Duggars By the Dozen - General Discussion - Part 7

[BeaSnarky]

That responder sounds like a serious red flag, as would anyone who follows his bullshit "advice". Asking for emotional intimacy first is not a control issue. Insisting on sex is. Most people do not have sex on their wedding nights. It's just too long and exhausting of a day.

Yup - it was the last thing on our minds...we were hot and tired. All I wanted was a nice shower and to crawl in bed, which is what I did.

[Cats B4 Quivers]

Uh, I about lost it on that forum with the gatekeeper nonsense

For example, a man expressed frustration that his intended has told him, she feels unready for sex the night of the wedding, and wants to experience emotional intimacy as a married couple before sex.

A anger-inducing response, "sounds to me like she is setting the tone to be a gatekeeper in your marriage. That could be a control issue.

It is very reasonable (and expected) to have sex on your wedding night. I would insist."

That is awful. "Gatekeeper" has to be the creepiest sounding term I've ever heard. :ew:

[realist51]

That is awful. "Gatekeeper" has to be the creepiest sounding term I've ever heard. :ew:

This made the skin on my arms stand up. These poor women. I'd like to hear from people who grew up in this system. Do the women REALLY not know that they don't have to put up with this?

[veron1que]

This made the skin on my arms stand up. These poor women. I'd like to hear from people who grew up in this system. Do the women REALLY not know that they don't have to put up with this?

It's sad for the men too. Obviously, the women always get the shorter end of the stick and are more often the abused. However, its disturbing that men who I think really love their partners and want to be a supportive/loving spouse are set in the wrong direction, and are set up to become abusers.

When he expressed frustration about not having sex on the wedding night, he should have been told. His sexual urges are normal and OK. It's common for married couples to not have sex the night of their wedding. There is more to getting married than sex, if he feels otherwise, then maybe he should reconsider marrying. The most important element of a sexual relationship is the comfort and consent of all parties. They have the rest of their lives to have sex.

Instead, he's been told he's ENTITLED to sex with his wife. He's not, not now, not ever. And he'll approach the discussion of sex with her with that attitude, because people have turned his doubts into rights :(

I've also noticed in a lot of preparing for marriage discussions, when they discuss rules they set for marriage one of them is that neither partner will turn down sex...aka be a "Gatekeeper" :ew:

[EmmieJ]

That responder sounds like a serious red flag, as would anyone who follows his bullshit "advice". Asking for emotional intimacy first is not a control issue. Insisting on sex is. Most people do not have sex on their wedding nights. It's just too long and exhausting of a day.

And that would include those who have already been intimate with each other. I think any person in a relationship should ask themselves: What's more important on my wedding night? That I get some sex, or that I show consideration for my spouse?

Not to mention, if the OP were to take the advice given, insist on sex on the wedding night, he is basically telling his wife "don't confide your true feelings to me anymore, because I'll ignore them if and when it suits me."

For pete's sake, if they have a happy, long marriage, there will be plenty of opportunities to have marital sex. Marriage shouldn't just be about getting to have sex whenever you want to.

[ariel9]

I just skimmed through one or two threads and immediately was seeing responses to people worrying about temptation being told "get married immediately!". It kind of confirms fundies and other abstinent people getting married so they can boink ASAP. I don't know why that kind of mindset where you rush into marriage for lustful reasons seems any less sinful or healthy than the alternative.

Exactly I've seen it happen. If they're allowed to divorce they will if not they end up miserable forever.

[LittleOleMe]

And that would include those who have already been intimate with each other. I think any person in a relationship should ask themselves: What's more important on my wedding night? That I get some sex, or that I show consideration for my spouse?

Not to mention, if the OP were to take the advice given, insist on sex on the wedding night, he is basically telling his wife "don't confide your true feelings to me anymore, because I'll ignore them if and when it suits me."

For pete's sake, if they have a happy, long marriage, there will be plenty of opportunities to have marital sex. Marriage shouldn't just be about getting to have sex whenever you want to.

