John and Alyssa Webster 13: The Blessed Boy Arrived

[hollyfeller]

13 minutes ago, Expectopatronus said:

My kid slept on my chest on her tummy during the day. I kinda figured I could monitor her breathing if she was on me but in her bassinet it was a sleep sack on back only. Drove my mom crazy as she believed that tummy was best. Side and tummy were what was taught in the 80s so I get it. 

My mom was taught to put me to sleep on my belly in the late 70s.  She said it's a miracle more babies didn't die.

[Melissa1977]

1 hour ago, Expectopatronus said:

My kid slept on my chest on her tummy during the day.

Mine too. I'm nostalgic about that!

[fluffernutter]

She posted some pics on instagram. Her kids going to vacation bible school, and date night at the good old Olive Garden. JRod's gonna be jealous. Also some woman and a cup of something hot- coffee? Fascinating stuff. 

[Jackie3]

On 6/17/2023 at 10:31 AM, CaptainFunderpants said:

I feel like I'm putting things on him that aren't necessarily there, but I'm starting to lean toward verbal abuse and Steve Maxwell tendencies. Alyssa seems really unhappy and detached, much like Teri, and yet it's just more more more.

 

John seems like a harmless dolt, smug and self-satisfied. But I don't think he is abusive at all or controlling. I think Alyssa is unhappy because she's not the type to enjoy 5 small children. She's what, 28? Tied to the house all day, diaper changing, potty training, cleaning bottles, nap times. She'd be happier if she were putting on a professional-but-pretty outfit, going to work as an office manager and flirting with the guy in the next desk. 

I like small children, myself, and I loved being a SAHM. But 5 of them, plus homeschooling? I'd be miserable. That's just so confining and isolating.

[kmachete14]

I think Alyssa would be perfectly happy being a SAHM with 5 kids if she got more help around the house and stopped homeschooling. She wants her house to be perfect, clean, organized, and aesthetically pleasing. It sounds like she uses shortcuts (minimalism, easy meals, cleanable furniture, co-op for homeschooling) to help with that. But even the most conscientious homemaker is going to get exhausted doing that with 5 kids. Either John helps out (and in their recent video, it sounds like he really does NOT do household tasks/chores) or she hires help (cleaning lady, etc) which idk if they can afford or if it goes against their ethos. 

I think this is an exhausting concept for all type-A, young, stylish, interior decorating-minded, moms (including myself). Except my husband stepped up to the plate and does domestic work as a partner who also lives in a home should. Alyssa can't because it would go against her religious beliefs somehow, and John has been so coddled he probably doesn't even know how to do this stuff and there would be an annoying learning curve for both of them. She's also type-A and probably wants control over the thing she can control (being domestic CEO like Jessa Duggar). 

I never understood how division of labor lumped in domestic housekeeping with childcare & homeschooling = outside job in the workforce. It always seemed to me that the housekeeping + childcare = job, and then EVERYONE cares for the house they live in. 

My mom was a SAHM who "kept her figure" and had a beautiful and spotless home, as well as 5 kids. But we had a weekly cleaning lady, we all went to school, and my dad was a neat freak who loved cleaning stuff as well. Not to mention my dad made a lot more money than I assume John does, so less stress in that regard. 

[marmalade]

In the latest Q&A, Alyssa confessed that they have outside help. 

[kmachete14]

26 minutes ago, marmalade said:

In the latest Q&A, Alyssa confessed that they have outside help. 

Ok I kind of thought so because she said something about one of the daughters asking to learn to mop when (insert name here) came next week. So that must be their cleaner. Good for Alyssa. 

[Sk8ter]

If she'd send her kids to school (for pete's sake, there are plenty of christian schools), she'd have 3 (?) out of the house for most of the day. That would give her time to interact with the two youngest, clean the house/take some time for herself while they napped in the afternoon. She could actually build quite a nice schedule for herself, maybe discover a little happiness and joy.

