Abby's "Struggle" with infertility

[luv2run]

LOL sounds like she is the same IRL as she is on the blog!

A friend of mine and hers were trying to help her because she had been blogging about how afraid she was of having to deliver alone.

My friend was due a month after her, and was willing to watch her four kids. I had told her I would help too, but my son was in school half day at the time for services, so my schedule was limited. She lived in WV, had just moved...or something like that. We would call, leave messages, whatever. She wouldn't call back. Then post about how upset she was about being abandoned by her family. I can't remember all the details. It's a bit fuzzy.

The point is, she had the two of us willing to help her. But I guess because she didn't like the way we were offering to help (which meant her husband would have to bring them to us, or we'd have to swamp drop off pick up..something where all the driving didnt' fall on one person) she just got really weird. I only saw her randomly ever few months or so. I ended up calling because I needed to know whether someone (us) was watching her kids. I remember the conversation being very bizarre. Something about trusting that God would take care of it, and they were just going to ride it out until something came along. She had no plan whatsoever, and refusing anyone else's help. I think, in the end, like last minute, one of her parents ended up watching the kids. Something about her parents not wanting to stay at her house but allowing the kids to stay there. Or vice versa. I don't know...

I got pretty annoyed at that point. Because, what she's been through isn't anything I haven't been through myself. It's very hard to help someone who, for whatever reason, does not want to be helped. I was offended when she kept blogging about the stress of being alone and having all these kids and no one to help them when she needed to have her last baby...when we were trying very hard to help. I was like, "Um, hello? Are you serious?" A little insulting to be honest...

The bride at the wedding and funeral comment made me think. It makes sense.

Whatever is going on with her, she will never either admit to, or think that there is a problem, because I think she honestly thinks everything and everyone else is the problem. You can't help someone who thinks that everyone else is out to persecute them. She will only listen to a select few people. I don't know who they are, but I bet they would be someone in a religious authority. I mentioned to her that she should see a spiritual director if she was so upset (therapy seemed like it might offend her, and she was asking about mine). She apparently sees someone but is careful what she says because she's had issues with a few priests before.

It's like there was no way to help. And I just sort of gave up.

[desertvixen]

The point is, she had the two of us willing to help her. But I guess because she didn't like the way we were offering to help (which meant her husband would have to bring them to us, or we'd have to swamp drop off pick up..something where all the driving didnt' fall on one person) she just got really weird. I only saw her randomly ever few months or so. I ended up calling because I needed to know whether someone (us) was watching her kids. I remember the conversation being very bizarre. Something about trusting that God would take care of it, and they were just going to ride it out until something came along. She had no plan whatsoever, and refusing anyone else's help. I think, in the end, like last minute, one of her parents ended up watching the kids. Something about her parents not wanting to stay at her house but allowing the kids to stay there. Or vice versa. I don't know...

I got pretty annoyed at that point. Because, what she's been through isn't anything I haven't been through myself. It's very hard to help someone who, for whatever reason, does not want to be helped. I was offended when she kept blogging about the stress of being alone and having all these kids and no one to help them when she needed to have her last baby...when we were trying very hard to help. I was like, "Um, hello? Are you serious?" A little insulting to be honest...

That's our Abigail, especially the bolded.

[desertvixen]

From the comments:

It's a scar left over from truly BEING Infertile and sobbing for years.

The problem is, she sees her scars as worse than other people's gushing wounds. It is her blog and she can write what she chooses, but what she chooses is very revealing. She reminds me of one of my soldiers, who seems to think his problems are always worse than anyone else's problems and why are we all soooo MEAN to him...

ETA: NurseNell, I salute you for your comment.

[B5SnowDog]

This woman got ISSUES!!

Hell, she's got subscriptions.

[dairyfreelife]

I think she wants to be infertile, just like she wants a CF child. She needs the attention, she wants to struggle with her life, but she just has not struggled. She grew up well, had great parents, went to college on her parents' dime and law school and got married and had a child, but it was too easy for her. She saw many other people stuggle in life and saw people giving them attention and offering prayers and help and no one was doing that for her. So she is making up her own problems to get people to pay attention and pray for her. Not pregnant after one cycle and still nursring a baby not yet one, took about two years to have her fourth child, she had secondary infertility.

