Abigail is an Emotional Orphan

[kunoichi66]

Exactly, valsa.

My parents waited until I was nine to tell me properly "You know we told you Grandpa was just sick and he died? I'm really sorry but he killed himself on purpose."

You wait until the kid is old enough to handle it and then you say. You obviously don't tell a child that when you think they're not ready to handle a concept. It's nothing at all to do with psychological abuse.

Two of my cousins have had to hear "I'm afraid, sweetheart, the baby wasn't born...alive" about their brothers and sisters. It is an occasion where some things happen. (In one case a miscarriage and in one case an emergency c-section and the baby wasn't approaching viable when she was looked at - at 32 weeks). It's a sad thing, but if the worst that ever happened to you was the completely innocent act of having a mother that is pro choice and puts you in daycare, you have pretty much no case at all to feel traumatised.

They ought to meet my mum anyway. She outrivals this bloke on the matter http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Singer :lol:

Oh, fucking hell. Completely off-topic but I hate Peter Singer. Hate hate hate hate him!!

[JesusFightClub]

Nah, anyway we do off-topic here on a daily basis, don't we? :dance:

Why do you hate him? I can think of a fair few reasons people do but I do not know which is yours.

[Bloo]

It's a hoot that she's complainging about emotional abuse while bragging about being too poor to feed or clothe her kids, purposfully trying to have a kid with cystisic fibrosis, letting her colicky kid cry it out for hours on end until she's hoarse rather than have the husband care for his kid and basically amditting she's not homeschooling her kids much becuase she's too sleep deprived. And complaining about a 1-6 ratio of cargivers to children in an institutional setting while she herself has 5-6 kids and plans to have more. She can't feed or educate the ones she already has!

How does one try to have a child with cystic fibrosis? Even if the mechanics made sense....I had a friend in high school with CF and it can be awful. What a horrible woman.

[kunoichi66]

Nah, anyway we do off-topic here on a daily basis, don't we? :dance:

Why do you hate him? I can think of a fair few reasons people do but I do not know which is yours.

According to his ideas, I should be killed because I am an inferior human being.

That's why I hate him.

[julie paradox]

(sorry about messing up the quoting: thought I was being clever then forgot the quote marks, thicko)

[GeoBQn]

Abigail flails wildly in the face of people actually disagreeing with her.

abigails-alcove.blogspot.ca/2012/11/thoughts-part-three.html

abigails-alcove.blogspot.ca/2012/11/thoughts-part-four.html

[JesusFightClub]

Why am I not surprised *rolls eyes*

I also don't get what fundies think you're supposed to do if you're a single parent. What is my brother supposed to do with Small and Smaller while he works all day and some evenings at his (not well paid) customer service job. Is he supposed to take him with them? I doubt that would be popular. Leave them with me? A, I have a job and B. even if I didn't I'm a homeless atheist commie. Where am I supposed to stash them? I live on someone's floor.

Leave them with gran on one side? She's schizophrenic. Leave them with gran on the other side? She earns and pays for a lot of things they NEED (which doesn't mean "want") and her husband (my dad) has cancer and can't work.

So Small has started at ebil gubment school and Smaller is being "traumatised" by being left with a childminder because it's cheaper than nursery. (She likes it, she gets fish finger sandwiches and to watch Balamory DVDS.)

Seriously though, what the fuck was the other solution? What was it? Fundies are brilliant at trapping everyone in a box they have created then wagging their finger at them for not "trying hard enough" to escape. If only they were holy and pious and loved Jebus and God (and in this case Mary) enough, they would never have been put in the box, and now they have been, it's basically all their fault because they haven't been saints like people who write huge blog walls o' text about those with less than them and how they should just try harder.

[pixydust]

Why am I not surprised *rolls eyes*

I also don't get what fundies think you're supposed to do if you're a single parent. What is my brother supposed to do with Small and Smaller while he works all day and some evenings at his (not well paid) customer service job. Is he supposed to take him with them? I doubt that would be popular. Leave them with me? A, I have a job and B. even if I didn't I'm a homeless atheist commie. Where am I supposed to stash them? I live on someone's floor.

Leave them with gran on one side? She's schizophrenic. Leave them with gran on the other side? She earns and pays for a lot of things they NEED (which doesn't mean "want") and her husband (my dad) has cancer and can't work.

So Small has started at ebil gubment school and Smaller is being "traumatised" by being left with a childminder because it's cheaper than nursery. (She likes it, she gets fish finger sandwiches and to watch Balamory DVDS.)

Seriously though, what the fuck was the other solution? What was it? Fundies are brilliant at trapping everyone in a box they have created then wagging their finger at them for not "trying hard enough" to escape. If only they were holy and pious and loved Jebus and God (and in this case Mary) enough, they would never have been put in the box, and now they have been, it's basically all their fault because they haven't been saints like people who write huge blog walls o' text about those with less than them and how they should just try harder.

Honestly? the fundies would force your brother and the mother to get married, and have a Smallerer and Smalletta that they can't afford. if they wouldn't/couldn't get married, then small and Smaller would be given to a fundie approved family.