[doggie]

[

For pete's sake, if they have a happy, long marriage, there will be plenty of opportunities to have marital sex. Marriage shouldn't just be about getting to have sex whenever you want to.

Well when you were never even allowed to think about sex you might literally explode if you don't do something about the tension. (G)

[DuggarTime]

None of the Duggars are following Amy Duggar on Instagram. Why not?! Amy just posted a picture of herself with the Duggar girls today, and a picture of herself with Josh, and, they won't even follow their own relative? I don't get it!

[HarryPotterFan]

None of the Duggars are following Amy Duggar on Instagram. Why not?! Amy just posted a picture of herself with the Duggar girls today, and a picture of herself with Josh, and, they won't even follow their own relative? I don't get it!

Maybe she's too defrauding?

[Vivi_music]

Uh, I about lost it on that forum with the gatekeeper nonsense

For example, a man expressed frustration that his intended has told him, she feels unready for sex the night of the wedding, and wants to experience emotional intimacy as a married couple before sex.

A anger-inducing response, "sounds to me like she is setting the tone to be a gatekeeper in your marriage. That could be a control issue.

It is very reasonable (and expected) to have sex on your wedding night. I would insist."

This makes me so sad. But it also goes to show how fundies don't believe in marital rape. It's your wife, it's not rape to force yourself on her. :angry-banghead:

[DuggarTime]

Maybe she's too defrauding?

But they hang out with her in real life and she is their COUSIN... I get that they won't follow other worldly people, but, their own cousin?!

And it seems pretty stuck up as well that all of their accounts, including Ben Seewalds, they only follow like the other 4 Duggars. And, they always just post selfies and pictures of themselves, why did they even make an Instagram? So Jessa can look at pictures of her and ben and ben can look at pictures of him and Jessa? Could do that without an Instagram!

[Ella]

Maybe they just feel worldly being on social media, even if it's just a variation of hanging with their sibs in the TTH. Which is probably where they're posting from most of the time.

[snuggles911]

I just skimmed through one or two threads and immediately was seeing responses to people worrying about temptation being told "get married immediately!". It kind of confirms fundies and other abstinent people getting married so they can boink ASAP. I don't know why that kind of mindset where you rush into marriage for lustful reasons seems any less sinful or healthy than the alternative.

This is very common among fundies and even the fundie-light type Christians I grew up with. It's actually gotten worse in the past 20 years since I was single. I know parents who have pushed up their child's wedding date b/c they were afraid they would fornicate.

Last weekend I attended the wedding of an 18-year-old man and a woman who just turned 18. The girl's parents (my cousin and his wife) had gotten pregnant as teens and didn't want that to happen to their children so they homeschooled and pushed courting and early marriage from the time they were little.

The couple is sweet but very childlike. Neither works (they will live with my cousins until the groom starts college this fall) and they went to Six Flags Great Escape for their brief honeymoon.

[LittleOleMe]

This is very common among fundies and even the fundie-light type Christians I grew up with. It's actually gotten worse in the past 20 years since I was single. I know parents who have pushed up their child's wedding date b/c they were afraid they would fornicate.

Last weekend I attended the wedding of an 18-year-old man and a woman who just turned 18. The girl's parents (my cousin and his wife) had gotten pregnant as teens and didn't want that to happen to their children so they homeschooled and pushed courting and early marriage from the time they were little.

The couple is sweet but very childlike. Neither works (they will live with my cousins until the groom starts college this fall) and they went to Six Flags Great Escape for their brief honeymoon.

They didn't want their children to get pregnant as teens so they let their just turned 18yo get married to a man who has no way to support her when she inevitably gets pregnant and has a baby in her teens :cray-cray:

I'm glad he's going to college, but why not wait until he was done, then? Seriously. And Six Flags sounds fucking awesome, especially for a pair or 18yo sweethearts. But it does show just how young they are.

[freethemall]

But they hang out with her in real life and she is their COUSIN... I get that they won't follow other worldly people, but, their own cousin?!

