Letters to Dave

[The Archivist]

letterstodavenavarro.com

Apparently some guy left his wife and kids, and his brother (getting a fundie vibe here) started a website to plead with him to come back. Starting with:

Dear David:

We are wondering where you are, brother. You have abandoned your wife, Alison, and your three children, Jacob, Joey, and Jonathan, for your new love – growing your business.

I would be disheartened to believe that any of your business colleagues or customers would be amicable with your decision. To sacrifice over a decade of marriage, the investment of fathering three young men, the privilege of being a husband, all to be thrown away so you can lock yourself in a dark hole unhindered by responsibility to close the next deal and make the next sale is unacceptable by any standard. None of the books on your shelf or the blogs you write for or associates you blog with would ever make that statement.

Brother, we all make bad decisions, and we all have illicit delusions of success, and dreams of success are not brought to fruition on the backbone of failure. You do not clean the carpet by burning down the house. You do not build a business by destroying a family.

You are not returning our calls, emails, or text messages. You are not communicating with us. As your brother, and as an Elder of Christ’s church, I declare you officially under discipline, brother. You may not know this, but the goal of Biblical discipline is not simply to wield a 2×4 of righteousness, but to lead you wisely and gently as we can to repentance and restoration. You need to repent of your actions brother, acknowledge them as a wrong decision on your part, and we need to return you as head of your home and begin the process of healing. We need to restore you to the body of Christ and as head of the family. We discipline those whom we love, and we will not lose you to the wiles of this world without a fight. You are not your own. You have been purchased at a great price, and we need to fight for what belongs to us.

We will forgive. We will forget. We will move on. We can, and will, do this together.

We have seen the destructive results of adultery and the pursuit of illicit passions first hand, brother, when our mother left our family to pursue her own interests. Her pursuit was to be in another man’s bed and to give up her family and leave her first love. Your pursuit, though not conjugal, is adultery all the same – you have left the woman you swore an oath to in front of your family and in front of the Lord. You have left the son you adopted and swore an oath never to leave him. You are pursuing illicit gold at the expense of the family you have been charged to husband.

If you pursue your current trajectory, how can you honestly do business, when promises and commitments are made at every level, when you cannot keep the most important commitment you have ever made in your life? How will people do business with you, knowing that you chose fame and success of the world while leaving the destructive effects of adultery and abandonment to yet ANOTHER generation of Navarros?

You were the hope of our generation, brother, to pass our family name into the future generations, breaking the pattern of destruction we have seen in our lifetime since before even our great grandfather. But, I guess the sins of the father have not passed through enough generations, or have they?

Please repent, turn back to us, and please come home. We can, and we will, work this out. Nothing is impossible when we let God do the heavy lifting. Your wife has pleaded with you that she will submit to anything that needs to be done, and to you as head, to restore the family and the marriage. The ball is in your court to submit to Christ, to love your wife as is our charge, and to lead the family in a Christ-honoring and glorifying relationship.

I will pass on a warning, however. I have seen sin too many times go unchecked, be it in our family, in our church, in our presbytery, or even a church denomination. Evil flourishes only when good men do nothing. And we know that it is easier to kill a monster when it is small. Too long, brother, I have observed a creeping unhealthiness in your business and family that I have left unchecked. Shame on me. And for that, I repent. I will not repent idly, though.

It is not our desire for your business not to succeed, for you indeed do need to provide for your family. BUT… as all business people will tell you from Stephen Covey to Og Mandino, no one who leaves the carnage of broken relationships and abandoned women and children in their wake can be considered a success no matter what. Every one of them had balance. Every one of them worked at the challenges in both business and marriage. We would rather you have a broken and contrite and loving heart living paycheck to paycheck than to reap the spoils of Babylon in this world than to be eternally separated from your family and your God in the next.

Come home, brother. Let us learn again, together, how to husband our wives, how to father the children put in our care, and bring light into this world, of which there is so much darkness.

Let’s do this together… with almost twice as many years of marriage under my belt as you, a shining testament to the power of Christ who can join two sinners together and make them shine like a light on a hill, we can walk through this and overcome any obstacle with our head held high and the past behind us.

