If your 2 year old whines, give him vinegar

[Jana814]

I think too many of these fundie mothers are so stressed out trying to be perfect helpmeets that they simply lose the ability to empathize with their children.

Agree!! They can't accept that their kids may just want to be kids sometimes!

[So Many Lies]

So many of these fundie bloggers don't understand children. They are so so quick to label them "naughty" and dole out the punishments. At two! I doubt a two year old would even know why they were suddenly being given vinegar.

[JesusFightClub]

Fundies just never go for the path of least resistance huh? Always a punishment.

I just plain old ignored. No eye contact, nothing. Seems from the comments a variation seems to work in most instances.

I don't have a problem with no. I will always offer an explanation but I feel it is important not to sugar coat all the time. Unfortunately life is tough and learning to deal with that is important.

I too have the whinging child family member who always causes the drama. Funny is it not, how it is never really the kiddo's problem but how the parents deal with it? I always try to remember that when gritting my teeth :lol:

Hah, totally.

This is the way to deal with whingers. Don't engage and don't make them feel important by bargaining with them, giving them stuff to stop whining or arguing with them. No contact until they stop (and flinging themselves on the floor dramatically or "You're SO NASTY" get the same treatment).

It's horrible to give whingers vinegar or anything like it. Everyone has a whinge now and again and that's not how you'd treat a whining adult so why do it to a child?

[Mrs Ms]

It depends on how tired and/or grumpy my child and I are as to which tactic I use. Sometimes I go for the ignore route until my kids voice reaches a normal tone, sometimes I joke that only the dog can hear the whining as it is too high-pitched for human ears and sometimes I whine back!

Whinge "but I waaaaaaaaaaaaaant ____!" 3 times, ask how that sounds and boy, suddenly my child talks normally again :)

[Artemis]

a) My answer to requests I wanted to grant was 'Yes. that's fine'.

b) My answer to requests I wasn't sure about was 'I need to think about it. I will tell you after I have thought. That will be when I have done x, y and z.' Then I would either say yes, no, or offer an alternative.

c) My answer to requests I did not want to grant was 'No, because . . .'

My answer to whining after b) was 'If you ask again the answer will be no. I told you, I'm thinking about it.'

My answer to whining after c) was. 'I said 'No'. 'No, means no.'

I tried to say yes to as many things as possible, offer alternatives where I could, and say no very little. I didn't have whiners, because they knew where they were. Children who whine generally do it because they have found that persistence pays off and a parent's decision can be changed. If they know that the decisions you make are fair but permanent, that happy and exciting things happen whenever possible, and that whining gets you nothing, then they don't whine.

As they grew older, I allowed a reasoned argument to change my mind, and accepted that my initial decision could have been wrong - but they had to be able to argue their case cogently and without a whinge. I also said sorry if my decision was wrong, or they could show me that I had acted unjustly or unreasonably.

It made life a lot simpler, and so far, it seems to have worked as they both still speak to me. (At 21 and 18)

[hywelis]

Oh, that. It's because he's a BLESSING and she doesn't say no to blessings. Probably won't be "happy" until she has eleventy more just like him.

That's the thing with a lot of the women we follow. They clearly despise children, yet they don't have the sense to stop having them.

:angry-banghead:

Bolding mine. You hit the nail on the head. It breaks my heart to think of those poor babies and kids who don't get any love but crappy, conditional love (if that).

Hywelis

[ems]

Bolding mine. You hit the nail on the head. It breaks my heart to think of those poor babies and kids who don't get any love but crappy, conditional love (if that).

Hywelis

This seems to be the problem with the whole QF movement in a nutshell.

These women are told that the godly, holy thing for them to do is to have a gazillion children "as God sends them."

And yet some of them may not like children very much to begin with; others may have the temperament to deal with only a few children without becoming burnt-out and frustrated.

But they listen to the dogma and produce their large quivers because it's what they are told is right and godly, and all the while their resentment builds, and the children are the ones that suffer. :cry:

[Trynn]

I think it's a good point that some children might not understand what the parent wants. I clearly remember having a conversation with my teacher about the word "backtalk."

Teacher: I don't want any backtalk

Me: *honestly confused* what's that?

Teacher: You know what backtalk is

Me: No, I don't

Teacher: You're doing it right now

Me: huh?

It was one of our classroom rules, but when the teacher went over the rules, she forgot to tell us exactly what backtalk was. It was not a word I'd heard before, and honestly, I didn't hear it much since.

I think one really has to explain things to children and not assume that they know. I don't remember if my teacher actually punished me or not (I don't think she did, I think I just got a warning) but if she had, it would not have helped, because I still would not have known exactly what it was she wanted me to stop doing

(I want to add that this sort of attitude was rare from this particular teacher. Otherwise she was a very caring lady, I think I might've just caught her on an off day.)

[Cannelle]

We had a saying in my house when my son was young. "Whining gets you nothing." I would calmly state that when he whined, and that was it, I wouldn't respond further on the issue. He learned really quickly that I meant what I said because I refused to give in. And that was it. We never had a whining problem because I said no and backed it up with my actions, every single time. And THAT is how you parent without resorting to "I'm a 12 year old Mean Girl at a sleepover" bitchy, revengeful tactics on a two year old.

[Sobeknofret]

KidSobe had terrible, terrible reflux and feeding issues. If I'd been so dense as to give him vinegar, he would have promptly projectile vomited all over me, and I'd have deserved it! Now that he's outgrown the reflux, he'd mainline vinegar and lemon juice if I'd let him :ew:

[Pandora Moon]

I think it's a good point that some children might not understand what the parent wants. I clearly remember having a conversation with my teacher about the word "backtalk."

Teacher: I don't want any backtalk

Me: *honestly confused* what's that?

Teacher: You know what backtalk is

Me: No, I don't

Teacher: You're doing it right now

Me: huh?

It was one of our classroom rules, but when the teacher went over the rules, she forgot to tell us exactly what backtalk was. It was not a word I'd heard before, and honestly, I didn't hear it much since.

I think one really has to explain things to children and not assume that they know. I don't remember if my teacher actually punished me or not (I don't think she did, I think I just got a warning) but if she had, it would not have helped, because I still would not have known exactly what it was she wanted me to stop doing

(I want to add that this sort of attitude was rare from this particular teacher. Otherwise she was a very caring lady, I think I might've just caught her on an off day.)

I remember people in my class in secondary school sometimes getting told off for this except in that school they called talking back and I'm still not sure what it means because it seemed like they were being told off for defending themselves if the teacher accused them of something.