Carlin and Evan 13: Living on SM Income

[Coconut Flan]

Continued from here;

 

[Expectopatronus]

Thanks to all the US members for explaining your health care system! I am so grateful for national health care! My kiddo has had 14 ear infections in her 3 years and is getting tubes in a few weeks. There is no way I could afford doctor’s appointments, surgery etc. 

[WatchingTheTireFireBurn]

@KWLand What's your "win" checkup today?

I walked twice and did some important errands even though it was my day off and I just wanted to lie in bed trying to keep up with JRod threads. 

Also to carry over the previous carlin thread - USA healthcare sucks. 

Tomorrow we can expect a stupid video from Evan. Will I be so bored I watch it? He has a magic power of posting every saturday when I'm taking a veg out and stare at internet break.

@Coconut Flan I'm reading this topic title as a riff on Bon Jovi, Livin' on a Prayer. If that wasn't the intent I don't wanna know.

[KWLand]

5 hours ago, WatchingTheTireFireBurn said:

@KWLand What's your "win" checkup today?

I walked twice and did some important errands even though it was my day off and I just wanted to lie in bed trying to keep up with JRod threads. 

Also to carry over the previous carlin thread - USA healthcare sucks. 

Tomorrow we can expect a stupid video from Evan. Will I be so bored I watch it? He has a magic power of posting every saturday when I'm taking a veg out and stare at internet break.

@Coconut Flan I'm reading this topic title as a riff on Bon Jovi, Livin' on a Prayer. If that wasn't the intent I don't wanna know.

The Rod threads keep me distracted.  Glad you were able to get out and walk.

I was able to make it to family for the weekend.  Even spent some time outside.  A lot of meds in the body to make it happen, but so worth it to be with extended family.  Thanks for asking.

[WatchingTheTireFireBurn]

11 hours ago, KWLand said:

The Rod threads keep me distracted.  Glad you were able to get out and walk.

I was able to make it to family for the weekend.  Even spent some time outside.  A lot of meds in the body to make it happen, but so worth it to be with extended family.  Thanks for asking.

Nice! Glad to hear it.

I'm hopelessly behind on the rods. I keep trying though!

[KWLand]

21 hours ago, WatchingTheTireFireBurn said:

Nice! Glad to hear it.

I'm hopelessly behind on the rods. I keep trying though!

It’s hard to keep up.  She needs to slow down on doing silly snarkable stuff 😂. Still at extended families and so thankful the meds and weather are making it so I can actively visit.  Did get sick yesterday, but more meds helped.  I’m now snuggled under a blanket, debating a nap since we went to sunrise service this morning.  

[gobucks]

Based on the recent hire at BSB and Carlin's facial expressions in their q&a video yesterday, I think they are going to turn BSB into a storefront. 

[WatchingTheTireFireBurn]

42 minutes ago, gobucks said:

Based on the recent hire at BSB and Carlin's facial expressions in their q&a video yesterday, I think they are going to turn BSB into a storefront. 

They've talked about that off and on. and regularly have in person sales there.

[WatchingTheTireFireBurn]

Today I watched their really long Q&A on 1.5 speed.  and will try to summarize main points:

1. Evan's electrician job. Talked about how much he likes his work right now at boutique and youtube but he can go back one day if things change. Said he went into that so that he could support his family but has no particular passion for it.

2. Carlin said before they were married they talked about supporting their family and she wanted something she could do from home and that's why they started the boutique.

3. Carlin absolutely wants a 3rd kid and talked about how she didn't enjoy/feel good during zade's pregnancy and how she hasn't enjoyed his being a baby as much (because health issues?) and she wants a 3rd one so she can know it's the last one and enjoy it. (So innocent. because sure everybody gets to plan out their last pregnancy and enjoy it according to their own desires)

Evan wants to wait and see. Carlin mostly seemed to want to wait until zade was a bit bigger and then ask the dr's if the meds she's on are ok for pregnancy. Later she said she loved labor once she got an epidural but didn't like being pregnant. She also said she loves a newborn but after that it's not as much fun. Oh and she thinks they should have waited to try to potty train Layla because the accidents are much more disruptive than changing diapers.

