Women should hand over their paychecks to their husbands

[snuggles911]

In Sunshine Mary's most reason blog post, sunshinemaryandthedragon.wordpress.com/2013/08/21/a-reader-requests-advice-on-marital-submission-when-the-wife-works-full-time, a reader has emailed her for advice on how to be more submissive as a working mom. SSM's wrist is hurting and she can't type much so she's asked her readers to weigh in with their tips.

Her readers have generously offered all kinds of advice on how this working woman can be a better doormat. One named Elspeth wrote:

The problem (and I see this quite often) is that wives like everyone else have been conditioned to equate making money with power and paying bills with the right to have equal say in decisions. I have been startled by seemingly submissive wives turn into harridans as soon as they had to return to or enter the marketplace of paid work.

Be very careful who you take advice from. Renew your mind with the Word, and realize that you can be just as submissive as a working wife as you can as a housewife.

One tip I suggest: Hand your pay over to your husband. All of it, then set the budget as you would if he earned all of it. It is largely symbolic as many wives set the household budget, but it reiterates the fact that you understand the dynamic is exactly the same as if he earned all of the money.

Another named TBC offered this advice:

Practical steps:

-the husband is the head, so ask his permission before spending the household money (including money from your job – especially money from your job)

- the husband is the head, so ask him what he wants you to be doing in the house

-the husband is the head, so turn over your check to him. It may even be helpful (if your check is direct deposited as most are) to stop direct deposit for a while just so you can physically sign the check over to him as a sign and reminder of submission

-the husband is the head, so check with him before committing yourself to any additional or lesser responsibilities at work

-the husband is the head, so make a decision not to be resentful

Joseph of Jackson takes the cake. He's upset b/c another poster suggested that there's nothing wrong with equality in a marriage.

We don’t share money with God, it is his by right, just as your money is your husbands by right. Those children belong to your husband by right. According to the 10 commandments themselves, you belong to your husband the same way a donkey would.

Indeed, being a husband is like being a master. Ever heard of animal husbandry? http://www.thefreedictionary.com/husbandry Go check out definition 2.

It’s not an equal relationship. That man is responsible for your safety and provisioning, your spiritual growth, maturity in faith, physical health (as far as it can be maintained), and emotional stability. He is responsible for cultivating you in much the same way a farmer is responsible for cultivating a crop. He must provide a safe environment, tend you, feed you, correct mistakes, and keep evil things that would consume you away. It’s not an equal relationship at all. Your job is to have children, do what he tells you, and support him with any gifts or talents you have. That is unless you can find something in scripture that I missed?

I pray that man never gets married. His wife's life would be a living hell.

[RainbowSky]

Where the fuck does it say a wife has to hand her husband her paycheck in the ten commandments? Or that the husband is the ruler?

What the fuckity fuck are these people smoking? :angry-banghead:

[Peas n carrots]

My husband would be like uhhh...what is wrong with you that you can't handle your money and have to give it to me? Honestly, I think he would probably start wondering what is wrong.

Then again, my DH who I love very much is a total Beta lol

[Dollypeeps]

So according to shitstain Mary I am property like a donkey good know must tell husband that whilst handing over the wages hahahahahahahahahahahaha as if.

She is a wacko that one for sure, but good for a laugh how do folks take her seriously oh that's right they don't just the MRA types that till live with their mothers and always will?

[Fallgirl30]

Since Joseph believes the husband is in charge of the care and feeding of his wife, so to speak, she shouldn't need to be out earning a living at all. Her husband is not doing a good enough job.

[Mudball]

There must be a set of 10 Commandments I don't know about? A set containing "Your wife is just like a pet donkey" and "Thou shalt have tons o' guns", but none of that crap about not killing or stealing (from your hardworking wife).

That was some dumb crap if ever I saw it. I can't even get mad anymore, so frickin stupid. :lol:

And I wish some of these submissive wives WERE more like pet donkeys. Even a donkey has the good sense to kick now and then.

[keen23]

There must be a set of 10 Commandments I don't know about? A set containing "Your wife is just like a pet donkey" and "Thou shalt have tons o' guns", but none of that crap about not killing or stealing (from your hardworking wife).

That was some dumb crap if ever I saw it. I can't even get mad anymore, so frickin stupid. :lol:

And I wish some of these submissive wives WERE more like pet donkeys. Even a donkey has the good sense to kick now and then.

Another commandment to add to the list - Only men can wear pants, because Jesus wore pants.

[sparkles]

Mr. Sparkles and I each maintain completely separate accounts for our paychecks, and we contribute an equal amount to a joint account for monthly expenses plus a little extra. Both of us also have second jobs and that money is 100% our own to do with as we see fit. Neither one of us asks the other's permission on how to spend or save it, nor do we have any idea how much is in the other's account.

SSM's head would probably explode. Yeah, I'd like that.

[polecat]

I really wonder if these woman are as "submissive" as they claim or if they just like pandering to these basement-dwelling snot-nosed MRAs.

