Abby's "Struggle" with infertility

[tankgirl]

I just don't get these kinds of people. There was one on a Mom board I briefly visited, she was under 25, had 4 kids all under 5, and was so desperate to get another she quit breastfeeding, when that didn't work after less then 4 months she got a doctor to prescribe clomid, no idea what she told the Dr. to get them to do that, she is knocked up again and also claims she leaves it all up to God, and that she had fertility issues, though it took less then 12 months after she had her baby to get pregnant again, that is nuts. I think her and Abby are some of the only people who think single missed post pregnancy ovulation is infertility, or at least I hope so. They are so cruel to those actually suffering infertility.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

Personally, I love the stores that keep all the vagina-related items in the same aisle- so when I come drudging down the tampon aisle, feeling crampy and bleedy and generally unpleasant, I can mentally high-five myself because at least I'm not pregnant!

[Katiebug]

No, honey - that's not infertility.

Infertility is the years my parents tried to conceive, including the rounds of injected fertility drugs that were necessary to produce me (I was born nearly a year before the first IVF baby in the US was born). Secondary infertility was them trying for 4 years after my birth, giving up and making peace with me being an only child, only to be surprised with my brother 5.5 years after I came along. Infertility is experienced by the several couples we know IRL who had to resort to ART (including IVF) just to have even one or two babies. Infertility is having miscarriage after miscarriage, it's maybe never having a biological child.

Infertility is NOT not getting pregnant after 11 months of lactational amenorrhea.

I'm one of those evil working mothers and our daughter breastfed until she was 2; my period came back when she was 10 months old. It was glorious not having it and I ended up wishing shark week had stayed gone for a while longer. :lol: But we weren't trying for another baby, so my cycle starting again was nothing more than an annoyance that I'd been glad to go without! I'm kind of curious how long I'll be period-free after this baby comes...it seems to depend largely on nighttime sleeping/nursing patterns.

[Morton Fan]

Someone mentioned that she and her husband are CF carriers - do any of her children have CF?

ETA: it looks like none have it so far. And her lone post about it (abigails-alcove.blogspot.com/2007/12/help-of-holy-innocents.html) is really bizarre.

Edited by Pixydust to break the link.

[persuas1ve]

Um, yeah...secondary infertility?? I think not. This woman needs a huge dose of perspective. I've got three kids--the oldest w/ special needs--and we go back and forth about having one more so yeah, I get the whole being emotional about your baby growing up...but how anyone can consider that any type of infertility is absolutely warped.

[pixydust]

You know, I don't even really know what to think about this.

I know Abigail IRL. For the most part, I just think she has a funny way of thinking. This, on the other hand....it's a bit overdramatic and over the top.

It's not infertility. Second infertility..whatever you want to call it. It's called breastfeeding amenorrhea, and it happens to a lot of women. I've nursed 3 out of my current 5, and got my cycle back at 19, 21, and then 24 months. My first period. I gave bottles too, especially in the beginning. Some women just respond (with each baby) to nursing. As in no cycles.

I really want to tell her to not focus on the kid thing so much. Who knows if you'll have another kid? If you don't, then you have FIVE to be thankful for. When she found out we were pregnant with our sixth (which, I was not happy about at all....charting mistake on both my hubby and my part...and too much wine), she told me she couldn't believe we "lapped" her and her husband with number six.

I wanted to tell her number six wasn't a happy joy-joy moment. Number six is a lot of damn work. A lot of extra hours my hubby works so we can oh, get a bigger van to hold us all (I refuse the 12 passenger...just refuse), another child on insurance...clothing, diapers...because my son with autism isn't potty trained.

It makes me mad, I guess.

There are a lot worse things to struggle with than not being pregnant by a year post partum.

But, I couldn't say that. Because she wouldn't hear it that way.

I dunno...I don't think I can read her blog anymore. I always try to give her the benefit of the doubt, but that makes me mad.

I have several friends who have true infertility...I know if they read that it would make them upset. Because they have gone above and beyond to have just one child.

Hi, Luv2run! Welcome! Can I ask you, is Abigail's blog an accurate portrayal of her real life? I mean, we all put what we want out there on the internet, but her blog seems a little over the top....is it accurate or does Abigail embellish a little to make herself seem more pius or whatever?

