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M Is for Mama 14: Kids Don't Need Toys When They Have Chores!


nelliebelle1197
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49 minutes ago, theotherelise said:

Abbie is glomming on to more Duggars now. She and Kendra and she and Joy just mutual followed each other on IG. 

Seriously what do Kendra and Joy have in common with Abbie? Abbie is old enough to be Kendra’s mother. Abbie gloms on for the exposure to more potential followers and book sales. Abbie is educated, well traveled and should know better. I “think” Kendra might really like kids and her life style as opposed to Abbie who resents the hell out of every aspect of motherhood that draws attention and time away from her. Joy is living a life that she enjoys, Abbie, not so much.

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1 hour ago, luv2laugh said:

I don’t think anything makes Shaun tick. I think he’s a passive & checked out. Today, Abbie says his patience inspires her but I think she’s confusing patience for indifference. 

Yeah, awhile back someone asked about him traveling/being a present father. Abbie explained that for the first (maybe 5?) kids she taught exercise classes  all afternoon and the kids were with her. So Shaun came home from work and had time to himself for most of every night. I guess she had her version of a laundry room meltdown and it became a thing at that point that he had to actually parent. I might not be remembering very clearly, but it definitely made me think: yeah, those are red flags that a guy doesn't want to parent if he's...okay with not parenting. Not that people can't change, but wow.

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15 minutes ago, neuroticcat said:

Yeah, awhile back someone asked about him traveling/being a present father. Abbie explained that for the first (maybe 5?) kids she taught exercise classes  all afternoon and the kids were with her. So Shaun came home from work and had time to himself for most of every night. I guess she had her version of a laundry room meltdown and it became a thing at that point that he had to actually parent. I might not be remembering very clearly, but it definitely made me think: yeah, those are red flags that a guy doesn't want to parent if he's...okay with not parenting. Not that people can't change, but wow.

I do think there was a daycare at the gym though. So at least someone was looking after them. But yeah, Shaun seems checked out. If he had any sense, he would have gotten a vasectomy years ago. 

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51 minutes ago, neuroticcat said:

Yeah, awhile back someone asked about him traveling/being a present father. Abbie explained that for the first (maybe 5?) kids she taught exercise classes  all afternoon and the kids were with her. So Shaun came home from work and had time to himself for most of every night. I guess she had her version of a laundry room meltdown and it became a thing at that point that he had to actually parent. I might not be remembering very clearly, but it definitely made me think: yeah, those are red flags that a guy doesn't want to parent if he's...okay with not parenting. Not that people can't change, but wow.

I’m not sure I believe that story as presented by Abbie. She said that she would get home with all 5 kids at 7PM and still had dinner and all the evening things to contend with, while Shaun had been home for hours. She indicated that Shaun was free to explore hobbies and such, so I don’t think he was cooking, cleaning and doing the laundry. And it this story is true, Abbie was a fool for not making reasonable requests of Shaun’s “free time.” and setting boundaries within her family and work situation. She was working at a gym, not supporting her family…

I remember when my son was in HS and I used to work the last 4 hours of a 12 hour shift 3-4 days a week. So I basically worked from 3P-7P as a fill in nurse, easy money…initially if i didn’t have dinner in the crock, my husband would wait until I came home at around 8PM to fix dinner. I had to tell him that the first person home needed to get dinner ready, even if it was takeout or cereal on the table.

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10 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I’m not sure I believe that story as presented by Abbie. She said that she would get home with all 5 kids at 7PM and still had dinner and all the evening things to contend with, while Shaun had been home for hours. She indicated that Shaun was free to explore hobbies and such, so I don’t think he was cooking, cleaning and doing the laundry. And it this story is true, Abbie was a fool for not making reasonable requests of Shaun’s “free time.” and setting boundaries within her family and work situation. She was working at a gym, not supporting her family…

I remember when my son was in HS and I used to work the last 4 hours of a 12 hour shift 3-4 days a week. So I basically worked from 3P-7P as a fill in nurse, easy money…initially if i didn’t have dinner in the crock, my husband would wait until I came home at around 8PM to fix dinner. I had to tell him that the first person home needed to get dinner ready, even if it was takeout or cereal on the table.

I’m a stay at home mom and I hate cooking. I think I’ve always disliked cooking but it got worse when my picky eater was born. And he wanted nothing to do with anything I cooked. So I was like, “why am I doing something I hate everyday when my kid just turns his nose up at it and I doubt my husband likes it that much either?” So I don’t always cook. Sometimes my husband does and sometimes I do. But I do everything else like cleaning, running the kids everywhere, laundry, dishes, etc. 