[Jackie3]

10 minutes ago, Sk8ter said:

If she'd send her kids to school (for pete's sake, there are plenty of christian schools), she'd have 3 (?) out of the house for most of the day. That would give her time to interact with the two youngest, clean the house/take some time for herself while they napped in the afternoon. She could actually build quite a nice schedule for herself, maybe discover a little happiness and joy.

She could also get out of the house more easily, with two kids instead of five. She could take the two youngest to the playground, keep the baby in a carriage, and watch Maci play. She could go to mommy and me classes, etc. and she's WAY more likely to be invited over by other parents if there are only two kids. Things like food shopping and errands are also easier with just a baby and a toddler. Plus, she might even be excited to see the three oldest when they came home at the end of the day!

 

46 minutes ago, marmalade said:

In the latest Q&A, Alyssa confessed that they have outside help. 

That's money well spent.

I think the use of the word "confessed" is funny--that's probably how it felt to her!

[JermajestyDuggar]

The second Gen Bateses are lucky they have the money for outside help like babysitters. Because Gil and Kelly sure didn’t. And that’s why they had Michael babysitting/parenting from a very young age. 

Edited July 13, 2023 by JermajestyDuggar

[marmalade]

26 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

The second Gen Bateses are lucky they have the money for outside help like babysitters. Because Gil and Kelly sure didn’t. And that’s why they had Michael babysitting/parenting from a very young age. 

I don't know about non-family babysitting, but Alyssa's confession referred to having a cleaning lady. 

[raayx01]

47 minutes ago, marmalade said:

I don't know about non-family babysitting, but Alyssa's confession referred to having a cleaning lady. 

this women is a stay at home mom and needs a sitter and cleaning lady, she cant do it herself and put that money towards something like putting Allie in ballet or any sport

[GreenBeans]

10 minutes ago, raayx01 said:

this women is a stay at home mom and needs a sitter and cleaning lady, she cant do it herself and put that money towards something like putting Allie in ballet or any sport

I have no idea how you’re supposed to get anything done while looking after five young children, one of them a baby. It’s basically like a daycare. Looking after five kids 24/7 is a full time job of its own. There’s a reason why daycares employ extra personnel for cooking and cleaning, and why they don’t have the teachers clean the daycare rooms while daycare is running.

But I agree, if you’re overwhelmed by taking care of a household and five children 24/7 (and I can completely understand, I would be!), there are two pretty easy ways out: 1) Don’t have five children in the first place (or at least space them out more so you don’t have several babies/toddlers at the same time) and 2) put your kids in daycare and school.

[0 kids n not countin]

2 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

I have no idea how you’re supposed to get anything done while looking after five young children, one of them a baby. It’s basically like a daycare. Looking after five kids 24/7 is a full time job of its own. There’s a reason why daycares employ extra personnel for cooking and cleaning, and why they don’t have the teachers clean the daycare rooms while daycare is running.

But I agree, if you’re overwhelmed by taking care of a household and five children 24/7 (and I can completely understand, I would be!), there are two pretty easy ways out: 1) Don’t have five children in the first place (or at least space them out more so you don’t have several babies/toddlers at the same time) and 2) put your kids in daycare and school.

Back in the day I worked in a daycare center, and the ratio of babies to caregivers mandated in the state where I live was 4 to 1.  Granted Alyssa's kids are different ages and not all babies, but it's too much for one person to do it all, more so if the school aged kids are at home all day.

[SassyPants]

At this point, none of the G2 Bates (Alyssa included) or Duggars has too many  children for traditional schooling. Once you get into the mega numbers, the time it takes to run children around in a timely fashion and the juggling it takes to make sure that all the homework gets done and rules are followed makes homeschooling a more feasible option for many families. Most act as if “curriculum” is the main reason they homeschool, but let’s face it, the reality is time and the schedule are the biggest obstacles for these families. When you have children for 2 straight decades, a parent would have children at every level of public school. Sane people do not want or create this life.

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

At this point, none of the G2 Bates (Alyssa included) or Duggars has too many  children for traditional schooling. Once you get into the mega numbers, the time it takes to run children around in a timely fashion and the juggling it takes to make sure that all the homework gets done and rules are followed makes homeschooling a more feasible option for many families. Most act as if “curriculum” is the main reason they homeschool, but let’s face it, the reality is time and the schedule are the biggest obstacles for these families. When you have children for 2 straight decades, a parent would have children at every level of public school. Sane people do not want or create this life.

