M Is for Mama 14: Kids Don't Need Toys When They Have Chores!

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 minutes ago, Cults-r-us said:

Of course, who knows how they act at home (while their mother is up all night) because they are raising themselves.

When Jill and David went on their anniversary trip, I was hoping that the kids broke some rules. I hope they allowed the house to get messy, skipped some chores, and took turns sleeping in Jill’s big bed. All while watching the map that David usually had control over. 

[neuroticcat]

Has Abbie ever written about working outside the home? I think in general fundies frown on this for women/moms, but in today's stories she reminds us all that her mom is compensated for all the work she does to homeschool/help and that Abbie can afford that b/c she has been writing/teaching exercise for so long. 

I wonder if she will get push back from fundies on that - how is that not being a working mom?

Also, awhile back she posted how she teaches her class, does some extra personal exercises, and then does some writing while her kids are at the gym childcare. Is that normal for gyms to kind of be like a daycare option for members? 

[JermajestyDuggar]

5 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

Has Abbie ever written about working outside the home? I think in general fundies frown on this for women/moms, but in today's stories she reminds us all that her mom is compensated for all the work she does to homeschool/help and that Abbie can afford that b/c she has been writing/teaching exercise for so long. 

I wonder if she will get push back from fundies on that - how is that not being a working mom?

Also, awhile back she posted how she teaches her class, does some extra personal exercises, and then does some writing while her kids are at the gym childcare. Is that normal for gyms to kind of be like a daycare option for members? 

She has always been with a gym that provides childcare. Braggie isn’t at Lifetime Fitness, but I know that’s a gym that provides childcare. My friend uses it sometimes when she works out. It’s usually the big gyms that provide childcare. Braggie has dropped her kids off at the gym childcare ever since I can remember. Braggie has many options for not watching her children. Her older kids, her mother, her gym, and she’s even said she has a “mothers helper” in the past. I am a stay at home mom and I can’t say Braggie’s life looks anything like mine. I would say she’s a working mom. 

[bea]

I am leaving Saturday AM for a weekend without my children.

It has been EIGHT YEARS since Mr. B and I have been away overnight without our children.  Both of them have T1 diabetes and it's tricky to manage.

But they are teens now, my cousin is getting married, and we are going to Vegas for two nights for the wedding.  My MIL is coming to take care of the kids (well, mostly just to be in the house with them) and she is super excited about it because she's never been able to do it before.

The idea of leaving 10 kids with someone - ANYONE - for days is bonkers. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

18 minutes ago, bea said:

I am leaving Saturday AM for a weekend without my children.

It has been EIGHT YEARS since Mr. B and I have been away overnight without our children.  Both of them have T1 diabetes and it's tricky to manage.

But they are teens now, my cousin is getting married, and we are going to Vegas for two nights for the wedding.  My MIL is coming to take care of the kids (well, mostly just to be in the house with them) and she is super excited about it because she's never been able to do it before.

The idea of leaving 10 kids with someone - ANYONE - for days is bonkers. 

That sounds like fun! Have a great time! 

[anachronistic]

Oh, I think JRod and Braggie will definitely babysit - by which I mean taking pictures of herself with the baby, cooing at the baby, and bragging all over the internet about how she’s such a helpful grandma and babysat while the parents did X and how grateful the parents were. Of course, their younger kids will be home doing all the actual work. Same with taking the grand baby for a walk - they might push a stroller on a flat smooth surface for a few feet for a photo op, but then hand the handles over and be done.

[SassyPants]

IDK, Braggie doesn’t present as motherly or a person who would get all touchy-freely about a new baby, even her own grand baby. For a lady with a passel of children, she seems really detached and disinterested-oh, and not the least bit nurturing. And all of that is fine, but why have a bunch of kids and make everyone, including yourself, completely miserable?

[JermajestyDuggar]

36 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

IDK, Braggie doesn’t present as motherly or a person who would get all touchy-freely about a new baby, even her own grand baby. For a lady with a passel of children, she seems really detached and disinterested-oh, and not the least bit nurturing. And all of that is fine, but why have a bunch of kids and make everyone, including yourself, completely miserable?

I had a relative (she is dead now) that was like this. She got married in the 50s because that’s what everyone did. But she did not want children. I liked her personality and she was a fun and bubbly person. But she was very neat, tidy, organized, and her hair and makeup were immaculate at all times. She and her husband compromised and they had one child. Although her child grew up to be very successful and had a good life, today she would have zero children. It’s more acceptable today to be kid free. I was told by other relatives that her child always had to be clean and perfect and couldn’t make messes at home. I’m glad that our culture is now more accepting of child free people. I’m so glad Braggie’s holier than thou ass is a rarity. 

