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choralcrusader8613

Lori Alexander 15: Leaving A Fire With Her Makeup Bag

460 posts in this topic

Trey is doubling down on his "I'm a man and so I know better".

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What I am saying is that the way women view themselves, and situations, and the world is often VERY different than the way men view women, situations, and the world. I am saying that what women (and all of their girlfriends) might think is perfectly normal, valid and acceptable thoughts, conclusions and behaviors, their husbands might view as illogical, irrational, and unacceptable. I don’t see where validation comes into it. It’s a different point of view and the chuckle comes from the fact that so many women are so hard headed and stubborn to not listen to what they are told by their husbands because they think their point of view is superior, or right, or better, or whatever.

I was not “accusing” her of anything but I was challenging her stated point of view. Many people are “victims” but some are victims of their own wrong thinking, poor decisions and sinful behavior. If you don’t think that there are “Christian” wives out there that are destroying their marriages (and families) by their lack of submission and disrespect to their husbands; all the while, (them and all their girlfriends) thinking that their behavior is completely right and justified, then you are not looking around with your eyes open. So, YES, it is possible that she has brought this situation upon herself and that is what I was trying to get her to at least consider, but I was not making ANY accusations.

I do not know if she is a victim of her husbands poor behavior or not and neither do you unless you have lived in the same house with them for many years. We have only heard one side of the story.

Just as I wrote in the first paragraph above, what I (as a man) see from her post, and what you (as a woman) see from her post is clearly very different. I will suggest that based on what you wrote, (and how you wrote it) your view might be clouded by your emotions. Mine is not and the fact that you think it is so disturbing that I do not see the situation as you do, just goes to further prove the point the men often see things differently than women. I acknowledged up front and again at the end that I might be wrong, but for the possible benefit to her and her family, I spoke (what I believe might be) the truth in love to her as gently as I could.

Sorry, I just can't even pick out what is the most offensive shit in here. 

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I do not know if she is a victim of her husbands poor behavior or not and neither do you unless you have lived in the same house with them for many years. We have only heard one side of the story

If one follows this line of reasoning how can anyone say for sure that Lori or any other woman claiming to be a transformed, submissive wife is actually being everything she says she is. It works both ways. These men haven't lived with Lori for many years to get the real story, yet have gushing praise over how wonderful they all must be. 

Likewise, all the men's stories of sexless marriages. Gosh, how are we to know those are true? We don't live with them. It is just one side of a story. 

Edited by AlwaysDiscerning
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Trey:

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And regarding “tying hands”, the Bible is very clear, a wife is to submit herself unto her husband in everything just as she would unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22-24) It does not matter if “he is driving the relationship with ego and legalistic ideas, and becoming abusive*”. Wives are told to submit to their husbands even if their husbands are not being obedient to the Word of the Lord. (1 Peter 3:1). Even if it “turns ugly”. 

Ben says:

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I cannot see God saying stay in a marriage where you are getting the you know what beat out of you. Or stay in a marriage where he is making you physically ill because you are so stressed out that you could end up in greater danger. There are grounds for divorce right there.

Lori Alexander finally tips her hand:

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These are NOT biblical grounds for divorce. Yes, separate for safety sake but no where does the Bible give these grounds for divorce for “love never fails.”

Lori finally "put it on paper".  Having the "you know what beat out of you" is NOT grounds for divorce. 

Of course we all know that Ben really isn't any better than Trey, because in another post he says:

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 Your husband DOES have the RIGHT to enforce the rules in the home. That is all part of the verse in Gen 3:16. “and he shall rule over you.”

He does have the right to tell her she can’t do something. He DOES have the RIGHT to take away things from her and the right to use some sort of light punishment if her behavior is disrespectful and disobedient. And even cutting up her credit cards if her spending is getting out of hand. She is not honoring and submitting. She is being disrespectful.

And with that I have to take a step away from Lori's blog.  I literally feel sick when I read it.  

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6 hours ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

Wow I see the Marjorie comment. So Lori edited to leave in the parts that look like she is praising Lori? Or did she add in that part about how this blog is helping her server her husband better?