[JesusFightClub]

The mother is dead, pixydust. I think even fundies might draw the line at that (although with Steve Maxwell I'm not sure) :lol:

But yeah, I have a horrible idea that you're right there. They would just say "Give them to a good fundie family who's struggling to fill the quiver. They deserve the kids more and they will make them Christians". Isn't that kind of what they're saying when they swoop down on places like Liberia and Haiti to take kids whose parents may still be alive and looking for them?

*shudder* There is something so wrong about these people I don't know where to start.

[amydamy]

Abigail flails wildly in the face of people actually disagreeing with her.

abigails-alcove.blogspot.ca/2012/11/thoughts-part-three.html

abigails-alcove.blogspot.ca/2012/11/thoughts-part-four.html

LOL

I disagree with these statements. "Not everyone has the same sacramental graces that you do."

"Every women whether they work or stay-home does what feels best in her heart."

Everyone can become a Catholic! This not some secret club.

This cracks me up like everyone isn't catholic because they think they can't be ?

[pixydust]

The mother is dead, pixydust. I think even fundies might draw the line at that (although with Steve Maxwell I'm not sure) :lol:

But yeah, I have a horrible idea that you're right there. They would just say "Give them to a good fundie family who's struggling to fill the quiver. They deserve the kids more and they will make them Christians". Isn't that kind of what they're saying when they swoop down on places like Liberia and Haiti to take kids whose parents may still be alive and looking for them?

*shudder* There is something so wrong about these people I don't know where to start.

I'm sorry, JFC. I didn't realize. I should have been more sensitive to that possibility. Yes, if fundies had their way, the girls would go to a fundie family to raise. It happened in the 20th century quite a lot.

[Jinger Jar]

Abigail flails wildly in the face of people actually disagreeing with her.

abigails-alcove.blogspot.ca/2012/11/thoughts-part-three.html

abigails-alcove.blogspot.ca/2012/11/thoughts-part-four.html

"Why is the debate about "infant daycare" constantly getting redefined to become a discussion about what is best for women?

What about "the baby?"

I am former newborn who spent 12 hours a day in Institutional Day Care who can now type.

I disagree with these statements. "Not everyone has the same sacramental graces that you do."

"Every women whether they work or stay-home does what feels best in her heart."

Everyone can become a Catholic! This not some secret club. I had no idea that I had a Holy Vocation to Marriage when I was 25. I was crying. My love life was messed up. I had run the "achievement train" to the end and had no idea how to find a job after graduation. I hit rock bottom, prayed to God for help---and He delivered!

God is real!"

A former newborn who can now type? Running the achievement train? Hitting rock bottom because she didn't know how to conduct a job search?

Does anyone know what any of this is supposed to mean?

I'm wondering if Abigail is impaired somehow. This writing is disjointed and just odd...

[J'ean Skirt]

I think she is misplacing it, but I think parents have no business telling their kids that they were difficult babies/toddlers/whatever and that made them not want other children or made them wait longer. Honestly, it's not like anyone controls who they are as babies or children, and if this was a regular topic of conversation it can be damaging (and a self fulfilling prophecy). I've seen it in my family where some people were called oh my little X (he was short and has had that cross to bear because everyone always emphasized his stature), my mom was the difficult child, always unbulging, and even until now she keeps saying that her aforementionned brother cut off her mom's milk and thus started her eating problems.

Words matter and reminding people of a behavior perceived as failure or negative is damaging.

My mother swears that I am all my father's child and I have none of her in me. It's meant to be funny and cute and ... it's hurtful. Very hurtful.

[JesusFightClub]

I'm sorry, JFC. I didn't realize. I should have been more sensitive to that possibility. Yes, if fundies had their way, the girls would go to a fundie family to raise. It happened in the 20th century quite a lot.

No problem at all, mate. How could you know? I don't expect, er, psychicness (is that actually a word?) :)

It always breaks my heart for the weans from Liberia who so many fundies were after, only to reject them when they had RAD (which, erm, might happen if you spend a lot of time in a Liberian orphanage). I honestly do not see how fundies can call themselves moral or decent.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Her parents did a good job, I imagine she would be ten times the ungrateful whiny brat if her parents had treated her like the sun shines out her ass and her mom gave up work to dedicate her time to spoiling her and telling her how wonderful she is.

[MonkeyMomma]

It seems, that in the flailing to point out to other women how terrible their choices are and how they are just justifying the desires of their lying hearts .... Abigail is desperately trying to justify her own decisions to us. Does she ever have second thoughts about putting that law degree to work?

[Claddagh]

It really makes me want to tell Abigail to stop feeling sorry for herself. If she's truly an "emotional orphan" then she's choosing to make herself one.

I'm friends with one lady who had a horrible childhood. Her dad ran off with his mistress after she was born and her mom was verbally and physically abusive to her. She could tell you some horror stories.

Once she was legally of age she took off and sought to pay her way through college. She was on friend's good graces who let her sleep on their couch.

She is one of the most loving, compassionate, and kind people I have ever met. She could lament about growing up all she wants and no one would blame her. Instead she sought help and decided to turn her life around.

