Adoption coercion on 16 and Pregnant

[ilovetchotchkes]

it is HER decision. SHE has to live with it, not you. They are not a bunch of twits who don't know what they feel ok with. Just two years more and no one would ever find it acceptable to put pressure on her to get her baby to adoption.

How many girls would you see suffer long term psychological damage from a forced adoption just so 10% of them end up accepting the decision?

You cannot take the choice from everyone and undue pressure is unethical and I think it's unhealthy.

This. <3

[currywurst]

it is HER decision. SHE has to live with it, not you. They are not a bunch of twits who don't know what they feel ok with. Just two years more and no one would ever find it acceptable to put pressure on her to get her baby to adoption.

How many girls would you see suffer long term psychological damage from a forced adoption just so 10% of them end up accepting the decision?

You cannot take the choice from everyone and undue pressure is unethical and I think it's unhealthy.

Her baby has to live with it too. I do not think such pressure is undue; I think it is very important.

[snarkykitty]

My thoughts on this episode and the show in general:

1. Young mothers without a support system often feel like they have zero control in their lives - their changing bodies, absent baby fathers, minimum wage jobs, no reliable transportation, skyrocketing expenses, no diploma.

2. The girl's mother could have presented things in a different way. Perhaps if she was a little more supportive, her daughter would have felt more comfortable asking for the $50 for Plan B. Even if she absolutely didn't want to have any part of raising her daughter's baby, she could have given her the facts - like money, time, responsibility of the girl and her boyfriend, etc. - and helped the daughter arrive at the decision that she couldn't do it herself, but feeling like she had some control in making the decision.

I get "tough love," but you can phrase things in a way that doesn't totally make her daughter feel like shit. Saying "the best thing you can do is to walk away" (from the baby) is pretty awful. Sit down, hold your daughter's hand, and tell her that she needs to really think things through, and help her make a list. The girl isn't stupid; she's obviously emotionally confused and needs some guidance.

3. That neighbor was a BITCH for putting all her stuff on the curb in a matter of a few minutes, even if the rent was late.

4. Grandpa was really nice to give her a car.

5. That baby was so cute - she seemed to be smiling at the 30:15 mark.

6. Her friends were right - the father wasn't giving up anything, yet the mother has to give up everything. It was a very mature thing to say that they made the mistake, and things are the way they are, and she has to accept that. Even though keeping the baby can be a selfish decision, it's still HER decision, and she is at least trying her best to make the most of it. Not every girl in this situation tries to finish their education.

7. That boyfriend was a major douche. Aside from not helping out at all, he gets stoned, misses the bus to school and has her drive him? She should have just hung up on him or dropped him off in the middle of a field. He obviously doesn't care about school if he's getting stoned before he goes. They never said what he was on probation for, but I'm wondering if it was for drugs or alcohol.

I feel bad for all of the girls on the show. Although some probably do it for fame or notoriety, I imagine a lot more do it because they need the money. Kind of like putting the cart before the horse, if time and money had been spent by parents educating and having honest, supportive discussions with them, they might not have ended up with an "oops" in the first place. (This particular young mom used the word "oops".)

[Mama Mia]

You are completely missing the point currywurst. Who on earth are you to decide that the baby will have a "better home life" if they are put up for adoption ? If by "better" you mean "more money", you might be right, most of the time. However "more money" does not equal "better" - get it ?

Sure there are some disadvantages to being a very young parent, however you seem to have bought into the myth that being an older mom makes someone a better mom. There are some real disadvantages to being an older parent as well - here are some generalizations for you, not true in every case of course, but you seem to be big on generalizations - older parents have less energy, they are less adaptable, more set in their ways, more likely to be resentful of having to give up their freedom to care for a child, less able to go days on end with minimal sleep, will have greater difficulty adjusting to a drop in disposable income, are more likely to have health concerns during their children's demanding teen years, may not be able to devote enough attention to their children because they are caring for their own aging parents and so on.

Perhaps most parents who aren't in some very narrow idealized age group should be pressured to give up their children, after all if they are making a decision on their own to take care of their own child they must be selfish and immature.