I don't know what the original comment was, sorry. Marjorie just posted on Facebook that she had given her opinion of Trey (she used the words narcissist and abuser and possibly others) but Lori edited it to make it say the complete opposite of what she wanted to say. So I don't know if Lori added words in, or just took words out, but either way, the comment is now very different.

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I am suspicious that Trey is Robert/Cabinet Man reincarnated. His words are very similar to his posts on his old blog and his comments that he used to leave on Lori's blog. 

It was this that turned on the light bulb:

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The vast majority of women (in our society) have never experienced physical abuse and I would contend that most of the emotional abuse they have experienced is of their own making. I will assure you that every man married to a gate-keeping or refusing wife is both physically AND emotionally abused by their wives!!!

Robert/Cabinet Man was always expressing disdain toward women who claimed abuse. He also always seemed to be stuck on his premise that if a wife is not giving out, then she is abusing her husband.

I left a comment on Lori's FB page asking if she has fully vetted out Trey because he sounded like Robert. Amazingly, she hasn't removed it or blocked me, but she also has never answered.

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Lori is merging factions with the MRA, though she doesn't know it. She seems to think that Trey, Ben and Co. are just godly men who happen along her blog, in between going to church, mowing the lawn, and setting firm but loving boundaries with their wives. She doesn't seem to recognize them for the basement-dwelling slime they are.

There's no doubt in my mind that she knows exactly what she's doing. She knows she needs a couple of MRAs to back her up. The message becomes more powerful and gives her more followers.
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7 hours ago, TeddyBonkers said:

What I am saying is that the way women view themselves, and situations, and the world is often VERY different than the way men view women, situations, and the world. I am saying that what women (and all of their girlfriends) might think is perfectly normal, valid and acceptable thoughts, conclusions and behaviors, their husbands might view as illogical, irrational, and unacceptable. I don’t see where validation comes into it. It’s a different point of view and the chuckle comes from the fact that so many women are so hard headed and stubborn to not listen to what they are told by their husbands because they think their point of view is superior, or right, or better, or whatever.

You are so right, Trey, I feel exactly the same about your rants. In this ranting paragraph, you've just explained the main reason why marriage can't be lead by one person alone. But men like you, dear Trey, are too hard-headed and stubborn to listen to what they are told by their wives because they think their point of view is superior, or right, or better, or whatever. But your wife might think that your view is irrational, illogical or even unacceptable.  

Give that some thought, Trey. 

Lori asks, "why do women despise being the weaker vessel"?  And she offers the following verse. 

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
1 Peter 3:7

I wrote a reply to this post, but she chose not to publish it.  She isn't interested in discussion, only teaching. But I don't think she gets this passage right.

First, the verse is addressed to the husbands, not the wives. 

Second, wives aren't called "weaker vessels", husbands are told to honor their wives as they should honor a weaker vessel, and as a person who has equal standing before God.  

It makes me so sad how the emphasis has been taken off "giving honor" and placed on "weaker vessel". They've taken a verse that affirms a woman's equality to men and a man's responsibility to honor that equality, and have turned it into one more weapon against women. 

This is a passage that also talks about "weaker vessels". It's about the church body, but since similar metaphors are used to talk about marriage, I think this might explain what it would have meant for men to give honor to their wives "as to the weaker vessel".
 

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1. Corinthians 12

in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty,24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it,25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

 

In my opinion, they spend so much time defending a husband's authority over his wife that they completely miss the point. 

Edited by onemama
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Dear Trey,

I want to tell you that the way men view themselves, and situations, and the world is often VERY different than the way women view men, situations, and the world. I am saying that what men (and all of their MRA friends) might think is perfectly normal, valid and acceptable thoughts, conclusions and behaviors, their wives might view as illogical, irrational, and unacceptable. I don’t see where validation comes into it. It’s a different point of view and the chuckle comes from the fact that so many men are so hard headed and stubborn to not listen to what they are told by their wives because they think their point of view is superior, or right, or better, or whatever.

