Another Bates Courtship

[Justme]

They're young, there is no reason to rush into marriage. I hope they take a year to enjoy their courting/engagement.

She may not have been adopted young, she might have been a tween or teen.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

Back when Zach was courting Sarah, I remember looking at their photos and thinking, "They look prematurely middle-aged." Like, they seemed like they just couldn't wait to be a solid, established couple with a big brood and good standing at the local fundie church. That may or may not be true of Sarah (I think it probably still is - she just didn't want that with Zach), but it definitely seems true of Zach. He was ready to get married when he met Sarah, and has probably had his eye out for a more suitable one since the breakup.

And I agree with what others have said - kudos to Gil and Kelly for being willing to learn from their mistakes and adjust their ideology to reality. That's a HUGELY rare quality among fundies, and does give me hope for their kids leading happier lives in the future than your average ATIer.

[Hisey]

You know, I wonder why Kelly even has to mention Whitney is adopted?

My girls hate it when someone says things like, "Are these your adopted daughters?" They don't want to be set apart like that. They are part of the family. It reminds me of when George Burns (I think it ws George Burns) died, and a reporter identified his elderly son as an "adopted son." Like, when does it end?

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

You know, I wonder why Kelly even has to mention Whitney is adopted?

My girls hate it when someone says things like, "Are these your adopted daughters?" They don't want to be set apart like that. They are part of the family. It reminds me of when George Burns (I think it ws George Burns) died, and a reporter identified his elderly son as an "adopted son." Like, when does it end?

Maybe to show what wonderful Christians her parents are for having adopted so many kids? :? That's optimist OMTS speaking, anyway. Pessimist OMTS thinks it might be because Kelly can use it as an "excuse" for any unorthodox behavior on the future DIL's part.

[sully82]

She's liked a lot of baby pictures on Pinterest.

Edited for riffles

[singsingsing]

Kelly has siblings who are adopted and she seems VERY pro adoption. I would guess that that is why, for better or for worse, she mentioned the adoption. Also, like someone else said, maybe because Whitney's last name is different than her parents'.

[Dinaberries]

She definitely didn't have a super fundie upbringing since she has a couple pins about 90s pop culture.

[Librul]

Kelly has responded to a lot of comments on the blog. She mentioned the adoption because she has two adopted sisters and loves adoption and sees it as something positive. She seems genuinely thrilled for Zach and Whitney and is very open about changing their stance on courtship because of the "tears and pain" Zach went through. They seem to value their children as individuals. Erin and Chad have chosen to have less physical contact while courting than have Z and W.

I don't like fundies but Bates are def better parents than J'Chelle and Boob.

Edited to add Doug Phillips is a Tool. Just coz.

[fundyfreak]

A quick google search shows that Whitneys parent lost a daughter in a car accident in 2002 and they had not adopted all their children at that point, including Whitney. They actually look like a very nice couple & I hope it works out for them.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

A quick google search shows that Whitneys parent lost a daughter in a car accident in 2002 and they had not adopted all their children at that point, including Whitney. They actually look like a very nice couple & I hope it works out for them.

That's sad. Btw said the girl went to public school.

archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/TNSCOTT/2002-06/1024703426

[bananacat]

I'm not in a hurry to give the Bateses any credit here. As the man, Zach will be in charge in that patriarchal marriage and Whit will be expected to become more fundie if he says so.

[emiliawasframed]

cor blimey, she really likes her pink and orange!

No kidding! That is some serious brightness, and not Spring wedding material, IMO, but different strokes and all that.

[punkiepie]

I'm not in a hurry to give the Bateses any credit here. As the man, Zach will be in charge in that patriarchal marriage and Whit will be expected to become more fundie if he says so.

Maybe I'm taking crazy pills, but I don't think Zach is really the domineering patriarchal type- if he were, then I'd think he would have wanted her to quit working at Sonic, leave school and get married ASAP. In the courtship with Sarah, they didn't touch, but him and Whitney do touch. My guess is that Sarah didnt want to and Whitney does- Zach is just along for the ride. I see him going the fundie lite route more than I see her becoming ATI/quiverfull.

[meep]

I'm not in a hurry to give the Bateses any credit here. As the man, Zach will be in charge in that patriarchal marriage and Whit will be expected to become more fundie if he says so.

Yes, very true. I do however have hope that he will instead turn fundie-lite. Others (like the Wissmann men) who married fundie-lite women seem to have turned fundie-lite themselves. I wish the same for Zach.

Don't know if we have any hope for Erin or Alyssa every turning fundie-lite other than the influence of their brothers (and future in-laws).

But I do see this trend through fundie-dom. Men marry fundie-lite women and the women marry just as fundie men. Hm.

Anyways, I'm really happy for Zach. Whit seems to actually enjoy being in his presence.

[Culottes]

I'm hoping for a Alyssa/Erin double wedding with everyone's hair jacked up halfway to heaven. And a few poor J'Slaves as bridesmaids, pouting about the unfairness of it all. And then one of them will catch a Payne boy's eye...

