M Is for Mama 14: Kids Don't Need Toys When They Have Chores!

[neuroticcat]

Abbie is in Hawaii but has thus far posted about staying in the hotel room all morning so they could edit the book, going to two anthropologie sales and another store name I didn't recognize, and working out at the hotel gym. 

I think people should do whatever they want to on vacation, but why not just do a staycation at home for that? I have zero desire to go to Hawaii (feel claustrophobic thinking about island in the pacific) but if I did muster the courage, I think I'd want to see all the things.

 

4 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

God I wish people constantly offered to take my kids. They aren’t horrible children. It’s just that no one seems to offer. Well my sister offered. And we are taking her up on the offer. But it’s only for a night. When I was a kid, my cousins, siblings, and I often stayed at our grandparents’ house. Everyone seemed to babysit us in my family at some point. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandparents. We all loved it. 

My parents offer, but I think their generosity exceeds their capacity. They are really beyond the place where they can have patience with very young children, so I think they want to do it, but often it ends up being not good for the kids. They do much better one on one or with older kids. 

So I always feel pretty conflicted, because everyone likes the idea of it - my parents are super engaged grandparents, the little kids get excited, and I look forward to a break. But there are usually big emotions afterward from the kids. I do it pretty sparingly.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I hate airplanes. I hate being that close to a ton of strangers. And the seats are so uncomfortable. I need to move. So if I’m going to be stuck on a plane for many hours, I’m going to be outside for most of my visit in Hawaii. I would have to feel like that terrible plane trip was worth it. 

Edited September 6, 2022 by JermajestyDuggar

[anachronistic]

There’s also a movement asking people to not go to Hawaii as tourists any more, so if I could go to a tropical island I’d choose the Caribbean. Not that it will ever happen, of course.

[JermajestyDuggar]

34 minutes ago, anachronistic said:

There’s also a movement asking people to not go to Hawaii as tourists any more, so if I could go to a tropical island I’d choose the Caribbean. Not that it will ever happen, of course.

I would honestly prefer the Caribbean because it’s a shorter plane ride. Did I mention I hate planes 😂

[neuroticcat]

5 hours ago, anachronistic said:

There’s also a movement asking people to not go to Hawaii as tourists any more, so if I could go to a tropical island I’d choose the Caribbean. Not that it will ever happen, of course.

I would like to know more about this. Why are people asking for this? Thanks!

5 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I would honestly prefer the Caribbean because it’s a shorter plane ride. Did I mention I hate planes 😂

I, too, loathe flying. Flying plus tropical island is the opposite of vacation for me. I would drive/ferry on over to Prince Edward Island in a heartbeat, though.

[danvillebelle]

15 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I hate airplanes. I hate being that close to a ton of strangers. And the seats are so uncomfortable.

Same here. The only way I am ever getting on a plane again is if a) it's an unavoidable emergency, b) someone else is paying for it and the plane is on the way to the UK so I can visit Wales and Scotland.  Otherwise - hard pass.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

I would like to know more about this. Why are people asking for this? Thanks!

I, too, loathe flying. Flying plus tropical island is the opposite of vacation for me. I would drive/ferry on over to Prince Edward Island in a heartbeat, though.

I really want to go to PEI. I loved Anne of Green Gables and my grandma always raved about it. So if she loved it, I’m sure I would too. 

[Cults-r-us]

On 9/5/2022 at 6:26 PM, neuroticcat said:

It is wild to me to think of dropping the responsibility for that many minors onto someone else. For real. I feel bad asking my parents to do more than a couple of hours with my three youngest together, because it's a lot! My husband's parents aren't at all interested, and that's there prerogative There is no one I could reasonably ask to look after my six children for an overnight trip, let alone a  Welp, it may not be the ideal presented by instagram, but my husband and I haven't gone anywhere overnight just the two of us in years. Because we have many dependent children. I'm not bitter about it at all - it's just reality. 

I just can't figure out the headspace where she is doing that comfortably with ten children. 

I don't comparing how the rest of us leaving our children vs. Abbie leaving her brood is comparing apples to oranges. I felt bad leaving mine and missed them vs. Abbie who, narcissist girl that she is, isn't really attached to her kids. Putting my responsibilities on someone else weighed on me, vs. Abbie who feel other people exist to give her what she wants and avoids responsibility. And she's probably not that interested in experiencing Hawaii because she doesn't seem curious about anything that doesn't give her attention.

[bea]

The husband and I are going to a wedding in October and my MIL is watching the kids for 3 days. Kids are teens, and this is the first overnight we’ve had without them in NINE YEARS. Kids are both T1 diabetic, so we waited until they were entirely self-sufficient.

