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Women should hand over their paychecks to their husbands


snuggles911

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During the last century, in quite a lot of working class English households, when men were paid in cash every week, it was common for the man to hand over everything but his pocket money to the wife. (As an example, in the 1910s, a man earning 25 shillings a week might keep four shillings, and hand over 21 to his wife.)

From that money, she was responsible for paying the rent, buying all the food, budgeting for clothes and boots, paying the burial insurance, and having a little put by for a rainy day. She managed the money, and this was the norm, not the exception. My mother and grandmother did it, and so did my mother in law. Decent men gave the money to the wife, to spend on the kids, and they were sparing with what they took for themselves, and self-denying about how much beer they took.

His money bought anything he needed - an occasional half pint of beer, his lunch when he was at work, travel, a union sub. And these weren't Beta men, they were miners/factory workers/totally masculine blokes. They saw it as a woman's job to manage the household, and for that she needed most of the money to lay out AS SHE SAW FIT. (Shocking, yes?). Having a wife who was a good manager was a matter for pride, but so was giving her as much of your wages as you could.

In some factories/workplaces it wasn't unknown for the wage to be paid over to the WIFE at the end of the week, for the man's work - and I have actually been there and seen this happen. In the seventies, my Dad managed a factory. His workers got a pay envelope of cash weekly. Dad had a list of men to whom he would NOT hand over that envelope. Their wives called for it at 4pm on Friday, he gave them the envelope in front of their husbands, and watched while the wife opened it, checked it, and gave her husband what she was allowing him for pocket money that week. Otherwise the whole amount would have gone on betting or booze, and there would have been nothing to eat in that house. (And the men knew that if they tried it on with their wives afterwards, they'd complain to Dad and they would be in trouble.)

I'd like to see an MRA comment on that . . . . because again, these were not 'pussywhipped Betas' but men who could throw a sack of cement over their shoulder, and who were all machismo. And arguably they were far more men than these whinging MRA types, because they recognised that there was only one way to deal with their weaknesses. Because, you see, if they had insisted, Dad would have had to give them the money, in law, but they knew that it was better for the family for him to hand it to their wives, who would make proper use of it.

Yep. That's exactly what it was like in my grandparent's house, when my granddad was still alive. My gran was also extremely frugal, and so was able to save quite a bit by trimming the fat here and there (I've mentioned before how she brought all of her granddaughters over to England when they graduated high school, by saving her 20p pieces). It also helped her enormously when my granddad died very, very young - he was only 56.

It was a source of great pride for my granddad that they were able to have such a nice home, and good food on the table, all because of my grandma's money management skills and really, really hard work. And he made sure everyone knew that.

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If that's how the couple decides to handle it because that's how it works best for them, then yes, it's ok. If the husband had to hand over his paycheck to the wife because of a belief that women are superior to men and should be making all the decisions (regardless of the individuals' personal strengths or weaknesses or their circumstances), then no, not okay.

Exactly. The problem isn't that one person controls the finances, it's that one person controls the finances because of a sexist ass-backward philosophy.

In our home I handle the finances and while I would never think of it as giving my husband an "allowance", I do set the budget and figure out our spending money. He, of course, can and does have input. I don't do it because I feel the need to assert my dominance, I do it because I am just naturally better with money and he goes through it like it burns a hole in his pocket. This works for us. I am not writing a blog about how everyone needs to do it this way because of religion and alpha females blah blah.

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The comments have gotten worse. A man named Scott who claims to be the husband of the woman who emailed Sunshine Mary about how to be more submissive left this nugget:

I couldn't imagine going to a restaurant and having my husband order my meal as if I were a child. And, I'd be humiliated if I had to tell my friends that my husband made a decision for me or told me to do something.

I didn't realize this when I posted, but Scott, the husband quoted here, is an Army psychologist, according to his website, courtshippledge.com. How scary that a mental health professional would think it's OK to control his wife, especially what he mentions in #2 above.

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Manly Beta He-Men...here is an Alpha who likes his wimmin' "behind the wheel"

0vR4fJ5pUPY

Louisa that is a scary story. I'm surprised that much of a controlling ass had his wife in the work force. Did she get along with the rest of the teaching staff? Or did she not talk to all those man hating feminists who had access to their joint bank accounts?