[jesssnerch]

There were so many issues with this episode! I know the girl's mother seem callous, but look at it from her point of view. She made sure the girl was on BC and told her she didn't want a baby in her house. I remember having that convo with my parents when I was a teen and it scared me enough to make sure I was very responsible about using BC. Obviously, Alex knew she messed up on BC if she knew enough to inquire about Plan B (which, I'm sure if she asked her mom for 50 dollars, her mom would have been HAPPY to give it to her). Then there is the fact that her boyfriend was a total loser. Alex knew he was a loser. The boyfriend was self aware enough to know he was a loser. He didn't sugarcoat the fact that he didn't want to be a parent like many boys on this show tend to do. He was honest with her about wanting to put the baby up for adoption. Alex knew all of this and decided to proceed with keeping the baby with no plan in place. I can really understand her mother's aggravation and frustration.

Also, it's all over the internets that this girl has her 5 month old in a forward facing car seat, which is EXTREMELY dangerous. Many people have offered to buy her a proper car seat and she continues to be stubborn and insist that her baby will be okay. I'm not quite sure if she is really mature enough for raising a baby, but I don't doubt she loves the kids- I think it's natural teenage stubbornness coming through.

I was raised by teen parents who were actually pretty responsible and are still married after 33 years. It has been a hell of a bumpy road for them and they had no support system and I'm really proud of them. But I could have NEVER had a baby as a teen. I had my first at 26 and I was married and it was still very hard. I couldn't imagine doing it as a kid.

[MadameX]

I don't think anyone should judge the quality of teen parents by the people who appear on 16 and Pregnant. Not only are they potentially immature, selfish, involved with losers, etc, but they chose to pimp themselves, their families, and their newborn children out to a trashy reality show during one of the most difficult periods of their lives. I think there's a difference between the people who find themselves pregnant as teenagers and say, "What can I do to make the best choice here?" and those who say, "Woohoo! Now I get to be on MTV!!"

I wish people would stop calling this show trashy. This show does not glamorize teen pregnancy. It shows it for the trainwreck that it is. I think it is important to put this issue into a venue where it will be seen by the very people at risk to become these kids on the show. I have found myself finding empathy I didn't know I had watching this show. I agree that the people on the show act out, but I think MTV has done some good work in the documentary arena. I'm not sure how they could avoid making it sensationalist, it's sensational stuff. I do wish they'd have more "I chose abortion" specials but I understand that teens don't necessarily want to go on tv and be part of that debate considering the likelihood of them being harassed for it.

Look, I do not want teens becoming moms. I want teens to be teens, and go on to be successful young adults. If that doesn't happen through an abortion, it can happen through an adoption (which, let's be honest, is in many cases pretty traumatic for the mother even in good outcomes like Catelynn).

However, the young woman who is pregnant gets to make the choice, and she should get to make it without the risk of losing her family, home, and education. That is why I considered the situation with Alex coercive. Also, a 37 week pregnant woman of any age should have a 3rd party advocate with no stake in the outcome to mediate the adoption discussions. Ideally she'd have an advocate and ideally that advocate would be her family but obviously Alex didn't have that. No wonder she made an emotionally charged decision and who could blame her?

Another thing that bothers me is that, once a teen mom decides to keep her baby, it's done. I really do not see the logic in punishing her in a way that will keep her from getting an education and a stable home and eventual financial independence. Invest 5 or 6 years in a teen mom - helping her to find childcare so she can finish school, helping her apply for grants and go to college, helping her have a safe place to live - and you can produce a functional adult capable of caring for her own child out of that scared teen mom. I simply do not understand why that is not preferable to the alternative of throwing her out and condemning her and her child to a life fraught with struggle and disenfranchisement. As the parent of a teen, is it not your job to launch them into the world as successful adults? Having them become a parent doesn't have to ruin everything. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater seems apropos here.

Also, I would like to know how the hospital let them leave with that carseat.