The Duggars would have never been to school on time a day in their lives. They could never deal with schedules like that. Hell they were late all the time just to regular meet ups. 

[CanadianMamam]

45 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

The Duggars would have never been to school on time a day in their lives. They could never deal with schedules like that. Hell they were late all the time just to regular meet ups. 

So were the Bates. They make so many jokes about them being the Late Bates. 

[Keys]

On 7/13/2023 at 12:43 AM, raayx01 said:

this women is a stay at home mom and needs a sitter and cleaning lady, she cant do it herself and put that money towards something like putting Allie in ballet or any sport

Are you a mom? I hired a house cleaner at around 5 months postpartum while I was still on maternity leave with my first babe cause I couldn’t put my babe down for long enough to clean the house, and my husband was working very long hours. And I had postpartum depression. It was a source of stress that was not worth it!!!! Soooo happy to have our cleaning lady. Zero shame. 

[clueliss]

She has help?  Yay, because it means maybe she’s not using her daughters as slave labor/ sister moms.  (And yes, toxic beliefs and the crappy homeschool stuff, etc)

[JermajestyDuggar]

It seems like most quiverful fundie moms find help somewhere when they have a ton of little kids. Long before their oldest kids can take over all the chores. Michelle Duggar had the lady from church doing her laundry. Braggie pays her mom and has a mothers helper. Zoo Anderson had a church member help her when her kids were little. It’s one of those things that people who push quiverful lifestyle don’t talk about. Because literally all of them need help in the early years. And some don’t get the help they need! So neglect runs rampant. And it’s hell for everyone involved. 

[Jackie3]

On 7/12/2023 at 9:43 PM, raayx01 said:

this women is a stay at home mom and needs a sitter and cleaning lady, she cant do it herself and put that money towards something like putting Allie in ballet or any sport

I think we should stop judging women for getting help.

A cleaning lady means she has more time to care for the kids, which is a good thing. A sitter means she is getting a break, which is also good.

Don't you feel SAHMs deserve a break now and then? When you have kids aged 0-8, being a SAHM mom is a 24/7 job, especially when you homeschool.

[Jackie3]

On 4/22/2023 at 5:58 PM, raayx01 said:

I mean John gets to play softball, why cant Allie and Lexi pick up a sport.

Maybe they dont' want to. Lots of kids want nothing to do with sports.

However, they might want to play an instrument, do ceramics, build Legos, do crafts, learn chess or embroidery. I hope they have the chance to learn whatever they want, not just sports.

[Father Son Holy Goat]

Even taking the kids to the library would be great. There’s usually little kid story times, the older kids can check out books and read, and most activities are free. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 hours ago, Father Son Holy Goat said:

Even taking the kids to the library would be great. There’s usually little kid story times, the older kids can check out books and read, and most activities are free. 

That’s the problem with having a bunch of young kids. It’s a pain in the ass to just take them to the library. I think it would be great for them to go to the library once a week. But I doubt Alyssa wants to get them all dressed, shoes on, diapers changed, baby fed, diaper bag packed, everyone pee before they leave, load them all into car seats, drive to the library, get everyone out of car seats, pick out books they want, watch all 5 while in the library, then check out all the books, load them all back into the van, drive home, unload them all, and get back into the house. It’s an ordeal when you have that many kids. 

[gobucks]

Alyssa's video today talks about how Zoey and Maci started coughing over the trip to Papa Bill's and how they went straight to urgent care when they got home. Rhett ends up getting the cough as well and turns out he has RSV. I hope they didn't get the grandparents sick!

ETA They had Addallee and Jud come home with them to help with the car drive and then they stayed all week to help with the sick kids. The video ends up the 2 sibs flying home, Alyssa getting symptoms of RSV, and Ellie flying down to help for the next week! 

Edited July 21, 2023 by gobucks