[luv2run]

Hi, Luv2run! Welcome! Can I ask you, is Abigail's blog an accurate portrayal of her real life? I mean, we all put what we want out there on the internet, but her blog seems a little over the top....is it accurate or does Abigail embellish a little to make herself seem more pius or whatever?

Thanks :)

I don't know her too well, but she certainly seems to be more

"open" on her blog. From what I know she isn't making anything

up on her blog. Things happen as the way she sees it. I've noticed

on a few occasions I've had to apologize or keep to myself any

response I've made in a conversation because if she doesn't agree,

then it's taken as a possible personal attack.

I think she, on some level, is trying to be a good person. However, it got to

a point where I just kept my distance because talking about

anything would just be so over the top, I wasn't quite sure

how to respond...because it just made no sense.

She was very helpful in my sons IEP issues. I was appreciative

of that. But when several of us were trying to help her with childcare

with her last child...I had to just walk away.

[desertvixen]

I love how it's all about her. Are that many women really buying tampons EVERY month?

Also, I see her "giving up blogging for lent" didn't last that long.

And I love her guilt trip with a heavy sauce of self-aggrandizement on the latest abortion post. If I was looking for a model mom, I have to tell you, she is not that high on the list.

But having been sent by God into that field of spiritual battle, I wish more of us parents of sick children said "having a baby with a serious risk of death" is NOT the end of the world.

With Christ, all things are possible. EVERY Mom with Jesus Christ has the grace to love her child through an early infant death.

Does anyone else think she's secretly hoping to have this chance? Or am I just being way too bitchy?

[Californiacicle]

She can bite my infertile ass. I hope beyond hope she goes to an IF board to whine, she'd get reamed.

[pixydust]

Thanks :)

I don't know her too well, but she certainly seems to be more

"open" on her blog. From what I know she isn't making anything

up on her blog. Things happen as the way she sees it. I've noticed

on a few occasions I've had to apologize or keep to myself any

response I've made in a conversation because if she doesn't agree,

then it's taken as a possible personal attack.

I think she, on some level, is trying to be a good person. However, it got to

a point where I just kept my distance because talking about

anything would just be so over the top, I wasn't quite sure

how to respond...because it just made no sense.

She was very helpful in my sons IEP issues. I was appreciative

of that. But when several of us were trying to help her with childcare

with her last child...I had to just walk away.

LOL sounds like she is the same IRL as she is on the blog!

[anjulibai]

Sorry for the confusion.

I do have secondary infertility.

There is a large gap between my 3rd and my 4th child. My fourth and fifth baby are 18 month apart. Miracle.

I know I'm not "infertile" right now, really--but there is this huge fear that Abigail was a fluke and now I'm back to being infertile again.

It's irrational.

But its a feeling.

It's a scar left over from truly BEING Infertile and sobbing for years.

This woman is nuts.

[flyawaystray]

Oh boo hoo because you're not a Duggar and can't pop out babies one after the other. If that's all you have in life, that's pathetic.

[slickcat79]

This woman is nuts.

Yes.

So, her oldest is 9, the second one is 7. She had a miscarriage after that, so the 3rd one could not be older than 5. The next one is 2 and a half. Seriously, her idea of a "large gap" between her children is THREE YEARS. I can't even :doh:

[JMarie]

She doesn't consider tampons evil?

[nonymouse]

As someone who has gone through more IVF attempts than I have fingers on one hand, plus the scrutiny of adoption, I just can't wrap my mind around people like this. I just... can't. Be happy with what you've already been blessed with. Spend time with them and enjoy it- you don't have to love every single moment (I don't trust parents who say they do!), but if you truly fear she will be your last infant, stop wasting time blogging about it, and breathe it in, damn it!

ETA: I just caught the part where she is whining about 18 months between her third and fourth children. Holy cow, this woman is delusional. The two people I know with true secondary infertility have two kids each, four and six years apart respectively. :doh:

[slickcat79]

I love how it's all about her. Are that many women really buying tampons EVERY month?

Also, I see her "giving up blogging for lent" didn't last that long.

