Erika Shupe *fake smile* Large Families on Purpose Part 2

[defraudingjezebel]

@YoshiCat Wow, That sounds like it must have been a rough and anxiety-filled childhood. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. 

I'm pretty sure Erika combs through FJ every once and a while and if she does, I hope she reads your story. I think it might give her a sense of the emotion toll that kind of control takes on a child and the impact it leaves upon them as an adult. I'd like to think that she is deep-down a good person and willing to change for the sake of her children, though I think her pride might interfere with that. Pride goeth before destruction, etc. 

[pnwgypsy]

I don't disagree with a parent's right to homeschool, but I am surprised that the rights of their children are not more protected.  If there were an annual appraisal by the school district to ensure that children were at an age appropriate level of education, I would feel much better for them. If they don't reach that level, then perhaps a professional educator can work with the parent to create a syllabus acceptable to all parties. The whole creationism/evolution debate and other controversial topics could be tailored to the parents' beliefs (much though it pains me to type that) if such a concession by the authorities ensured at least a solid basic level of general education, which would allow the child/ren to go forward in later life.

I think there is, unless Erika is considered a certificated person working in education and can do it herself. Here's the WA home school rules http://www.k12.wa.us/PrivateEd/HomeBasedEd/PinkBook/pinkbook.pdf

[Guest]

Like many of you, I think she added the age on Brandon's note. She's proud (and delusional).  Erika has a degree in Education, does she really think this is acceptable for a 7th grader??  Brandon can't spell Mommy, AM can't spell Daddy, and neither Erika nor Bob see this as a problem. I guess it's a good thing she isn't teaching in a "government" school, imagine the damage she could inflict if she had 25 students each year?  This is so sad, those poor kids.  It's worse than I thought, and that's saying something...

[princessmahina]

 

But she did write "the twins said......". No, Erika, unless they spoke in unison, one of your daughters said those words.

 

 

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I like to think the twins (and the rest of the Shupe children) are united against Erika. The things she says and the way she words them often makes me think she doesn't get along well with her children. I imagine this is probably something they agree on.

[Hisey]

I like to think the twins (and the rest of the Shupe children) are united against Erika. The things she says and the way she words them often makes me think she doesn't get along well with her children. I imagine this is probably something they agree on.

Yes, of course they are, because they are angry.

When you stand before a hungry six-year old (I believe Erika's kids are malnourished) with a giant jar of Jelly Bellies and give him one -- not his favorite -- you make that kid angry.

When your teenager sees other girls playing soccer, or lolling around reading fiction, or learning to drive, and you are stuck at home feeding babies, you make that kid angry.

When your 12-year old is forced to watch a babyish Disney movie because "we're all watching one movie together", the kid gets angry.

I've known kids with very controlling parents. They get angry, and while they may never openly rebel, they push back in many little ways. Take a look at Lori's post this morning. Looks like Alyssa pushed back quite a bit during her teen years--even having a problem with her walk with God!

Erika's kids are angry. Even the little twins. And it's going to get worse for her. You can't keep an 8 year old boy behind a baby gate. There are lots of ways to mess with the mind of a control freak, and Erika's kids must know all of the things that bother her.

 

[zadie]

It's so weird how some fundies treat twins. Right now I'm thinking about Erika and the rodrigueses, but there are probably more examples. 

If each person is supposed to have a soul and was created by God, wouldn't it be extremely insulting to God to treat two of his creations as one being? 

 

Who ho knows maybe it's not. I will never grasp fundie logic when it comes to the scripture side of things. 

[ViolaSebastian]

Urgh. Those schedules give me a headache. I don't know how people live like that, never thinking "what do I feel like doing now?" It's just the two of us in our house, me and my husband (and a rotating menagerie because we foster) so it's easier for us to make it up as we go along. 

My husband's out of town this week. The other day I stayed longer than expected at the animal shelter where I volunteer. I got home exhausted, thought about the things I should do (laundry, open the boxes from Amazon and put stuff away), then laid down on the couch and watched TV. Because I'm an adult and I can do what I want. I guess I just can't fathom people who choose to live the way Erica does. 

Those schedules upset me mightily.  Children can gain so much from being 'bored' sometimes and having nothing to do.  It forces them to be creative and make up games, go on adventures in the neighborhood, play with new kids, and to come up with something to do that doesn't involve adults--because, let's face it, some of the best growing times in childhood are when adults aren't present to muck up the proceedings.  It forces them to try new things and to fool around with painting, drawing, and writing and discover what they enjoy in life.  It enables them to engage in imaginative, fantasy play that's vitally important to trying out new roles and personas.  But I suppose Erika looks on all those things as something negative that would make a big mess and distract from Jesus and being perfect little clones.    

[LovelyLuna]

 

Yes, of course they are, because they are angry.