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I had a relative (she is dead now) that was like this. She got married in the 50s because that’s what everyone did. But she did not want children. I liked her personality and she was a fun and bubbly person. But she was very neat, tidy, organized, and her hair and makeup were immaculate at all times. She and her husband compromised and they had one child. Although her child grew up to be very successful and had a good life, today she would have zero children. It’s more acceptable today to be kid free. I was told by other relatives that her child always had to be clean and perfect and couldn’t make messes at home. I’m glad that our culture is now more accepting of child free people. I’m so glad Braggie’s holier than thou ass is a rarity. 

My 32 YO son told us that he likely will never have kids. He has been in a long term relationship and his partner agrees. I told him that I think there should be a lot more childless couples. Kids are hard and very costly in terms of money and time. I think Abbie and Shaun might have been happier if they had stopped at 3 or fewer kids.

I worked with a fellow nurse years ago who was much like your aunt. She was perfect, kind, perfect hair and makeup, wore her nursing pin everyday…she had one kid and almost had a breakdown. She told us she 409’d his shoes every night (What). She had one and announced to the unit “F. Family, party of 3.” LOL and so it was. They were one and done.

Edited October 20, 2022 by SassyPants

[danvillebelle]

I already know that my oldest (out of 4 kids) is going to be the only parent.  I am MORE than fine with that.  I applaud them for knowing themselves well enough to know they really do NOT want to be parents.  22yo daughter practically worships her nephew... but she's told me that it just cemented to her that she doesn't want her own.  She and her siblings are happy to be the fun aunts/uncle.

Our grandson is the bee's knees and I adore him.  Whether he ends up an only child or has a sibling...whatever.  I'm grateful for any and all of it.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

34 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

I already know that my oldest (out of 4 kids) is going to be the only parent.  I am MORE than fine with that.  I applaud them for knowing themselves well enough to know they really do NOT want to be parents.  22yo daughter practically worships her nephew... but she's told me that it just cemented to her that she doesn't want her own.  She and her siblings are happy to be the fun aunts/uncle.

Our grandson is the bee's knees and I adore him.  Whether he ends up an only child or has a sibling...whatever.  I'm grateful for any and all of it.  

My husband has two sisters who are child free. My husband only has 4 cousins total and only one out of four has children. And they are all in their 30s and 40s. So it’s not like they are still too young. It’s kind of hilarious how no one in his family wanted to have kids. While my 20 first cousins have kid after kid after kid. 

Edited October 21, 2022 by JermajestyDuggar

[theotherelise]

I just signed back up for my city-owned community gym. We have limited childcare hours there and two hours is the max. I would say that sitting at a table and working on a computer would be taking advantage of a cheaper childcare option at my gym. It's $3/kid or $20/month for one kid plus $10 for subsequent kids.

I think since Abbie works there, they probably don't mind letting her use the gym childcare this way. But it's weird to me.

A brief (and probably incomplete) history of Abbie's paid work as I remember it:

• High School Spanish Teacher - DID YOU GUYS KNOW SHE GRADUATED COLLEGE AT 19 AND TAUGHT HIGH SCHOOLERS FOR A COUPLE YEARS WHEN SHE WAS BARELY OLDER THAN THEM???
• Fitness Instructor - she currently teaches les mills body pump twice a week. It's an hour long class I think. 
• Author - M Is For Mama and the upcoming (I assume) Hard is Not the Same as Bad
• Paint and Prose - This is where she sells apparel and prints related to her sayings and book. Seems profit split with the designer/friend. She also sometimes has bundles of seasonal worksheet things here? Idk, I could never really tell how involved she was in creation of those bundles and they seem to have fallen off lately.
• Instagram Ads - Biggest one is Christian Healthcare Ministries, also maybe that Israel box?
• Co-Op Teacher - I think it's been awhile since Abbie taught at the coop. Her mom taught some classes for a bit as their contribution. Right now I don't think either of them teach, so I assume they have to pay for coop now.
• Blogger - Abbie doesn't really blog anymore and gosh those blogs were hard to read and even more scatterbrained than the instagram posts. She doesn't have ads on there right now, but she definitely has in the past. Doubt it ever brought in much through ad revenue.

