Poor Dougie - the world doesn't have enough DRAMA!

[Buzzard]

We recognize that the mission before us is both dangerous and risky.

He is right... kinda... taking a hamburger away from smugly could get ugly. Otherwise, I have no fucking idea what he's talking about.

[Peas n carrots]

Dammit, this is all so brilliant! :clap: :clap:

The poor dope...

Ok, I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't quite get the big word salad. As someone else noted, theology and food is nothing new. I took a class seven years ago at my local Jesuit University on the subject. Actually, it was one of my favorite classes of all time and the grad student/professor was actually quite a gifted teacher. Dougie's conference won't come close to being as interesting as the class I took I imagine.

[emmiedahl]

With the crap that these people seem to eat (generalized entirely from the Duggars and "shortcake for breakfast" Zsuzsu), I imagine some nutrition classes *are* in order for the fundies. Meanwhile, the heathens in my house will be eating Jesus-free gazpacho for dinner, made by my 8 year old son.

Seriously, how much theology is needed to tell people to eat more vegetables or their Godly Arrows will not fit in the quiver?

[countressrascal]

My head still hurts after reading this-I thought he was going to call Michelle Obama out for her garden at the White House or something crazy like that.

[kunoichi66]

He is right... kinda... taking a hamburger away from smugly could get ugly. Otherwise, I have no fucking idea what he's talking about.

Trying to work the words 'manly' and 'sweaty' in there probably proved too much for Dougie.

[thoughtful]

Jesus-free gazpacho

:lol:

[Olive Plant]

We have purposed to address a great elephant within the room of Evangelical Christianity. We are not content with elephants tramping through our sacred houses and wreaking havoc, so before things are done we hope to offer the elephant both a care-taker and an elephant house. The pachyderm in question is the present crisis of food and the family. We gather with hundreds of families, preachers, chefs, doctors and leaders to discuss the present crisis and chart a course for the next ten years and beyond.

Dougie is trying to sound clever here. It doesn't really work, though, since food is important, and also a big fat pain (padding) in the ass, to everyone, not just those who espouse Dougie-style Evangelical Christianity. If Christians are just now catching on that good food matters and you can make a lot of money telling people how to eat, then way to go, they're at least 50 years behind everyone else.

Towards this end, we aspire to battle many errors which persist: The error of those believers who would make the latest model of health and diet a test of fellowship, on the one hand, and the error of those Christians who believe it improper to even articulate a biblical basis for a theory of food and the family, on the other.

He's basically making fad diets akin to meat sacrificed to idols. If you refuse to eat with someone who is on a diet, then bad you. Also, if you fail to realize there is a biblical way to eat, bad you. Bascially, you need to come to our conference in order to figure out what the heck is proper, or you'll potentially be sinning with every bite.

We gather to battle statism, Marxism and the last fifty years of man-centered manipulation of the food supply, contrary to both wisdom and applicable biblical precepts. We gather to battle the assault on the family table and the once robust Christian household culture, by challenging the many-headed hydra of 21st century selfishness whose tentacles include radical egalitarianism and individualism, the tyranny of entertainment addiction and technological overload, and the poverty of the fast-food lifestyle.

This was probably the funniest of all. Especially since here in the US, agricultural "statism" is most obvious in the farm subsidies presented to capitalists making a dime on producing way too much corn. Guess where that corn goes? Into almost everything Americans eat, unless they're buying local, or growing their own. Since Doug is not about to extol funding local hippie farmers, I'm not sure what he's left with. Oh yeah! Christian co-op farming! Everyone else will do the grunt work, and Dougie will be the fearless leader in a cape! This will ensure that Christianity looks nothing like Marxism.

In an age when the idea of Mamma preparing the great family dinner has become the stuff of myth and legends, we aspire to rekindle the vision for food and family culture as a God-appointed tool for transforming culture and restoring the family to its place of influence in the lives of the next generation.

Um, the idea of mamma preparing a great family dinner is cool, like, everywhere. I am a staunch feminist and I cook fabulous meals for my boyfriend, my friends, whoever. I know feminists who cook way better than anything I've ever eaten at the Christian Conservative's table. Probably because feminists (of both sexes) are fine with learning how to cook from people other than their stay-at-home mom, who learned to cook from her stay-at-home mom in the 1950s when flavor did not exist. I eat SO much better when I'm with liberals. Don't know if that's normal in other parts of the country, but it's definitely true here.

[bbfreethinker]

Since they're looking to the bible for guidelines to eating, does that mean they won't eat pork, lobster, etc.?

[ThisOlGirl]

So there's an elephant loose in Dougie's church, and he's getting tired of feeding it, so he's rounding up some of his buddies to help him get it out because it's too dangerous and risky to do it on his own, and he would like our prayers? Gotcha.*

*I just came in from washing my car in 100 degree heat, so I could be delirious. Hard to tell though, the way Dougie writes.

[emmyfair]

I've been saving this for a long time - finally, I get to share!! :D It's on my bucket list to show up at one of Doug's functions and stand outside wearing one.

[Hane]

Oh, Doug. Rarely have I seen so much WTF-ery crammed into so few paragraphs.

I cannot think of a single concept within it worthy of this fatuous rant.

Yeah, Jesus went to parties, but his main thing about food was FEEDING THE POOR.

[twin2]

For about a nanosecond I considered forking over the $35 to be able to watch the live stream of the conference since I am sure it will be a goldmine of snark. However at the end there was no way I could give that tool one cent. I just can't understand how stupid his minions are. This serves no purpose but to have Dougie make money, hell he had the same thing last year. How much more food heresy could he have uncovered in a year?

**Doug Phillips is a Tool**

[Witsec7]

For about a nanosecond I considered forking over the $35 to be able to watch the live stream of the conference since I am sure it will be a goldmine of snark. However at the end there was no way I could give that tool one cent. I just can't understand how stupid his minions are. This serves no purpose but to have Dougie make money, hell he had the same thing last year. How much more food heresy could he have uncovered in a year?

**Doug Phillips is a Tool**

I'm wondering if they will have a peanut butter war :lol:

[Minerva]

I thought the food crisis was starving homeless, or people on food stamps/wic, or the fact that all you can afford when poor is basically junk, or childhood obesity. Apparently the real crisis is not sending money to Doug's pompous ass.

Doug Phillips is a tool.

I thought so too. Only a tool like Doug Phillips could call something so frivolous a food crisis when actual food crises are going on all over the world.

I want to know what Dougie thinks Marxism is, because I know what it is and I'm having a hard time picturing it a) having any influence on American culture and b) having anything to do with what conservative Christians eat.

Doug Phillips IS a tool.

[Minerva]

Now we've got to give Dougie some credit here--- he's smart in selling a topic that people will buy. Food is a topic that people easily feel guilty about (do we eat healthy enough? are we making food an idol?). So just like the "controversial" topics he's brought up in the past, he's very smart about playing on his followers emotions and fears.

Too bad no one can make out what he's trying to say...

[samurai_sarah]

(snip)

He's basically making fad diets akin to meat sacrificed to idols. If you refuse to eat with someone who is on a diet, then bad you. Also, if you fail to realize there is a biblical way to eat, bad you. Bascially, you need to come to our conference in order to figure out what the heck is proper, or you'll potentially be sinning with every bite.

So, basically Dougie is announcing that from now on he will eat kosher, espouse shellfish, and drink copious amounts of wine? And he will fight for that in a manly fashion, emphasis on fashion?

Um, the idea of mamma preparing a great family dinner is cool, like, everywhere. I am a staunch feminist and I cook fabulous meals for my boyfriend, my friends, whoever. I know feminists who cook way better than anything I've ever eaten at the Christian Conservative's table. Probably because feminists (of both sexes) are fine with learning how to cook from people other than their stay-at-home mom, who learned to cook from her stay-at-home mom in the 1950s when flavor did not exist. I eat SO much better when I'm with liberals. Don't know if that's normal in other parts of the country, but it's definitely true here.

Dougie so doesn't want to know about anthropological theories about food, sex and death. Oh, wait, I forget that he really doesn't want to know.

As a teen, part of my feminist ideals included refusing to learn how to cook. I used to think that being tethered to the hearth symbolized everything I didn't want for myself. My grandmother, and mother were really good cooks though, so when I moved out and faced a world of ready-made meals, I learnt quickly. Thankfully for me, I always hung around the kitchen as a child and teen, so even if I refused to cook, I had picked up a thing or two. So, it wasn't difficult to start. Cooking and baking are some of my favourite things now, and I always get excited about trying something new.

But the feeling I get from a lot of fundies though, is that they don't actually enjoy food. They seem to consider it mere "sustenance", rather than a social and delicious experience, which benefits from new influences, and the occasional accident. To my mind, food is not the worst metaphor for what they're preaching. Their philosophy is just about enough to get by, and fill you up, just like a pot full of boiled potatoes will. It's a lot of starch, and it'll keep you going, but that's about it. How tedious - and in the long run, detrimental-, when there's so much more out there.

[mirele]

Oh, Doug. Rarely have I seen so much WTF-ery crammed into so few paragraphs.

I cannot think of a single concept within it worthy of this fatuous rant.

Yeah, Jesus went to parties, but his main thing about food was FEEDING THE POOR.

