Please tell me this is a parody site - Jesusween

[celestial]

My mind flashed back to one of my best friend's dad, back when we were 15 - dude had a massive porn collection, and various marital aids stashed in his car (???), including one similar to this:

:shock: That situation would have been somewhat traumatizing to me at 15!

A NSFW spoiler might be nice for the pic.

[snarkbillie]

I think when I first saw "Jesusween" my thought was that it was possibly a website for how to leave Christianity.... you know like you wean babies? I don't know why my mind went there.

[MrsKay]

:shock: That situation would have been somewhat traumatizing to me at 15!

A NSFW spoiler might be nice for the pic.

OOPS!!! Spoiler and NSFW added, my aplogies! :oops:

Thankfully, I was not present at the discovery of the infamous Jesus Dildo, but I heard enough of it in detail to scar me for life.

[MissBeaufort]

so a member of the group is a JesusWeener? :shock:

I'm going to need to clean soda off my laptop now. JesusWeener. Wow.

I had friends growing up who didn't celebrate Halloween because they thought it was Satan worship. Instead, they had a "harvest festival"... Where everyone dressed up (but no witch or devil costumes!) and ate candy. :-? I always thought it was dumb because I didn't get what the difference was supposed to be.

[celestial]

OOPS!!! Spoiler and NSFW added, my aplogies! :oops:

Thankfully, I was not present at the discovery of the infamous Jesus Dildo, but I heard enough of it in detail to scar me for life.

Thanks!

I feel so bad for your friend who found that! Yikes! Dad should have kept his collection well-hidden from the eyes of his kids. The car does NOT count!

[Deleted01]

I had friends growing up who didn't celebrate Halloween because they thought it was Satan worship. Instead, they had a "harvest festival"... Where everyone dressed up (but no witch or devil costumes!) and ate candy. :-? I always thought it was dumb because I didn't get what the difference was supposed to be.

I think it's hilarious that all these churches are having "harvest festivals" - the roots of which are just as pagan, if not more so, than Halloween.

[Nothing2CHere]

Jesus' Ween?

You snuck into my grandparents' house!

(I posted once before about how, yes, there really IS one of these light switch plates at my grandparents' house. There's also a "the pill is a no-no" glass in the storage room at my parents'. My family is full of Catholic propaganda fixtures.)

[JMarie]

Hey, I have a very similar light switch cover in my bedroom! I also used to have a plastic holy water font next to it.

[thoughtful]

You snuck into my grandparents' house!

(I posted once before about how, yes, there really IS one of these light switch plates at my grandparents' house. There's also a "the pill is a no-no" glass in the storage room at my parents'. My family is full of Catholic propaganda fixtures.)

Someday, I am hoping to find one in a thrift store.

[charizbarb]

I don't do Halloween myself (and it's not as big of a deal over here) but this is silly.

[Chowder Head]

Have mercy..I think I have been tramatized.

[LadyBlue]

Oh for fuck's sake, MY city is one they're targeting with this idiocy.

I adore Halloween & it's getting harder and harder to find houses that participate without this nonsense.

Edited because I can spell

[SprinklyCupcake]

From the title I thought the purpose of the event was to ween people off of religion :-/

Probably wasn't their intention.

[ilovetchotchkes]

I think "Jesus weener " should be a post count.

And yes its real. There's a megachurch near me that advertises their "Jesus Ween" along with "Hell house" to scare the older kiddies.

[keeperrox]

OMG. It's amazing what happens when you Google Jesus + dildo. This site has proven to be hysterical in the few minutes that I've spent on it. You may purchase the Jesusween that I posted above, which is listed with this description:

"Jesus was a carpenter, now he’s the powertool.

He’s the baddest and the best in all of Nazareth.

The Jackhammer Jesus has just one safety rule:

Feet first, feet first, not the head, ya fool."

They even have a Baby Jesus butt plug.

http://divine-interventions.com/religioustoys.php

Edit to fix link

Pardon my ignorance, but does anyone know what the Bible Thumper and Shiva are for, and how does the Power Bullet make the experience better?

[MrsKay]

Pardon my ignorance, but does anyone know what the Bible Thumper and Shiva are for, and how does the Power Bullet make the experience better?

I believe - but I may be wrong - that they're silicone "sleeves" for clitoral stimulation - the Power Bullet provides the mechanical work of vibrating, and goes into the holes you see. Wow - Jesus Ween is really educational! :lol:

[heinz57]

I believe - but I may be wrong - that they're silicone "sleeves" for clitoral stimulation - the Power Bullet provides the mechanical work of vibrating, and goes into the holes you see. Wow - Jesus Ween is really educational! :lol:

Hmmm, I'm no expert either, but I rather think Bible Thumper has a hole to insert your penis into....?

[fakepigtails73]

JesusWeen?! Are you kidding me? I can't be the only FJer who immediately thought, "Porno!" upon hearing the term JesusWeen.

Nope. Thought the same! :lol:

[Mela99]

so a member of the group is a JesusWeener? :shock:

cackles.

I'm sorry, but dressing up like a bunny and eating Skittles is not a one way ticket to hell. These people have too much time on their hands.

[MrsKay]

Hmmm, I'm no expert either, but I rather think Bible Thumper has a hole to insert your penis into....?

That was what I thought, but when I went back to check, the measurements seem very small for that:

2 3/4 inches high

2 inches wide

1/2 inch wide

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Some field research is in order. ;)

[heinz57]

That was what I thought, but when I went back to check, the measurements seem very small for that:

2 3/4 inches high

2 inches wide

1/2 inch wide

according to this website thedingleberry.net/2012/03/24/religion-themed-sex-toys-are-disturbing-as-hell/ the Shiva is a butt plug, and the Bible Thumper is indeed something to insert your penis into.

[Minerva]

That was what I thought, but when I went back to check, the measurements seem very small for that:

2 3/4 inches high

2 inches wide

1/2 inch wide

Silicone masturbators usually have openings that seem too small for a penis. They stretch. And they usually have a 2nd hole for a bullet because people with penises sometimes enjoy vibrations too. That website is hilarious, but the toys look hard to clean.

[Minerva]

You're not. My mind flashed back to one of my best friend's dad, back when we were 15 - dude had a massive porn collection, and various marital aids stashed in his car (???), including one similar to this:

(NSFW)

Great, now you've reminded me of that horrible scene in The Exorcist.

[MrsKay]

Very educational. My first thought was that the Shiva was a butt plug (the flared base), but I'm crampy and scatterbrained - the vibration thing threw me off. I don't think I've ever seen one that has a vibrating option, but then again, I haven't been into a sex shop for some time.

I had first thought that the Bible one was a penis sleeve, but the measurements threw me - that stuff must be super stretchy, because that thing looks really thick and rigid (okay, that just sounds filthy :lol: ). I do know that a lot of guys like vibration - phew, I'm not totally devoid of all my perverse knowledge!

Thanks for clearing that up!