If your 2 year old whines, give him vinegar

[Koala]

File under: Reasons I hate fundies

Each week I read 4 Moms. Sometimes I am meh, sometimes I am outraged. Today it was definitely the latter.

thecommonroomblog.com/2013/06/four-moms-q-and-a-19.html

What do do about a two year old who has watched too much television when Mom was sick and now wants it all the time: I have tried everything to get him to stop asking for television, but that is all he ever wants to do. Almost all of the time I say no, and then he follows me around whining. Getting rid of the tv is not possible (wish it was) because my husband uses it in his work. What can I do to break this horrible habit of his?

Whining is not acceptable, and will be responded to with…. your choice. I like a small spoonful of vinegar, or a small chore- wipe a chair clean, fold a couple of towels, use the dustpan and sweep under a chair or in a corner of the kitchen. Tell him Mommy never gives in for whining and then make sure you keep your word.

This is horrible at any age, but a 2 year old?????? :angry-cussingblack:

[church_of_dog]

I can remember when I was a kid (maybe 6-7ish, NOT two, argh) my mom telling me to stop whining. Problem was, I didn't understand what whining WAS -- because, yes, I was and still am that doofus-y that I misunderstand if things aren't spelled out (and even if I DON'T misunderstand I worry that I MIGHT be misunderstanding. But I digress...).

Seriously, I wasn't sure specifically what I was doing wrong. Was it the fact that I was asking questions? Or expressing that I didn't like something? If she had just said "whining = that squeaky tone in your voice" I would have grokked it completely. I eventually figured it out, of course, a few years later, but in the time in between I was never quite sure what it was she wanted me to stop... :whistle:

[Koala]

I don't understand this business of putting crap in their little mouths. My kids played soccer with a child who told us that if he left the bathroom with his toothbrush his mom made him drink pickle juice :evil-eye: I was both angered and seriously :wtf:

I hate, hate, hate that they force their children to consume things that are counter to their nature as a form of punishment.

[Hane]

Speak roughly to your little boy,

And beat him when he sneezes.

He only does it to annoy

Because he knows it teases.

[Handmaiden of Dog]

I don't know why it is so difficult for some parents to deal with whining, I always thought it was no big deal. When my daughter whined about something, I calmly told her I couldn't hear her when she whined and I would then tune her out. She learned very early on that whining was not going to get her anything.

My sister-in-law, on the other hand, made a mess of it with her son. She would snap, lose her temper, yell at him, and then give him whatever he wanted. Time after time. When he was 3 he learned that persistence paid off in the end and all he had to do was wear her down. He became unbearable to be around and spoiled many family outings. I tried really hard not to be mad at him but boy did I want to give her a good shake.

[louisa05]

I don't know why it is so difficult for some parents to deal with whining, I always thought it was no big deal. When my daughter whined about something, I calmly told her I couldn't hear her when she whined and I would then tune her out. She learned very early on that whining was not going to get her anything.

My sister-in-law, on the other hand, made a mess of it with her son. She would snap, lose her temper, yell at him, and then give him whatever he wanted. Time after time. When he was 3 he learned that persistence paid off in the end and all he had to do was wear her down. He became unbearable to be around and spoiled many family outings. I tried really hard not to be mad at him but boy did I want to give her a good shake.

Some friends of ours freak out like that when their kid whines. A horrific scene ensues no matter where they are and ultimately the kid wins. We have watched him play them like a violin so many times. He is nearly seven and still doing it the same way. Needless to say, spending time with this family is far from enjoyable.

My nephew (who I cared for 24/7 for 6-8 weeks every summer of his life until he was 13) was a whining child. It worked on his parents. It never worked on me. I always calmly informed him that we could talk about whatever he needed when he was ready to speak appropriately. He learned quickly.

[AnywhereButHere]

My mom used to give us a spoonful of vinegar to stop the hiccups. She'd mix it with a little brown sugar to cut the taste. As I got older and started administering it to myself, I found mixing the brown sugar took too long (I can't stand the hiccups). A straight shot of vinegar did (still does) the trick quite nicely.