Not only that, Jesus had this EXTREMELY BAD HABIT of eating with prostitutes, tax collectors and other notorious sinners. Doug wouldn't be caught dead eating with the sinners of his world, most particularly the denizens of the FJ Hive Vagina. (Citations: Matthew chapter 9, Mark chapter 2, Luke chapter 5.)

If you came to Phoenix, Doug, I'd be happy to take you and your family out to dinner, my treat. We'd go to one of the Mexican restaurants in town or there are others, you could take your pick. We could talk law school, you know. I went to one in Texas too, and graduated. Or something. :)

ETA: I'm serious. You can have an intern PM me via FJ. My suggestion would be to wait until September, because it's insanely hot here right now (117F/47C).

[desertvixen]

But the feeling I get from a lot of fundies though, is that they don't actually enjoy food. They seem to consider it mere "sustenance", rather than a social and delicious experience, which benefits from new influences, and the occasional accident. To my mind, food is not the worst metaphor for what they're preaching. Their philosophy is just about enough to get by, and fill you up, just like a pot full of boiled potatoes will. It's a lot of starch, and it'll keep you going, but that's about it. How tedious - and in the long run, detrimental-, when there's so much more out there.

I think to a certain degree you're right. Look at the Maxwells and all the bland food they eat. Yes, they may all be slim, but I'll be straight - if it comes down to enjoying all the good-tasting but not-so-good-for-you foods, or losing the extra 5 pounds or so I'm carrying around, bring on the noms.

Also, for a lot of the poorer families where things are tight and they can't afford food luxuries, I would imagine that attitude gets adopted as a sort of protection.

ETA for noms getting in the way of proper typing...

[gustava]

I don't think Doug's issue is drama. It's MONEY...or the lack thereof. He needs to scare the bejebus into folks in order to get them to sign up for his event so he gets money.

Interesting, too, that the Maxwells are running low on bookings, and that the Botkins seem to be scraping the bottom of the barrel. Are there up and coming fundies that we are missing????

[Olive Plant]

How did I miss this before?

we aspire to rekindle the vision for food and family culture as a God-appointed tool

Dougie himself thinks he's a tool, albeit one who likes to use the royal we.

(I know that's not what he intends to say. weird what you can do with little bits of quote taken out of context)

[Olive Plant]

How did I miss this before?

Dougie himself thinks he's a tool, albeit one who likes to use the royal we.

(I know that's not what he intends to say. weird what you can do with little bits of quote taken out of context)

Just wanted to add that Dougie's grammar backs up this interpretation. If "we" means royalized Dougie (singular), then "a God-appointed tool" describes Dougie. It can't describe "food and family culture," because that's plural.

*Doug Philips is a tool*

[samurai_sarah]

I think to a certain degree you're right. Look at the Maxwells and all the bland food they eat. Yes, they may all be slim, but I'll be straight - if it comes down to enjoying all the good-tasting but not-so-good-for-you foods, or losing the extra 5 pounds or so I'm carrying around, bring on the noms.

Also, for a lot of the poorer families where things are tight and they can't afford food luxuries, I would imagine that attitude gets adopted as a sort of protection.

ETA for noms getting in the way of proper typing...

Sorry, I used the pot full of boiled potatoes as a metaphor to describe something tasteless and bland. Now that you mention it, I can see the implications of my metaphor. :oops:

[JesusFightClub]

I thought so too. Only a tool like Doug Phillips could call something so frivolous a food crisis when actual food crises are going on all over the world.

I want to know what Dougie thinks Marxism is, because I know what it is and I'm having a hard time picturing it a) having any influence on American culture and b) having anything to do with what conservative Christians eat.

Doug Phillips IS a tool.

You do not want my rant on "Marxism's influence on American culture". Because it's really fucking boring.

And I'm seriously fed up of us Marxists getting blamed for everything from the collapse of society to the lack of available bogroll. We have a greater leftist influence by quite a way in Scotland than in the US and I'm still sitting around in the back rooms of pubs arguing about who gets what minor union position and which comrade is doing the paper sale outside the shopping centre next Saturday. By rights (and if you believe fundies) I should be head of the secret police by now.

[Coconut Flan]

I'm not sure how to decipher Dougie's word salad, but I love the tee shirt!

Maybe Dougie isn't even sure what he has to say but he's latched onto a topic to fill another conference and pull in more suckers and money.

[IceTwinkie]

This reminds me of what my "born again" uncle used "to say "I eat so that I can work and I work so that I can eat" He used to eat some pretty bland and nasty looking s***. His idea of enchiladas was ground beef and velveeta wrapped in flour tortillas with tomato soup and a little tobasco poured on top as the sauce.