Please tell me this is a parody site - Jesusween

[Koala]

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colber ... jesus-ween

:D

[deelaem]

Because seriously, JesusWeen??

Jesus Ween Get Involved How To Participate

How To Participate

JesusWeen has been carefully planned with everyone in mind. Churches, ministries, businesses, individuals and groups can all participate financially, physically and prayerfully. While we hope to impact more nations from next year, our focus for this year is to make major impact in Toronto, Calgary, Edmonton in Canada; focus on Maryland, Houston and Dallas in the USA; and London in the UK. In reality JesusWeen will be held by small groups, individuals or by churches in thousands of public locations and from home, therefore it’s not restricted to any particular city. The goal is to have JesusWeen groups (Jesus Winners) in every city and every nation spreading the love of Christ on October 31st. All you need to do is pray first, then form a group and inform us via our email address info @ jesusween.com and we will provide you with further information and guidance. You will do a great job, only believe.

Share this with others

jesusween.com/get-involved/6-how-to-participate

[emmiedahl]

As far as I know, it is real. We discussed it a long, long time ago (no need to resurrect the thread, it might even have been on yuku).

They have gotten so far out that they are snarking on themselves...

[JMarie]

It's a "Godly alternative" to Halloween? Do the kids hand out bibles to the homeowners instead of collecting candy from them? Or are the homeowners handing out bibles instead of candy to whoever dares to knock on their door?

[deelaem]

As far as I know, it is real. We discussed it a long, long time ago (no need to resurrect the thread, it might even have been on yuku).

They have gotten so far out that they are snarking on themselves...

Ok. A tiny part of my brain just exploded. :violence-bomb:

[Minerva]

JesusWeen? I'm giggling like a middle-schooler right now.

[nimerha]

Oh god, that's so fucking priceless. Jesus Ween. I keep repeating it again and again... Nope, doesn't get an less hilarious. An god, the puns... Must resist the puns...

[Anise]

WHEW! JesusWeen as in Halloween.

For a while there, I was scared that this was a Christian terrorist group. Gatherings in major cities, awaiting instructions... :think:

[emmiedahl]

It's a "Godly alternative" to Halloween? Do the kids hand out bibles to the homeowners instead of collecting candy from them? Or are the homeowners handing out bibles instead of candy to whoever dares to knock on their door?

I think these are the people who hand out tracts instead of candy.

A few years ago there was a house in our neighborhood that blocked their driveway with wooden horses (is that what they are called???) and orange cones and caution tape, and attached signs about how we were a bunch of satanists bringing the wrath of God upon the nation and every child who eats Halloween candy is going to Hell!!!

This was when we lived in the nice suburb and every house had at least 3 children. Halloween was a huge thing with elaborate decorations--as big as Christmas for some people. I can only imagine the relationship these people had with their neighbors! They did not homeschool as far as I know, and we had some contact with every homeschool group in our area.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

THey're in my neck of the woods, looks like. It's tempting to crash...

[Arete]

Oh. My. God. :roll:

I swear I am going to hand out twice as much candy to each kid this year, and 3 times as much for any devil costume.

[heinz57]

JesusWeen? I'm giggling like a middle-schooler right now.

so a member of the group is a JesusWeener? :shock:

[Terrie]

We knew these where patriarchal groups, but I didn't realize they were literally praising Jesus cock.

(I know that not what it is; that's just what it sounds like).

[holierthanyou]

As a child I went to a church sponsored "Hallelujah Ween".

As a young adult I read the book The Rapture of Canaan and it was only then that it dawned on me that "Hallelujah Ween" is not normal...

[Guest Anonymous]

Oh god, that's so fucking priceless. Jesus Ween. I keep repeating it again and again... Nope, doesn't get an less hilarious. An god, the puns... Must resist the puns...

Why avoid temptation? There's always more.

[bionicmlle]

I think these are the people who hand out tracts instead of candy.

A few years ago there was a house in our neighborhood that blocked their driveway with wooden horses (is that what they are called???) and orange cones and caution tape, and attached signs about how we were a bunch of satanists bringing the wrath of God upon the nation and every child who eats Halloween candy is going to Hell!!!

This was when we lived in the nice suburb and every house had at least 3 children. Halloween was a huge thing with elaborate decorations--as big as Christmas for some people. I can only imagine the relationship these people had with their neighbors! They did not homeschool as far as I know, and we had some contact with every homeschool group in our area.

Wow. They really got into the spirit - that decor is scary as hell.

Can I have the candy that the JesusWeen people don't take?

[pixydust]

This kind of shit just pisses me off! Halloween was my favorite holiday as a kid, I trick-or-treated at 2,3, &4 then fundie-ism began creeping in and no more Halloween for us. At 9 our church did some "alternative" crap, but I wasn't allowed to dress up, the next year even the church stuff was to close to "Satanism" for us. I never celebrated again until I was an adult.

So, my point is: crazy fundies need to leave the best day of the year alone and let kids be kids! I take a lot of time and energy to make my kids costumes every year. They rock, and we have a lot of fun. Grown ups need to stop fucking it up!

*Psst, this year, I'm going to be a Star Trek crew member, original series. I can make a wicked beehive!

[emmiedahl]

Not that I am encouraging faux Judaism, but if they hate Halloween then why not invent a Christian holiday that is something like Purim? Why co-opt a traditional holiday and change it when it would be easier to come up with something on their own?

[Arete]

*Psst, this year, I'm going to be a Star Trek crew member, original series. I can make a wicked beehive!

Uhura or the character who was into Captain Kirk that Majel Barrett played (her name escapes me right now)? :think:

[BravaAmica]

JesusWeen?! Are you kidding me? I can't be the only FJer who immediately thought, "Porno!" upon hearing the term JesusWeen.

[thoughtful]

Jesus' Ween?

[heinz57]

Not that I am encouraging faux Judaism, but if they hate Halloween then why not invent a Christian holiday that is something like Purim? Why co-opt a traditional holiday and change it when it would be easier to come up with something on their own?

You don't need to invent it, it's called the Carnival.

Halloween isn't traditionally celebrated in continental Europe, but you get dress-up parties during the Carnival (January/February).

[MrsKay]

JesusWeen?! Are you kidding me? I can't be the only FJer who immediately thought, "Porno!" upon hearing the term JesusWeen.

You're not. My mind flashed back to one of my best friend's dad, back when we were 15 - dude had a massive porn collection, and various marital aids stashed in his car (???), including one similar to this:

(NSFW)

[MrsKay]

OMG. It's amazing what happens when you Google Jesus + dildo. This site has proven to be hysterical in the few minutes that I've spent on it. You may purchase the Jesusween that I posted above, which is listed with this description:

"Jesus was a carpenter, now he’s the powertool.

He’s the baddest and the best in all of Nazareth.

The Jackhammer Jesus has just one safety rule:

Feet first, feet first, not the head, ya fool."

They even have a Baby Jesus butt plug.

http://divine-interventions.com/religioustoys.php

Edit to fix link

[Arete]

You don't need to invent it, it's called the Carnival.

Halloween isn't traditionally celebrated in continental Europe, but you get dress-up parties during the Carnival (January/February).

:naughty: Carnival is not acceptable. Carnival is a pagan-Catholic-idol worshipping-did-I-mention-Catholic(?) event that makes the baby Jesus weep every year. :snooty: