Your loved one died so that God could teach you a lesson

[formergothardite]

Lauren, from One Bright Corner, who I am convinced is miserable beyond all words has a new post up with these thoughts:

What if the death of that one person is so that eternal life will become more precious to me

Yes, she is so important to God that he will kill off another person just so she can appreciate eternal life a little more. Maybe that person died because, you know, people die. It is a fact of life.

What if that bread I can’t have is so that I know that God is the Bread of Life?

If God lets you starve just so you can love him more, then he is a crappy God. If this is just a case of I wanted another roll at a dinner party but someone ate the last one, perhaps, this is yet again, no deep lesson where God leaped in to snatch the last roll from her so that she could sit and think deep thoughts, it is just a fact of life. This stuff happens.

WHAT if being overlooked for recognition yet again is so that I recognize who the Lord overlooking all truly is?

Perhaps you are surrounded by shitty people or you need to stop sulking, go be assertive and say "Hey, I worked hard, I deserve some credit too."

What if that terrible day is so that I might find Christ waiting at the end?

Everybody has terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days, even in Australia. And sometimes you don't learn anything from those days except that bad days happen.

What if that aching tooth is so that I could share the Gospel with an aching soul in the waiting room?

Oh good grief. :roll: The God who lets people starve gives you an aching tooth just so that you can go tell somebody in the waiting room that they are going to hell. I really don't like this God.

What if the loneliness that swathes my heart is so that I might grasp that I am never alone?

Or perhaps it is God saying "Please get off your ass, get out of your house, get a real job and don't wait for some guy to make your life fulfilling."

What if everything in my life is directed by a sovereign God so that everything I am may glorify Him?

If God is directing everything in your life, then that means God is directing everything in the child who is starving to death's live, so your God sucks. Unless you are going to pull a Miss Raquel and be God's special snowflake that he loves more than anyone else.

[debrand]

Her words are sad and frustrating to read. I've come across Christians who believed that they should do nothing to help themselves just accept whatever fell into their lives as gifts from god. Lori's god sends her a toothache, kills her loves ones off, allows her to be unappreciated and allows her to be lonely just so that he can get a few extra praises. Conservative and fundamentalist Christians often sound as if they are in an abusive relationship with a spouse and not a loving relationship with a benevolent deity.

[Freyacat]

What if that aching tooth is so that I could share the Gospel with an aching soul in the waiting room?

That's just obnoxious. I have some dental anxiety - nothing as severe as some folks who need sedation for even a cleaning, but I get a little nervous and clammy. Last thing I want is some zealot pushing their beliefs at me when I'm already on edge.

What if everything in my life is directed by a sovereign God so that everything I am may glorify Him?

I never understand why some folks find this thought comforting. If I believed God were controlling every random thing that happens to me, I would find it completely suffocating to be so without agency in my own life.

[debrand]

Some of the comments are very sad.

We are on a similar thought-pattern. Sunday was a very difficult day, I woke Monday thanking God for yesterday so I could whole-heartedly appreciate today. How blessed I am that the holy spirit gives me discernment that leads to gratitude and joy. XO, Aunt Hiedie

So, their god gives them crappy days so that they can appreciate Mondays. He couldn't just say, "Hey, appreciate each day."

[formergothardite]

Her words are sad and frustrating to read. I've come across Christians who believed that they should do nothing to help themselves just accept whatever fell into their lives as gifts from god. Lori's god sends her a toothache, kills her loves ones off, allows her to be unappreciated and allows her to be lonely just so that he can get a few extra praises. Conservative and fundamentalist Christians often sound as if they are in an abusive relationship with a spouse and not a loving relationship with a benevolent deity.

I think part of it is not wanting to accept responsibility for their lives. Lauren is pretty obviously unhappy with her life and would like to do something else, but instead of getting up and doing it, she just sits and home and pretends she can't actually change her life because God is doing all this to her to teach her some sort of divine lesson. If she quit blaming God and started taking responsiblity for her own life, then she would be forced to get out of her little box and step out into the real world. That is scary and hard, so she is taking the easy road and her parents are encouraging it.

