Saw this, thought of Sarah Maxwell

[roddma]

What the OP said happened to my late great-aunt(born 1915). It was common for women to remain at home until married or spend the rest of their life living at home. Think of the Baldwin sisters on the Waltons. By the time my great grandmother passed, like in the example, my great-aunt was over 60. I think her being the youngest put her further in that situation. I always felt my GG didn't want to sell the land and if the great aunt married she would likely have had no choice. When I talked about leaving home as a young adult, she couldn't understand.

My parents weren't Maxwellian, but they put pressure on us to be their religion. There was no point telling them you thought differently. They tried to control me in a similar fashion simply because I was female. In agreement with others, it seems some parents cannot accept the fact their female children are adults. I have no issue with adults being at home, but I can't stand when parents want to micromanage their adult kids lives to the point of them being like the example OP gave. I mean I love my parents,I just felt it was time to grow up. It took me getting married for them to realize I was grown. I really feel bad for young women like Jana Duggar and Sarah Maxwell.

[Rhetorica]

...

Well, this is getting long but I am glad to know that I was not alone when it came to having parents that were shades of Maxwell. Getting back to Sarah, she got dealt a really bad hand when it came to crazy controlling parental units.

No, you definitely were not. I'm so sorry you had to go through that--and then to see your sisters give up without much of a fight. It's hard to know what would have happened in my family without Gothard's influence, but given my Dad's tendencies, I'm certain he would have found another approach to try to control us into adulthood. Gothard just helped him put a "Biblical" spin on it that manipulated our desires to do the right thing. Just like the Maxwells are "helping" all the families that attend their conferences. Sigh. Real people. Real lives. Real disasters.

[nokidsmom]

No, you definitely were not. I'm so sorry you had to go through that--and then to see your sisters give up without much of a fight. It's hard to know what would have happened in my family without Gothard's influence, but given my Dad's tendencies, I'm certain he would have found another approach to try to control us into adulthood. Gothard just helped him put a "Biblical" spin on it that manipulated our desires to do the right thing. Just like the Maxwells are "helping" all the families that attend their conferences. Sigh. Real people. Real lives. Real disasters.

Thanks. It was very, very hard to experience this and it was confusing because I was told all my life that someday I might get married, or that someday I might need to work to support myself, had to get a job when I was 16 and had to work my way through college, so to have them react against what I saw as a natural progression in growing up and becoming independent, it was a huge WTF moment for me. And I did have hopes that, at the very least, my sisters would see through it but maybe the whole "bad daugther" thing was an attempt to avoid a repeat performance by them.

My Dad didn't use religion outwardly as reasons, however, it's apparent that he had some ideas about protection and sheltering that had some basis in it. He's more patriarchal than he knows and if you told him he has some similarities to other patriarchs, he would be truly shocked. Even my mom, who was a career woman for nearly 20 years before her retirement, still has not totally lost the idea that she has to follow her husband even when she's unhappy about it.

Getting back to Sarah, I sometimes wonder how many times Sarah was told about her "somedays" in her future such as "someday you will get married" or being told she needs to clean the kitchen cabinets because "someday you will have your own home". Yet her parents, through their extreme beliefs and sheltering, prevent her from realizing the things that they have in all likelihood have raised her to expect. I wonder how angry she is at her parents at this point. Because she should be. She seems like someone who has a lot to offer and the idea of her just being stuck at the Maxwell compound for years on end waiting for life to happen, all because of her dad going down the rabbit hole, is really a shame. And they preach the same stuff to other families who may just take it to heart enough that they will consign daughters to the life Sarah is living.

As you say, real people, real lives, real disasters. Add to it real disappointments. Goals and potential not realized. Lives that won't be lived happily and to the fullest.