seems like catholics do emotional chastity too?

[Eliowy]

Random friend on fb invited me to a talk and sent me a link " http://catholicyoungwoman.blogspot.com/ ... stity.html" I didn't even know this was a thing in the Catholic realm. I mean physical chastity yes (drilled into one non stop as a kid) but this is new. Seems like the Botkin sister's ideas are crossing borders eh?

[MamaJunebug]

Never heard that sort of thing discussed by Catholic girls when I was a kid (40+ years ago) and my friends who are Catholic and parents doubtless would read that and say, "Well, some of the ideas are worthwhile, but hey, bruised hearts are part of growing up!"

Nope, I really don't think that's a traditionally Roman Catholic mindset. Yep, it does look like somebody's taking a page from Those People. :cry: *shudder*

[Mela99]

Uhm... hm. Okay. I was raised Catholic and this is news to me. I had a lot of bookies/stories/etc about physical chastity, but not really emotional

[lilwriter85]

I was also raised Catholic and only a few people discussed these things or had these beliefs when I was growing up in the 90s and 00s

[notachance]

i think this is a fundie catholic mindset as opposed to a traditional catholic doctrine but what do i know, i am the cafeteria sort

[Jinger Jar]

Yeah, it's an interesting idea, I suppose, but not really a Catholic one.

[Hane]

Born and raised Catholic here, and this NEVER was a thing when I was a teen 40+ years ago. In fact, my best friend in college was a guy. Yeah, I did have a crushing/confused moment when he said he loved me (but it wasn't "that" way, and we were both dating other people), but I got over it, and each of us married other people.

Fundies of all stripes, wrapping yourselves and your kids up in cocoons is no guarantee of lifelong happiness, and will prevent you from developing the resilience you need to live an authentic life.

In the few years since I've fallen away from Catholicism, I've noticed a disturbing trend towards fundie-leaning.

[grovelina]

I went to Catholic high school about ten years ago and it was never something that was discussed. I do remember however, spending the night at a Catholic friend's house when I was a teenager and seeing the I kissed dating goodbye book on the coffee table. I never asked them about it and I don't think they practiced it. She was homeschooled for health reasons (her younger sister went to and graduated from public school) but she definitely dated.

[Beammeup]

I have great disagreement with the blogger about how Harry and Hermionie weren't "emotionally intimate". She clearly hasn't seen the movies or read the books.

[rward]

Yet another cradle Catholic, and this wasn't a Catholic thing when I was in school. (Catholic school kindergarten through college.)

Then again, the Church today is significantly more conservative than it was when I was active 15 years ago.

[Loveday]

I have great disagreement with the blogger about how Harry and Hermionie weren't "emotionally intimate". She clearly hasn't seen the movies or read the books.

Yeah, they were ridiculously close emotionally. So much so there's still a huge segment of the fandom that hasn't forgven JKR for insisting on pairing him with Ginny. :doh:

[Dysfundamental]

These folks are outliers. Their blog has a patron who isn't even a saint (yet, maybe)? If you asked most Catholics to name anyone who had been beatified but wasn't a saint, you'd get 80% "what, is that even a thing?" and 10% "maybe Mother Teresa?"

Zelie Martin is a favorite of the lay Carmelites. Like, you know, Abigail.

[Cran]

I do think emotional chastity does exist for Catholic Christians, too (as in: Not lusting after another woman/man if you're married, not masturbating), but imho, this blog goes far above everything that would be considered a normal Catholic emotional chastity.

[Syd+Marky]

I was raised Catholic too,&dating was not forbidden.Sex before marriage&birthcontrol were forbidden.This sounds much more like"guarding your heart"or"guarding your thoughts"than"guarding your virginity."

It does sound like Abigail,though.I dont know much about the Carmelites.