Also, also. I would like to say that my mother had me at age 27 and married. She left the hospital with me strapped into a carseat, she just didn't know she was supposed to strap the carseat to the car and just perched it on the seat. I think there is a good reason babies don't remember their infancy!

[currywurst]

Well, first of all, I do not personally make this decision, and thank god. I would not want to. I never claimed to be the one to decide this. As a matter of fact, I think I made it clear from the start that no one can be forced to give a baby up for adoption. That's right: it is the mother's decision. I was never trying to make an argument that I personally get to decide who gets to be a mom and who does not. I am pretty sure I never implied that, but in case it came across that way, I assure all of you, I never intended this to be a megalomaniacal rant about my right to decide who is and is not a good mother.

Yeah sure, lots of parents suck. Older moms suck. Younger moms suck. Rich moms suck. Poor moms suck. Plenty of people totally suck. I wish all the people who suck so bad would not have kids, but alas, most people are not self-aware as to how much they suck. Since the topic of this thread was about the show 16 and Pregnant, of which I am a fan, I was basing my argument on what I have observed from it. My own observation from the show is that most of the girls are immature, ill-prepared, poorly educated, and often times come from bad homes. The fathers of the babies are no better. It is not the girls' fault that this is their lot in life. They are still kids themselves! I do not expect a 16-year-old to have to prove she is a "good mom." That actually strikes me as being sort of cruel to the poor girl. I also do not expect a boy that age to really be much more than a loser. Of course a boy that age is immature, likes to play video games, and has no job. He's just a freaking kid! I do not see why it is so bad in a situation like this to put the baby up for adoption and at least give baby, mom, and dad a better CHANCE. The reason I think pressure is okay in these situations is because mom and dad are generally too immature and lack the life experience to make a good decision on their own. They just do not have the capacity to do that. That is NORMAL for someone like them. They are not "bad" people for that, they are just what they are: children.

[dawbs]

Well, first of all, I do not personally make this decision, and thank god. I would not want to. I never claimed to be the one to decide this. As a matter of fact, I think I made it clear from the start that no one can be forced to give a baby up for adoption. That's right: it is the mother's decision. *snip*

That right there is where I think you're loosing some of us--or at least me.

You really don't think being told 'you WILL make the decision I tell you to or your life will be a living hell/you will be homeless' is a form of 'force'?

Force and coercion are bedfellows all to often.

So your beginning statement that 'no one can be forced' is false.

No one SHOULD be forced.

No one can be PHYSICALLY forced.

But people can and are 'coerced' in forceful ways.

[MadameX]

{snip}

As a matter of fact, I think I made it clear from the start that no one can be forced to give a baby up for adoption.

{snip}

Pulling that sentence out of your post to say, yes, one unequivocally can be forced. And that episode of 16 and Pregnant is what it looks like.

[emmiedahl]

Look, I feel badly for the moms who give their babies up for adoption. No doubt that is horribly heart-wrenching. I never said that these girls were not human beings and mothers. They are. I totally agree that putting a baby up for adoption is a very difficult thing, but it is generally what is in the best interest of the baby AND the mom. The baby can be raised in a good home, and the mom can get an education, grow up, and then have children again when she is ready for them. My point is that a 16 year old really does not understand all this. It happens on this show again and again. The teen moms are always SHOCKED at how hard raising a baby is. They are stressed and depressed about it. They are always SHOCKED that dipshit BF is still a total dipshit. These are all things that were obvious to that adults. That is why I think it is totally acceptable for the adults in the family to put pressure on the girl to give the baby up for adoption. You cannot exactly REASON with any of the girls that are featured on this show. I have yet to see one that has all that much sense.

Adoption is not a bad thing, it is a good thing. Those girls that do put their babies up for adoption - the ones who decided to give their babies a better chance at life - are, in my opinion, heroes. It is a really difficult, totally selfless thing to do, which is why I am always so impressed with the ones who do it. They are able to see that they are not in a position to give their child a very good upbringing. That takes a lot of self-criticism, which is hard for even a relatively mature adult, much less a teen girl.