I don't really know how she interacted with people on staff. The school had three levels (elementary, middle, high school) with three separate staff meetings and two buildings. There were only occasional events with all three groups together. She was elementary and I was high school, so I rarely saw her. The husband was somewhere around 15 years older than her and had been a college friend of one of the middle school teachers I did know pretty well. That was how we knew about all these issues with her pay and contract. He was pretty creepy, IMO. As I understood it, the purpose of her working was for down payment money for a house. She worked for two years then they had a baby and that was the end of that. I last saw her at a wedding of another former teacher of that school. She had three young children with her and was pregnant and we never heard her say a word the whole afternoon. Creepy old husband spoke for her. I always wondered how that marriage came about. We assumed it was some kind of courtship situation, but the MS teacher with the inside info did not know. She was 17 when they married.

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From that money, she was responsible for paying the rent, buying all the food, budgeting for clothes and boots, paying the burial insurance, and having a little put by for a rainy day. She managed the money, and this was the norm, not the exception. My mother and grandmother did it, and so did my mother in law. Decent men gave the money to the wife, to spend on the kids, and they were sparing with what they took for themselves, and self-denying about how much beer they took.

His money bought anything he needed - an occasional half pint of beer, his lunch when he was at work, travel, a union sub. And these weren't Beta men, they were miners/factory workers/totally masculine blokes. They saw it as a woman's job to manage the household, and for that she needed most of the money to lay out AS SHE SAW FIT. (Shocking, yes?). Having a wife who was a good manager was a matter for pride, but so was giving her as much of your wages as you could.

For all the fundie women who worship the ideal of the Prov 31 woman or talk about women running the home...this is how it SHOULD be. The Prov 31 woman was not a submissive dormat. She worked inside and outside the home, ran a business and controlled her own money. Generally speaking, managing family finances and household expenses should play at least some role in the life of every SAHW/M. Each couple may need to evaluate the specifics, but who would know better what it takes to run a household than the person who actually runs it? Anyone who claims they have a "PhD in homemaking" or whatever the fuck should definitely learn about money.

The comments have gotten worse. A man named Scott who claims to be the husband of the woman who emailed Sunshine Mary about how to be more submissive left this nugget:

I couldn't imagine going to a restaurant and having my husband order my meal as if I were a child. And, I'd be humiliated if I had to tell my friends that my husband made a decision for me or told me to do something.

That sounds absolutely frightening, especially the part about "not making it an option" how the "scared little bunny" dresses :shock: How does he enforce the rule of law in his home? Might take something more than plumbing line on an adult :(

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The comments have gotten worse. A man named Scott who claims to be the husband of the woman who emailed Sunshine Mary about how to be more submissive left this nugget:

I couldn't imagine going to a restaurant and having my husband order my meal as if I were a child. And, I'd be humiliated if I had to tell my friends that my husband made a decision for me or told me to do something.

Not only would I not be ok with this but I cannot imagine my husband being ok with this. He's got enough on his own plate without having to micromanage me. He expects me to dress myself, feed myself and take care of myself. I can't even figure out what kind of husband feels the need to micromanage like this -- domineering and emotionally abusive is all that comes to mind. I can't think of a single, practical reason for this degree of micromanagement.

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Yep. That's exactly what it was like in my grandparent's house, when my granddad was still alive. My gran was also extremely frugal, and so was able to save quite a bit by trimming the fat here and there (I've mentioned before how she brought all of her granddaughters over to England when they graduated high school, by saving her 20p pieces). It also helped her enormously when my granddad died very, very young - he was only 56.

It was a source of great pride for my granddad that they were able to have such a nice home, and good food on the table, all because of my grandma's money management skills and really, really hard work. And he made sure everyone knew that.

My parents did the same thing in the 1950s and 1960s when I was growing up. It wasn't that my father was bad with money or prone to squander his paycheck (he was neither). It was practical recognition that since Mom was home while he worked, and did the grocery shopping and cooking, and had 2 children to feedher financial needs were simply greater than his.