4. Carlin says the doctors think she has epilepsy but she poo poo'd the idea that the test we've talked about is that important because [paraphrased] "lot's of people go in for the test, even multiple times, and they don't have a seizure so they wasted that time" She sort of said they were still tinkering with her medication. She did not really touch on the idea that until she has that test they've not actually ruled in or out other possible diagnoses.

5. School for kids? In the future homeschool, but maybe join a co-op. Have kids take extracurriculars like ballet or sports.

6. Says they have a "babysitter" who keeps the kids while they are at work. Kids are too big to take to boutique now.

Evan's family keeps the dog when they are able to drop off in nasheville otherwise a church friend keeps the dog when they're out of town. Considering they're out of town a significant amount of time, that's a good church friend.

7. a lot of talk about "dude perfect" I don't know what this is and I've decided I don't want to google it.

8. some jesus talk. 

9. doing things differently from parents re clothes/ birth control. didn't really answer specifically. said they made their own decisions but still respect her parents etc.

10. Why don't you go to your dad's church? They wanted to go to a different church once they were married. Sort of implied so they could meet in the middle and grow beliefs together. But didn't really explain their thinking and/or admit their thinking.

11. Fight with siblings? Carlin said when they all lived together it was easier to get over fights but now that people have spouses and moved out  it takes both people wanting to work on the relationship and it's harder

So, nothing of great importance but I was pretty curious if they'd say anything about her health and really -they didn't. I already figured Carlin just doesn't want to bother with the test to confirm a diagnosis and that theory seems supported here. I did not include the many questions like what super power and do you listen to music in the car etc

[Johannah]

I didn’t watch the video, but it sounds like Carlin is completely uninformed about this test. My son had it done relatively recently. You don’t have to have a seizure during the test! They wean you off the medication and as you’re off it longer and longer your brain activity can change and look different depending on the underlying cause/diagnosis. Our epileptologist described it as seeing evidence of embers that could light a fire (fire being a seizure). You just need to see the embers, not the fire. And you need to be off the meds long enough for evidence of them to emerge. How does she not know this? How is she actively having seizures and unable to drive or safely be left alone with her children and doesn’t think further investigation is warranted? Why does she think she knows the answers to medical questions on her own? She is making massive assumptions based on nothing. Why isn’t she asking questions and informing herself? How does she not know whether or not her medications or condition would be safe during pregnancy? Her lack of knowledge or inquisitiveness is mind-blowing to me! But I suppose unsurprising when you’re raised in a fundamentalist cult and “educated” at the SOTDRT. 

[WatchingTheTireFireBurn]

It's strange. You can easily Google things like safe for pregnancy medication.

I personally think she doesn't want a final diagnosis whatever it is. Because then she has to accept whatever that means for her. I don't think she accepts that she has a serious condition or possibly long term condition. Evan has gotten more and more quiet when it comes up (as compared with a year aho). I think because they don't agree. He seems very concerned. 

I think Carlin just wants to live out her suburban dream life and is ignoring it as much as possible. She's so lucky to have supportive family and finances enough to where this hasn't wrecked her life completely like most Americans. I hope she matures some before seriously considering getting pregnant again

 

[BullyJBG]

Did anyone else catch the last part where they say they cut it off, with asking if it was both of their first kiss?

[rebeccawriter01]

3 hours ago, Johannah said:

I didn’t watch the video, but it sounds like Carlin is completely uninformed about this test. My son had it done relatively recently. You don’t have to have a seizure during the test! They wean you off the medication and as you’re off it longer and longer your brain activity can change and look different depending on the underlying cause/diagnosis. Our epileptologist described it as seeing evidence of embers that could light a fire (fire being a seizure). You just need to see the embers, not the fire. And you need to be off the meds long enough for evidence of them to emerge. How does she not know this? How is she actively having seizures and unable to drive or safely be left alone with her children and doesn’t think further investigation is warranted? Why does she think she knows the answers to medical questions on her own? She is making massive assumptions based on nothing. Why isn’t she asking questions and informing herself? How does she not know whether or not her medications or condition would be safe during pregnancy? Her lack of knowledge or inquisitiveness is mind-blowing to me! But I suppose unsurprising when you’re raised in a fundamentalist cult and “educated” at the SOTDRT. 

