JT Phillips turns 20 / birth story by the Tool

[love2scrap]

yesterday doug posted this tribute

https://m.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1 ... .&refid=17

accompanied by a pic of prince JT with what appeared to be his galfriend/courtship interest until i realized zomg its liberty his sister. Apparently Joshua Titus is gone to Istanbul for some manly men expedition his Father the Tool could not attend.

today doug posted the birth story.

https://m.facebook.com/?_rdr#!/photo.ph ... 3359783775

Twenty Years Ago Yesterday: A Birth Story Twenty years ago yesterday, I was racing across old Virginia roads to the West Virginia border. In the front seat of my car was a very pregnant Beall more than ready to give birth to her first child.  About to enter the second seat was our British midwife using words that made no sense to me---"we need to check the boot, the boot." What is the matter with my boots lady," I kept thinking, and why in the world are we talking about one of them. I did not realize that to our British sisters, the "boot" was the trunk. The plan had been to have our first child at home, but we wanted to join our principle midwife who was delivering another child at the hospital.  Off we drove. I thought that the most important thing I could do beside getting us to the hospital in one peace would be to show my sympathy by leaning very close to Beall and alternating "sweet nothings" with good old fashioned pep talk. But that did not fly.  Beall's response was to cry out at the top of her lungs "coffee, coffee." It took me a good ten minutes to figure out that she was not asking for a cup of java, but was pleading with me to cease and desist from blowing my less than inviting caffeinated breath in her face.  Now en route, we darted at breakneck speed under the midnight sky and over potholes hoping to keep matters in check until reaching our destination. I imagined being finally able to use the excuse "Officer, the reason why I am speeding is because my WIFE IS ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY," thus earning me a genuine police escort. But where where the police when you really needed them?  One hour later we arrived--with Beall heavily dilated, but no worse for wear. Waiting for us was our principle nurse midwife, Juliana.  West Virginia tends to be the butt of a lot of jokes, but on this early morning on May 15, 1993, I was mighty glad that this state was one of the only which allowed midwives to operate in local hospitals.  And so it began.  My Mom arrived. As the daughter of a respected family physician, this whole natural child-birth, midwifery thing was a bit weird to her, but at least we had never mentioned words like "water birth."  Beall came through like a trooper. And just an hour or so later, the 20 year-old pictured in the attached image appeared for the first time into this universe in the form of a beautiful baby boy.  And for that moment, the world stopped spinning, and this little ball of baby became the center of the cosmos, with Beall as the radiant sun from whom the whole room shone with the light of joy. Like many first-time fathers I had grown ten feet tall. Why God would give my wife and I the most stunningly beautiful baby in the entire world was not clear, but that he had done so was an obvious fact.  Now came the shocker.  Less than about an hour after birth, Beall decided she had had enough of hospitals and wanted to return home. The attending physician was not so sure. But thanks to the help of our midwife and the tenacity of Beall who rose, took a shower and explained---"time to go," we were back in the car and on the way home less than five hours after arriving at the hospital.  The drive home was more dangerous than the drive to the hospital. The glorious distraction of having a three hour-old baby in the car should be self-evident.  Somewhere between the West Virginia hospital and our home in Middleburg, Virginia, Beall announced: "You know I am hungry. I could use a nice breakfast." When a woman who has given birth just three hours before tells you she could use a couple of fried eggs with a side of bacon and a cup of joe, you listen very carefully. A few minutes later we pulled into a restaurant called Huckleberry's. It was populated by locals who had risen early and were enjoying the breakfast special while reading the newspapers. Beall and I sat down and ordered the eggs, bacon and joe. Next to us was a tightly swaddled Joshua. The baby brought attention. "What a beautiful...er..uh...young...baby....Excuse me, how old is that baby?' someone asked. "At least three hours," I replied. Do you remember those scenes in the old cowboy movies where two pistoleers are in a bar, and one is about to reach for his gun, and the whole bar becomes deathly quiet as everyone waits to see what the other gunslinger will do?  That about sums up the tension in the restaurant. Dead silence.  I could hear the thoughts leaking out of their ears: "What type of a human being takes a three-hour old baby to a restaurant for breakfast?" "A home schooler and attorney who knows his rights and the strength of his wife," I thought to myself. And, thankfully, I never spoke those words.  But we knew it was about time to get out of Dodge. It wouldn't do for someone to call the police so they could give us the wrong type of escort this time.  But rather then wait for the open mouths and strange stares to turn into phone calls, we quietly exited the restaurant and finished our journey home. In less than seven hours from the time we had left our home, we were back, with Beall and Joshua Titus safely in bed. Mission accomplished. Praise the Lord.  All of this twenty years ago right now. And it seems like yesterday.  Happy Birthday to Joshua Titus Phillips, the first born of a first born, of a first born, of a first born, of a first born, and the first grandson of Howard Phillips who carries the Phillips name to reach his twenties.  Heavenly Father, thank you for the children that you have given us, and our dear wives who have labored and sacrificed to bring them into the world. And on this day, thank you for the life of Joshua Titus Phillips, who has now complete his twentieth revolution around the sun.

[mausi]

Of course Doug Phillips is a tool turns the first bit of his son's birth story to a segment on his own fashionable boots. :lol:

[GenerationCedarchip]

No words. I just can't. :cray-cray:

[ladyamylynn]

He writes with the same breathless, self-centered, adjective-laden style as our favorite fundie maidens. I wish Doug the Tool would write a fictional! Imagine the lovingly detailed outfits! The swashbuckling! The MANLINESS!

