Ken Alexander.'s calming words at bedtime

[Hisey]

From Lori's blog today, about prodigal children:

Once in awhile when Ken was putting the children to bed, he would whisper in their ear, "You know there is nothing you could do that would keep me from loving you. I may kick you out of the house but I will always love you."

Is this something to say to a child at bedtime? It seems to me it would make the kid frightened and confused. And this is to a kid who hasn't even done anything wrong.

[ILoveJellybeans]

From Lori's blog today, about prodigal children:

Is this something to say to a child at bedtime? It seems to me it would make the kid frightened and confused. And this is to a kid who hasn't even done anything wrong.

What a horrible thing to say to a child. That sort of thing would really scare them, make them think that at any minute their dad is going to kick them out of the house. The thought of being abandoned and made to fend for themselves is possibly the most scary thing most children can ever think of. This isnt anything they did wrong either, a child could interpret "I may kick you out of the house but I will always love you" as "Im probably going to throw you out of the house tomorrow, for no reason at all, even if you are only six". Kids dont understand time in that way, and as much as they know that one day they will leave home and get their own house and start their own family, but what they really want to know is that they can live at home as long as they want until one day, when they are an adult, that they feel ready to move out on their own.

Is Ken saying that as a threat, like if you stop drinking the kool aid, you are out of here, so dont even try it, and preparing the kid for the potential moment they will tell their parents they dont want to go to church anymore/come out as gay/want to date someone they dont like and then they will just get kicked out.

[HoneyBunny]

This was incredibly triggering for me, because I had a father who, in a hissy fit, did exactly that...threw me out. I think I was 6 the first time, 19 the last time and there was at least one more time in between. Of course, I had a mother who was submissive to him at all costs and allowed it to happen. In fact she packed my stuff. It's not something that easily gotten over, I can tell you that. But, that was the way the relationship was. It was textbook Alexander.

Oh, and it has continued to the next generation too. Seriously fucked up brother who's lucky he's not in jail.

If all this is condoned in the Bible, I want nothing to do with that work of fiction.

[Odd1Out]

That is demented!

[AnywhereButHere]

Lovely way to warp a child's sense of what love is. I love you, but go against me and I'll abandon you. I may think of you fondly from time to time, but good luck out there on your own.

I hope that this twisted thinking is not being passed along to his grandkids, although there was that whole force feeding thing, so I'm not holding out much hope.

I remember as a child going to visit my grandmother’s grave. It is a family plot, so other relatives’ names were on the stone, and my mom was explaining how when Aunt X, Uncle Y, your dad, etc… die, they’ll be buried here too. So my 7 year old self asked her “what about me, am I here too?†She told me no. That I would be buried with whoever I was married to. It terrified me thinking I had no place in the family in the afterlife. I was a shy kid with few friends, I couldn’t exactly fathom being married! :) My poor mom didn’t mean to scare me and probably just wanted to get her 7 year old to stop asking questions about death, but man, I was scared for years. It really did a number on my head. I can't imagine that as a bedtime mantra.

[rward]

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT MAN?!

There are a couple of developmental stages in which children fear, for no reason at all, abandonment by their parents. I cannot imagine the psychic damage Ken has done by saying that to his children during those stages.

What a monster!

[thoughtful]

:cry: :angry-banghead:

He couldn't just stop at "I will always love you." Oh, no -- that wouldn't be manipulative enough. That wouldn't be confusing enough. That wouldn't be threatening enough. That wouldn't be guilt-mongering enough.

In other words, that wouldn't be Ken and Lori enough.

[singsingsing]

I know it's horrible but I burst out laughing when I read that. It's just so incredibly absurd. These people truly don't understand how insane they come across to normal human beings, do they?

[GeoBQn]

If I were a kid living in that house, I would think that Ken's words indicated that my parents must know I did something bad, so I should confess now. It's like at Journey to the Heart, how the leaders will make a random accusation about someone "harboring sin in her heart" and everyone starts confessing to every bad thought they ever had.

Any word on the daughter who moved away?

[Ariel]

This reminds of the "I love you, but I really don't like you right now" phrase.

Ken's phrase kind of makes him sound like a martyr. "I will always love you, even if you do something terrible. A lesser person would stop loving you, but not me, I'll keep on loving you even when I think you don't deserve it"

[FloraKitty35]

How magnanimous of him. Just kidding what an asshole.

[kpmom]

To a child doesn't love equate being taken care of? I've no doubt it scared them.