This is something that bothers me about both the Bates and Duggar children/adults. They aren't just uninformed about a lot of things, they don't take the time or initiative to care. 

I'll admit I'm a bit negative about the medical community because of how my mother was treated regarding cancer. However, everyone has to be their own advocate. Know your body, ask about your options, and be a part of your medical decisions. When I was dealing with fibroid and endometriosis I had a doctor who was pumping drugs into my body like crazy. I didn't want to live like that for another two decades and said as much. He blew me off so I went someplace else for help. Late I was passing out regularly and had other symptoms. First neuro consult said he saw nothing wrong and would check in about 5 months later. I threw a fit that passing out wasn't normal. He relented to sending me for testing only to learn I had a benign tumor and pituitary issues. In that testing I had an EEG. The test showed slowed brain waves that the doctor said were because I fell asleep. I didn't sleep at that time and was aware and awake. Turns out I had a seizure during the EEG and had to fight to get them to see that.

Carlin is probably very frustrated and doesn't like the idea of bad news that is permanent. That's just life sometimes. She and everyone who has a health issue needs to fight for the diagnosis. Nobody else knows your own body as well as you do.

[marmalade]

The problem is that Carlin is flatly refusing a test that could give her answers. It's the opposite of fight. 

[clueliss]

Regarding Carlin and the test.  Our Life in Holland on YouTube actually had on if their sons in the hospital not that long ago for this.  He has Cerebral palsy and experiences both grand mal and focal seizures.  They were hoping to record one of the ongoing focal seizures while he was there and didn’t.  
 

Their talk of focal seizures made me wonder if Carlin is having those and not realizing it.  

[mama4cor]

I’ve been going back and forth about commenting about Carlin and her situation. I tend to want to give her a bit of grace on the situation. For one, we don’t really know everything that is going on in their lives. She has said multiple times now that she really doesn’t like to discuss it. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that she and Evan aren’t talking about it. Or that she’s not talking about it with her various doctors. And in some respects I understand avoiding the diagnosis. My oldest kid was informally diagnosed with an auto immune disease. We say informally because we chose not to do the formal testing required to confirm the diagnosis. It wasn’t because we don’t care or didn’t want to know for sure. It’s because while we were waiting for specialist appointments and test results and answers, she had a blood test that came back and gave her team of doctors enough information to basically confirm what they were already pretty sure of. And by that point we had already started doing things and making changes to help her. She was finally back to school after missing almost 6 months, out of bed and functioning again. In order to have a formal diagnosis, we had to go backwards by putting her in a full blown reaction so that we could do biopsies and further testing. After watching her go through terrible physical, mental and emotional pain for months, we couldn’t do it to her. We knew what was suggested to make things better for her and we went with that. Some people disagree but to us, that formal diagnosis was just a piece of paper to confirm what we already knew. Her condition has no cure but it’s fully manageable and we have changed our whole lives to make things better for her. Eventually we may do the testing required for a formal diagnosis but she isn’t ready for that and we aren’t going to push it. We’re just grateful that the changes we have made are what she needed to get back to being a teenager.
All that to say, maybe Carlin is feeling good right now - compared to how things were a year ago. Maybe she’s happy that right now, while things aren’t “fixed” and she doesn’t have a “for sure” diagnosis, she is, instead, in a healthier physical, emotional and mental state. And maybe that’s all she can handle right now. 
Obviously I don’t know and I could of course be wrong. But walking with our child through her challenges makes me try to look at it a little different.

[WatchingTheTireFireBurn]

I think it is a fair amount of this (as far as any internet stranger can know) she's ok with how things are and doesn't want to rock the boat.

But I also suspect she's still hoping it just goes away. When she's talking about possible future children it didn't seem like "if" but just when.  She didn't seem to consider how chronic health issues might really affect it. But I get the sense Evan is happy to stop at the kids they have and focus on her health. As immature and ridiculous as he seems sometimes, I can't fault him here. He seems to be very realistic about it. One can hope that the good relationship with his family and Evan's support can bring Carlin around to taking her health seriously before she brings more kids into the world. For her safety and theirs.