[debrand]

Lots of young women on the facebook page about how great Joshua's smile is. :lol: You can almost feel the frantic cries of "Please court me. I'll have your twenty million babies, Josh."

I thought that part of the hospital stay was to make certain that the baby was all right. After birth, I recuperated quickly also but it had nothing to do with the strength of my character(Maybe I just have baby making hips?)

[already hungover]

I like that he took the three-hour old baby out to a restaurant for breakfast because God forbid that Doug Phillips is a tool would cook "a nice breakfast" for his postpartum wife. I'm surprised he didn't make her cook it herself, with plenty for him too.

[DomWackTroll]

Just count the spelling errors in this "homeschooler's" touching tale.

Love how he throws a Reese Witherspoon-worthy hissy fit about "knowing his rights" after proclaiming Baby Josh's tender age to an entire restaurant in a feverish state of paranoia. That's our Doug...

[slickcat79]

*principal *piece *principal (again)

If god designs a woman's body for such an awesome, perfect, totally safe experience like birth, why would it matter if you were in a hospital with your midwife or not? I can't believe it was that important that he had to drive to another state with his wife minutes from giving birth. Especially when you're driving to a state with HIGHER infant mortality and fetal death rates than the one you're coming from.

Also, notice the language. He claims his son came into the universe for the first time at birth. But I thought life begins at conception? :think:

Oh, and of course the restaurant patrons were totally persecuting you Dougie :roll: No one even said anything, but he's convinced himself they were on the verge of being arrested.

[duplessis3]

@@. I totally, after my homebirth would have been wanting to sit my butt in a strange restaurants seat with my newborn. (We did take him to the doc the next day but he knew we were coming, and had us come in the back to avoid the other patients. Not that the baby would have gotten sick but he didn't want me to.)

[lipstickgoalie]

I just threw up in my mouth.

[formergothardite]

The boy who smiled sounds like it was written by my eight year old. But I think she could actually do better.

[Joan of Snarc]

Is it too much to ask for a couple paragraph breaks?

These "homeschooler's" can never write for shit.

:shit-fan:

[copper]

What is this "I'm a homeschooler" stuff in the restaurant when his first baby is 3 hours old and hasn't even been home yet? :orly:

Did they really decide to homeschool pre-kids? If so, that's a bit different than the majority of most first generation fundies.

[Anny Nym]

Has anyone already prewarned Istanbul airport ?!

[Marian the Librarian]

OMFG, the man cannot write grammatically, nor spell correctly. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I give you Homeskoolin,' Exhibit A.

:lol:

[ShadowyOne]

What is this "I'm a homeschooler" stuff in the restaurant when his first baby is 3 hours old and hasn't even been home yet? :orly:

Did they really decide to homeschool pre-kids? If so, that's a bit different than the majority of most first generation fundies.

This jumped out at me, too. I chalked it up to Dougie mixing his timelines, and attributing feelings to himself then that he has now. But I, too, went :orly: at the idea of his homeschooling a kid who can't focus his eyes, much less crack a textbook.

[Mary C Doates]

What a pompous ass.

Ya know, Doug (Phillips who is a tool), using big words--especially when you can't spell them--doesn't make you sound smart and, therefore, an authority on everything. It makes you sound like you are desperate to prove that you are "better" (more intelligent, wealthier, more educated, manlier) than everyone reading or listening to you. It makes you sound...insincere. Fake. Toolish.

Doug Phillips: Tool.

[lilith]

This jumped out at me, too. I chalked it up to Dougie mixing his timelines, and attributing feelings to himself then that he has now. But I, too, went :orly: at the idea of his homeschooling a kid who can't focus his eyes, much less crack a textbook.

I'm pretty sure he was working for the Homeschool Legal Defense Association at the time, so maybe that made him a defacto homeschooler?

[Arete]

It is damn dangerous to bring a 3 hour old baby to a public place like a restaurant. They absolutely can get sick. Even pre-modern rural cultures took certain precautions with newborns, not to mention mothers who had just given birth. Assholes. :hand:

[Effie]

OMFG, the man cannot write grammatically, nor spell correctly. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I give you Homeskoolin,' Exhibit A.

:lol:

To be fair, he writes better than I do... English is my third language though.

I think I spotted 6 errors in his text. Were there any more?

[tuckerphez]

What a tool.

Also this sounds 90% made up. At least I really hope it is.

[Pinkgirl81]

What does being a homeschooler have to do with taking a 3 hr old baby into a restaurant?! And why would you even think anyone would question your "rights"? Last I checked, it wasn't against any laws to take your child, no matter how old they are, into a restaurant!? Weird-o!!

[justlurking]

What does being a homeschooler have to do with taking a 3 hr old baby into a restaurant?! And why would you even think anyone would question your "rights"? Last I checked, it wasn't against any laws to take your child, no matter how old they are, into a restaurant!? Weird-o!!

I think he may have been thinking that others would view the act as being neglectful which might prompt someone to call CPS.

Regardless of the reason, Doug Phillips is a tool.

[notablesquid]

Color me surprised that The Tool knows the earth revolves around the sun.

[debrand]

I think he may have been thinking that others would view the act as being neglectful which might prompt someone to call CPS.

Regardless of the reason, Doug Phillips is a tool.

If the hospital let them leave, I'm not certain what the police could do.