But I am going away the weekend after next with a friend and honestly I cannot wait. I love my kids but they are intense and high needs (Older has ADHD, Younger is on the spectrum). Younger and I are constantly clashing. Never in my life have I wanted to just lock a kid in their room for a few days to get a break, not even when they were toddlers. When I mentioned that we were thinking of going, my husband said “YOU SHOULD GO!” before I finished the sentence. Apparently I’ve been a little, um. Tense.

For someone who has so many kids and claims to want to be around them all the time, she’s constantly ditching them.

[NotQuiteMotY]

4 hours ago, Cults-r-us said:

I don't comparing how the rest of us leaving our children vs. Abbie leaving her brood is comparing apples to oranges. I felt bad leaving mine and missed them vs. Abbie who, narcissist girl that she is, isn't really attached to her kids. Putting my responsibilities on someone else weighed on me, vs. Abbie who feel other people exist to give her what she wants and avoids responsibility. And she's probably not that interested in experiencing Hawaii because she doesn't seem curious about anything that doesn't give her attention.

This. I both love my kids and enjoy breaks from them, but I'm aware of how much work they are and don't want to put that on someone else too often or too long. 

Seriously, though, if I were in Hawaii you better believe I'd almost never be in the hotel room, especially if I were on Oahu or the big island. Too much to do and see!

[anachronistic]

@neuroticcat it comes down to the fact that native Hawai’ians are living in poverty and tourism isn’t helping, because wages need to stay low in order to make travel affordable but people can’t live on the low wages, and it is absolutely destroying the ecosystem and making it harder for people to live there. Here’s an article about a native Hawai’ian who started the whole conversation:

https://mymodernmet.com/lily-hiilani-okimura-hawaii-tourism/

[bea]

[mention=18011]neuroticcat[/mention] it comes down to the fact that native Hawai’ians are living in poverty and tourism isn’t helping, because wages need to stay low in order to make travel affordable but people can’t live on the low wages, and it is absolutely destroying the ecosystem and making it harder for people to live there. Here’s an article about a native Hawai’ian who started the whole conversation:
https://mymodernmet.com/lily-hiilani-okimura-hawaii-tourism/

That’s really valuable input - thanks.

[SuperNova]

Abbie's serving up Hawaiian word salad. The first one under the spoiler is my favorite. One hard bad/one hard good is such a stupid thing to say. It means absolutely nothing at all. She actually says 'pick your hard'. Ummm, phrasing. 

Travel and date night are not optional for some couples. Just read the last few pages in this thread. It's not always a question of finances either. I can't stand how she glibly throws shit like this around.

Spoiler

 

[Giraffe]

13 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

Abbie's serving up Hawaiian word salad. The first one under the spoiler is my favorite. One hard bad/one hard good is such a stupid thing to say. It means absolutely nothing at all. She actually says 'pick your hard'. Ummm, phrasing. 

Travel and date night are not optional for some couples. Just read the last few pages in this thread. It's not always a question of finances either. I can't stand how she glibly throws shit like this around.

  Hide contents

 

What does that even mean? “Our marriage sucks right now but at least we’re still together”?

[neuroticcat]

16 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

Abbie's serving up Hawaiian word salad. The first one under the spoiler is my favorite. One hard bad/one hard good is such a stupid thing to say. It means absolutely nothing at all. She actually says 'pick your hard'. Ummm, phrasing. 

Travel and date night are not optional for some couples. Just read the last few pages in this thread. It's not always a question of finances either. I can't stand how she glibly throws shit like this around.

  Hide contents

 

This is so out of touch. And absolute word salad cheap platitude. What does she mean by working toward a "hard" together that strengthens your bond? How exactly does that play out in the real world where marriages are split by betrayal, abuse, and trauma? Where the other partner is not interested in "working together"? How exactly is Anna Duggar's "hard" of staying married to a lying, betraying pedophile anything but BAD? And yikes to the equating of despair and divorce. Though I imagine very few people are ever like, "hooray, divorce, this is how I hoped my marriage would turn out," sometimes divorce frees people from despair and saves the lives of women and children. 

And gross to the implication that by "picking your hard" you could somehow stave off "despair and divorce." As if women (who are her primary audience) have control over that. What she's really saying here is more of the fundie nonsense that you can't control your circumstances, but you can control your attitude. So lean in to your abusive spouse. This kind of crap makes me so angry, because she can post a cliche, get likes, and keep growing her influence while actual women, likely mothers, will read this and stay in abusive situations and keep trying. And because fundinfluencers like Abbie constantly conflate their opinions with Gods authority, those women will do it for love of God. I hate it so much.

Also, oops! to deciding that the "date nights and trips are optional" quote is a good one to put with their trip to Hawaii. 