[ElphabaGalinda]

I can't understand how people believe in a God that does things just for their personal benefit, like they're just that special. It's sad because she could be so much happier if she just took some initiative and stopped passively accepting everything. Using her logic, maybe God gave her the ability to change her own life so she'd actually do it?

[salsa]

ARGH!

So that's how a "personal" relationship with Christ works out. I'm glad it's not so personal for me; I don't want to enjoy suffering; I want to be able to cry like a normal person, be grumpy like a normal person, have pain like a normal person...

[latraviata]

Your loved one died so that God could teach you a lesson

That is exactly what one of Zsu's vassals told me, after I mentioned the death of my younger son (1981-2010).

Charming isn't it?

[FeministShrew]

Her words are sad and frustrating to read. I've come across Christians who believed that they should do nothing to help themselves just accept whatever fell into their lives as gifts from god. Lori's god sends her a toothache, kills her loves ones off, allows her to be unappreciated and allows her to be lonely just so that he can get a few extra praises. Conservative and fundamentalist Christians often sound as if they are in an abusive relationship with a spouse and not a loving relationship with a benevolent deity.

Exactly! I admit I used to think like Lori. When my dad's lung cancer came back, he "got saved". At the time I honestly believed that God sent the cancer back to "bring him to Jesus." When he died a month later, God took him home so he wouldn't backslide.

I never realized just how fucked up my thinking had become. I'm just beginning to see how "fundie" we actually were.

When I finally left religion, I posted something like this on FB : Being threatened, belittled, being controlled, being isolated, and being told that every natural thought & action is wrong in a marriage or a relationship means you're being abused. Why would you put up with it from your church?

Yeah, I lost some friends.

I'm so glad I got out, & got my kids out.

[BelieveinScience]

That is exactly what one of Zsu's vassals told me, after I mentioned the death of my younger son (1981-2010).

Charming isn't it?

I had a pastor tell me that my friend's son died as punishment because of his mother's sins and also because of all the other sins in the world. I can not get on board with a God who does things like that.

[ILoveJellybeans]

If God was a human, he would be seen as an evil abuser and probably be in jail. Why are spiritual being allowed to do such awful things when people arent.

[FeministShrew]

I had a pastor tell me that my friend's son died as punishment because of his mother's sins and also because of all the other sins in the world. I can not get on board with a God who does things like that.

I can't tell you how many times I heard stuff like that. Our preacher was obsessed with his authority as "Gawd's May-un." His sermons usually included horror stories of children getting sick or dying because the family dared speak out against "Gawd's May-un." Sometimes he named names.

I remember once hearing him preach about a man, whose he name he called out several times, who had the audacity to leave our church & "tell tales" against the preacher. He claimed the man & his entire family were killed in a horrible, fiery wreck a few miles from the church. Gawd's Judgement, he proclaimed. Be warned against turning on the May-un of Gawd, he yelled.

A couple of years later EXH2 & I were at a restaurant across town. In walks the dead man with his entire family. I turned to EXH2 & said, I thought they were all killed in a crash? EX2 ignored me & acted like he didn't see them. I never pursued it because it was too awful to believe my wonderful, godly preacher lied.

After I left the church I did some digging. The family in question were never in a car wreck, and still lived in the same house they'd always lived in. They were still friends with some church members. At the time of that sermon, several people in the church knew good & well it was a lie, but no one called him on it. :evil:

[Daenerys]

I put up a post about when someone I cared about died a horrific death in front of me, at the age of 17. I wonder how she will respond?

Also, this image sums up most of my current thoughts:

[latraviata]

I had a pastor tell me that my friend's son died as punishment because of his mother's sins and also because of all the other sins in the world. I can not get on board with a God who does things like that.

Yes know, I am an atheist, her god had to teach me a lesson, that is what she said.

[smores]

I can't understand how people believe in a God that does things just for their personal benefit, like they're just that special.

It's just something that is ingrained in you. It takes a long time to shake it, sometimes. I still had issues with it up until a year or so ago. I had a very hard pregnancy and I reverted back to the thought that maybe God is doing it for x and y reason, and I had no reason to feel that way.

For the record, I blame constant Abeka teachings when I was young for this way of thought.

[NurseNell]

What if that aching tooth is so that I could share the Gospel with an aching soul in the waiting room?