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3 hours ago, theotherelise said:

Abbie is glomming on to more Duggars now. She and Kendra and she and Joy just mutual followed each other on IG. 

Of course. She wants access to their followers 

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Yeah, if they "share" her book, it likely will translate into book sales and follows. It's smart marketing but oof. I don't want her to gain more influence.

It would be interesting, though, if indirectly it revealed more of the echo chamber of Christian fundamentalism. The Duggars know better than to share specifics of their parenting philosophies/beliefs on socials. So if someone who's not a fundamentalist Christian picks up Abbie's book, they may be like WTH? 

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Instagram likes and follows are no more real then, most people really wanting to " Keep In Touch" after you leave high school even though they wrote it in your year book, after talking to only in class year after year.

These people are trying to build a hustle and building a influencer hustle is all about finding people in your niche that are around your size following or more, and jumping on their accounts to get attention from that account so they share your posts or just commenting to get their followers to follow you. It's like letting loose a MLM convention free in Disneyland, everyone starts to herd up people individually, but eventually you work as a team for your own benefit to boast your numbers. 

The Duggars like Abbie's followers not necessarily her or her book. 

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Jessa pumped out the book just a couple of weeks ago. She quoted a huge chunk of nonsense, hashtagged #misformama, said something about what great advice it was. 

Those two deserve each other. 

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@tankgirl I took that ‘keep in touch’ thing literally and told people at both my high school and college graduations to have a nice life, since we’d probably never see each other again. I meant it. But now I suddenly understand why they thought it was odd. (Yet another social convention that I missed, oops.)

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I thought signing yearbooks was stupid. I will also say, I thought about 90% of the stuff done in high school was stupid. I was Daria basically. 

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On 9/16/2022 at 2:38 PM, theotherelise said:

Abbie is glomming on to more Duggars now. She and Kendra and she and Joy just mutual followed each other on IG. 

I thought Joe and Kendra had made their social media quiet. How is Kendra using social media in a way that's beneficial to Abbie?

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1 hour ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I thought Joe and Kendra had made their social media quiet. How is Kendra using social media in a way that's beneficial to Abbie?

I have a feeling Abbie slid into the DMs

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38 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

I have a feeling Abbie slid into the DMs

I wonder  why she approached Kendra though. 

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3 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I wonder  why she approached Kendra though. 

Abbie's full of herself enough to think Kendra, who didn't break social media silence to wish her third kid happy first birthday or (allegedly) announce her fourth kid's existence, will break her social media silence because Abbie's book changed her life and she has to let everyone know.

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Another brutally honest review of Braggie's book.  Triple yikes, indeed. (bolded sections by me)

"I struggled with this from the first page and couldn’t figure out why until after I finished it. I picked it up for encouragement and practical help and ended feeling defeated. Though I’m sure it was not the intention of the author, it heightened my performance-driven tendencies by prescribing how I should parent like this family that *obviously* has it all figured out with their 10 children, so that I’m not a mediocre mom. It felt a lot more like shame and work than lifting my eyes to see what Christ has done. It actually felt, to me, like “Christ has saved you so you can mother *this* way (and just ask my 120k followers about how helpful these principles have been for them!),” not so we could depend on Him for the grace to parent regardless of how different it may look from someone else and regardless if it looks—gasp—mediocre to someone who clearly has it all figured out. I just felt the expectation and standard was off. And, after reading this, even admitting that feels like an excuse that would be chastised by the author as giving myself too much grace in this already excuse-laden society. I know this is not the takeaway the author intended. But here we are.

I cannot recommend because I feel it will compound any existing shame that someone may have and it could, as it did for me, lead them more into themselves and a dependence on their performance as a mother instead of Christ’s as our only sufficient Hope for our children or ourselves.

I did like and agree with the chapter on technology.

*editing to add I just read other reviews on here and a constant theme is the feeling the author is not saying “follow me as I follow Christ” but “follow me as I’ve mastered the only way to glorify God in motherhood.” Triple yikes.

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That review is spot on for at least what comes through misformama instagram (haven't read the book). 

Glad people are sincerely warning others away. Imagine Abbie will read those & think: but I didn't *mean* that, as all dogmatic Christians do. Their belief in their own sincerity excuses them from responsibility for harm. And then if you think you're absolutely right in your interpretation? Well, if the reader feels shame, that's on *them.* What a toxic subculture.