I was raised in the IFB, and while my mom definitely paid lip-service to the idea of being a submissive wife, I think my dad would've keeled over from a heart attack had she ever ACTUALLY submitted. As for me, there's only one place my husband wants me to really submit, and even there we take turns.

[YPestis]

I love how the MRAs all think allowing one human being utter and complete control over another is oh so great because humans would never abuse that power. It's even more hilarious when you realize these are the same people who talk up the over reach of Big Government. I guess in their mind, man will always be corrupted by power except when they're ruling over women and children. In that case, man will always act in the interest of the women and children under his "protection and provision".

Then again, it fits in well with the MRA doctrine of "a man is a king of his castle". They want to believe that if a man marries, he owns a mini fiefdom where no other man dare tread. That's why they have this paranoia of governmental powers interfering with the husband's relationship to his property/wife. It's because they understand, on some level, that our legal system can step in to prevent these wonderful males from practicing their "husband duties" on their submissive wives.

Of course, I think MRA men are themselves damaged. I think many of these men grew up with "normal" views on gender relations, but their life took a bad turn, and they've built up an illusion that it's the fault of women. Now, stuck in their mothers' basement with no jobs, they preach this fantasy of what their life "should" be like; i.e they should be employed if there was no women to take their jobs, they should be married to a submissive wife who will act as maid and sex slave. And of course, the MRA imagines having total control over such wife because that's his birthright. It's a fantasy no different than fundies who look forward to the end times when "sinners" will be judged and the righteous rewarded.

SSM is the rare women who buy into this junket and I think it's also because she's a damaged woman herself. Plus, she got married before she was involved in MRA and turned to it as a reaction to her husband's infidelity. I don't foresee mass marriages for most MRA men though. In fact, the closest most will ever get to their fantasy world is on these MRA blogs, and that's where they should stay......

[dairyfreelife]

Well, if women are property like donkeys, do they plan to pay taxes on her as well?

[Ariel]

Mr. Sparkles and I each maintain completely separate accounts for our paychecks, and we contribute an equal amount to a joint account for monthly expenses plus a little extra. Both of us also have second jobs and that money is 100% our own to do with as we see fit. Neither one of us asks the other's permission on how to spend or save it, nor do we have any idea how much is in the other's account.

SSM's head would probably explode. Yeah, I'd like that.

This is exactly what I want my future money handling with partner to look like.

This is just another technique with which abusive men take power away from their wives. How can you get out of a relationship that's unhealthy if you don't have access to all your money?

I'm surprised she's not advocating that the women have no access to the accounts and the husband just hands the wife cash every week :roll:

[Arete]

Oh fuck this noise.

My grandmother was both a devout Christian and a woman who worked outside the home. In her marriage, which lasted 40 years, grandpa handed over his paycheck and got a monthly allowance. The allowance was for covering commuting fees, newspapers, and cigarettes. He definitely wore pants, had a deep voice, and followed European soccer leagues, so I'm pretty sure his testosterone still circulated. Of course, he was a known agnostic, so he probably didn't realize he had to give grandma hay and brush her coat.

[nokidsmom]

Just have to comment on a couple of these little gems:

-the husband is the head, so turn over your check to him. It may even be helpful (if your check is direct deposited as most are) to stop direct deposit for a while just so you can physically sign the check over to him as a sign and reminder of submission

Many workplaces do direct deposit only so good luck stopping it and asking for a check instead. Like to see the looks you get when you explain why you want a check.

-the husband is the head, so check with him before committing yourself to any additional or lesser responsibilities at work

Right. I can imagine telling my boss or workplace this.

[Loveday]

I've come across this attitude a lot in my 27 years of marriage. DH and I don't have any joint accounts. I've always had my own savings and checking accounts, and credit cards, in my name only, even after I stopped working and became a SAHM years ago. Yes, the money comes from DH now, but he doesn't do it with the attitude that he's giving me an 'allowance,' and he doesn't say a word about how I decide it should be spent. He takes care of some bills, I take care of others, and we switch it around now and then so we're both completely familiar with all aspects of the budget (and of course my name is on the mortgage and the cars, because we own them together). It's always worked well for us.

But whenever this subject has come up with other family members or friends, some of them look at me as if I'm somehow disloyal to him for having my own accounts. Like combining our money should have happened on our wedding night along with teh sex, or somehow our marriage is not quite valid. :roll:

[curlytoes79]

More words of wisdom from Joseph of Jackson:

"One of the most difficult things for a person to control is their speech. You may want to listen to how she talks and determine if there are times when she refers to things in a manner that sets her at an equal level as you. Example: My girlfriend used to say “What are you doing?â€. I have corrected this and she now asks “Would you mind if I asked what you are doing?â€. This may sound absurd to anyone who hasn’t experienced it, but changing a woman’s speech changes her mind. She can’t think the same because she can’t talk the same."

What I can't figure out is how can a blow-up doll ask you anything...?

[jenny_islander]

And if one's husband thinks it would be creepy and infantilizing to have to give his wife an allowance, and is relieved that she has her own paycheck . . . ?

ETA: Not aimed at you, Loveday!