When people tell her she does not and that calling it such is rude to people with true infertility and secondary infertility, she can't have that. The attention is moved off of her when others post their real infertility struggles and she can't have that. She sees people who have or have adopted a special needs children and talk about their struggles and she knows that CF is possible with them so she wants to have a child with such a condition so the focus will be on her. Healthy children don't get attention, but special needs one do.

Her parents worked and she went to a great daycare and schools, but she can't have such normalcy, so she exaggerates her situation and talks about how neglected she was so people can give her sympathy. She talks about not having money for groceries after a slurge at a concession and a toy for a mildly hurt child because she can garner more sympathy.

I actually wonder if they struggle with money at all or at least not quite how she claims it is. I wonder if they are both actually carriers, or just that CF had been in the family history of both parents so she thinks hopes that they are carriers so she can have a CF child. If her daycare was really 12 hours or just 7-8 and she just wants to show her parents were not so great and she needs sympathy. After all, a happy childhood won't garner any, how boring. Her issues with her mother are obviously because her mother wasn't home 24/7/365 and not because Abigail refuses to listen to anyone disagree with her about anything or make have anything not be all about her. If anything, I think Abby was spoiled and can't see anyone or anything but herself because she is used to getting her way and thinks being about her and she still can't stand not being the center of attention though she's well into adulthood and married with five children.

It's well past time she grow up and realize she is only one of seven billion people in this world. As said on the show Reba, "There are millions of stars circling millions of moons circling millions of planets in millions of galaxies that all revolve around one point in the universe and that point is not you."

[NurseNell]

I actually wonder if they struggle with money at all or at least not quite how she claims it is. I wonder if they are both actually carriers, or just that CF had been in the family history of both parents so she thinks hopes that they are carriers so she can have a CF child.

No, they both carry CF.

abigails-alcove.blogspot.com/search?q=cystic+fibrosis

My husband and I are both carriers of the CF gene. His is the most severe form, mine is a mild form that is rarely active.

[Koala]

This is a trend with Abigail.

Taken to daycare as a child= Worse off than a child in a 3rd world orphanage

Neighbor looks at her funny=Persecuted by EVERYONE!

Not pregnant after 1 month=Infertile

Spend all your money=Impoverished

:roll:

[darareaksmey]

Humility is a Christian virtue. She needs to be willing to accept help when it's offered. So far I haven't seen one thing about her that makes me feel sorry for her. Quite the contrary, I think she needs chewed out old school by a truly infertile, truly poor woman.

[mockingbird]

I think you are absolutely right, dairyfreelife.

I would say she can have my life but even though there have been um... times of holy suffering? I like it. She doesn't deserve to have it because she would just use it to garner sympathy for herself! ;) Something I have learned is that even if you ARE someone with any type of dramatic problem in life, like infertility or CF, people are not going to automatically pay attention to you unless they want to. People are still people and have their own motivations. Many are kind, but others just want to pay attention to themselves and their own fake poverty instead of yours! Basically, you can't pull the cancer card (etc.) and expect everyone to love you - life just doesn't work that way no matter *what* is going on with your life.

Plus the pity/martyr/inspiration junk is not my idea of fun - it can be really awkward or even dehumanizing because it becomes all about how the other person is using your experience to feel good about themselves/their life. I guess any attention would be good attention for her, though.

[flyawaystray]

I've never heard of a rarely active CF gene. While some CF genes mutations create more severe cases, the fact is that the genes are still there. There's the potential to have a kid with CF regardless, and I sincerely believe she wants a sick kid.

I know someone who has a mild form of CF. And guess what? it takes two sets of genes, so yeah, not buying that.

[Syd+Marky]

I think Abby desires nothing more than to be a true martyr mom.Shes on "a journey" to become a third-order/laymans Carmelite.The catholic evangelists in my POV.I think when she met her husband who belonged to this religeon,she saw a place she could fit all of her "nuts" into.She can be special,somehow&have a reason(the gospel,of course),to tell everyone about it(how special she is).All this voluntary poverty,refusing peoples help&sighing over how hard it is to do alone apparently doesnt get her enough saintly treatment from her husband(&maybe some of the clergy who saw her for what she was),so shes gotta throw in the extra drama..secondary infertility?more "poor poor pitiful saintly me".