Given that it tastes nasty and burns a bit going down, I can not fathom giving it to my kid as a punishment, especially a two year old, who as someone here just said, probably doesn't really understand what it is you want him to stop doing. I'm another parent who "doesn't hear" whining. If you want something, ask nicely. When my son was young, I would stop him when he whined and repeat what he said in a calm tone of voice and remind him that this is how we ask for things so that he could hear the difference. He's a kid, so whining still happens, but now it is "not heard" and not responded to. If the added bonus of "but I'm bored" is thrown in, he has about 2 minutes to become unbored on his own, or I will be happy to unbore him. He has his regular chores to do, but a bathroom can always be cleaned or a cabinet organized. It's amazing what he'll come up with to entertain himself when faced with a dirty toilet... :D

The lessons learned from giving them nasty tasting substances or, you know, beating them into submission are not the ones we should be aiming for as parents.

[sheltonLE]

I don't know why it is so difficult for some parents to deal with whining, I always thought it was no big deal. When my daughter whined about something, I calmly told her I couldn't hear her when she whined and I would then tune her out. She learned very early on that whining was not going to get her anything.

My sister-in-law, on the other hand, made a mess of it with her son. She would snap, lose her temper, yell at him, and then give him whatever he wanted. Time after time. When he was 3 he learned that persistence paid off in the end and all he had to do was wear her down. He became unbearable to be around and spoiled many family outings. I tried really hard not to be mad at him but boy did I want to give her a good shake.

This. Kids aren't stupid. They will realize sooner or later, that whining won't lead to success. When I worked as an au pair, I used the same method with my 4-year-old. Soon his reaction to a "No." was only "*sigh* Okaaaaay."

[aelar]

At two many toddlers are just starting on real sentences. They don't exactly have a lot of tools in the persuasion toolbox; emotion, repetition, and persistence is often about all they have. How is a kid supposed to know that it's wrong to just repeat the same request over and over (in increasing distraught and angry tones) when they're just barely learning how language works and running on almost no impulse control?

Sure, toddler 'whining' is annoying! It would be totally unacceptable badgering from anyone old enough to reason, form an argument, negotiate, and then accept the results. But toddlers can't do any of those things. So grown ups grit their teeth and deal, and hopefully keep enough patience along the way to impart some simple rules to help their child advance socially. "When you ask politely, you're more likely to get what you want." "Sometimes when you can't have something now, you can have it later, but only if you are nice about waiting." "When you do nice things for people, they want to do nice things for you." If you don't teach your kid how to get what they want, they're going to try to figure it out themselves, and you probably won't like what they come up with.

Plus, maybe it's just me and my overly permissive mindset, but I think a lot of parents, not just fundie, but them in particular, say 'No' way too much. I try to say 'yes' almost all the time. "You can't do that, but you can do this!" When I have to give a straight no, it's usually pretty urgent or I'm too grumpy to think of a yes. If my child is being so annoying that she isn't even taking a 'no' I usually just tune her out or leave the room until we both chill out. Punishing your kid with vinegar is sick, and with chores is stupid (great way to kill any motivation to be helpful).

[IReallyAmHopewell]

Better Vinegar than the hot sauce Lisa Whelchel prescribes

[OkToBeTakei]

Fundies just never go for the path of least resistance huh? Always a punishment.

I just plain old ignored. No eye contact, nothing. Seems from the comments a variation seems to work in most instances.

I don't have a problem with no. I will always offer an explanation but I feel it is important not to sugar coat all the time. Unfortunately life is tough and learning to deal with that is important.

I too have the whinging child family member who always causes the drama. Funny is it not, how it is never really the kiddo's problem but how the parents deal with it? I always try to remember that when gritting my teeth :lol:

[TMS]

I don't know why it is so difficult for some parents to deal with whining, I always thought it was no big deal. When my daughter whined about something, I calmly told her I couldn't hear her when she whined and I would then tune her out. She learned very early on that whining was not going to get her anything.