Teen Mom is not just a reality show, but a reality. I was a Teen Mom before we had reality television. Well, maybe The Real World... but I digress. Adoption is just as life-altering as keeping a baby. I think I was a pretty kick-ass teen mom, and all of my friends were great moms as well. We had some struggles in the early years, but now everyone is stable, married, with jobs and degrees. Adoption would have been a permanent and possibly life-changing solution to a very temporary problem.

There is no reason a teen couple will not be able to be good parents *if they want to* and *if their families help them*. A lot of the girls on Teen Mom are messes, but I can think of a few that are handling things at least as well as someone ten years older in the same circumstances. Macy, for example.

My husband was adopted and so was my baby sister. It is a beautiful thing that would be sullied if biological parents were not 100% willing participants in the process. Would you want a baby that has a mother somewhere crying every night for it?

[Hisey]

I'm a big advocate of adoption (I've written here before about it), but I wouldn't pressure my teen daughter to give up a baby. . I just wouldn't, because I'm not the pressuring type. I wouldn't want my daughter, at 30, to angrily blame me for pressuring her.

I once read a book about a young girl who had been attacked by Alaskan sled dogs. . .which is really irrelevant to my point, but it was a big part of her early life. Anyhow, she recovered and got pregnant at 16, and I thought the way her parents handled it was wonderful. They emphasized that the baby's future was her choice. They pointed out that she had engaged in adult behavior, and would have to make an adult choice. They gave her education about both options. They introduced her to single moms and adoptive parents. They tried to be impartial, though the teen could sense what each parent really wanted. I thought it was really handled well (she ended up keeping the kid).

With that said, if I had an opinion about what my daughter should do, I would share it. Isn't that the point of being a parent, and having a mature perspective? Why would I hide my viewpoint?

I don't know much about teen pregnancy, but I imagine there are situations where a teen mom could successfully raise a child (if she has supportive parents willing to help, enough money, etc). And there are other situations where it could be a potential disaster. As an adult, I'd share these perspectives with my kid, but in a low pressure way.

In adoption, the criteria is "what is in the best interest of the child?" Unfortunately, that criteria does not exist for unwed teen moms. They can make choices that aren't in the best interest of their child--happens every day. Keeping the baby might not be in the baby's best interest, but you have to accept that it is her right to make that choice, and all you can do is support her. Fortunately, there are lots of ways to help an unwed teen mom, because they need so much!

And adoption is not a win-win situation for a baby. There are always losses involved. the fact that the baby has a stable home, mature parents and enough money is good--very good--but nearly all adopted children experience feelings of loss and rejection.

I think one good option would be an open adoption. Find stable, mature parents to raise the baby, but allow the teen mom to visit and have a part in the child's life. I've seen that work quite successfully.

[emmiedahl]

Young mothers have parented for all of history and continue to do so in many countries. I think it is a damn shame if a girl has to compromise her education and her future career to be a mother against her will, but if she chooses it then I have no problem. In fact, I think she should be helped in every way possible by her family and by society. The only barriers to being a good mother are economic and societal, and most of those can be mitigated with minimal support.

Like Hisey, I would encourage my hypothetical pregnant teen daughter to consider all of her options completely. I would tell her what I thought would be best, but acknowledge that it's her body and her baby. And then I would move the heavens to make sure she gets an education and the baby is well-cared-for. The moms on the reality shows who have a lot of family support seem to be really good parents.

[Cordelia]

Just to throw a thought out there - just because adoptive parents seem stable at the time of the adoption does not mean that will always be a stable home environment. The child may very well end up being raised by a single mother or father anyway.

Pulling that sentence out of your post to say, yes, one unequivocally can be forced. And that episode of 16 and Pregnant is what it looks like.

I also agree with this.

[longskirtlotsakids]

Hisey- I would LOVE to read that book!! Could you elaborate on the title or what you may think it might have been?

[Rosa]

i read that book too (she tells the story of her grandfather getting through WWII in the countryside outside of Polish towns, whistling to his sons when it's safe, and then wandering off in San Francisco and just disappearing, right?) I think she wrote it at the U of Minnesota and it came from the U press or Gray Wolf or Milkweed publishing. I wish I could remember the name.