[roamincatholic]

I'm Catholic (obviously) and on the younger scale of the spectrum, which probably affects my perspective - was only in high school and college youth groups a few years ago, and this isn't new to me. My high school youth group had "guarding your heart" right alongside physical chastity. Our youth minister loved I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I also heard it plenty at my then boyfriend's born again mega church non-Catholic youth group (yes, we were that fun), so I don't remember hearing much of a difference in the messages. I never heard it referred to as emotional chastity till college though. I think from a teenager's perspective - this stuff is sold pretty slick. It sounds dumb to me now but why wouldn't I want to only be emotionally attached to one man? That kind of ideology is the gateway, and it's not that far a fall to go from Joshua Harris to the more hardcore fundie ideas.

Generally speaking, I think there's quite a bit of carry over of the crazy when you get on the trad/conservative side of Catholicism. I had speakers at my Catholic young women's group at my liberal university giving talks about why women shouldn't work outside the home once they have children because it's not their "natural" feminine place.

[Full enough quiver]

We (only the girls) were lectured about not giving away pieces of your heart. Apparently boys don't give away heart pieces. Anyway, I encourage my girls to guard ther hearts, and not fall too hard, too fast. I would teach boys the same thing if I had any. I tell them that love is a big word, and not to use it lightly. Other than that, all I can do is hold them when their feelings get bruised, and help them pick up the pieces when their hearts get broken.

[mockingbird]

Yeah, they were ridiculously close emotionally. So much so there's still a huge segment of the fandom that hasn't forgven JKR for insisting on pairing him with Ginny. :doh:

I love how she picked one of the most emotionally intimate scenes of that movie, let alone the series, to illustrate how emotionally distant they were... :lol:

I would agree it's more of a fundy/conservative Catholic thing. I went to multiple Catholic schools and friends who went to Catholic schools and I don't remember any of us hearing anything about it and there were no bans or taboos about being friends with the opposite sex or dating. I think the mainstream view is more that it is maybe even preferable to date multiple people because marriage is a big commitment and the church doesn't believe in divorce, so you'd better get it right the first time. (I know she was talking about not being friends with a guy, but usually when fundies talk about emotional purity its purpose is to save your emotions for your spouse.)

I did know about Kissing Dating Goodbye, but I think I found out about it through a Christian (not Catholic) magazine I got. At the time it appealed to me, because I didn't have a boyfriend in high school and I wasn't interested in casual dating so it seemed like aiming for a courtship would at least make me feel better about not having a boyfriend by giving me a justification. But my parents discouraged me from getting the book, which I'm glad they did looking back. The fact is everyone is going to get hurt in life, it's the price you pay sometimes for having a rich, full life. You can sometimes learn or grow from those experiences. I also think it's good to be open to the fact you might not marry the first person you date, instead of thinking you have to settle for say, an abusive relationship. I think they might have talked about Kissing Dating Goodbye at our youth group, but my church's youth group was known for being a little extreme and I didn't join.

I do think some of what she says is pretty much common sense though, like that it's good to rely on more than one person for support if you can and have friends outside a relationship, and that when you are single it can be a good time to build strong friendships (but male or female!). But those points make sense outside of the "emotional purity" context.

I would like to point out to her that even if you are a straight female, you can be hurt by a female friend, too. Maybe it won't be because your friend falls for someone else, but the friendship could break down for a hundred different things. Does that mean we should also not have same-sex friends because they could hurt us? That's what the Maxwells say. It's only one more slide down this slippery slope of illogic.

[mg78]

It's been a while since I went to high school, but I do not remember anything about emotional chastitynand I went to a fundie Catholic HS. Anyway, if you think about it, the concept of emotional cheating came out in the last decade so maybe it is now also a thing...

[Arete]

Throughout my highschool years (30+ years ago), I went to several dances at an all boys Catholic highschool. The brothers who mostly ran the school seemed to be A-OK with the guys dating. No guarding of hearts, but some of the Jesuits guarded the outside of the bathrooms during the dances to make sure couples didn't sneak in together and make out. :naughty:

We would do our making out in the parking lot.