Adoption coercion on 16 and Pregnant

[Feberin]

OH G_D, my mother my MOTHER the other day took my son, and was having trouble figuring out the seat, and decided NOT TO BOTHER STRAPPING HIM IN, until my sister stepped in and screamed at her. My mother's attitude "nothing would have HAPPENED".

:shock:

My in-laws can be a little eh whatever about car seats. They have on that a friend gave them that had already been used for her granddaughter. I told them it was going to expire in 2013 so they might want to keep their eyes open for some good sales or whatnot. My MIL got into an arguement with my husband about the fact that car seats expire while my FIL shrugged and said that that it just meant that the seat was "iffy". Luckily it's not a seat they will use for my children (we purchased an extra seat for them to use just for my son and intend to do the same for number two) but I worry about my niece and nephew. I can't understand the attitude of lack of caring about car seat safety. And my MIL probably spent more money on candy and gifts for Easter for her grandchildren then she would on purchasing a new car seat so it's not like the money is that big of an issue.

[dairyfreelife]

What was the name of the girl who had the twin girls? Damn those car seats were flopping around.

Guess I am totally strange, but if I had a baby, I would be obsessed with making sure the car seats were properly installed.

This is probably the only thing you've posted on here that I fully agree with. I would be the same because I'm totally paranoid about that sort of thing. I once had a friend mention me taking her and her 1yo in my car. I said I didn't own a car seat (Why would I? I don't have any children). She doesn't have a car and doesn't have a car seat. I was uncomfortable and decided against it.

[Austin]

I think some older people might think, "Oh, we never strapped the kiddies in and drove down the highway with them playing in the back of the station wagon and nothing EVER happened", so they don't really get the point of all of the vigilance of parents today.

When I was growing up, a lot of safety issues were either not known about or completely ignored. This wasn't a good thing :shock: When I think back on some of it, it makes my hair stand on end.

[currywurst]

Tell me about it. I used to 1) ride in the bed of the pick-up, 2) sit on my sister's lap, 3) stand up in the van while my dad was driving. Holy shit, I cannot believe I am alive today. I also cannot believe my parents did that. If I had a kid I would never, ever, in a million years allow any of that. I guess those were different times or something.

I sort of think that honestly a lot of the people on this show do not really understand the mechanics of a car seat. They think it is just a place to "set" the baby while they are driving. I don't think they fully get the point of having the baby secured in case of an accident. Just my .02.

[Dhani_C]

What was the name of the girl who had the twin girls? Damn those car seats were flopping around.

Guess I am totally strange, but if I had a baby, I would be obsessed with making sure the car seats were properly installed.

Are you referring to Leah from TM2?

[currywurst]

Yeah it was Leah. Damn, she had the maturity of a five year old. I will never forget that girl. Her poor daughters.

[sassyNoz47]

Are you referring to Leah from TM2?

ugh..she who cheated on baby daddy around the wedding time.. divorced got with another guy was pg again but apparently lost it. Where do they find these girls. This is the last season with Teen mom 1 though.

[Witsec6]

Well I guess I am in the minority here, but I think that pretty much all the girls on 16 and Pregnant would give themselves AND their baby a much better life if they put it up for adoption. There a lots of loving, caring, financially stable, mature couples who are looking to adopt. Why not let that baby be raised in that environment, instead of the one the girls on this show will provide? And I have seen plenty of this show. The girls are generally pretty awful moms. The dad is usually still a kid himself, and you only feel sorry for the poor baby, knowing what its life will be like. I 100% support adoption for pregnant teen girls. I wish more would consider it.

QFT

I saw the episode and I would have taken up the offer from her friends in an instant! And the D-Bag boyfriend was beyond any other teen dad I've seen on the show!

[Kaylee]

When I had my son, my husband had "a nurse" (meaning probably the first random person he saw in scrubs) check the carseat to make sure it was in right and she "fixed" it for him - by installing it forward facing, on one side, and not even securely attached. Then we got in an argument in the parking lot when I insisted on turning it back the right way.