When does she give up &say nobody's buying this shit anyway?

[Morton Fan]

I've never heard of a rarely active CF gene. While some CF genes mutations create more severe cases, the fact is that the genes are still there. There's the potential to have a kid with CF regardless, and I sincerely believe she wants a sick kid.

I know someone who has a mild form of CF. And guess what? it takes two sets of genes, so yeah, not buying that.

A mild mutation of CF is still a very significant disease, too.

[flyawaystray]

Yep. My friend has lost 20 percent of her lung function since November, even with her mild disease. My friend describes it as mild, so that's not my words. She's a double delta. She has CF related diabetes and has to take enzymes. I think she calls it mild because even with her pft's dropping, she's still at 60 or so lung capacity and she's 28. Before, she was at 80 percent, and above, but I think her pregnancy really took a toll on her.

[Morton Fan]

Yep. My friend has lost 20 percent of her lung function since November, even with her mild disease. My friend describes it as mild, so that's not my words. She's a double delta. She has CF related diabetes and has to take enzymes. I think she calls it mild because even with her pft's dropping, she's still at 60 or so lung capacity and she's 28. Before, she was at 80 percent, and above, but I think her pregnancy really took a toll on her.

So sad:( By the way, I wasn't taking issue with your use of the term mild, just objecting to this ignorant blogger saying, "Oh they might have CF, but it will only be mild."

I'm (unfortunately) much too familiar with CF and it isn't a disease I'd wish on anyone.

[flyawaystray]

Ooooh, I gotcha. Yeah....mild CF is still very horrible.

I don't know what Abby means by "rarely active gene". Maybe she means a not so common mutation, but genes = DNA, and DNA is hardwired into the body.

[slickcat79]

I've never heard of a rarely active CF gene. While some CF genes mutations create more severe cases, the fact is that the genes are still there. There's the potential to have a kid with CF regardless, and I sincerely believe she wants a sick kid.

I know someone who has a mild form of CF. And guess what? it takes two sets of genes, so yeah, not buying that.

I was wondering the same. I understand there can be degrees of actual CF, but I'm not sure how they could tell the difference between severe and mild when you're only a carrier :?

[chaotic life]

Abigail is an IDIOT and she pisses me off. Mild, moderate and severe CF are not determined by your genetic mutation AT ALL. They are specifically related to YOUR LUNG FUNCTION STATUS. 60% PFTs is still mild disease, however, I would have to look at the numbers to know where it drops to moderate because I *think* 50% is getting close there.

I have to assume by the "most severe" mutation she means one of the six mutations call the "classic" mutations. DDF508 is the most COMMON mutation but it's just one mutation of those top six called "classic." NONE of it matters for the disease process--NONE. There is CF and there is atypical CF (a disease causing mutation paired with a nonsense mutation or symptomatic with only the one mutation). They are now proactively treating atypical CF as if it is CF but are unsure what the future holds for those patients, since until very recently they wouldn't even be classified as CF. However, unless it's atypical, it's JUST CF. The severity is a classification NOT of your mutation by the progression of your TERMINAL LUNG DISEASE.

My son was DD. He died in my arms at 10 years old. DH's best friend was also DD. She died at 43 several years ago. Niether had lung transplant, that's just the progression of their individual disease.

Honestly, I sometimes wish Abigial could spend ONE DAY feeling what it is like to have CF. There is pain. It's not just the lungs but all kinds of pain in the body. I've seen parents callously give birth to CF children and not seem to get it's wrong. I can only think of one CFer I've ever seen give birth to a CF child. It's pretty rare for adult CFers to be in favor of taking the risk. Even Tricia and Nate Lawrenson had Nate tested and made sure there was NO CHANCE Gwen could have CF before they did what they did.

