emotionally, too," Brelyn Bowman said. They set boundaries like agreeing not to stay out past a certain time on some nights or doing activities with others instead of alone.

The bride called staying abstinent one of the best decisions she had ever made.

"If it's really a path in your life, no one will have to push you," she said.

Tim Bowman said criticism on social media of the virginity certificate had focused on his wife, but he said he thinks he feels more pressure from others on a day-to-day basis.

"It's kind of taboo for women nowadays to make that pledge that they want to stay pure," he said. "It's that times 10 for guys. You deal with that whole stereotype like you're wack or you're weak."

He asked friends and strangers to respect their decision.

"We can have a difference of opinions, but let's respect each others' opinions and talk about them," he said.

Michael A. Freeman, a fourth-generation pastor who founded Spirit of Faith Christian Center, said he never pressured Brelyn Bowman or his elder daughter, who gave him a similar purity certificate, to remain virgins.

"It's just a standard we decided we all wanted to uphold as a household," he said. "If she had violated that, it wouldn't have created any less love."

Medical exams that claim to check for virginity examine whether a woman's hymen is intact. The absence of the membrane or damage to it doesn't prove virginity because it can be damaged through regular activity like sports, and a girl can be born without a hymen, according to Planned Parenthood and the International Women's Health Coalition.

Still, the couple is urging other couples to consider abstinence.

"If I could get just one or two girls to say, 'Hey, I should wait,' then I know what I'm doing is encouraging," Brelyn Bowman said.

A blank copy of a "commitment contract" can be downloaded from their wedding website. The signee says she will "abstain from fornication (rubbing and petting) but I will keep myself until I am united in marriage to the young man that God is preparing for me." She also commits to avoid temptation and abstain from drugs, alcohol and cigarettes.

Asked if the couple had remained abstinent after their wedding, Brelyn Bowman said no.

"Absolutely not," the bride said with a laugh.

[Drtwinkstutu]

I might be confused about this since it was so long ago but didn't Lady Diana Spencer have to have a gyn certify her as a virgin before her marriage to Charles?  I remember thinking how weird that was at the time especially since it was a topic of conversation on news programs.  Something about she had to be pristine so there wouldn't be any chance of a royal heir not being, well, royal.  Like that's never happened.

Or I could just be addled in my old age.  It's beyond creepy no matter what situation.  I think presenting a certificate to your father is definitely creepier.

[ViolaSebastian]

So, this article from the Daily Mail has a close up of the certificate in question, and it looks like our "esteemed" physician is one Dr. Diana Soffer of Prince Frederick, Maryland. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3284078/Outrage-Maryland-bride-presents-Christian-pastor-father-certificate-purity-signed-gynecologist-wedding-day-prove-s-virgin.html

 

[louisa05]

I might be confused about this since it was so long ago but didn't Lady Diana Spencer have to have a gyn certify her as a virgin before her marriage to Charles?  I remember thinking how weird that was at the time especially since it was a topic of conversation on news programs.  Something about she had to be pristine so there wouldn't be any chance of a royal heir not being, well, royal.  Like that's never happened.

Or I could just be addled in my old age.  It's beyond creepy no matter what situation.  I think presenting a certificate to your father is definitely creepier.

That was a rumor, but never confirmed and there was no precedent for it in the modern royal family. I doubt it actually happened. There is good reason to believe that the Queen and Phillip pushed for Diana because she was so young that it was not likely she had a troublesome past to reflect badly on the Firm. I don't know that virginity is a big deal to them, but not having skeletons pop out of closets is a big deal. 

Regardless, they have clearly moved on from all of that as William and Kate lived together prior to marriage with no known objections from the Queen. And tabloids aside, the Queen seems happy with Kate. A likely indicator being that she loaned her a very personal piece of jewelry for the state banquet this week--a bracelet that Phillip gave to her as a wedding gift. 

[FundieFarmer]

Honestly, it's stuff like this that MAKES Christianity seem wack, Mr. Bowman.

[Cleopatra7]

Aside from the many problematic aspects of this story that have already been mentioned, there is the fact that the entirety of Christian ethics and social teachings appear to revolve around what one is and isn't doing with one's genitals. I know this isn't true, but the only moral and ethical issues conservative and fundie Christians appear to care about are those relating to sex (e.g., premarital sex, birth control, abortion, homosexuality). Other, more pressing issues such as global poverty, the environment, health care, racism, and the like are either ignored or not considered to be real problems. It's no wonder that the US is politically stalled if one side thinks that the state of one's genitals is the most important ethical issue of our time.

[CyborgKin]

I remember Jesus had some choice things to say to people who took pride in how much purer they were than everyone else.  Something about "whitewashed graves", and people who clean the outside of their dishes without cleaning the inside, I think.

[Mercer]

The only way I can see a decent doctor doing this is if the woman needed it for her safety, if she was afraid her family would harm her if she didn't have some sort of proof of virginity. In that case (as well as giving her domestic violence prevention resources and trying to help her actually get out of the dangerous situation) it's probably the lesser of two evils to just sign it. That doesn't seem to be the case here, though. Just for bragging rights, it's pretty twisted.

[LovelyLuna]

And she got it professionally framed, with flower petals behind glass and all...

 

Is Dad going to put it over the fireplace in the living room? Just imagine now, you would visit someone who actually HAS such a nice piece of family memories in the living room, right next to that picture of late grandma and the bowing trophy.

I want to know if the certificate came with her copay or it was extra.