On the adoption thing, I've been biting my tongue, but I strongly disagree with the idea that it's somehow OK to pressure someone into adoption because they are a certain age and especially because they might grow up poor (it reminds too much of the "lets place them with a nice, white, Christian, upper-middle class family through our paid agency" crap that our local CPC really pushed). My sister was forced to give up her first child, and only daughter, when she was 16 and, despite having 3 sons later on, she never really got over it. By the way, a mother can really be forced into adoption - in her case, she was sent to a residential girl's home with no outside contact other than (screened) letters and calls to approved family members and her baby taken from the hospital and given to the adoption "social worker" - my mom had signed legal guardianship over to the girl's home and they consented to/forced the adoption. There was no way for her to have resisted it, short of injuring herself and causing a miscarriage (and they would have beaten the daylight out of her if she's even tried). btw, she was 17 when she had the next child, got a job and her own place and did just fine raising him - he's now a young adult with a good job, putting himself through college, and considering joining the military so he can go to law school later. She's had her share of bad choices and loser boyfriends but he kids have turned out alright - except maybe the daughter she's never been able to find who was most likely raised hardcore fundie.

[Deleted03]

When I had my son, my husband had "a nurse" (meaning probably the first random person he saw in scrubs) check the carseat to make sure it was in right and she "fixed" it for him - by installing it forward facing, on one side, and not even securely attached. Then we got in an argument in the parking lot when I insisted on turning it back the right way.

On the adoption thing, I've been biting my tongue, but I strongly disagree with the idea that it's somehow OK to pressure someone into adoption because they are a certain age and especially because they might grow up poor (it reminds too much of the "lets place them with a nice, white, Christian, upper-middle class family through our paid agency" crap that our local CPC really pushed). My sister was forced to give up her first child, and only daughter, when she was 16 and, despite having 3 sons later on, she never really got over it. By the way, a mother can really be forced into adoption - in her case, she was sent to a residential girl's home with no outside contact other than (screened) letters and calls to approved family members and her baby taken from the hospital and given to the adoption "social worker" - my mom had signed legal guardianship over to the girl's home and they consented to/forced the adoption. There was no way for her to have resisted it, short of injuring herself and causing a miscarriage (and they would have beaten the daylight out of her if she's even tried). btw, she was 17 when she had the next child, got a job and her own place and did just fine raising him - he's now a young adult with a good job, putting himself through college, and considering joining the military so he can go to law school later. She's had her share of bad choices and loser boyfriends but he kids have turned out alright - except maybe the daughter she's never been able to find who was most likely raised hardcore fundie.

I'm so sorry for your sister :(

[jesssnerch]

I'm not a car seat expert but I saw the show. I agree that the car seat they were using was fine it was how they were using it. In one scene where they brought her home from the hospital the straps were so loose the baby looked like it was about to fall out of the seat. I am frequently disturbed by the poor use of car seats on 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom. And it's not just the teens because I've seen children poorly put into car seats when it's the grandparents who put them into the car. Also at the hospital I had my son we had to have somebody check to make sure that we had him correctly in the seat this was after we'd already had the seat inspected by the fire department, which they inquired about at the hospital. It's a shame that isn't done at all hospitals.

Here's a picture from Alex's FB that had everyone in an uproar: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=191310977638405&set=o.275117479215536&type=1&theater The poor kid is in a forward facing seat that can't even be used as rear facing. Supposedly the baby is "advanced" and could undo the the infant car seat. I hate this more than I hate seeing small infants in umbrella strollers!

[SoybeanQueen]

Guess I am totally strange, but if I had a baby, I would be obsessed with making sure the car seats were properly installed.

Oh my gosh, I would love it if more parents would obsess on making sure things are correct in the car. I have stories. So very many stories. Once, a family brought in a giant 3 year old in an infant-type bucket seat, but they needed to face it forward so they SAWED new belt paths into the seat. Like with a hand saw. People are cuh-razy. I really wanted to take a pic of the kid in that seat, but I couldn't get it done without making it obvious that I was doing so.

For those of you who want to have a car seat checked out, you can find a certified CPST on the Safe Kids USA site. Not all fire departments have trained techs on hand. I've seen some horrifying installations that were "checked at the fire department."

[emmiedahl]

Here's a picture from Alex's FB that had everyone in an uproar: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=191310977638405&set=o.275117479215536&type=1&theater The poor kid is in a forward facing seat that can't even be used as rear facing. Supposedly the baby is "advanced" and could undo the the infant car seat. I hate this more than I hate seeing small infants in umbrella strollers!