As for her infertility, again she's an idiot. I went three years without ovulating. Only the first year was lactational amenorrhea. The rest of that time was caused by health issues. I've also endured multiple miscarriages. However, I have never, ever, EVER complained about having secondary infertility. Infertility is not even defined until you have actively ttc for two years without success--that doesn't mean no birth control and no pregnant, that means ACTIVE trying. We weren't actively trying. Actually, I was relieved I wasn't ovulating. We did two adoptions in those years, and I would have lost a referral if I got pregnant. Since I can't take bcp due to a clotting disorder and we pretty much failed every birth control we attempted outside of sterilization, if I hadn't had those health issues that suppressed ovulation, we could have been in big trouble through no fault of our own. A three year gap is NOT infertility. It's actually quite common when you are your mid to late 30s and approach perimenopause which can start up to 10 years before menopause.

[flyawaystray]

I don't think so. Because even among CF'ers with the same genetic mutations, they'll still experience varying severity. THE most common mutation is Delta F508. My friend, the only with currently 60 percent lung capacity is a double delta, but not everyone with that genetic mutation has mild CF.

Kalydeco targets G551D and that's only 3 percent or so of the population.

Chaotic Life is absolutely correct. And I've seen a lot of people with CF have babies, but look what it does to them. All of the women have lowered lung function, and NONE of them have been able to get it back up after their pregnancy.

[Jiraffe Jirl]

This is a trend with Abigail.

Taken to daycare as a child= Worse off than a child in a 3rd world orphanage

Neighbor looks at her funny=Persecuted by EVERYONE!

Not pregnant after 1 month=Infertile

Spend all your money=Impoverished

:roll:

Given private college education= forced to participate in lesbian orgies & chant "God is dead" for four years.

Renting musical instruments= life essential.

Buying children food= low priority luxury.

Given credit card by parents= temptation from Satan, worse then food stamps.

A lot of these people we snark on I'm ashamed to share a planet with, but mentally I don't think Abigail's on the same one as anyone else.

[GeoBQn]

Given private college education= forced to participate in lesbian orgies & chant "God is dead" for four years.

Renting musical instruments= life essential.

Buying children food= low priority luxury.

Given credit card by parents= temptation from Satan, worse then food stamps.

A lot of these people we snark on I'm ashamed to share a planet with, but mentally I don't think Abigail's on the same one as anyone else.

Joining Girl Scouts = ministering to poor girls.

Buying crap from Hobby Lobby = Supporting martyr who just wants to save teh babeyz.

[August]

I was wondering the same. I understand there can be degrees of actual CF, but I'm not sure how they could tell the difference between severe and mild when you're only a carrier :?

After five minutes with the CF foundation website I can tell you that they know which mutations cause more or less severe disease, probably from studies of homozygous people's disease. There are also apparently forms which mostly affect the digestive system, maybe that's what she means by not active?

[August]

As for her infertility, again she's an idiot. I went three years without ovulating. Only the first year was lactational amenorrhea. The rest of that time was caused by health issues. I've also endured multiple miscarriages. However, I have never, ever, EVER complained about having secondary infertility. Infertility is not even defined until you have actively ttc for two years without success--that doesn't mean no birth control and no pregnant, that means ACTIVE trying.

A three year gap is NOT infertility. It's actually quite common when you are your mid to late 30s and approach perimenopause which can start up to 10 years before menopause.

Nope, you're wrong. For under 35, 12 months active trying is infertility, for over 35, 6 months trying. Three miscarriages earns you the recurrent miscarriage diagnosis. Not ovulating is a major cause of infertility (obviously, not lactational amenorrhea), even when it's caused by something under your control, like under/overweight. Perimenopause is a cause of infertility. Infertility is common, but that doesn't make it not infertility.

And Abigail still isn't infertile.

[Eternalbluepearl]

I would like to add that I have infertility. And you know what Abigail? I'm ok with it because I don't want kids. Ever. I feel no desire to have whiny needy slobbery babies draining my wallet and patience. I also don't feel bad for you that you haven't had your SIXTH whiny, drooling, drain on your wallet and patience. Good Christ isn't 5 enough?!! Get a damn puppy if you long to stay up all night! Or maybe get a hobby outside of breast feeding and diapers! I mean a hobby besides your persecution complex. A different one.

[Magdelope]

Hell, she's got subscriptions.

:lol:

[NovemberRain]

Holy Shit! This woman is an ass clown!