LORI ALEXANDER: ON MODESTY

[2xx1xy1JD]

I follow a few busty bloggers (they mostly do bra reviews, but also talk about things like body image and fashion for curvier figures.) A group of them all did individual posts on how being busty and the idea of modesty has effected them last year.

hourglassy.com/2013/05/the-modesty-panel/

This is why I actually prefer "legalistic" guidelines. I'd rather have a rule - whatever that rule is - that is applied to everyone, instead of looking at each girl to judge if she's crossed a magic line into "too sexy" category. The latter sounds like body-shaming and can be downright creepy. I also don't like the idea that a girl suddenly finds that the rules change as soon as she develops.

I briefly thought about this post yesterday, because it was my daughter's group Bat Mitzvah celebration. The synagogue is Orthodox (Chabad), but most of the girls were not, so we were sent guidelines for modest dressing. The guidelines were pretty specific (chest and back to be covered, shoulders covered, knee-length skirts), with not a word about asking men to judge if anything was too sexy.

[RosyDaisy]

if you're blessed the slightest bit in certain areas people give you the evil eye. i used to wear four layers on top just to be as much of a square as possible. :pull-hair:

They're just jealous they weren't blessed with certain "gifts"

[Coco]

This is why I actually prefer "legalistic" guidelines. I'd rather have a rule - whatever that rule is - that is applied to everyone, instead of looking at each girl to judge if she's crossed a magic line into "too sexy" category. The latter sounds like body-shaming and can be downright creepy. I also don't like the idea that a girl suddenly finds that the rules change as soon as she develops.

I briefly thought about this post yesterday, because it was my daughter's group Bat Mitzvah celebration. The synagogue is Orthodox (Chabad), but most of the girls were not, so we were sent guidelines for modest dressing. The guidelines were pretty specific (chest and back to be covered, shoulders covered, knee-length skirts), with not a word about asking men to judge if anything was too sexy.

They're just jealous they weren't blessed with certain "gifts"

It's a sick feeling to know men are giving you the side eye seeing if you're "modest enough". They did it to all the girls, even about sandals and dumb things. It's just stupid. It takes away the carefree kid innocence to have to try not to be a stumbling block starting at 13 or 14 or whatever.

[Full enough quiver]

Growjng up, my dad was constantly bugging me about the way I dressed. It seemed that everything I owned was "too sexy". Yet my sisters wore whatever they wanted. I'm 5 inches taller than by second tallest sister, and 2 cup sizes bigger than my second bustiest sister. My dad actually admitted that my body was immodest, but my small, thin, small breasted sisters' bodies were fine. I wouldn't have minded the rules if they had applied to all of us, but the way I was singled out for being "tempting" wasn't fair, and made me feel dirty. Especially because I was being molested by my grandfather. I felt like it was my fault for tempting him.

Now I am the proud mother of tall, curvy, beautiful girls, age 12 and 16. I see the way that men look at my girls, and I don't like it. My husband likes it even less, probably because he's a man, and knows what they're thinking about his little girls. We have decided not to restrict what our girls wear. They are not to be held responsible for men's thoughts. They should be free to cover or not cover their bodies in whatever way they see fit. They wear short shorts, tank tops, skinny jeans, whatever they want, and they are confident. My dad almost had a coronary when he came for a bbq and saw the girls in bikinis. He told my husband that he should make them cover up, and my husband's answer made me realize the kind of man I married. He said "my daughters are beautiful, and comfortable with their bodies. They're not responsible for perverts being perverts. I will not allow anyone to make them feel bad for being women." My man has come a long way. I know it isn't easy for him to see the girls look like they do, but I'm glad to see him put the blame where it belongs, on the men who are looking lustfully at little girls.