-Anthony

[mstee]

I get so irritated when I see that after a man had abandoned his wife and family, that the "wife has pleaded with you that she will submit to anything that needs to be done, and to you as head, to restore the family and the marriage." So abandon your family, and then your wife is willing to submit to you so you'll come back. Who knows what the situation is here, but don't be a doormat and act like you did wrong just so your husband will come back.

[The Archivist]

Apparently Dave believes that his brother might *kill* him, according to this comment:

letterstodavenavarro.com/the-acknowledgement-of-evil-a-k-a-someone-needs-a-spanking#comment-344

Second, on that note, David has operated on a particularly malicious pattern of lies and manipulation regarding my attempts to reach out to him with regard to his lawyer that he retained to divorce Alison. He has manipulated my pleadings, my concerns, and my love for him to such a point that he has convinced his lawyer (and maybe he actually does believe this) that if I were to see him in person I would not only do him bodily harm, but resort to murder.

[Bookworm]

Ugh, sounds like a real mess of a situation. I kind of did a double take when I saw this thread because my brother knows someone with this writer's name.

[debrand]

I haven't read most of the blog, just skimmed over parts.

Marriages end. People fall out of love. Yes, I feel sorry for his wife but the kindest thing that the brother can do is help her to move on with her life. It is sad for her but wouldn't it be worse if her husband pretended that everything was all right? What if she discovered years later that he remained with her only because his faith told him to, not because he loved her? Wouldn't that hurt her worse?

Is Dave still visiting his boys and providing child support?

[Guest Anonymous]

These people are all crackers. I feel sorry for the kids, someday they will read this stuff. Its not in the best interests of the kids to turn this into a tribal warfare situation. (Much like Bristol Palin writing about her son's drunken conception.)

[debrand]

Do they really believe that letters on a public venue will make the husband suddenly love the wife? It will probably have the opposite situation.

She needs a good lawyer to help her get child support.

[PBrooke]

Some background. If this is all true, it's really chilling. http://ittybiz.com/sometimes-the-bad-guys-win/

[The Archivist]

Yeah, I was about to say...in case this situation wasn't already messed up enough, apparently the brothers' (Dave and Anthony) father DID kill their mother (or arrange to have their mother killed) in 1986 because she up and left the family:

When Anthony Navarro paid to have his wife killed, he hired an ex-Marine, a crack addict, a loose-lipped burglar and a New York honor student, among others.

They botched the job so many times that one of the men said he was a member of ``The Gang That Couldn`t Shoot Straight.``

The gang finally got the job done, though. On July 29, 1986, while she sipped coffee with her mother, Roseanne Navarro was gunned down by a killer who walked into her mobile home west of Lake Worth. She was 37.

``They were greedy, rotten things that would do anything for a dollar,`` Roseanne`s mother, Rosemary Wiksten, said of the killers. ``But I never gave up hope. I knew the detectives were going to get them. I knew God wouldn`t let this go unpunished.``

It took nearly four years for investigators to piece together the case they now have against Anthony Navarro and the other men.

[mythoughtis]

I'm confused, The letter mentioned presbytery.... that is a direct reference to Presbyterian... which I am, and which is not fundie, and in fact is progressive.

Second, no where in the first post does it mention that the guy filed for divorce, rather it makes it sound like he is a workaholic. If the guy wants a divorce, so be it.

Third, I think the writer has a few screws loose.... you can't compare adultery to a good business acumen.

[PBrooke]

Mythoughtis, read the link I posted. It's a long, convoluted story, and basically the brother is attacking the guy on all fronts, including business, to punish him for wanting to divorce his wife.

[fundifugee]

I'm confused, The letter mentioned presbytery.... that is a direct reference to Presbyterian... which I am, and which is not fundie, and in fact is progressive.

Second, no where in the first post does it mention that the guy filed for divorce, rather it makes it sound like he is a workaholic. If the guy wants a divorce, so be it.

Third, I think the writer has a few screws loose.... you can't compare adultery to a good business acumen.