[ladypuglover]

I was a teen mom, had my first at 19 and my second at 20. Granted I wasn't 16 but still very young. I was asked by a lot of people I know to give the baby up for adoption because I was unmarried, only 18 at the time and had no way to support this baby. Well I married the baby daddy and solved 2 problems as he was in the army and had an income but it didn't solve the age issue. I admit at first when my son was born I was overwhelmed and kept thinking I had ruined his life by keeping him. I was so young that the first night home with him I kept waiting for his real mother to show up, pay me few bucks and thank me for watching her baby.

That first week it seemed like everything I did was wrong and I was wrecking my baby. I would feed him and he would poop while eating and then stop eating. He still had more to eat but I couldn't get him to stay on the breast. Thankfully my mother had stepped in a few days before and had made my ex-husband bring us down to her house and my mother was able to help me trouble shoot problems. I leaarned that my baby wouldn't eat after he emptied his bowels and would continue eating after a diaper change. Such stupid things but major learning for me.

I asked my oldest 2 sons if they regretted having such a young mother raise them and they both told me hell no. I was told that I was always there for them and even though we didn't have a lot of money we had a lot of fun. Those 2 can remember the skinny, natural blond mother who always was laughing and playing. My next son remembers mom going from the skinny blond mother to the chubby red haired mother who was still fun but more mellow and quicker to find quiter activities. The youngest 2 think mom is a natural red-head who is quick to find quiet games and needs to be encouraged to do fun, wild things. They also have never seen their mom smaller than a size 12 either.

I know several teen mothers in my family, 1 was a sort of good mother and 2 are great mothers. It all depends on the woman. I turned out to be a great mom according to my late mother and sisters and even my kids are happy that I was their mom. It can happen and if I hadn't had my first kiddlet when I did, well lets just say that I would have partied myself to death very quickly because that was the road I was on. Not a great start for parenthood but as soon as I found out that there was a a new life inside of me all the wild party ways stopped and I did an instant 180. It can and does happen to these young moms.

[bea]

For me, adoption or deciding to parent or undergoing IVF to get pregnant or WHATEVER are all part of my pro-choice philosophy. Each person is entitled to make their own reproductive choices freely, without coercion or threats or condescending advice about how the baby would be better off raised by some nice white rich couple.

Maybe the babies WOULD be better off, who knows? But because a woman (and yes, they're women, for all that they're 16 or 15 or whatever) decides to parent, that doesn't make her selfish or stupid, even if you don't agree with her choice.

Am I horrified by some of what I see on that show? Sure. But I bet if you had a show called 29 and Pregnant, or 35 and Pregnant, you'd see some of the same stupid shit perpetuated by the expectant moms, expectant dads, incipient grandparents, et al. And I'm not horrified enough to make sweeping statements about what women "should" do when they find themselves unexpectedly pregnant.

[desertvixen]

There is no reason a teen couple will not be able to be good parents *if they want to* and *if their families help them*.

Second this.

My daughter would know what my opinion was, but she would also know that she would have my support no matter what decision she made. However, I'd also like to think that my daughter wouldn't be afraid to ask me for the Plan B money.

[Hisey]

i read that book too (she tells the story of her grandfather getting through WWII in the countryside outside of Polish towns, whistling to his sons when it's safe, and then wandering off in San Francisco and just disappearing, right?) I think she wrote it at the U of Minnesota and it came from the U press or Gray Wolf or Milkweed publishing. I wish I could remember the name.

No, that's not the book (though yours sounds interesting, too).

I'm sorry, longskirts, but I can't recall the title. It is an excellent story however. It's about a family with four very young kids (the author is the oldest child), from about age 1 to 6. They live in LA with their parents, and seem to have a pretty nice life. Then the parents get this cockamamie idea that they should move to Alaska. They sell everything and do so. They live in a trailer, freezing cold. The first winter, the author (now 7), gets off the school bus in the pitch dark, and finds the trailer locked. Her mom has told her that if this happens, she should go next door to the neighbors. She heads next door but stops to pet the neighbors starving, husky sled dogs. They attack her, and her face is horribly damaged. She loses an eye. The rest of her childhood is spent in and out of hospitals in Seattle, while her parents struggle to care for her and pay the bills.