And it seems pretty stuck up as well that all of their accounts, including Ben Seewalds, they only follow like the other 4 Duggars. And, they always just post selfies and pictures of themselves, why did they even make an Instagram? So Jessa can look at pictures of her and ben and ben can look at pictures of him and Jessa? Could do that without an Instagram!

I have noticed that other fundies do follow unfundie people, such as Alyssa Bates following Ju Ju Chang (I wonder if she was there when ABC filmed Alyssa's wedding), and other people that maybe aren't full-on mainstream but more fundie lite. It does seem strange that the girls wouldn't at least follow Amy - do women have to care about being defrauded by other women? Can the girls walk around in pants, or daresay without any clothes, in front of each other at home? And we know they don't worry about women being defrauded by men (or else Kelly Bates wouldn't post those sexy pictures of Lawson all muddy from a few months ago) so it's not like that's a worry. Strange.

[Dandruff]

But they hang out with her in real life and she is their COUSIN... I get that they won't follow other worldly people, but, their own cousin?!

And it seems pretty stuck up as well that all of their accounts, including Ben Seewalds, they only follow like the other 4 Duggars. And, they always just post selfies and pictures of themselves, why did they even make an Instagram? So Jessa can look at pictures of her and ben and ben can look at pictures of him and Jessa? Could do that without an Instagram!

Maybe some of them have other accounts and use these to bore and distract?

[BMGO_4]

Another random question.. But what do Hartonos have to do with the Duggars? I saw Jennifer goes to school for teaching.

[Rescinded and Mended]

Maybe she's too defrauding?

I remember not too long ago when Amy was dating her boyfriend, Reed. Before they broke up and she scrubbed her account, she posted pictures of the two of them in a bedroom. He was wearing only his boxer shorts, I believe. Uncle Jim Bob and Aunt Michelle probably don't want their virginal little darlings to see such defrauding pictures.

[DuggarTime]

I remember not too long ago when Amy was dating her boyfriend, Reed. Before they broke up and she scrubbed her account, she posted pictures of the two of them in a bedroom. He was wearing only his boxer shorts, I believe. Uncle Jim Bob and Aunt Michelle probably don't want their virginal little darlings to see such defrauding pictures.

Do you guys think Amy is ... sexually active? I know she kisses and stuff but... sex? :oops:

[Rescinded and Mended]

The way the pic looked to me was that they were either about to have sex, or had just finished. What Amy and Reed were doing was entirely their choice, but it should not have been posted all over the internet for the world to see. At the risk of actually defending the Duggars about something, I can honestly see why JB and M wouldn't have wanted their younger children following Amy on instagram, because it would have led to some uncomfortable questions. If I was Amy, I really wouldn't have posted something so intimate on a public forum, and if I was a parent who was in Amy's family, I wouldn't want my child looking at it.

[FJismyheadship]

He had a beer in his boxers too. Highly inappropriate for Instagram... heck I didn't even wanna see it! I'm not as sheltered as the Duggars and their leghumpers, but that was just... not a good online photo.

[Elisabeth]

Super weird though that Anna does not follow Amy, but she follows Amy's bff, Julie Story...

[HarryPotterFan]

Do you guys think Amy is ... sexually active? I know she kisses and stuff but... sex? :oops:

What if when Jim Boob gave her a lecture on staying "pure" or whatever he said she said, "too late!!"?

Rescinded and Mended and FMJ - Yeah, I agree. I didn't see the photo, but once you put things online they are there forever. A good policy is don't put up things that you wouldn't want an employer or your parents to see.

[mastercleaner]

So, on the family Instagram today, there's a picture of Jer reading to Josie. Now they have 19 kids, they should have a ROOM or a WALL of books. I have never once on the show even seen a BOOKSHELF with books in it.

I commented and said that, and also that considering Jill's favourite book is the Prince Charming one that I doubt any reading actually goes on. I mean come on Michelle brags about how wonderful her children are, and how smart they are, I'm sure she would have been like look at all these books!

I LOVE reading, I have so many books! It's so sad all the amazing books they won't read. And they won't experience the feeling of getting lost in a good fantasy, or mystery etc.

:(