A lot of those forward-facing seats are actually made to be used as rear-facing as well, and they include instructions for properly installing them that way. It's what we did before there were those nice infant car seats. Her child is obviously poorly positioned and unsafely buckled (if she is buckled at all...) and omg, with a baby that small I would worry about them hurting themselves with their head flopping around like that.

[MrsKay]

When I had each of my 3 babies, at two different hospitals, I wasn't allowed to take them home until I had a car seat that I knew how to use. Even though BabyKay was born in our personal era of public transportation, we made sure we shelled out on an expensive new seat for him to use maybe 6 times before he outgrew it. Luckily, taxi companies here have the larger car seats, if you request them.

When I brought BoyKay home, my now-disowned MIL drove us. She had an absolute fit because I refused to take BoyKay out of his car seat when he was fussing, and hold him in my lap while she drove. She also saw nothing wrong with a crazy lady who was busted driving in our town wearing her baby in a Snugli.

I don't want to get into the adoption thing too much, but I will say this - I stated on another long-ass thread that my mother was coerced into adoption with my sister, and I was traumatized from witnessing HER trauma throughout the years. People tried to coerce me into letting GirlKay be adopted, and nearly 15 years later, I'm STILL traumatized, and terrified of social workers. It's NOT okay to try to force someone into adoption. If GirlKay were to get pregnant, I'd support any decision, no matter what. The girls on that show need parenting classes and counselling, not pressure if they don't want to consider adoption. Present the option, fine - just don't push it.

[Feberin]

A lot of those forward-facing seats are actually made to be used as rear-facing as well, and they include instructions for properly installing them that way. It's what we did before there were those nice infant car seats. Her child is obviously poorly positioned and unsafely buckled (if she is buckled at all...) and omg, with a baby that small I would worry about them hurting themselves with their head flopping around like that.

That particular seat is a Graco nautilus, which do no rear face since they are designed as a forward facing car seat that can convert to a booster seat when the time comes. We're considering buying one for my two year old when our still unborn #2 outgrows the infant carrier style seat and needs the evenflo triumph, which does rear face. However my son will be at least 2 1/2 when that happens not five months. Back to the topic here is Arabella coming home from the hospital in this week's episode http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid= ... 536&type=1

It's an infant seat but she's extremely poorly buckled.

[currywurst]

Yeah it looks like the strap has been pull from the side instead of over the top like it should be. I think maybe what these girls need is to watch a video showing car accidents with dummy babies strapped in wrong or in inappropriate car seats. I seriously think that most of them do not really understand what the purpose of a car seat is. Actually, my guess is that, considering their circumstances, they are probably all horrible risk assessors, and therefore are unconcerned with the safety of their baby.

[Feberin]

Yeah it looks like the strap has been pull from the side instead of over the top like it should be. I think maybe what these girls need is to watch a video showing car accidents with dummy babies strapped in wrong or in inappropriate car seats. I seriously think that most of them do not really understand what the purpose of a car seat is. Actually, my guess is that, considering their circumstances, they are probably all horrible risk assessors, and therefore are unconcerned with the safety of their baby.

I really wish MTV would do a special on car seat safety. Especiall since many of the teen moms who are shown frequently inproperly restraining their children and then texting/talking on their phones while driving could use some lessons. They've done other VERY SPECIAL things before and I think it would also be a huge help for those watching the show.

[Mama Mia]

It is ridiculous to blame the improper car seat use on these mom's being young. It is commonly bandied about that up to 80% of car seats are installed or used incorrectly :roll:

http://news.consumerreports.org/baby/20 ... ation.html

I don't watch the show, but I know that over 20 years ago I had an extremely difficult to contain child who could unlock / wiggle out of every car seat invented from about 6 months onward. There are obviously huge technology improvements in the last 20 years, but it was a huge struggle because he would always find a way to get loose. We put him in a plain booster seat at a younger age than he should have, because he would get out of everything else when very little, even with added restraints. And since he had a ton of older siblings who had to go to school, parents who had to go to work and we weren't child beaters - our options were limited. It was a nightmare :?

[Deleted03]

Personally I think EVERYONE should have parenting classes as a condition to bring back that baby home. I think we can all concur that parenting is a learning curve, but having some base for all seems the minimum.

Not all parents will get parenting books and I've seen some weird parenting - not just inconsistent, but clearly you see the kids are confused by why a sudden outburst of being pissed off happens. And that's from a mom who is over 30.