She maintains that her parents made a good choice to move to Alaska, but it seemed very irresponsible to me at the time. They were unable to make a living up there, even before her accident. They do things like gather mushrooms in the summer, and then save and eat them for winter meals. Her parents sound like good people (they handled her pregnancy well), but it sounds like they made a rash, impulsive decision with terrible consequences.

If I remember the title, I'll post it. It is a good read.

[Still Standing]

I've seen this episode and part of me believes the mom did the "if you get pregnant, you're out of my house" approach was because she wanted the teen to realize that there are consequences to getting pregnant. She knew her daughter was going to wind up coming back home, but she wanted to teach the kiddo a lesson and learn the hard, hard way. I think this was the best episode ever of "16 & Pregnant".

I think the mom's approach was appropriate. The teen needed to learn that way, and I believe the mom knows her child well enough to know what lessons to give her.

I've seen way too many times teenagers having babies and get pregnant again shortly after. My own mother (unwed) had 2 children back to back, and her mother told her before she had the second child, that if you're grown enough to have one child and get pregnant again, you need your own place. And that was exactly what happened, my mom had to move out on her own. She met my dad (first 2 kids weren't his although he took care of them) shortly after and they didn't begin having children until about 5 years later.

This teen should have given that baby up for adoption, although not to that couple. Very creepy!! That lady looks like the type that would steal someone's baby or something. Ugh.

And she pissed me off chasing that junkie of a boyfriend in the streets to tell him she was in labor. WTH? And driving him to school when he missed the school bus! Andddddd thinking he was going to babysit the baby that time, so she could go to work. Her mom was correct in going about her business in that situation. Not her problem.

[BlueChair]

Former adoption social worker here and I have way too much to say on this subject so I will limit myself to this:

1. No woman, no matter her age, "should" give up her child for adoption.

2. Adoption is not always or automatically a better option for the child. Many adoptees grow up wishing they could have been raised within their birth family and feel a deep sense of loss.

3. Arguments (which I have heard ad nauseum over the years) that speak to adoptive parents being better able to provide for the child reek of classism to me. Also, it is beyond sad that in the U.S. women feel they have to make adoption plans for their children based on finances. This doesn't happen in other developed countries. We should create a system so that it never has to happen in the U.S.

4. Being pro choice means you support a woman's choices, no matter how "immature" she might be.

5. If a woman who has been given all the information and explored all of her options decides that adoption is best for her and best for her child, then adoption is a wonderful thing.

[Austin]

That right there is where I think you're loosing some of us--or at least me.

You really don't think being told 'you WILL make the decision I tell you to or your life will be a living hell/you will be homeless' is a form of 'force'?

Force and coercion are bedfellows all to often.

So your beginning statement that 'no one can be forced' is false.

No one SHOULD be forced.

No one can be PHYSICALLY forced.

But people can and are 'coerced' in forceful ways.

Anyone who doesn't think someone can be forced to give her baby up for adoption is extremely naive when it comes to the range of family dynamics that are out there. If the parents say, "Well, if you don't give the baby up, you won't have a home to come back to", I'd say that's pretty much forcing right there. And parents kicking their pregnant teen daughters out happens ALL the time. My husband taught teenagers for 35 years and he saw this far too many times. The girl becomes afraid because she had nowhere to turn except to a shelter and so what is she supposed to do? Is that "consent"?

What young people need is better education and access to contraceptives, and for those for whom contraceptives fail, they need a support system that will back them no matter their decision.

And I don't believe adoptive families are always better; many adopted kids are abused (although many are brought up very well). But it's not a sure thing that giving your baby up for adoption will guarantee them a happier life. All you have to do is look at the news to realize that.