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My father had full control over the finances with my mum and dad sharing a current account that my father would pay money into every month. My mum was quite happy about this...or at least said she was. Very sadly my father had a medical condition that deteriorated rapidly and unexpectedly which left my mother in a really difficult situation as she had no access to their money to pay bills or for medical care that my father really needed. His mental condition meant that he wasn't able to sign the necessary legal forms. He also refused to make a will which meant when he died his account were frozen until probate. Nightmare scenario...absolutely dreadful and completely irresponsible.

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I don't really know how she interacted with people on staff. The school had three levels (elementary, middle, high school) with three separate staff meetings and two buildings. There were only occasional events with all three groups together. She was elementary and I was high school, so I rarely saw her. The husband was somewhere around 15 years older than her and had been a college friend of one of the middle school teachers I did know pretty well. That was how we knew about all these issues with her pay and contract. He was pretty creepy, IMO. As I understood it, the purpose of her working was for down payment money for a house. She worked for two years then they had a baby and that was the end of that. I last saw her at a wedding of another former teacher of that school. She had three young children with her and was pregnant and we never heard her say a word the whole afternoon. Creepy old husband spoke for her. I always wondered how that marriage came about. We assumed it was some kind of courtship situation, but the MS teacher with the inside info did not know. She was 17 when they married.

Speaking on a purely financial level, I would be interested in seeing if skipping college (and the expenses incurred) and going directly into the workforce would have achieved their goal of a down payment for a home faster. :think: Also, with the couple having such conservative views, I'm surprised they didn't just put off getting married until he had saved enough to buy a home for them to live in.

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Speaking on a purely financial level, I would be interested in seeing if skipping college (and the expenses incurred) and going directly into the workforce would have achieved their goal of a down payment for a home faster. :think: Also, with the couple having such conservative views, I'm surprised they didn't just put off getting married until he had saved enough to buy a home for them to live in.

We got the vibe that her parents were less conservative than the husband and college was their idea. She did say to someone that she got a degree because her parents didn't want her to skip college to get married. So we kind of wondered if a) her completing college was a condition for them allowing the marriage (they had to consent since she was a minor) and b) if they paid for college. We know he "picked her out" by sight in a church and, as I said, suspected it was a courtship sort of thing. The courtship stuff a la "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" would have just been coming into vogue among fundie-lite types around the time they married. Perhaps she bought into it in a youth group and her parents did not??? No idea. He was also playing around going to school part time to "go into ministry" while she was teaching. So I'm sure that was part of the motivation. It was clear her working was viewed as totally temporary. He was not "in ministry" when I saw them at that wedding with 3.5 children.

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I didn't realize this when I posted, but Scott, the husband quoted here, is an Army psychologist, according to his website, courtshippledge.com. How scary that a mental health professional would think it's OK to control his wife, especially what he mentions in #2 above.

Yikes! I just nosed around this guy's website and not that this stuff should surprise me anymore but still... No way, no how do I see how he could be an effective, OBJECTIVE mental health professional, given his extreme beliefs. In fact, I actually think he'd be dangerous. Sad too that his wife is a nurse, but HE'S decided that she has to give it up (apparently because the kids are bonding with YOUNG nanny, not because he's tempted, no siree). Just like HE decides what she should wear, eat and think.

What happens to these seemingly intelligent, independent, educated women that makes them suddenly decide to give it all up to become a non-person?

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Some of these people sound like they're letting some kinky bedroom shit go a little far. That's the only way I can wrap my brain around them, at least the women who stay in relationships like that.

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SO, a couple of things. Mychael may or may not be back to comment. She is like a scared little bunny. Without getting way into the details of our marriage (although we may do a little of that over at our site as we get more comfortable with the idea)–here are the “concrete†things she has tried so far. I think they are a great start, and it is the kind of thing she is asking for more of:

1. I started buying dresses and skirts for her, and not really making it an option that I want to see them more–even for mundane things like grocery shopping. She seems to like that.

2. She has been explaining to her friends that “Scott decided (or told me to) that I am quitting my job next year.†This has begun to help her change her view on who actually made the decision.

3. I have told her the next time we go out, I will order for her.

4. And some others.

He sounds abusive.

I wonder what these friends are thinking when she explains "Scott decided that I am quitting my job next year" or "I am only wearing skirts now because Scott told me to". I think if a friend of mine started being like that, I would probably encourage her to leave before he starts hitting her or something.