That's just obnoxious. I have some dental anxiety - nothing as severe as some folks who need sedation for even a cleaning, but I get a little nervous and clammy. Last thing I want is some zealot pushing their beliefs at me when I'm already on edge.

I had an abscessed tooth last month. I would not want someone in the waiting room sharing the Gospel with me. The only thing I want in any waiting room is the current issue of People Magazine, thank you very much.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I think if I had toothache and someone was bothering me about God, I would probably shout at them to fuck off.

I imagine most people would feel the same.

[Closed Womb]

I really feel bad for her, in a way. It's like she needs to understand something but isn't allowed to learn. It's not allowed to be depression, so it must be God; not allowed to be chance, must be God.

Now, the fact that something can't be chance or irrelevant to God is not even Biblical, IMHO. Matthew 5:45 says the rain falls on the just and the unjust. Good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to go people. Chance.

But, I have always been a firm unbeliever in the "everything happens for a reason" trope.

...I remember once hearing him preach about a man, whose he name he called out several times, who had the audacity to leave our church & "tell tales" against the preacher. He claimed the man & his entire family were killed in a horrible, fiery wreck a few miles from the church. Gawd's Judgement, he proclaimed. Be warned against turning on the May-un of Gawd, he yelled.

A couple of years later EXH2 & I were at a restaurant across town. In walks the dead man with his entire family. I turned to EXH2 & said, I thought they were all killed in a crash? EX2 ignored me & acted like he didn't see them. I never pursued it because it was too awful to believe my wonderful, godly preacher lied.

After I left the church I did some digging. The family in question were never in a car wreck, and still lived in the same house they'd always lived in. They were still friends with some church members. At the time of that sermon, several people in the church knew good & well it was a lie, but no one called him on it. :evil:

That's some special kind of fucked up, right there ^

[pixydust]

It's just something that is ingrained in you. It takes a long time to shake it, sometimes. I still had issues with it up until a year or so ago. I had a very hard pregnancy and I reverted back to the thought that maybe God is doing it for x and y reason, and I had no reason to feel that way.

For the record, I blame constant Abeka teachings when I was young for this way of thought.

It is drilled into you, constantly. Like you, my first pregnancy was difficult and I felt like I was being punished by God for sins, and this was about 4 years after I left Christianity! I got over it, because my next pregnancy (5 years) later was harder (went into labor and lost my plug at 20 weeks. Thankfully she stayed put another 15 weeks, but it was hard!) and that baby was concieved "in sin". I would have been a hot mess if I hadn't of gotten over that crap.

Things just happen, and we can learn from it, but I don't believe that there is a big cosmic reason for it all (except soul mates....I believe in those!)

[MagicalMuggle]

I used to think this very same way with things in my life (infertility, finances, our house that always seems to fall apart, etc, etc.). I figured the christian god was trying to teach me a lesson in 'trusting him' even if it took 2, 5, 12, 15 years. All I needed to do was keep believing and praying and trusting.

Then I woke up one day tired of my life sucking so bad and realizing life was passing me by. I decided to do something about it, otherwise I never would have gotten an answer if I kept on 'waiting for God'. It was a wake up call because I realized I had the power all along to change my circumstances. When you are heavily indoctrinated in fundamentalism, you really do forget you have the power to change your life, while you wait for god to answer.

I have escaped that mentality and am now taking full responsibility for my actions, words, deeds, etc.

I can't make up for the lost years, but I can go forward in my life with each new day I'm given.

[Guest Anonymous]

Their idea of God is more like a fractious two-year-old than a mature deity: "If you don't do as I say, I won't hold MY breath until I turn blue, I'll hold YOUR breath until YOU turn blue".

If you're already lukewarm about the idea of God, and he kills all your kin, ruins your farm/livelihood and inflicts various unsightly plagues on you, why is any of that supposed to endear him to you?

[Guest Anonymous]

I used to think this very same way with things in my life (infertility, finances, our house that always seems to fall apart, etc, etc.). I figured the christian god was trying to teach me a lesson in 'trusting him' even if it took 2, 5, 12, 15 years. All I needed to do was keep believing and praying and trusting.