My sister-in-law, on the other hand, made a mess of it with her son. She would snap, lose her temper, yell at him, and then give him whatever he wanted. Time after time. When he was 3 he learned that persistence paid off in the end and all he had to do was wear her down. He became unbearable to be around and spoiled many family outings. I tried really hard not to be mad at him but boy did I want to give her a good shake.

I also had a sil who behaved this way with her 2 little boys from the time they were babies. When they were as old as middle school age, they still acted like this, but they were huge boys and 10x as loud. It was awful to be around them. Along with their mother's yelling, and their crying and carrying on until they got what they wanted, I sometimes wished I was deaf when I was around them. I can remember my kids, who were all younger, used to stare at them in disbelief, mouths hanging open.

I ignored my kids when they whined (when they were toddlers), and never gave in to whining. As a result, my kids learned not to be whiners or beggars, and no one was hurt in the process.

[RachelB]

I can remember when I was a kid (maybe 6-7ish, NOT two, argh) my mom telling me to stop whining. Problem was, I didn't understand what whining WAS -- because, yes, I was and still am that doofus-y that I misunderstand if things aren't spelled out (and even if I DON'T misunderstand I worry that I MIGHT be misunderstanding. But I digress...).

Seriously, I wasn't sure specifically what I was doing wrong. Was it the fact that I was asking questions? Or expressing that I didn't like something? If she had just said "whining = that squeaky tone in your voice" I would have grokked it completely. I eventually figured it out, of course, a few years later, but in the time in between I was never quite sure what it was she wanted me to stop... :whistle:

You're not alone. I was a pretty earnest kid and didn't want to frustrate people, but it took me a long time to figure out if it was the fact that I was expressing displeasure, or the tone of voice in which I was expressing it, or whatever, that was the problem.

[laura oz]

I don't know why it is so difficult for some parents to deal with whining, I always thought it was no big deal. When my daughter whined about something, I calmly told her I couldn't hear her when she whined and I would then tune her out. She learned very early on that whining was not going to get her anything.

My sister-in-law, on the other hand, made a mess of it with her son. She would snap, lose her temper, yell at him, and then give him whatever he wanted. Time after time. When he was 3 he learned that persistence paid off in the end and all he had to do was wear her down. He became unbearable to be around and spoiled many family outings. I tried really hard not to be mad at him but boy did I want to give her a good shake.

I've done the same thing with my three year old, and it usually makes the whining stop. If I ignore his whining he stops. I've tried that with his tantrums and it's 50/50 on success. Sometimes he's just pissed and not gonna take it anymore. :lol:

[clarinetpower]

My mom used to give us a spoonful of vinegar to stop the hiccups. She'd mix it with a little brown sugar to cut the taste. As I got older and started administering it to myself, I found mixing the brown sugar took too long (I can't stand the hiccups). A straight shot of vinegar did (still does) the trick quite nicely.

Next time, try a spoonful of peanut butter (nothing to drink). It works every time! :)

/derailment

[twinmama]

I spend all day with my two 1.5 year olds, so basically my day is nonstop whining, biting, hitting, crying, fighting, etc (and lots of hugs, love and smiles, but that's beside the point!) and I still don't hit or force them to eat nasty things. The easiest way to stop a kid from whining about something is to DO something with them (in my limited experience). Take him for a walk, he is probably bored if he's wanting to watch tv all the time. Run an errand, do an art project, go to a zoo, go to the library. Or ignore him. My kids whine about things, I make sure they are surrounded by some toys and books, lots of options for entertaining themselves... and then I just let them whine about whatever they are whining about (if it's not a need I haven't met). Maybe it's easier because there are two of them, but they have definitely hit the terrible twos half a year early so maybe not!

[AnywhereButHere]

Next time, try a spoonful of peanut butter (nothing to drink). It works every time! :)

/derailment

Thanks! That sounds much more appetizing. :)

[Mama Mia]

Whining drove me more crazy than any other obnoxious behavior in my kids massive array of obnoxious behaviors. I think it was the high pitch. Drove me straight up the wall.