[PreciousPantsofDoom]

Yeah, totally squicky. WTF does one do with a framed purity certificate anyhow?  

Aaand the 13 year old Beavis and Butt-Head in me is smirking at "Purity Balls"  

[December]

Well, this is wrong on so many levels, as everyone else on the thread has already pointed out. Even scarier if this inspires more women to get hymen-certified^TM. I seriously hope the doctor who signed off on this crock gets their license revoked.

If I'd handed my dad a certification of my hymen when I got married, I'm pretty sure he would've dragged me off to another sort of doctor... namely, a psychologist.

[Cartmann99]

Well I found a local news article about the incident- http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Embracing-Purity-Why-a-Maryland-Bride-Signed-a-Virginity-Certificate-336048261.html

 

A Prince George's County couple had their dream wedding this month. The bride wore Vera Wang, the groom wore Tom Ford, they welcomed more than 2,500 guests -- and the bride presented her father with a "certificate of purity."

Boutique owner Brelyn Bowman (née Freeman) surprised her father at the reception of her wedding to gospel singer Tim Bowman Jr. with a document signed by a doctor stating she had kept her promise to remain abstinent before marriage.

Brelyn Bowman, 22, said she told her father, Pastor Michael A. Freeman, when she was 13 that she would refrain from having sex. At her wedding, she said she wanted to show her dad and their loved ones that she had been faithful to their values.

"It's one thing to give your word. It's another to give proof," she said. "My whole message is embracing purity. It's all about how you honor yourself and your God."

Before the newlyweds flew off to their week-long honeymoon in Dubai and the Maldives, they posted wedding photos to their social media accounts. One photo shows Brelyn Bowman slow-dancing with her father. "I was able to present a certificate of purity to him signed by my doctor that my hymen was still intact," the caption says. Another photo shows the bride and her father holding the certificate and grinning.

When the Bowmans' plane touched down back home this week, they turned their phones back on and were stunned by a flood of hundreds of messages.

"We were sitting on the tarmac looking at our phones like 'What is this?!'" Tim Bowman, 28, said. Many of the messages called the virginity certificate "creepy" and sexist.

"At that moment, we had a brief meeting," Tim Bowman said. "We don't look at them like haters ... We made a decision that we were happy that people were even talking about it."

The Waldorf couple decided they could use their own story to help lead others.

"The whole goal is to make Jesus famous and debunk the myth that living for Jesus is wack and unfulfilling," said Tim Bowman, whose song "I'm Good" is near the top of the Billboard gospel charts.

They both said staying abstinent was difficult.

"We're both attracted to each other, not only physically but emotionally, too," Brelyn Bowman said. They set boundaries like agreeing not to stay out past a certain time on some nights or doing activities with others instead of alone.

The bride called staying abstinent one of the best decisions she had ever made.

"If it's really a path in your life, no one will have to push you," she said.

Tim Bowman said criticism on social media of the virginity certificate had focused on his wife, but he said he thinks he feels more pressure from others on a day-to-day basis.

"It's kind of taboo for women nowadays to make that pledge that they want to stay pure," he said. "It's that times 10 for guys. You deal with that whole stereotype like you're wack or you're weak."

He asked friends and strangers to respect their decision.

"We can have a difference of opinions, but let's respect each others' opinions and talk about them," he said.

Michael A. Freeman, a fourth-generation pastor who founded Spirit of Faith Christian Center, said he never pressured Brelyn Bowman or his elder daughter, who gave him a similar purity certificate, to remain virgins.

"It's just a standard we decided we all wanted to uphold as a household," he said. "If she had violated that, it wouldn't have created any less love."

Medical exams that claim to check for virginity examine whether a woman's hymen is intact. The absence of the membrane or damage to it doesn't prove virginity because it can be damaged through regular activity like sports, and a girl can be born without a hymen, according to Planned Parenthood and the International Women's Health Coalition.

Still, the couple is urging other couples to consider abstinence.

"If I could get just one or two girls to say, 'Hey, I should wait,' then I know what I'm doing is encouraging," Brelyn Bowman said.

A blank copy of a "commitment contract" can be downloaded from their wedding website. The signee says she will "abstain from fornication (rubbing and petting) but I will keep myself until I am united in marriage to the young man that God is preparing for me." She also commits to avoid temptation and abstain from drugs, alcohol and cigarettes.

Asked if the couple had remained abstinent after their wedding, Brelyn Bowman said no.

"Absolutely not," the bride said with a laugh.

Deciding when and if to become sexually active should be your own private business. Going to a doctor and getting a certificate that says you are a virgin is creepy. Incorporating said certificate into your wedding ceremony is creepy with a side order of tacky. Why do you want everybody and their Grandma thinking about your damn genitals while trying to eat wedding cake??? 

 

[Guest]

This is just disgusting.  How long before the fundies stop letting their daughters exercise or ride bikes and horses because it might damage their precious hymen?  Just one more way to control their daughters.  It's sick.

[bucket]

This is just disgusting.  How long before the fundies stop letting their daughters exercise or ride bikes and horses because it might damage their precious hymen?  Just one more way to control their daughters.  It's sick.

I would say it's probably happening somewhere, we just don't happen to know it yet.  I mean, in middle and high school some of my TOTALLY NON-FUNDIE friends were under the impression (probably because of their mothers) that because tampons could interfere with your hymen they could make you un-virginal and were really confused when I was like "what if the entire concept of 'virginity' is just a bunch of misogynistic malarky in the first place?"