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Saw an interesting tweet that was saying patriarchy inevitably creates a "mean girls" culture b/c the women are suppressed and then can only gain status by marginalizing each other. Thought that is an interesting dynamic for someone like Abbie, who is mean with the heavy concepts she puts on people in her teaching. Over the weekend she posted a series of stories with a recorded message she made for one of the many women she hears from about writing what's on their heart/gaining a following. And I wondered if the limits on fundie women result in these sort of limited outlets: telling other women how to live, "teaching," a "ministry" instead of a career, and the inevitable us/them divide. 

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4 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

Saw an interesting tweet that was saying patriarchy inevitably creates a "mean girls" culture b/c the women are suppressed and then can only gain status by marginalizing each other. Thought that is an interesting dynamic for someone like Abbie, who is mean with the heavy concepts she puts on people in her teaching. Over the weekend she posted a series of stories with a recorded message she made for one of the many women she hears from about writing what's on their heart/gaining a following. And I wondered if the limits on fundie women result in these sort of limited outlets: telling other women how to live, "teaching," a "ministry" instead of a career, and the inevitable us/them divide. 

I’ve always thought that myself. Women are supposed to police each other because men can’t actually do it all. It’s actually always been this way. When I’m with my girl friends and someone makes a comment about revealing clothing of other women, they know I’m the one who will say it’s fine and women can wear what they want. 

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Do I spot one of Braggie’s rugs in Jessa’s new house tour video? Jessa said where she got everything else except this rug… 🤔
F9C0F294-FCA5-441F-A2EC-82C7865D63D8.thumb.jpeg.d768388b9980dbe7a7a356388adadd74.jpeg

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6 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

Do I spot one of Braggie’s rugs in Jessa’s new house tour video? Jessa said where she got everything else except this rug… 🤔
F9C0F294-FCA5-441F-A2EC-82C7865D63D8.thumb.jpeg.d768388b9980dbe7a7a356388adadd74.jpeg

Braggie is obsessed with rugs. So Jessa may have gotten a rug Braggie recommended. I suppose Braggie could have sold it to her. But the shipping cost would be huge. 

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2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Braggie is obsessed with rugs. So Jessa may have gotten a rug Braggie recommended. I suppose Braggie could have sold it to her. But the shipping cost would be huge. 

Maybe she sent one of the brothers down? Over? to Tyler to pick it up?  Like she called them to come and pack up and move the contents of her old house( or the fence). Seriously, Jessa thought a group, including a gaggle of kids, could pack up and secretly move the contents of a family with 6 members, in 4 hours’  time. She’d better let all the moving companies know her secret. Throw all your shit into some trucks and haul ass to the new spot? Better yet, make it a Dump Truck and just leave the contents in the front yard!  Do these folks ever do things the correct or best way? Plan and thoroughly execute anything? 

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Quote

I don’t do a lot of “schmoopy” reels, and I know my value in this universe comes from the God who created it. 

BUT!

We live in a culture that glorifies husband-bashing, so I’m just gonna say it: Being this guy’s wife and knowing that I get to add joy to his life (the way he adds joy to mine) is one of my favorite things. 

When God created marriage between one man and one woman way back in Genesis 1-2, he was creating a very good thing, my friends. Don’t be intimidated by the world’s negativity into keep silent about what a good gift Biblical marriage is! 

What’s your favorite thing about your spouse? 

Lemme know in the comments and tag ‘em if there on social media! ⬇️

I’ll go first: Shaun, I love that you very rarely lose your cool. Your composure and patience are a continual inspiration to me!

She posted this on IG, with a super cringe video. Shaun looked really uncomfortable IMO.

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I rarely partake in husband bashing. And my friends and I might complain a little bit. But it’s not some big bash fest. My one friend does bash her ex. But that’s expected. Braggie always seems so disconnected. She thinks mainstream means all moms hate their kids and cope with drinking, all wives bash their husbands continually, and all moms not parenting exactly like her are mediocre. She lives in such a strange made up world.

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Shaun never loses his cool because Shaun is not engaged with his children (nor probably his spouse), thus he is never annoyed by them.

Shaun never loses his cool because he travels so much he has very limited interaction with his children and his spouse (except date night dinners), thus he is never annoyed by them.

Shaun never loses his cool because his vacations alone with Braggie are work trips and he's otherwise occupied 95+% of the time, thus he is never annoyed by her.

 

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