And I love her guilt trip with a heavy sauce of self-aggrandizement on the latest abortion post. If I was looking for a model mom, I have to tell you, she is not that high on the list.

Does anyone else think she's secretly hoping to have this chance? Or am I just being way too bitchy?

No, I absolutely think she wants it to happen. It would be like Munchhausen by proxy, but she wouldn't even have to make up the symptoms.

[nonymouse]

No, I absolutely think she wants it to happen. It would be like Munchhausen by proxy, but she wouldn't even have to make up the symptoms.

She probably has it all rehearsed in her mind....

[Dysfundamental]

Thanks for clarifying.

I can totally imagine Abigail going to a clinic that identified itself as a "Catholic fertility clinic" and trying to seek treatment there, if she could afford it. My guess is that she would get some powerful side-eye.

[anjulibai]

I have had secondary infertility in the past.

From 2007 to 2010.

I'm not saying that I have secondary infertility now because I know it's normal to not have normal cycles while nursing, I'm saying that I'm already worried about it. It's a scar.

OH MY GOODNESS.

My husband says not to be mad--but I am mad.

I'm not 'insulting" anyone in this post.

Secondary infertility IS REAL.

It truly truly sucks to have primary infertility and not have any child in your arms to hold

Or have miscarriage after miscarriage

or have your child die in the NICU and be terrified to get pregnant again

Pain stinks. Welcome to Lent.

This is my blog, and I'm going to write about the feelings I have in my heart. Period.

Oh my...

[rewoodley]

I would call her lucky to have 11 months with not having to deal with a period :P with my first I got the full blown thing at 3 months and I nursed for 2 years... managed to make it 6 months this time... thinking that you are infertile with that small of gaps inbetween kids... sigh... just sad

[Rita]

Screw you, Abby. I will never be able to be pregnant. The year(s) of therapy and meds stunt the pain a bit. If you told me this in person (and I hope you never say this to an infertile person or post-menopausal woman), you might get a screaming fit, tears, a bitch slap, or just stone cold response from me. Or, maybe, I'd guilt you so hard you'd be a mushy puddle. A puddle that would remember for more than a minute that everyone hurts, but maybe, this is a bit much.

I've never told anyone how much this hurts. Thanks, Abby, that's a new experience.

[NurseNell]

She is an idiot. I'd be happy to chat with her. After trying for years and years and years to get pg, it happened exactly zero times for us. We spent somewhere around 50k for two adoptions, and we are not wealthy. I have never seen a positive pregnancy test, but I've seen a whole lot of negative ones. Dear Abigail, STFU!

This was our experience also, except we adopted three times. Abigail seriously pisses me off. My daughter has PCOS. It took her 4 years to get pregnant with her 1st, 6 years for her 2nd. They'd like a 3rd child but it's not likely to happen. The friend she and I were with this past weekend had 4 1st trimester miscarriages and 2 2nd trimester miscarriages before she carried a baby to term. Then she had secondary infertility for 6 years before she had another pregnancy, which she carried to term. BTW, for those have trouble conceiving or having recurrent miscarriages this friend's cause was gluten intolerance! It's rare as a cause but that is what all her studies showed.

Abigail just has this sense of entitlement when it comes to pregnancy, children, and God coming through for her.

[NurseNell]

Does anyone else think she's secretly hoping to have this chance? Or am I just being way too bitchy?

She wants a baby with cystic fibrosis. She also follows several blogs of parents who have adopted special needs children. So no, you aren't being too bitchy.

[NurseNell]

Screw you, Abby. I will never be able to be pregnant. The year(s) of therapy and meds stunt the pain a bit. If you told me this in person (and I hope you never say this to an infertile person or post-menopausal woman), you might get a screaming fit, tears, a bitch slap, or just stone cold response from me. Or, maybe, I'd guilt you so hard you'd be a mushy puddle. A puddle that would remember for more than a minute that everyone hurts, but maybe, this is a bit much.

I've never told anyone how much this hurts. Thanks, Abby, that's a new experience.

It does hurt Rita, and I'm sorry.

[rene76]

She is so .....I don't even have the words to describe her. She's mad because of the response to her post. If you don't want a response, keep it off the internet. Use a diary instead.