I am not “accusing” you of anything but I am challenging your stated point of view. Many people are “victims” but some are victims of their own wrong thinking, poor decisions and sinful behavior. If you don’t think that there are “Christian” husbands out there that are destroying their marriages (and families) by their lack of sensibility and disrespect to their wives; all the while, (them and all their MRA friends) thinking that their behavior is completely right and justified, then you are not looking around with your eyes open. So, YES, it is possible that you have brought this situation upon yourself and that is what I am trying to get you to at least consider, but I am not making ANY accusations.

I do not know if you're is a victim of your wife's poor behavior or not and neither do anyone who haven't lived in the same house with them for many years. We have only heard one side of the story.

Just as I wrote in the first paragraph above, what I (as a woman) see from your verbal diarrhoea, and what you (as a indiot MRA) see from your own verbal diarrhoea is clearly very different. I will suggest that based on what you wrote, (and how you wrote it) your view might be clouded by your emotions. Mine is not and the fact that you think it is so disturbing that I do not see the situation as you do, just goes to further prove the point the women often see things differently than MRAs. I acknowledged up front and again at the end that I might be wrong, but for the possible benefit to you and your family, I speak (what I believe might be) the truth in love to you as gently as I can.

And you're an arsehole.

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8 hours ago, Koala said:

These are NOT biblical grounds for divorce. Yes, separate for safety sake but no where does the Bible give these grounds for divorce for “love never fails.”

And she directs us to a blog where the author takes Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her"
And applies it to both wives and husbands:

He says

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Notice that it doesn’t say “Husbands, love your wives as the Church loves Christ.” Why is this? Because marriage is a display of the covenant love that Christ has for his Church, and because the love that Christ has for his Church will always be stronger, purer, and more enduring than the love that the Church has for Christ.

His love is different.

Rather than returning these acts in kind, rather than exchanging blow for blow and hurt for hurt, Christ will take his bride- his angry, bitter, squabbling, resentful, filthy, shrieking, and kicking bride back into his arms and he will wash her with the water of his precious word, cleansing her so that he might present her to himself pure and spotless. He has taken the sins of his bride unto himself- a beautiful mixed metaphor that intertwines and interconnects all these beautiful truths-husband, wife, bride, groom, Christ, mankind- and has made her whole, bathing her in forgiveness. His love is endlessly unfailing. Endlessly patient. Endlessly Kind. Endlessly bearing all things. Endlessly holy.

When the Church is unfaithful, cruel, hurtful, adulterous, messy, spiteful, unforgiving and unrepentant, Christ still loves her.

And then he says:

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That is why we are pointed to Jesus’ love and not our own as the example that we are to follow and pursue.

His love is the example that we are to emulate. We are never pointed to ourselves as the standard, but rather to him.

This means that even when your wife or husband is likewise exhaustively unfaithful, cruel, hurtful, adulterous, messy, spiteful, unforgiving, unrepentant, and bruising in their betrayals over a period of weeks, months, years, decades, that you love them still and treat them as Christ does. Will Christ break his covenant? Will he cease to pray for her? Will he cease to woo and draw her back? Will he cease to seek to cleanse and wash her? Will he cease to forgive her? Will he abandon his bride?

When you find your wife in bed with another man, or when you find porn all over his computer, or when everything he does disappoints you, or when his inability to spend money wisely is causing your hair to fall out, or when you can’t relate or understand each other anymore, or when you haven’t had sex in over a year, or when your child is murdered and you blame each other, or when every word is a spiteful twist of the knife and you can’t stand the sight of each other and find yourself begging God to release you from this marriage.

Will you love your wife like Christ loves the Church, or will you love your wife like the Church Loves Christ?

 

Yet submission "as the church submits to Christ" is always from the wife to the husband.  Always. Mutual submission doesn't exist because gender roles. Because we need to paint the picture right. Well... what picture? 

Where is that head-bang emoticon?  Aaaaaaargh! 

 

Edited by onemama
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