ENERGIZE! new conferences by the Maxhells

[Boogalou]

Virtual shovel .... :? :cray-cray:

They need to call that exercise something more biblical.... virtual... umm.... I don't know. I'm so uncreative. Maybe "virtual digging a grave to better ponder where you will go when you die". That really rolls off the tongue.

[WonderingInWA]

Next project for the Maxwells

Your body is God's temple, and you want to keep it in shape to please him, but tired of working out in the gym with all it's worldly influences. Tired of exercise routines infused with secular, humanistic, evolutionary, homosexual and feminist propaganda?

From the family that brought you Master's of your home, ITonRamp, and the best selling CD - Simple Faith, Trust and Obey, now bring you ENERGIZE!

On-line personal training with a godly focus!!

The Maxwells will walk you through your exercise routine, with hymns playing softly in the background and scripture reading between sets!*

Separate sessions for the men and women.

Men will be able to contact a mentor for advice, women will be able to contact a mentor's assistant. She will not be able to provide advice, just encouragement.

Sign up today and don't forget to ask us about our envelope payment plan!

*Dietary planing will be available for and additional cost.

Marvelous marketing, Twin2! Kudos!

[treemom]

Twin2 Steve is gonna be so pissed you guessed what they are gonna do!

[formergothardite]

Next project for the Maxwells

Your body is God's temple, and you want to keep it in shape to please him, but tired of working out in the gym with all it's worldly influences. Tired of exercise routines infused with secular, humanistic, evolutionary, homosexual and feminist propaganda?

From the family that brought you Master's of your home, ITonRamp, and the best selling CD - Simple Faith, Trust and Obey, now bring you ENERGIZE!

On-line personal training with a godly focus!!

The Maxwells will walk you through your exercise routine, with hymns playing softly in the background and scripture reading between sets!*

Separate sessions for the men and women.

Men will be able to contact a mentor for advice, women will be able to contact a mentor's assistant. She will not be able to provide advice, just encouragement.

Sign up today and don't forget to ask us about our envelope payment plan!

*Dietary planing will be available for and additional cost.

If they weren't planning this they should steal your idea and do it! :lol: You know fundies would buy this.

[Cleopatra7]

Actually, the idea of a fundamentalist Christian exercise program doesn't sound that bad. It's something families could do together and would promote healthy lifestyle habits. Maybe the Maxwells could be the Duggars' personal trainers for several months. Both families could benefit; the Duggars could use up their restless energy (especially the howelers) and the Maxwells could learn how to loosen up.

[Hane]

"Christian" exercise plans and diets have been around for decades. I once read about a "Christian" exercise salon, back in the '80s, where the women wore "modest" short and tee shirts instead of the tights and leotards that were in style then. One of my trainees once said she was on a "Christian" diet, which consisted in part of making sure you only ate when hungry. Whatevs.

[formergothardite]

My mom used to have a "Christian" exercise record. I think it had a booklet that showed you how to do the exercises and then you exercised along with the lady on the record. There were Bible verses and songs thrown in.

[Savoring Samsara]

I also recall seeing a Christian version of yoga once. It was called something like "Praise Moves."

[ViolaSebastian]

That's a sorry amount of snacks for eight grown adults. One cereal sized bowl of popcorn? It bums me out just looking at it...

[mastercleaner]

I bet they were only allowed 2 popcorn pieces at a time!

[AllisonWndrland]

I really, really wish they would do a conference in Kansas. I would be there to see the show firsthand. Also, ENERGIZE! sounds like the fundy version of HIGH FIVE! I like to think Sarah walks around holding her hand up while shouting "ENERGIZE!"

[thoughtful]

Next project for the Maxwells

Your body is God's temple, and you want to keep it in shape to please him, but tired of working out in the gym with all it's worldly influences. Tired of exercise routines infused with secular, humanistic, evolutionary, homosexual and feminist propaganda?

From the family that brought you Master's of your home, ITonRamp, and the best selling CD - Simple Faith, Trust and Obey, now bring you ENERGIZE!

On-line personal training with a godly focus!!

The Maxwells will walk you through your exercise routine, with hymns playing softly in the background and scripture reading between sets!*

Separate sessions for the men and women.

Men will be able to contact a mentor for advice, women will be able to contact a mentor's assistant. She will not be able to provide advice, just encouragement.

Sign up today and don't forget to ask us about our envelope payment plan!

*Dietary planing will be available for and additional cost.

Buy our book - Masters of Their Muscles!

Strictly-scheduled workouts, full of exercises everybody has known since first grade that only the Godly Maxwells could plan for you!

Keep track of your reps with really annoying handy little squares of colored paper that you move from one place to another in the book, making your workout take twice as long and be half as effective fun!

[twin2]

Buy our book - Masters of Their Muscles!

Strictly-scheduled workouts, full of exercises everybody has known since first grade that only the Godly Maxwells could plan for you!

Keep track of your reps with really annoying handy little squares of colored paper that you move from one place to another in the book, making your workout take twice as long and be half as effective fun!