[Keys]

If she wants to get pregnant again, I really hope she carefully plans the pregnancy in collaboration with her doctors. Pregnancy in the setting of epilepsy can be complex, both because most meds carry some risk for the fetus, and also because having epilepsy in general increases the risks of pregnancy and delivery complications. The guidelines also say that the diagnosis should be confirmed prior to pregnancy, so it would seem very wise that she go ahead with the inpatient EEG before getting pregnant. 

[Smoochie]

I watched this video and she said that she has baby fever with so many being born, but, is not ready to have one herself. She also specifically stated that they would check with Drs. first because they have no clue what the meds will do while pregnant, to the baby, etc.

They both think that whatever happened, whatever she has was triggered by her pregnancy with Zade and that it was something that she probably had but no effects from ie. low laying and the hormones triggered it. They also 'joked' but probably seriously hoping that if given the green light and she gets preggers, that perhaps it would reverse itself.

 

[FrumperedCat]

Was this an EEG exam she was talking about? The whole aim is to monitor brain activity and responses but not trigger an actual seizure. The Neurophysiologist monitors for signs of seizure activity and will stop if they see an indication it might evolve. I would most definitely not be looking to have any pregnancies whilst having uncontrolled seizures. I can barely keep myself safe, let alone have the memory to protect a pregnancy. And finding a suitable medication is pretty difficult too. A lot have risks to foetus, and many patients don't respond at all to seizure medication. Sorry, but it seems Carlin is blissfully oblivious to the reality of the situation, whereas Evan is a bit more aware. I know from my own experiences I was often a bit more blasé than my family until I actually saw a video of a seizure they'd witnessed and how violent and dangerous it was. I often come around after a seizure with bruising to my torso and face, and sometimes broken bones. And that's even considering I always make it to my bed as I now recognise the onset. I can't imagine trying to safely raise children in that environment. Evan might not seem that mature, but in many ways he is more so than some other spouses.

[FrumperedCat]

So important to note that many epilepsy meds can cause mental health issues and vitamin deficiencies. So even if Evan feels things are improving it can be very difficult as a patient. I'm not sure how much support she'll be having from family for these issues either. 

[marmalade]

4 hours ago, FrumperedCat said:

So important to note that many epilepsy meds can cause mental health issues and vitamin deficiencies. So even if Evan feels things are improving it can be very difficult as a patient. I'm not sure how much support she'll be having from family for these issues either. 

Evan seems to be taking this more seriously than Carlin. I think he's great support for her. But it seems like he's not pushing her regarding the EEG. I wish that their attitude towards it would change to a positive, possibly definitive diagnosis for her.

Edited April 18 by marmalade
Changed a word

[SassyPants]

I wish the Bates applied their strong and strict  pro life stance to the females in their own family. Carlin has 2, healthy, beautiful children. She should be encouraged to focus on her own health, marriage and 2 kids. There is so Much more that she can do besides having more kids and potentially negatively impacting her health and life. The hyper-focus on reproduction is not healthy!

[gobucks]

I wish they could have the mental health support to grieve the loss of those other pregnancies if Zade really is their last. I don't blame a woman in her young 20s for not assuming her 2nd is her last, especially in their culture. I just wish they could receive the appropriate supports to understand and heal her trauma from the last year, along with grieving the loss of her ability to carry kids while having epilepsy (if the doctors agree that it isn't safe for her). I am not from a medical field but I remember her meningitis after having Layla and that to me seems to have triggered, or unleashed underlying causes,  all of these issues. 

[Smoochie]

10 hours ago, gobucks said:

I wish they could have the mental health support to grieve the loss of those other pregnancies if Zade really is their last. I don't blame a woman in her young 20s for not assuming her 2nd is her last, especially in their culture. I just wish they could receive the appropriate supports to understand and heal her trauma from the last year, along with grieving the loss of her ability to carry kids while having epilepsy (if the doctors agree that it isn't safe for her). I am not from a medical field but I remember her meningitis after having Layla and that to me seems to have triggered, or unleashed underlying causes,  all of these issues. 

That, plus I remember she also had COVID and possibly 2x. Look at what Erin went thru medically after having COVID 2x and I think that's when she fell even further down the fundy well.

Edited April 19 by Smoochie