[Maggie Mae]

Way shorter (and a direct flight) for me to go to Hawaii than the Caribbean. It's actually a shorter flight to Hawaii from my location than most of the US.  

Here's an article about some of the changes https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2021-12-30/hawaii-is-rethinking-tourism-here-s-what-that-means-for-you to tourism. It's been a conversation for a long time, but really kicked off during/after COVID, due to the shock of no tourists then record breaking tourists. I hate tourists in my state. They have every right to feel the same way. Cruise ship tourists are SO disrespectful, rude, ignorant, and usually racist. Hawaii has a huge volume of tourists and they are so much worse. We usually stay with friends, but we still see tourists vandalizing nature, tormenting turtles, and paying to visit the dolphin jail. And the luaus. Ugh. 

I have no idea what Braggie is going on about when she says pick your hard. How about "do what is right for your family and your value system, and let other people do the same?" 

[SassyPants]

7 minutes ago, Maggie Mae said:

Way shorter (and a direct flight) for me to go to Hawaii than the Caribbean. It's actually a shorter flight to Hawaii from my location than most of the US.  

Here's an article about some of the changes https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2021-12-30/hawaii-is-rethinking-tourism-here-s-what-that-means-for-you to tourism. It's been a conversation for a long time, but really kicked off during/after COVID, due to the shock of no tourists then record breaking tourists. I hate tourists in my state. They have every right to feel the same way. Cruise ship tourists are SO disrespectful, rude, ignorant, and usually racist. Hawaii has a huge volume of tourists and they are so much worse. We usually stay with friends, but we still see tourists vandalizing nature, tormenting turtles, and paying to visit the dolphin jail. And the luaus. Ugh. 

I have no idea what Braggie is going on about when she says pick your hard. How about "do what is right for your family and your value system, and let other people do the same?" 

My parents own 1/12th of a townhome in HI with a group of their friends. Since they are in their late 80s, my husband and I will be escorting them on their trip next month, and my brother and his family will join toward the end of the month’s stay to escort them back. HI is one of my favorite destinations and I haven’t been for 11 years. I’m in the Bay Area (CA), so it’s a quick trip. We don’t do any of the touristy things beyond golfing (not me, but everyone else). I’ll stick to the pool and Costco-LOL

[Bluebirdbluebell]

Going to Hawaii is on my bucket-list. Right now I can't afford it and I'm nervous about flying during a Pandemic.

I can't not imagine having ten kids, all of whom are minors and live at home and thinking I can drop everything to go on vacation. And some of those kids are really young. I would be nervous about leaving them. Then there's the expense and travelling during a Pandemic.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Since it’s extremely likely my son caught Covid in an airplane or during their long layover (even though they wore masks and are vaxed), I now hate flying even more. He then gave it to his dad and me. My husband took my kids on the trip. I didn’t even go because I hate flying so much. Yet I still had to deal with the shitty consequences of flying. I wish very fast trains were more common in the US. 

[Cults-r-us]

4 hours ago, Giraffe said:

What does that even mean? “Our marriage sucks right now but at least we’re still together”?

I dunno. But I can't imagine Abbie being kind to anybody except herself.

[shesinsane]

3 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

[snip]

I have no idea what Braggie is going on about when she says pick your hard. How about "do what is right for your family and your value system, and let other people do the same?" 

I think "Pick Your Hard" is a companion phrase to "Hard is not the same as bad". But the shorter phrase (or maybe "PYH") will be easier to fit on mugs, hats, and other Braggie brand merchandise. 

[neuroticcat]

So I read her stories. Looks like she posted a whole series of marital advice slides. "Pick your hard" does make slightly more sense in context. The previous slide talks about how married life during the parents-of-young-children stage is hard. But so is waking up realizing you're spouse is a stranger. Something like that.

I still disagree with the principles, especially the rigid, forced "either/or" conclusion, but it's less non sequitir in her stories.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Pick your hard sounds ridiculously dirty. I’m just imagining Michael Scott constantly saying “that’s what she said” to any person wearing a shirt with that saying. 

[anachronistic]

I think it’s probably pretty easy for her to leave her kids for the same reason it’s easy for JRod, her kids aren’t securely attached to her. They’re attached to their brother/sister parents. It’s like that experiment they did ages ago with the monkeys, where they took baby monkeys away from their moms and had a nice, soft cloth fake monkey and a hard, metal monkey. The metal monkey gave milk but the babies didn’t spend any time with that thing except to gulp down their meals, they cuddled and got attached to the cloth one. Google Harry Harlow monkey experiment….warning that the imagery and ideas are fairly disturbing…..https://positivepsychology.com/harlow-experiment/

[SassyPants]

Spoiler

She should go back to this look. It’s far more flattering.