[Austin]

I've seen this episode and part of me believes the mom did the "if you get pregnant, you're out of my house" approach was because she wanted the teen to realize that there are consequences to getting pregnant. She knew her daughter was going to wind up coming back home, but she wanted to teach the kiddo a lesson and learn the hard, hard way. I think this was the best episode ever of "16 & Pregnant".

I think the mom's approach was appropriate. The teen needed to learn that way, and I believe the mom knows her child well enough to know what lessons to give her.

I've seen way too many times teenagers having babies and get pregnant again shortly after. My own mother (unwed) had 2 children back to back, and her mother told her before she had the second child, that if you're grown enough to have one child and get pregnant again, you need your own place. And that was exactly what happened, my mom had to move out on her own. She met my dad (first 2 kids weren't his although he took care of them) shortly after and they didn't begin having children until about 5 years later.

This teen should have given that baby up for adoption, although not to that couple. Very creepy!! That lady looks like the type that would steal someone's baby or something. Ugh.

And she pissed me off chasing that junkie of a boyfriend in the streets to tell him she was in labor. WTH? And driving him to school when he missed the school bus! Andddddd thinking he was going to babysit the baby that time, so she could go to work. Her mom was correct in going about her business in that situation. Not her problem.

As a mother, I can't even imagine kicking my pregnant daughter out of the house. I think only a pretty crappy mother would do such a thing. She's going to have plenty of consequences no matter what she decides and seriously, the mother thinks she needs to impose more?

I guess it's a good thing I don't watch these programs.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I'm with you in that minority. A sixteen year old is neither mentally, emotionally, or physically prepared to care for a baby and neither is the father in most cases (depending on his age). My mom sees patients like these all the time in the hospital where she works. There was an incident once where this sixteen-year-old decided on adoption, had the adoptive parents picked out halfway through the pregnancy, had the adoptive parents pay for everything and come to the hospital when the baby was born, but then decided after the couple had the baby for three days (they had named it, their family had come to visit the child, and they may have already take it home, I'm not sure) that she didn't want to give it up and took the child back. The reason she took it back? Her mom got out of jail and was going to help her.

...and THAT is one of the reasons that it is so important that any decision to place a child for adoption be made with lots of thought and serious consideration, as opposed to being coerced. You don't want a nightmare scenario of a child going to a placement, only to have everything disrupted as the mother changes her mind.

[Feberin]

There were so many issues with this episode! I know the girl's mother seem callous, but look at it from her point of view. She made sure the girl was on BC and told her she didn't want a baby in her house. I remember having that convo with my parents when I was a teen and it scared me enough to make sure I was very responsible about using BC. Obviously, Alex knew she messed up on BC if she knew enough to inquire about Plan B (which, I'm sure if she asked her mom for 50 dollars, her mom would have been HAPPY to give it to her). Then there is the fact that her boyfriend was a total loser. Alex knew he was a loser. The boyfriend was self aware enough to know he was a loser. He didn't sugarcoat the fact that he didn't want to be a parent like many boys on this show tend to do. He was honest with her about wanting to put the baby up for adoption. Alex knew all of this and decided to proceed with keeping the baby with no plan in place. I can really understand her mother's aggravation and frustration.

I also wondered if Alex's mom's pushing of adoption so hard was based on the stoner boyfriend. Alex mentioned that her boyfriend had been in trouble previously at the start of the episode so it's possible the mother realized how little help he would be to her daughter. However I think she went around things the wrong way. And I don't know why at any point if Alex was leaning towards adoption and her mother wanted her to choose that option there was no trip to meet with an agency. The whole friend's parents want to adopt the baby thing was creepy and I'm very glad that didn't happen. I think it would have been very similar to the situation that Ashley Salazar is in now.

And the car seat thing made me so annoyed with the hospital. When we too my son home from the hospital they checked before we left to make sure we had him in the car seat correctly. It takes a minute but is SO important for the baby! I really want a very special episode of the 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom on car seat safety where they can teach them how to propperly use a car seat such as no bulky coats, pull the straps tight and no forward facing until at least one year preferably two years.