There are lots of churches with presbyteries, and only some of them are progressive, such as the PCUSA. The PCA is fundy to fundy-lite, then there are the orthodox presbyterians as well as numerous other smaller denominations that are crazy fundy.

[Burris]

The Bible says an abandoned spouse can legally divorce the offending party and marry someone else.

Alison shouldn't be pleading with her wayward husband. He should be pleading with her.

If Alison has decided, for her own reasons, to try repairing the marriage, then she should deal privately with her husband - alone, with a counselor, with a mediator, etc.. If he won't talk to her, then he can leave a legit address for billing the support payments and whatever else Alison wins in the divorce settlement.

David's brother, Anthony, is sticking his nose in where it doesn't belong, and compounding his error by suggesting David has the right to return and head the family he abandoned.

Even worse is posting this online -- it's so obviously gossip at this point.

[Joykins]

The whole thing is just chilling.

[flojo]

Creepy creepy creepy creepy creepy

[Sola]

Wow.

Here's my letter to Dave (apparently you can send a letter to Dave through is brother's creepy website)

Dear Dave,

Get a restraining order.

Best wishes for the future

Sola

[Austin]

I'm confused, The letter mentioned presbytery.... that is a direct reference to Presbyterian... which I am, and which is not fundie, and in fact is progressive.

There's more than one kind of Presbyterian. These guys are Presbyterian pastors, too:

baylyblog.com/

ETA: I'm no fan of fathers abandoning their children, by any stretch. But if the his family has to dedicate a whole website into trying to shame this guy into returning, that's pretty eff'd up.

Alison, he's just not that into you. File for separation or divorce and have a judge order him to start paying some child support, if he's not doing something already. You can't make another person love you. Stop playing the victim, take some action to secure your children's financial future (like getting child support for them) and find a job (if you don't already have one). Dave doesn't sound like he's coming back, as he's been gone almost a year now.

I did not buy that this guy left his wife out of greed, or just to grow his business. That doesn't even really make sense. In digging a little deeper, it looks like he's got another love interest. If so, he's probably not coming back. And this blog and all of its admonitions (not to mention its rather ominous tone) won't help. If I was Dave, it would just drive me further away, mostly because I would think that everyone involved in that blog is seriously BSC and I wouldn't want anything to do with them.

Dave is looking to be the sanest of the bunch, from what I've read so far. Which is probably saying something.

[mirele]

Wow. It's weird when one part of my online life reaches out and touches another part of my online life.

This is a bit more complicated than what's been mentioned here. Dave Navarro is involved in "online marketing," a nebulous area that is absolutely chock a block with scam artists. A blog I follow, the Salty Droid, has been going after online marketers for years. (These "online marketers" aren't selling a good or even a real, tangible service, they're teaching you how to make invisible money or something, it's very weird and I don't know how people fall for it.)

http://saltydroid.info (not breaking the link, because I know a certain foul-mouthed robot will not care if a bunch of FJites show up for the fun)

Anyway, in more recent times, he's taken on Naomi Dunford, who is apparently the "other woman" in this Dave Navarro mess. She's an "online marketer."

http://saltydroid.info/the-ittybiz-spider/

Naomi got VERY upset that she was being targeted by the Droid (who is hated by these online marketers in general):

http://saltydroid.info/naomi-dunfords-d ... te-crimes/

And then the Droid brought Dave Navarro into the mix:

http://saltydroid.info/letter-to-two-dave-navarros/

Finally, the Droid decided the salacious details of their personal life were NOT why he was running his blog, but were just build up for the very real scam that these guys were discussing, including evading income tax in Canada.

http://saltydroid.info/spider-shit-storm/ (real long, real involved, now has over 600 comments on it since last week)

While I do think that Dave Navarro's family is a bit weird and over-religious for my tastes, I, however, do believe that Navarro is involved in ripping people off and for that he should be criticized.

Anyway, that's the "other side," for your consideration.

[Guest Anonymous]

It's starting to sound like there aren't any good guys in this situation - but Dave's brother is scary as hell, and if someone is running a scam I think they should be reported to the proper authorities, not harrassed and showered with death threats.