Abigail, you're not broken and you're not put upon, and you certainly are no orphan.

[IamCanadian]

If you have a poster child for a woman who was using her education and her God given talents to help the wider community--in 2003, that poster girl was me.

Wow. It's amazing that she is so modest with all the emotional abuse she experienced :roll: .

[lilah]

How does one try to have a child with cystic fibrosis? Even if the mechanics made sense....I had a friend in high school with CF and it can be awful. What a horrible woman.

abigails-alcove.blogspot.com/2007/12/help-of-holy-innocents.html

Both Abby and her husband are carriers of the Cystic Fibrosis gene and were told by genetic counselors that their children have a 1/4 chance of developing the disease. They promised each other that they wouldn't let that alter their plans of having lots of babies and if some or all of them died of CF then well they'd just be alone in the nursing home. (side note I am not sure if in this case if they were nonfundie/catholics could chose to do IVF and then only implant fetuses that don't carry CF? They were told that in the future they could do amnio and then abort if the baby had CF.)

It just galls me that they could be so flippant about wanting to have children who might have a severe illness, especially given their finances and Abby's emotional health. But then agian maybe some part of her wants to have sick children to feed her drama queen martyr complex. I honestly think that's her main problem.

[SpeshulTaterTot]

Double post. 2am, sorry.

[SpeshulTaterTot]

It just galls me that they could be so flippant about wanting to have children who might have a severe illness, especially given their finances and Abby's emotional health. But then agian maybe some part of her wants to have sick children to feed her drama queen martyr complex. I honestly think that's her main problem.

I'm afraid that's exactly it. Sick as it sounds, I think she'd love it. At least until she realized what it really means to have a child with CF.

Edited because of problems with thinking.

[singsingsing]

So just to sum up, so far:

-Abigail has called herself an 'emotional orphan' because her parents put her in daycare

-has claimed she is the same as a Ukrainian orphan because, again, she was in daycare

-has lamented her terrible struggles with infertility, even though she has five kids under the age of ten, two of which are babies

-has made it seem like she might be throwing up from chemotherapy in a hospital soon, when that is obviously not the case

-has bragged about her poor money management and the fact that her kids don't have enough to eat, and shoes without holes in them

-pretty much every time she goes out, she has something to say on her blog about how she 'received scorn' or was hated, or was unfairly criticized, or experienced emotional trauma or abuse at the hands of others - usually no elaboration is given

-cries over negative pregnancy tests even though she has five children she can't feed or clothe properly, is emotionally strung-out, and knows there is a 1/4 chance of any child she has having CF

And she thinks she's some sort of model for living the way Jesus intended? Okay.

[Jana814]

So just to sum up, so far:

-Abigail has called herself an 'emotional orphan' because her parents put her in daycare

-has claimed she is the same as a Ukrainian orphan because, again, she was in daycare

-has lamented her terrible struggles with infertility, even though she has five kids under the age of ten, two of which are babies

-has made it seem like she might be throwing up from chemotherapy in a hospital soon, when that is obviously not the case

-has bragged about her poor money management and the fact that her kids don't have enough to eat, and shoes without holes in them

-pretty much every time she goes out, she has something to say on her blog about how she 'received scorn' or was hated, or was unfairly criticized, or experienced emotional trauma or abuse at the hands of others - usually no elaboration is given

-cries over negative pregnancy tests even though she has five children she can't feed or clothe properly, is emotionally strung-out, and knows there is a 1/4 chance of any child she has having CF

And she thinks she's some sort of model for living the way Jesus intended? Okay.

Oh my G-d, this woman is not stable!! So many issues I have w/ this woman I am beyond discussed that she belives that having 5 kids under 10 & not being able to feed & cloth them 1 would think she would stop!!

[Terrie]

I agree that she's the sort of person who might get off on having a seriously ill kid. Like Munchhausen's by Proxy, only with a real illness.

[dairyfreelife]

So just to sum up, so far:

-Abigail has called herself an 'emotional orphan' because her parents put her in daycare

-has claimed she is the same as a Ukrainian orphan because, again, she was in daycare

-has lamented her terrible struggles with infertility, even though she has five kids under the age of ten, two of which are babies

-has made it seem like she might be throwing up from chemotherapy in a hospital soon, when that is obviously not the case

-has bragged about her poor money management and the fact that her kids don't have enough to eat, and shoes without holes in them

-pretty much every time she goes out, she has something to say on her blog about how she 'received scorn' or was hated, or was unfairly criticized, or experienced emotional trauma or abuse at the hands of others - usually no elaboration is given

-cries over negative pregnancy tests even though she has five children she can't feed or clothe properly, is emotionally strung-out, and knows there is a 1/4 chance of any child she has having CF

And she thinks she's some sort of model for living the way Jesus intended? Okay.

Basically, yes. You have summed her up well. I hate automatically assuming mental illness, but her behavior really comes across as one. Religion can be a cover for mental illness, especially in fundamentalist beliefs. No, not everyone who is religious or even a fundie has a mental illness, but it can definitely help justify some of the symptoms related to mental illness like social phobia, agoraphobia, depression, etc.