Those girls are just like the rest, don't know necessarily the good or bad ways of doing stuff, but when we have more opportunities over the years to see parenting, they have to deal with it, right there and now.

Society also expects much more from parents than it ever did before, putting more responsibilities (there was a time were if your teen is misbehaving, it was fundamentally their fault, now if you did or did not baby wear is "obviously" the reason why your kid went wrong).

Everyone makes errors, and maybe they'll do some more without support system, but can you truly say that there is absolutely nothing you did as a parent that you regret? Things that you think wow I'm happy everything turned out great but that wasn't the best idea ever? I feel like those girls are unfairly judged and put on a standard that their failure is just the worst thing ever while we all fail at times.

[apple1]

I disagree that forced "parenting classes" for every new parent are the solution. I do think that public schools should bring back "life skills" classes, and that these should include child care/support, as well as home management skills like budgeting, house/apartment care, food/nutrition, etc, etc.

Long-term support systems made available for those who don't have existing support systems would be better.

[StarrieEyedKat]

I disagree that forced "parenting classes" for every new parent are the solution. I do think that public schools should bring back "life skills" classes, and that these should include child care/support, as well as home management skills like budgeting, house/apartment care, food/nutrition, etc, etc.

Long-term support systems made available for those who don't have existing support systems would be better.

Out of curiosity, why do you disagree? While there are obviously numerous different ways to effectively parent, I don't think it's a crazy idea that having a mandatory class on car seat safety/choking hazards/other universal child care basics be a precursor to having a kid. Hell, we have to take tests and get licensed to drive, work a number of jobs and any daycare worker or teacher already has to go through training, why shouldn't prospective parents?

[Austin]

People should have to pass a test.

(Just kidding. . . barely.)

[MadameX]

I disagree that forced "parenting classes" for every new parent are the solution. I do think that public schools should bring back "life skills" classes, and that these should include child care/support, as well as home management skills like budgeting, house/apartment care, food/nutrition, etc, etc.

Long-term support systems made available for those who don't have existing support systems would be better.

I have known since the age of 12 that I would never have kids, why should I have been forced to waste time in high school learning to care for them? I think we did have a home ec. type class that included those things but I think I was busy taking honors English or Academic Decathlon.

My point being, high school is already so diluted as far as being a place to ignite academic interest and knowledge. Let's not dumb it down any more by basically saying, "Here you go, now you are ready to be a SAHM!"

[emmiedahl]

That particular seat is a Graco nautilus, which do no rear face since they are designed as a forward facing car seat that can convert to a booster seat when the time comes. We're considering buying one for my two year old when our still unborn #2 outgrows the infant carrier style seat and needs the evenflo triumph, which does rear face. However my son will be at least 2 1/2 when that happens not five months. Back to the topic here is Arabella coming home from the hospital in this week's episode http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid= ... 536&type=1

It's an infant seat but she's extremely poorly buckled.

Thanks, I did not know which model it is. My forward-facing car-seat buying is limited to checking occasionally to make sure the one my older kids used is not recalled, and ours is considered safe for rear facing as well. I have always splurged for a new infant one because they position the baby in a more natural way, and also because they get grubby and I feel weird putting a brand new baby in something that is probably a germ cocktail.

[emmiedahl]

Out of curiosity, why do you disagree? While there are obviously numerous different ways to effectively parent, I don't think it's a crazy idea that having a mandatory class on car seat safety/choking hazards/other universal child care basics be a precursor to having a kid. Hell, we have to take tests and get licensed to drive, work a number of jobs and any daycare worker or teacher already has to go through training, why shouldn't prospective parents?

In my state, you have to take a crash course in infant safety while in the hospital. They have videos they make you watch on how to bathe and change the baby with stuff thrown in about not smoking around them, etc. I had to watch the video with my last two even though they were my 4th and 5th children and I certainly knew the stuff in the video.

There are resources for parents who know how to look for them, like carseat checks at fire stations and infant CPR/first aid. I think they should at the very least be made more available and better known. Mandatory? Maybe. I assume that parents will be vigilant, but maybe they don't even know how vigilant they need to be. You will not set out to learn something if you don't know that you don't know it, kwim?

I took a CPR/first aid class that included infant when my 16 yo was a baby. My son choked on a piece of dog food the next day, and I still have that moment of chilling fear when I think that I would not have known how to deal with it if it had just two days earlier.