Hysterically funny "Biblical" passages--and a killjoy

[Hane]

Some time back, I heard Ian Frazier read parts of his LOL-funny essay Lamentations of the Father, and was happy to see that a friend had shared it on Facebook.

 

Along with helpful creader comments such as

 

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This part must have been lost in this manuscript:

Neither shall you belch, nor fart at the table, for you will be sent away. And when your sister is sent away for belching or farting at the table, neither shall you belch, nor fart to eat with her in the laundry room, for you will be sent to eat at the top of the stairs. Yes, even though it is usually funny, gas at the table is an abomination to me.

 

(I know this passage well because I've lived it many times.)

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Thanks for the laugh, very well done!

 

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Brilliant! If only my 6 year old read well enough for me to be able to post this in his bedroom. Maybe I will read it as a bedtime story...

 

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I laughed until I had tears in my eyes. I especially liked the "Scream Not" section. I don't have children of my own, but I've witnessed many screaming fits in the checkout line at Safeway, the parking lot of the local neighborhood park, etc.

 

came the following pompous and humor-free douchebag:

 

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This biblically inspired pity-party can only be resolved by obtaining a set of real principles, like from the actual Bible, perhaps.

 

Fortunately, the following stalwarts came to the fore:

 

 

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Get a sense of humor or GTFO.

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I think just GTFO works here...

 

Very satisfyingly tied up.

[Scone]

Haha, I like this. Especially with the feet on the table for an interesting bandage one. I totally broke all these rules as a kid.