[Rowan]

I spend all day with my two 1.5 year olds, so basically my day is nonstop whining, biting, hitting, crying, fighting, etc (and lots of hugs, love and smiles, but that's beside the point!) and I still don't hit or force them to eat nasty things. The easiest way to stop a kid from whining about something is to DO something with them (in my limited experience). Take him for a walk, he is probably bored if he's wanting to watch tv all the time. Run an errand, do an art project, go to a zoo, go to the library. Or ignore him. My kids whine about things, I make sure they are surrounded by some toys and books, lots of options for entertaining themselves... and then I just let them whine about whatever they are whining about (if it's not a need I haven't met). Maybe it's easier because there are two of them, but they have definitely hit the terrible twos half a year early so maybe not!

I was going to say that it was interesting that the person complaining about the whining at that forum said how he would "follow her around" still whining. He's TWO! He wants attention! And instead of engaging him in some way, drinking vinegar is acceptable?

Life isn't fair but how are these people even parents?

[Koala]

I was going to say that it was interesting that the person complaining about the whining at that forum said how he would "follow her around" still whining. He's TWO! He wants attention! And instead of engaging him in some way, drinking vinegar is acceptable?

Life isn't fair but how are these people even parents?

Oh, that. It's because he's a BLESSING and she doesn't say no to blessings. Probably won't be "happy" until she has eleventy more just like him.

That's the thing with a lot of the women we follow. They clearly despise children, yet they don't have the sense to stop having them.

:angry-banghead:

[lilah]

Fundies just never go for the path of least resistance huh? Always a punishment.

I just plain old ignored. No eye contact, nothing. Seems from the comments a variation seems to work in most instances.

I don't have a problem with no. I will always offer an explanation but I feel it is important not to sugar coat all the time. Unfortunately life is tough and learning to deal with that is important.

I too have the whinging child family member who always causes the drama. Funny is it not, how it is never really the kiddo's problem but how the parents deal with it? I always try to remember that when gritting my teeth :lol:

yeah it's easier to use punishment to create mindless obdedience than to teach kids social norms

[Knight of Ni]

I was going to say that it was interesting that the person complaining about the whining at that forum said how he would "follow her around" still whining. He's TWO! He wants attention! And instead of engaging him in some way, drinking vinegar is acceptable?

Life isn't fair but how are these people even parents?

That's what I was thinking. If the kid is following her around whining, he just wants his mom to pay attention to him. If she is the type of parent to force feed a toddler vinegar, than she probably also expects a two year old to entertain himself all day. How about sitting down on the floor with him and play blocks with him or read to him.

Wait... That wouldn't teach him self-control then so that's no good.

[crazyforkate]

Better Vinegar than the hot sauce Lisa Whelchel prescribes

My friend's mom did this to her and her brother when they misbehaved. (Not religious, just really hardline on punishment.) The result? My friend can't eat anything spicy to this day and starts to panic when she tastes a hint of hot sauce. Nice going, Friend's Mom.

[thoughtful]

That weird combination of lack of logic, lack of interest in the child as a fellow human being, and attempting punishment with pain never ceases to disgust me.

[javafriend]

Other effective ways to stop whining are redirection and preparation. Instead of pulling out the vinegar bottle, you could say, " Watching TV is fun but it isn't good for your brain to watch it too much. Let's pick a show to watch tomorrow. Then we'll have time to get out your blocks and make a zoo for your dinosaur collection!" Or, to head off whining in a store, an adult could tell a child beforehand, " We are going to the store today to get a birthday gift for your friend Sam." As you shop, if the child starts asking for something for him/her self, you can say, "Wow, that is a really cool toy. I can see why you like it. Let's be sure to write it down on your birthday list so your aunt/cousin/grandma will know what you want."

Of course, for these ideas to work, the parent does need to actually care about how their child feels in order to empathize with them. As another poster said, there is nothing wrong or unexpected about a child asking for something. It is up to the parent to help the child deal with their feelings so that whining and tantruming don't seem to be the only options.

I think too many of these fundie mothers are so stressed out trying to be perfect helpmeets that they simply lose the ability to empathize with their children.