When you stand before a hungry six-year old (I believe Erika's kids are malnourished) with a giant jar of Jelly Bellies and give him one -- not his favorite -- you make that kid angry.

When your teenager sees other girls playing soccer, or lolling around reading fiction, or learning to drive, and you are stuck at home feeding babies, you make that kid angry.

When your 12-year old is forced to watch a babyish Disney movie because "we're all watching one movie together", the kid gets angry.

I've known kids with very controlling parents. They get angry, and while they may never openly rebel, they push back in many little ways. Take a look at Lori's post this morning. Looks like Alyssa pushed back quite a bit during her teen years--even having a problem with her walk with God!

Erika's kids are angry. Even the little twins. And it's going to get worse for her. You can't keep an 8 year old boy behind a baby gate. There are lots of ways to mess with the mind of a control freak, and Erika's kids must know all of the things that bother her.

 

Yes. So much Yes. I see shades of my mother in Erika; the most important thing she taught me was how to lie really really well. 

[lawlifelgbt]

 

Yes. So much Yes. I see shades of my mother in Erika; the most important thing she taught me was how to lie really really well. 

I learned that as well. I no longer have tells for lying, and although I don't lie much, the fact that I can do it so easily and guiltlessly scares me a bit.

[DarkAnts]

Those schedules upset me mightily.  Children can gain so much from being 'bored' sometimes and having nothing to do.  

I was never bored as a child. Being bored meant cleaning the house. I always found ways to occupy my time.

[zadie]

I wonder what Erika would do if trick or treaters showed up.  Does she just ignore them? It'd be funny if someone sent trick or treaters to her house to ring repeatedly until someone answered lol.  Would she sick the dog on them? Yell at them about how they're going to hell? Send Bob out to celebrate make fun of them?

[upkacrane]

Erica reminds me a lot of my own extremely controlling mother. Although she wasn't as extreme as Erica, there are a lot of similarities. My mother decided for us what our activities would be, our interests and desires weren't relevant. We couldn't pick an activity because it would be too much work for her to take us back and forth on an individual basis and it would interfere with the activities she had selected for us. The selected activities were carved in stone, no stopping, no rearranging.

She was extremely controlling about food. We got lunch and dinner, no breakfast, no snacks. If she heard one of us go into the kitchen, she would come swooping in like a hawk to make sure no food passed our lips. Our house was pristine at all times, you could have done a magazine shoot any day, with no prior warning and no additional cleaning necessary. And NOTHING was more important than the house being clean, because what if someone happened to see something horrifying like a magazine on the living room table. Not that very many people saw it, we couldn't spontaneously have friends over because she hadn't had a chance to clean before they came. She would panic if a neighbor rang the doorbell and afterwards she would fret that the real reason the neighbor had come over was so she could get a look inside and see if it was messy. That piece of mail that was addressed to us but accidentally delivered to the neighbor who was kind enough to bring it over was just an excuse. After I'd been at a friend's house, would grill me about the cleanliness and neatness of the friend's house.

But everything she did was just so people would look at her with admiration, she was thin, her house was tidy, her children were polite and well behaved. She worried incessantly that someone would catch a hair out of place. And if there was any sort of compliment, we would hear about it for days. "You heard Martha say how nice our house looked." It was what she lived for and the only thing she really cared about. 

She only cared about my sister and me to the extent we made her look good---we were neatly dressed, we were polite, etc. We're four years apart in age, yet I don't think she ever saw us an individuals or could have described any differences we had, or even characteristic we had. We were always referred to as "you two" or "you girls."

And like Erica, she somehow thought this prepared us for adult life. But only if adult life consisted of nothing more than keeping your house clean and your children under absolute control at all times. We knew how to clean, we were prepared. Erica thinks her children are prepared to be adults because they can make their own smoothies and change diapers. But they can't make any decisions about what they enjoy, they have no idea how to manage their time or plan ahead, they don't know how to function outside of their home, how to deal with different types of people. I could go on and on.

It just infuriates me that she's making their childhood miserable and leaving them completely unprepared to be adults, yet things she so wonderful and perfect that she can instruct others on how to do everything.

*seethe*  *rage*

I am so sorry that was your experience growing up. My mother was/is a nightmare to be around. Nightmare.

[princessmahina]

I wonder what Erika would do if trick or treaters showed up.  Does she just ignore them? It'd be funny if someone sent trick or treaters to her house to ring repeatedly until someone answered lol.  Would she sick the dog on them? Yell at them about how they're going to hell? Send Bob out to celebrate make fun of them?

She said before they leave the front porch light off and don't decorate or anything. That's generally the universal (well, American-Universal) sign that trick or treaters aren't welcome. So, if someone knocks, it probably just gets ignored.