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Yikes! I just nosed around this guy's website and not that this stuff should surprise me anymore but still... No way, no how do I see how he could be an effective, OBJECTIVE mental health professional, given his extreme beliefs. In fact, I actually think he'd be dangerous. Sad too that his wife is a nurse, but HE'S decided that she has to give it up (apparently because the kids are bonding with YOUNG nanny, not because he's tempted, no siree). Just like HE decides what she should wear, eat and think.

What happens to these seemingly intelligent, independent, educated women that makes them suddenly decide to give it all up to become a non-person?

Where are Lorena Bobbitt and Mary Winkler when you need them?

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We got the vibe that her parents were less conservative than the husband and college was their idea. She did say to someone that she got a degree because her parents didn't want her to skip college to get married. So we kind of wondered if a) her completing college was a condition for them allowing the marriage (they had to consent since she was a minor) and b) if they paid for college. We know he "picked her out" by sight in a church and, as I said, suspected it was a courtship sort of thing. The courtship stuff a la "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" would have just been coming into vogue among fundie-lite types around the time they married. Perhaps she bought into it in a youth group and her parents did not??? No idea. He was also playing around going to school part time to "go into ministry" while she was teaching. So I'm sure that was part of the motivation. It was clear her working was viewed as totally temporary. He was not "in ministry" when I saw them at that wedding with 3.5 children.

Ah, that makes sense about her parents wanting her to attend college and that they likely paid for it. In that case, the money used to pay for her education would not have been available to her for any other use.

Thanks for answering my question. :)

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The only time my husband has ever ordered for me in a restaurant was when we were in Paris, since he speaks French and I don't. The roles were reversed when we traveled in Spain, since I speak Spanish and he doesn't. How emasculating!

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I've kind of stopped taking anything from this blog seriously.

It's the internet. I honestly believe this is just some kinky abusive blog dressed up as 'respectable.'

Or maybe I hope it is.

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He sounds abusive.

I wonder what these friends are thinking when she explains "Scott decided that I am quitting my job next year" or "I am only wearing skirts now because Scott told me to". I think if a friend of mine started being like that, I would probably encourage her to leave before he starts hitting her or something.

I agree that it sounds abusive. I can't wrap my mind around a husband treating his wife like that, because my marriage is so far from that dynamic.

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I've kind of stopped taking anything from this blog seriously.

It's the internet. I honestly believe this is just some kinky abusive blog dressed up as 'respectable.'

Or maybe I hope it is.

I kind of think so too, but also there are whackadoodles who do believe this stuff. Bird of a feather shall flock together and all...

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I kind of think so too, but also there are whackadoodles who do believe this stuff. Bird of a feather shall flock together and all...

They probably are all members of a secret squirrel forum for sexual preference un-named. ie. Male dominance or some such...then Mary the Sunny one decides to make a blog one day and they are all just having a laugh at the expense of people who may take it seriously.

We here are slightly more translucent and tend to say...HEY LOOK I made a taking the piss blog about ..name your fave whackjob :lol:

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They probably are all members of a secret squirrel forum for sexual preference un-named. ie. Male dominance or some such...then Mary the Sunny one decides to make a blog one day and they are all just having a laugh at the expense of people who may take it seriously.

We here are slightly more translucent and tend to say...HEY LOOK I made a taking the piss blog about ..name your fave whackjob :lol:

If it is, I'm positive nappies/diapers are involved :lol:

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I've kind of stopped taking anything from this blog seriously.

It's the internet. I honestly believe this is just some kinky abusive blog dressed up as 'respectable.'

Or maybe I hope it is.

:lol: Yes I was thinking this blog sound like the submissive wife forum where the wifes want the husband to spank them when they are dis obedient. Like a fetish.

But probably not be cause there are so many Christian ( and other religion) women who believe the husband is the king but they not the queen, they are the servant. you know what Im meaning?

My mother doesnt work a employment job. My father is a dentist. He give her the money and she portion it to the expenses and to the saving etc. Thats one of her house manager "job". He expect her to do good money management. And she expect him to bring home the money lol. It work good for them.

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