Then I woke up one day tired of my life sucking so bad and realizing life was passing me by. I decided to do something about it, otherwise I never would have gotten an answer if I kept on 'waiting for God'. It was a wake up call because I realized I had the power all along to change my circumstances. When you are heavily indoctrinated in fundamentalism, you really do forget you have the power to change your life, while you wait for god to answer.

I have escaped that mentality and am now taking full responsibility for my actions, words, deeds, etc.

I can't make up for the lost years, but I can go forward in my life with each new day I'm given.

That's awesome. Are you taking full responsibility for these words?

There are many a women out there who have no idea how to respect their husbands. They bitch and whine, nag and pout and berate / belittle their men and treat them like dogs. I see it all the time when I am out.

Do you still see bands of harpies roaming the streets berating their husbands every place you go?

[FeministShrew]

Their idea of God is more like a fractious two-year-old than a mature deity: "If you don't do as I say, I won't hold MY breath until I turn blue, I'll hold YOUR breath until YOU turn blue".

If you're already lukewarm about the idea of God, and he kills all your kin, ruins your farm/livelihood and inflicts various unsightly plagues on you, why is any of that supposed to endear him to you?

There was a popular FWB evangelist who came to the church for revival. He had a sermon called "Barley Fields." First he read the passage from @ Samuel 14 (yes, I had to look that up!) where Joab ignores Absoloms summons. So Absaolm sends men to set Joab's barley fields on fire to get his attention.

Then he told the story of a man from his church who was an Evil Sinner & refused to be converted. The man's good Christian wife & cildren were killed somehow, (I can't remember - probably another fiery crash) and the Evil Sinner called the evangelist at 2AM screaming, "Barley fields, barley fields" over & over. The Evil Sinner became a Good Christian Churchmember, remarried a godly woman & had more kids (Job, anyone?).

This preacher was pastor at a megachurch in OK, a former pro wrestler & admitted child molester (he raped his neice when she was a toddler, but because it happened before he was saved, it's all good.). He was very much in demand in FWB circles for a few years.

Yes, as someone posted earlier, it was a very special kind of fucked up. And EXH2 & most of my old friends still go there.

[GiGi_41]

My son died in February. I think the things said to me that hurt the most were:

"Your son died for a reason you just don't know it yet." The reason he died was because he collided with a tree.

"When one door closes another opens" uhhh so God killed my son so a door would open?

"God needed an angel" really?

"We never know the reason God takes those from us" well again I'm sure I know the reason, its called an accident.

"Maybe God is trying to teach you something" that he is a jerk?

"God never gives us more then we can handle" So God knows how much I can handle but chooses to test my breaking point.?

I have foster kids, rescued dogs, tried my hardest, made mistakes but learned from them, tried hard to be honest, given to charities (time and money), be considerate, be ethical, be accepting, and be forgiving. I have not killed a human, stolen, cheated on my taxes, or abused a child. But because I do not live my life according to the fundementalist Christian ethics I deserve to have my son die?

Bad things happen to everyone, some things are worse then others. The measure of a person is not the amount of punishment heap on by an omniscient "God" it is the choices a person makes be they good or bad.

[NurseNell]

My son died in February. I think the things said to me that hurt the most were:

"Your son died for a reason you just don't know it yet." The reason he died was because he collided with a tree.

"When one door closes another opens" uhhh so God killed my son so a door would open?

"God needed an angel" really?

"We never know the reason God takes those from us" well again I'm sure I know the reason, its called an accident.

"Maybe God is trying to teach you something" that he is a jerk?

"God never gives us more then we can handle" So God knows how much I can handle but chooses to test my breaking point.?

I have foster kids, rescued dogs, tried my hardest, made mistakes but learned from them, tried hard to be honest, given to charities (time and money), be considerate, be ethical, be accepting, and be forgiving. I have not killed a human, stolen, cheated on my taxes, or abused a child. But because I do not live my life according to the fundementalist Christian ethics I deserve to have my son die?

Bad things happen to everyone, some things are worse then others. The measure of a person is not the amount of punishment heap on by an omniscient "God" it is the choices a person makes be they good or bad.

I am so sorry about your son dying. I cannot imagine a worse thing happening to a parent. I hope the happy memories you have of him will help you as you mourn your terrible loss.