[salex]

From Lori's blog today, about prodigal children:

Is this something to say to a child at bedtime? It seems to me it would make the kid frightened and confused. And this is to a kid who hasn't even done anything wrong.

If nothing else, Lori and Ken give us insight into the minds of people who don't know how to love, don't feel love, and think they are providing a reasonable facsimilie of love, while basically just being abusive asshats at ever turn.

Too bad they had as many kids as they did, if this is what passed as parenting worthy of being held up as an example to others.

[lilwriter85]

I know it's horrible but I burst out laughing when I read that. It's just so incredibly absurd. These people truly don't understand how insane they come across to normal human beings, do they?

I also laughed. I also agree with you Ken and Lori don't realize how they come across to people and I wouldn't be surprised if their kids still have fears towards them.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Fast forward a few years to a conversation between their kids and him:

"You know, dad, I'll always love you - even if you are so toxic that I have to cut you out of my life and your only human interaction is the Meals on Wheels volunteer."

[Mela99]

From Lori's blog today, about prodigal children:

Is this something to say to a child at bedtime? It seems to me it would make the kid frightened and confused. And this is to a kid who hasn't even done anything wrong.

It'd be nice without the 'kick you out' part.

[Jinger_Cat]

Do Lori and Ken have a "prodigal child"? I don't remember that from the blog....

[docmom]

Maybe we won't have to worry about Ken being around much longer spreading his special type of "love"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-24443104

(basically describes sex so frenetic for some small marsupial species that it results in the death of the males- Ken IMO is basically a rodent and he loves his "marital intimacy" which is close enough)

[GolightlyGrrl]

Instead of reading your kid a bedtime story or sing him/her a lullaby threaten them with being kicked out of the house. Yea, really good parenting there.

[lilwriter85]

Do Lori and Ken have a "prodigal child"? I don't remember that from the blog....

I don't think any of their kids can be labeled "prodigal" as far I can tell. They all seem to follow Lori and Ken's leads pretty closely. The son with two kids believes in spanking and he force fed his toddler daughter. The married daughter is married to a guy who is the son of a minister. But I do wonder about the daughter who has moved or is moving away. I wonder if she is trying to get out and change a bit from her upbringing. Lori mentioned something about her son moving to upstate New York, but she didn't mention which son was moving. I think it will be one of the two younger kids who breaks out of the fundie lifestyle.

[latraviata]

Instead of reading your kid a bedtime story or sing him/her a lullaby threaten them with being kicked out of the house. Yea, really good parenting there.

And telling him he is the sweetest little boy ever....

Well Dad I love you so much, even when you have Alzheimer's and I have to put you in a nursing home and will never visit you, I still love you....

[Hisey]

I think it is the orthodontist son who is finishing his training and moving to NY. He is seems to be the highest achiever and most educated one. The oldest daughter did not go to college and teaches dance, the youngest is certified as a teacher and then went to work at an othodontist's office. The other son, Ryan, I think is a surfing instructor and may have a degree in physical therapy. He also worked for the dad at some point.

[RosyDaisy]

What the actual fuck? What kind of parent says that to a child? Ken you are an evil monster!

[thoughtful]

I forgot to say - the idea of him whispering that makes me think of a movie villain.

You know -- the sly tough guy at a funeral, standing next to someone and delivering a veiled threat with a benign look on his face -- "we'll all miss Bob -- sure would hate to see something like that happen to . . . anybody else."

Or one of those "Your wife is so lovely -- it would be a shame if something happened to her and the kids . . . " moments.

:shock:

edited so it would actually be in English

[dairyfreelife]

I think it is the orthodontist son who is finishing his training and moving to NY. He is seems to be the highest achiever and most educated one. The oldest daughter did not go to college and teaches dance, the youngest is certified as a teacher and then went to work at an othodontist's office. The other son, Ryan, I think is a surfing instructor and may have a degree in physical therapy. He also worked for the dad at some point.

It was the younger son, Stephen, who moved to NY for work. He was going to med school in Dallas before, so he's been away from Ken and Lori and their bullshit for awhile. I am rooting for him to see through his parents shit and hope he if he ever marries, he will not be like his dad and he if he ever has children, I hope he learns how to parent without resorting to hitting and force-feeding like his brother does to his poor niece and will soon subject his nephew to also. Now that Cassie is gone, I am rooting for her as well.

Fly away and escape the bullshit for good, Stephen and Cassie, and enjoy life away from religious insanity and abuse.