[notfundy]

Yeah - she wrote that they don't go out, either, since the costumes/decorations would freak her kids out (not in those words, but she seriously said it would upset them).  So they can't go  out that night, either.

I think she say they retire to the back of the house and play a board game or something and have popcorn.  

[NoQuiverNoCry]

I learned that as well. I no longer have tells for lying, and although I don't lie much, the fact that I can do it so easily and guiltlessly scares me a bit.

Same here. Both of my parents were hyper-controlling. Lying well was a survival strategy for all five of us kids. We joke about it as adults, but it's so not funny.

[grandmadugger]

I loved telling my mom "I'm bored."  It meant I got a arts & crafts packet.  Sometimes it was random fabric scraps, sometimes it was paint, I got play-doh, one time she handed me a bunch of pizza dough.  I got to make shapes, bake them, and then eat it.  I don't remember our house ever looking magazine ready but creativity was encouraged. Then again my dad taught me how to do mental math by playing blackjack with me.  I'm sure Erika would think they are roaming in hell.

[MatthewDuggar]

If I told my mom that I was bored, she'd say "Then go outside and play".

[princessmahina]

Mine always gave me chores to do if I said I was bored. Or told me "only boring people get bored." 

[Guest]

I just looked at the twin blog post... I think one of the worst things about living in the Shupe household would be having to dress like it's still 1998.

[AuLait]

I was raised by a Mom who was very structured and kept an impeccable house, homeschooled 5 kids, volunteered, helped her family and was very active in her church, and floated on the outskirts of Gothard/ATIA (prevented only by my Dad not being a Christian). We had an extremely strict upbringing, reminiscent of Erika's home. My Mom suffered abuse and neglect as a child and went far in the other direction. I rebelled at age 16 and ran away with a boy to Idaho. While short lived (24 hours), it totally changed my family. My Mom was devastated by losing face and having a wayward daughter. I joke that I "broke" my Mom so it was easier for my siblings, lol. But it is kind of true. Running away like I did was totally over the top and not ok, but it did bring about balance in time. We still had problems until I moved out at 18 but actually have a really wonderful relationship now. She mellowed a lot. Has Erika talked about her own upbringing at all? I wonder if this extreme need for control is a reaction to something in her own childhood.

I actually "know" Erika through a double 6 degrees of separation (She's friends/related to two people I know) but haven't had the opportunity to meet her because she lives about 50 miles away so we run in different circles. I really hope to meet her one day though. It would be so interesting! *chuckle*

[mango_fandango]

I've got an awkward internet connection here so just catching up. 

The note from Brandon: that is slightly worrying that he can't spell basic words at 12. My 16-year-old brother has pretty bad handwriting and his spelling isn't always hot either, but then he does have dyslexia/dyspraxia and he uses a laptop/iPad at school. (He can spell basic words though). I wonder if Brandon has a learning difficulty and hope he's getting help if he has.

Twins photo: looks like their hair is getting darker. They used to be quite blonde. Looks like Riley's going to be the lone blond Shupe. I think they still use the earrings to differentiate between the twins. Judging by the photo I think Lacey's on the right but I don't know for sure.

Also: happy birthday Erika! They'll be doing the usual face painting, movie and likely pumpkin-related dessert. It's nice that they celebrate as a family, I guess. 

[LovelyLuna]

Happy Birthday Erika, I hope you choke on the Halloween candy you bought and are hiding for yourself.

[LovelyLuna]

back to the lying thing, I don’t use my magical powers often. However Mr. LL has decided to teach me poker and we have quite enjoyed playing. I am surprisingly good at it because he can not read me. I have no tells and it drives Mr. LL nuts. I have refrained from letting him in on the fact that it is because I can lie so well. I shrug and say “beginner luck?”. I find it hilarious 

[iweartanktops]

I just went over to Bob's page to see if he's posted any Halloween jokes! Sadly, he hasn't... Erika's keeping him in line! They're probably already locked in the house with a boring movie staying away from all of the evil devil worshippers!  Oh, and celebrating another year of wonderful Erika! 

[princessmahina]

GUYS. GUYS.

I had to come to FJ (and specifically, the Erika thread) to tell you guys this, because it's something I found awesome and hilarious. My boyfriend isn't into snarking on fundies like I am, but he does occasionally express interest in what we're currently talking about on here. As a result, he knows far more about the Duggars/Bates/Shupes/Andersons than he would like. Anyway. Tonight we were at a family get together (his, not mine) and the two of us were talking about his cousins, who have several kids. I asked him a question (don't remember what, not important) and he said, "Well, I suppose they could always just starting feeding them popcorn and protein bars for dinner." 

I almost felt like chanting "One of us, one of us!" at him, but I didn't. This must be what the fundies feel like when they get a "bite" while out soul winning. I never expected him to remember such a mundane detail about the Shupes! Someday he, too, may be a Jingerite