The bigger the hair the closer to God! At least that was what we said in the 80's.

[Tangy Bee]

Wow...this is good news. Thought for sure it was Michael. Looks like Zach lost a few pounds. Sonic is how he probably gained all that weight in the first place. I should know :lol: I look forward to hearing more about this new courtship. Does anyone know if Zach has a real job? So very tickled to see them holding hands :clap:

[tuckerphez]

Coming in super late to this thread...

BUT YAY ZACH! You done courted a lady all by yourself! An educated lady with a job, no less!

Also good job to Kelly for listening to her son when he said what was wrong with his original courtship and taking the steps to fix those problems.

[Hisey]

Coming in super late to this thread...

BUT YAY ZACH! You done courted a lady all by yourself! An educated lady with a job, no less!

Also good job to Kelly for listening to her son when he said what was wrong with his original courtship and taking the steps to fix those problems.

Yes, though it's sad when Kelly writes things like, "We've decided to let the kids decide whether they want to hold hand during their courtships." Kelly and Gil tell their 25-year old son, "Go ahead, you can decide whether to hold hands with your future spouse."

My goodness, I have a 13-year old and I don't tell her whether to hold hands with a boy she likes (though I do keep an eye on the situation in general).

I understand Kelly wrote about adoption because she's so all-fired fond of it, but that is not the point. The point is not that Kelly likes adoption (yay!). Whitney is the point--how does she feel about being identified as the "adopted kid" in a post about her courtship? If she is OK with it, fine, but did Kelly even ask her? It's a personal thing. (edited to fix an erro)

[missbrooklyn]

So did young Zachary approach Whit's father and ask his permission to court his daughter? Or is that another aspect of the whole courtship model that he (finally! Baruch HaShem!) decide to leave in the last century? You go, young Zach and Miss Whit!

[Dandruff]

I'm happy for Zach and it's nice that Kelly and Gil now allow their children to hold hands during courtship. Still, the chaperones need to be present.

I wonder how long it takes married fundie couples to not feel like they're being watched all the time.

[Melissa1977]

Zach's yellow shirt is horrible! but Whitney is very beautiful and modern-looking. I'm glad she is studying and working. And her mother works also, so her family must be fundie-lite.

The couple seem happy and relaxed, not like in the other Zach's courtship, where they looked terrified. Zach's first courtship was "no touching", but it seems that Bates are more open now. I think it's good news for the younger siblings.

I imagine the chaperone dinner was fake. If Whitney works and Zach visits her at work, they must have been alone a lot of times.

Another think I like is that Alyssa is working in a shop. Good for her!

[silverspoons]

How many times have were heard Jim Bob say, if each of my kids has 20 kids I could have almost 400 grandchildren. I have never heard the Bates mention or predicting 400 grandchildren. I think they know(because I do think they know their kids more then JB/Michelle)some will want large families and some will not. I think they know it is wrong to push every kid to be the same.

I do think this looks like a better match for Zach and Kelly's comments are encouraging about changing her views from being to extreme. I wonder what college program she would be in that would be finishing soon. I guess I'm old fashion always thinking college ends in May. maybe she is in beauty college following in her mom's footsteps?

Has it been confirmed Erin will move to OK when she marries Chad? I have looked at his blog a few times and remember reading he was fixing up a place and it seemed like it might be for himself and Erin. I wonder if the Bates' will encourage more of these local courtships so their kids don't move cross country? Kind of like Amanada Munck marrying and moving 2 hours away. Just enough space to start your own life but close enough to visit without a hassle.

[Justme]

Did anybody notice the little sign? It says "to the love of my life, I love you Whitney".

Sweet.....

[Peas n carrots]

I'm not in a hurry to give the Bateses any credit here. As the man, Zach will be in charge in that patriarchal marriage and Whit will be expected to become more fundie if he says so.

I'm not so sure how patriarchal Zach is here. I think if he wanted a more fundie lifestyle, he would have went for a more fundie girl to begin with (and there are lots to choose from). But he picked a girls that is getting an education, works at Sonic and has an affinity for jeans. Her mother works outside of the home to boot. I mean, we won't know until a few years down the line, but I don't think there is as heavy of an expectation for Zach to marry fundie as there was in the past.

Just to add, another example of the fundie males marrying fundie lite/conservative christian gals. And the eligible bachelor pool gets smaller...

[slickcat79]

I'm happy for Zach and it's nice that Kelly and Gil now allow their children to hold hands during courtship. Still, the chaperones need to be present.

I wonder how long it takes married fundie couples to not feel like they're being watched all the time.

I think it's sad Kelly and Gil think they have any say in whether or not their kids hold hands (or kiss or have sex) with their partners/fiances. These are grown-ass adults we're talking about here.

I don't think marrying someone that you've never even had a private conversation with makes for a healthy relationship :?