Women saw the cracks in this "angel in the house" nonsense even while it was the national conventional wisdom. Consider the early issues of Good Housekeeping, when they were rather radical in their own ladylike way. There was an article about marriages in which the paterfamilias gave his wife a measly allowance for household needs and to dress herself becomingly, then complained about how scanty the meals were and how shabby she looked and sulked off to his club, where he spent many times that amount on rich food and (the article delicately implied) hookers. Trust your wife to know how much things cost, give her the cash, and shut up, the writer couldn't come right out and say--but she sure implied it very, very heavily.

[chaotic life]

Both of our paychecks go into a joint account and we both have a budgeted allowance. We don't answer to each other for allowance but if we need something bigger pulled out of the account, we both have to budget for it.

[dilannsmom]

This is exactly what I want my future money handling with partner to look like.

This is just another technique with which abusive men take power away from their wives. How can you get out of a relationship that's unhealthy if you don't have access to all your money?

I'm surprised she's not advocating that the women have no access to the accounts and the husband just hands the wife cash every week :roll:

One of my close friends is in this situation--her paycheck is direct deposited into their joint account. He is fundy, she is not. She has NO idea how much is in there, she has no checkbook, and she is given an allowance ($150 every TWO weeks) that she can spend (this includes the Aldi's money, but not the regular grocery money). Last summer her husband told her that he had $25,000 socked away! I was astounded--if he had that much money in a secret account how much more (of her money) has he socked away? This is just one avenue he uses to control her! It is sad to watch a smart woman live her life this way.

[Loveday]

And if one's husband thinks it would be creepy and infantilizing to have to give his wife an allowance, and is relieved that she has her own paycheck . . . ?

ETA: Not aimed at you, Loveday!

Women saw the cracks in this "angel in the house" nonsense even while it was the national conventional wisdom. Consider the early issues of Good Housekeeping, when they were rather radical in their own ladylike way. There was an article about marriages in which the paterfamilias gave his wife a measly allowance for household needs and to dress herself becomingly, then complained about how scanty the meals were and how shabby she looked and sulked off to his club, where he spent many times that amount on rich food and (the article delicately implied) hookers. Trust your wife to know how much things cost, give her the cash, and shut up, the writer couldn't come right out and say--but she sure implied it very, very heavily.

LOL, no worries! But thanks for clarifying! :lol:

[runlikeagirl]

I love how the MRAs all think allowing one human being utter and complete control over another is oh so great because humans would never abuse that power. It's even more hilarious when you realize these are the same people who talk up the over reach of Big Government. I guess in their mind, man will always be corrupted by power except when they're ruling over women and children. In that case, man will always act in the interest of the women and children under his "protection and provision".

Then again, it fits in well with the MRA doctrine of "a man is a king of his castle". They want to believe that if a man marries, he owns a mini fiefdom where no other man dare tread. That's why they have this paranoia of governmental powers interfering with the husband's relationship to his property/wife. It's because they understand, on some level, that our legal system can step in to prevent these wonderful males from practicing their "husband duties" on their submissive wives.......

Can I quote you, it will rattle a few cages on my FB page :mrgreen: :lol: :nenner:

[GolightlyGrrl]

Yikes-can you imagine working with someone like this?

Mary Ellen:

In addition to my pay, my husband also completely controls what work related benefit programs I participate in. My 401K, HSA, etc., my husband determines what amounts go into those funds and makes changes as he sees fit. In our home, my husband handles all income and budgeting. He gives me a personal allowance and weekly envelopes for groceries and the childrens’ clothing needs.

As a wife and mother that currently works outside of the home full-time per my husband’s wishes, managing the cooking and cleaning is fairly easy. With creativity and establishing routines, the homecaring tasks get done and the meals get made. If you’re intent on doing something, then you will make a way to get it done. The hard part is making sure feelings of resentment don’t take root in your heart. You must stay in prayer to keep that from happening.

[Pam]

Yikes-can you imagine working with someone like this?

(bolded portion is my doing)

Kicking his sorry ass to the curb might help a bit, also.

[Ariel]

Yikes-can you imagine working with someone like this?

So if he completely controls does that mean only he has the passwords? As in he could empty those accounts fast enough to make your head spin if he feels like it? :shifty:

I would trust a husband that wanted access to my accounts if we were in an equal partnership and he didn't judge my purchases. I would never, ever trust a husband that wanted to control my accounts and told me to step away from the money.

[pikapika]

So if he completely controls does that mean only he has the passwords? As in he could empty those accounts fast enough to make your head spin if he feels like it? :shifty:

I would trust a husband that wanted access to my accounts if we were in an equal partnership and he didn't judge my purchases. I would never, ever trust a husband that wanted to control my accounts and told me to step away from the money.

My husband and I have joint accounts, it was hard to give up my own account hahaha but I am a big spender and thought it wise to think of it as OUR money, not his, or mine but OURS but heck what do we know, we just think our marriage is a partnership of equals!

Oh also he does have the passwords but never access or does any bill paying or budgeting, I will tell him to get some advice from Sunshine M and Joseph, and to make sure to get me hay and lock me away with the dogs when he leaves for work!