[fundiefan]

That is all just too weird. To take your family problems to the general public is just...creepy. And lazy. And manipulative.

The dude left his wife and kids. The courts can, and will, and do deal with that if you go the legal route. To go to these lengths is just crazy.

I'm guessing part of the reason they took it to the online world is because that's how this Dave guy makes his living and they're trying to mess with his credibility, such as it may be as a schemer in the land of Internet marketing. But, they only hurt the wife & kids that way because if he can't make his money, he can't support his kids, even if they do smarten up and just take it to the courts.

[Austin]

Mirele, thanks for that info. That is interesting.

I'm wondering, though, if Dave's family and his wife had any real issues with his business or business practices before he flew the coop. It doesn't sound like it to me (just from what I've read so far, anyway).

[Burris]

While I do think that Dave Navarro's family is a bit weird and over-religious for my tastes, I, however, do believe that Navarro is involved in ripping people off and for that he should be criticized.

It's interesting to note which aspect of this case gets the most attention in the Letters to Dave.

Anthony thinks his brother, an adulterous scamoholic, should be begged and entreated to return to the family he abandoned. Alison will do whatever it takes.

Ah, fuck that noise!

Is there anyone in that whole family who isn't a fruit-loop with terribly skewed priorities?

[Austin]

It's interesting to note which aspect of this case gets the most attention in the Letters to Dave.

Anthony thinks his brother, an adulterous scamoholic, should be begged and entreated to return to the family he abandoned. Alison will do whatever it takes.

Ah, fuck that noise!

Is there anyone in that whole family who isn't a fruit-loop with terribly skewed priorities?

I don't think so. I am about halfway through reading the letters/blog posts and they seem like are all whacky.

[eohiken]

Not this Dave, then?

http://www.google.ca/search?q=dave+nava ... 88&bih=548

[Austin]

Having read all of the letters, these are just my own thoughts and opinons:

There are numerous mentions of what their (the Navarro brothers') mother "did" to them (left their father and them) in Anthony's letters to Dave, but no mention that I could find of her demise and who brought that about (and how). There is no way their father killing their mother, or having her killed (same thing in my mind) , happens and the children are not traumatized and damaged by it. "Dad had mom killed" is a terrible thing for a child, which it appears Dave was at the time.

I'm not making excuses for Dave - he may be the ultimate scumbag. But his family of origin appears to have been a stressful, traumatizing ordeal and who knows what emotional carnage was wrought by his father's actions. Even if he is a scumbag, no one can force someone to stay in a marriage. No one can force someone to love someone else. Shaming someone for the way they feel is not effective. Shame him for not being financially responsible to his children, if that's the case, but if this isn't the life he wants, then it's not. As sad as that may be, it is not the end of the world.

Alison is still a young woman and she can build another life for herself. Depriving herself of food and hydration as she appeared to do in the month after Dave's departure to the point where she had to be hospitalized did not do the children any favors. It could have only traumatized them further, as one parent had left and now the other one had to be taken away. I hope she has realized that only by taking care of herself and taking charge of her future is what will really help the kids.

I hope Dave is living up to (or is being required by the courts to live up to) his financial responsibility to his children. I hope the children are exposed to as normal of a life as possible instead of whole lot of handwringing and pearl clutching. Talking constantly (and posting blogs) about what a sinner their dad is. . . I don't think that's helpful or productive. No marriage falls apart because of just one person, IMO. He may deserve the greater part of the blame, but if things are wonderful in paradise, people don't generally leave paradise.

Parents divorce all the time and kids survive. It may not be ideal, but it doesn't have to be the end of their world. Sometimes, I really think it is for the best.

And I'm sorry, but Anthony is a serious creep.

ETA: It does not appear that Dave's mother, Roseann Navarro, abandoned their whole family. Newspaper articles state that she took the two youngest children with her and left the two older ones (Anthony & Dave) with their father.

http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/1991-0 ... ne-navarro

The hitman received a sentence of nine years in prison for killing Roseann.

http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/1992-1 ... ny-navarro

The father is serving life.