To start our ENERGIZE! program, God has laid it upon our hearts to offer a bundled package of the On-line Program, Dietary Planing and Master of Their Muscles Book for the low, low price of $1000!* Hurry up and take advantage as one will never know when they will die!

*Passing of the Good Person Test required for this offer.

[PennySycamore]

In the thread about Victoria Jackson, someone mentioned that Janine Turner, who played Maggie on Northern Exposure had a Christianized version of yoga she was promoting.

The local Xtian TV station has a local exercise show called Beverly Exercise. It's been on forever. Beverly wears a leotard, tights and little shorts. She's pretty covered up, but her activewear doesn't hide her figure at all. It would be totally unacceptable to the MaxHells and for that matter other fun dies.

[Marian the Librarian]

I'm old enough to remember a 60 Minutes segment about a Christian college that had mandatory classes for overweight students, in which the virtues of weight loss were extolled. My brain has retained few details, but I believe it was in the South, and I remember a female instructor drawling "...and God doesn't want us to be fat, now, does He?" to a room full of thoroughly miserable-looking students.

[crawfishgirl]

I'm old enough to remember a 60 Minutes segment about a Christian college that had mandatory classes for overweight students, in which the virtues of weight loss were extolled. My brain has retained few details, but I believe it was in the South, and I remember a female instructor drawling "...and God doesn't want us to be fat, now, does He?" to a room full of thoroughly miserable-looking students.

You may be thinking of Oral Roberts University in Oklahoma. I'm not sure if the rules have changed, but in the past, a student could be dismissed from the school for not losing enough weight over a specific time period. I found an old reference to it here: http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1 ... 41,1989582

Since it's a google address, I'm not breaking the link.

[ILoveJellybeans]

That's a sorry amount of snacks for eight grown adults. One cereal sized bowl of popcorn? It bums me out just looking at it...

I could eat that amount my myself.

[Phoebe]

They need to call that exercise something more biblical.... virtual... umm.... I don't know. I'm so uncreative. Maybe "virtual digging a grave to better ponder where you will go when you die". That really rolls off the tongue.

:doh:

"Sweating for Jesus"? :?

[sparkles]

Christian workout videos have been around for a long time so the Maxwells are definitely behind the curve there, except for the fact that in most of the videos the instructors and participants are appropriately dressed for exercise. Leslie Sansone of Walk Away the Pounds fame (WAP is big on the Weight Watchers forums) is one I remember. She has a whole line of Christian videos in addition to her regular videos. The Maxwells would definitely NOT approve, especially since she's referred to as a "guru." GASP! I seriously doubt the Maxwells have ever heard of that word, given its heathen origins.

Worship while you walk! Join leading exercise guru Leslie Sansone as she guides you along paths of faith, fitness, and fun. Implement her 30-day program and you'll build stamina, burn calories, reflect on Scripture, and reaffirm your spiritual commitment to a healthy lifestyle.

[thoughtful]

To start our ENERGIZE! program, God has laid it upon our hearts to offer a bundled package of the On-line Program, Dietary Planing and Master of Their Muscles Book for the low, low price of $1000!* Hurry up and take advantage as one will never know when they will die!

*Passing of the Good Person Test required for this offer.

But. . . but . . . nobody can pass the Good Person Test! :shock:

[lizziesmom]

Woohoo, snacks!! Party on Maxwells, you crazy people you!

In lieu of lunch because they had a late breakfast. Doesn't look very nutritious to me to feed all those Maxwells popcorn, and two other bowls of chips and some kind of puffed snack.

[church_of_dog]

They need to call that exercise something more biblical.... virtual... umm.... I don't know. I'm so uncreative. Maybe "virtual digging a grave to better ponder where you will go when you die". That really rolls off the tongue.

All I can think of now is "Prancersize!" Probably not something to recommend for the Maxwells to watch, though :lol:

[WonderingInWA]

All I can think of now is "Prancersize!" Probably not something to recommend for the Maxwells to watch, though :lol:

Those defrauding pants in the Prancersize video -- gasp! Although the concept is right up the Maxwell's alley. they could Prance in Skirts!

[church_of_dog]

Those defrauding pants in the Prancersize video -- gasp! Although the concept is right up the Maxwell's alley. they could Prance in Skirts!

Exactly! My first thought was that this was just the kind of thing they'd like. Then I remembered that camel toe :dance:

Also, the Prancercize lady emphasizes "fun" (such as it may be, lol) and I take it that doesn't go over well with the Maxwells. Maybe they really do need a custom-made video where some Jack LaLanne lookalike implores them to "stretch -- to the tops of the ceiling fan blades!" and "bend and reach -- so the vacuum wand gets all the way under the bed"… :think:

[browngrl]

I could eat that amount my myself.

I have a great fear that someday someone will leave my house hungry or even a little peckish. So you know the sight of those wee bowls of food had me breaking out in hives. If that was all the food I had to set out - I would immediately order in.