 

[Maggie Mae]

23 minutes ago, theotherelise said:

I just signed back up for my city-owned community gym. We have limited childcare hours there and two hours is the max. 

My privately owned gym is $4 per kid for two hours, or you can do the add on $20/month which is "free" for 2 kids, two hours a day. They don't change diapers, they come find you if your kid continues to cry after 5 minutes, they find you if your kid does pretty much anything outside of playing quietly. You have to write down what part of the gym you plan to be in. 

It's an amenity but it's just supervised play time for kids, which is fine. I've seen so many parents get pulled from their workout by the childcare staff. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

It's nice to see support for child-free, although the state of reproductive rights will make that very difficult for young people.

I grew up with people that were not supportive of child-free people. This woman I know would never accept one of her kids not wanting kids. She also despises small families. She's pushing her kids to have lots of kids no matter what. 

[anjulibai]

My sister-in-law is childfree. The only babies she has ever held were her younger cousin and my sons - and my sons are the only kids she likes. Both of my dad's sisters are childfree, too. One regrets it, the other I don't know. Neither should have had kids, so that's fine. Hell, my dad shouldn't have had a kid, but that's another story. 

My older son, who is 10, has said things about not wanting kids. To be honest, I will be disappointed if he doesn't have any, though I obviously don't want him to have children he doesn't want. My younger son is moderately autistic and I don't even know if he'll be able to live fully independently one day, let alone be able to care for children. It kind of makes me sad to think I'll never have grandchildren, but if it must be, it must be. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

My boys are young and say they don’t ever want kids. But I bet my older son will when he’s an adult. He just loves babies so much. I can’t imagine him not wanting his own baby one day. My younger son will probably never get married and live in our basement forever 😝 He’s my clinger. 

[JDuggs]

Abbie was bragging about Ezra today. She admits that he’s not perfect, but she’s not sharing his bad qualities just to be relatable. Why does Ezra deserve this respect while she seems like she can’t wait to rag on Shiloh?

Spoiler

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

11 minutes ago, JDuggs said:

Abbie was bragging about Ezra today. She admits that he’s not perfect, but she’s not sharing his bad qualities just to be relatable. Why does Ezra deserve this respect while she seems like she can’t wait to rag on Shiloh?

  Hide contents

 

She sees teens as actual people. She doesn’t see preschoolers, toddlers, or babies that way. Probably because Ezra can easily see what she says about him and ask her to take it down. Toddlers don’t understand social media so they can’t tell her to take it down. 

[EmiSue]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

She sees teens as actual people. She doesn’t see preschoolers, toddlers, or babies that way. Probably because Ezra can easily see what she says about him and ask her to take it down. Toddlers don’t understand social media so they can’t tell her to take it down. 

He's probably her golden child too. Narcs don't rag on their golden children, especially in public.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

He's a BroDad and parents for her.  That's why she brags on him.

In my limited experience, families with lots of children usually have at least one child who's the scapegoat.  It doesn't matter what the child does or doesn't do, says or doesn't say -- the child is always in the wrong. About everything. Every day. All day long. Every moment of the day. Forever.

My experience is that 99% of the time it's one parent who drags the child daily and that behavior is completely ignored by the other parent. Sometimes it's both parents, but rarely. Anecdotally my experience is mothers do this 99% of the time, rarely dads. Dads in these families are really really really good at being oblivious.

In every instance I know of the scapegoated child grew up, told both parents to pound sand, eff off and die, DIAF, and cut all ties with the parents. They were shocked, shocked I tell you at that. However, the awful parent said to anyone who would listen that it was just more terrible behavior from the scapegoated child. Which just proved she was always right in everything she'd said about/ done to that terrible child. 

Edited October 25, 2022 by Red Hair, Black Dress

[danvillebelle]

How the fuck did she say that with a straight face?!?  If we all had a dollar for every time she's thrown Shiloh under the bus since he turned a year old, we could go buy some expensive Anthro crap. LOL

[Giraffe]

I really hope some of her fans call her out on that. She lives to put the other kids down, especially Shiloh!!!

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 minutes ago, Giraffe said:

I really hope some of her fans call her out on that. She lives to put the other kids down, especially Shiloh!!!

Calling her out does nothing. She just blocks them. She can’t handle any sort of criticism. Even if it’s constructive. Even if it’s completely true with proof. 

[neuroticcat]

Was she blogging when Ezra was a toddler? Maybe she was quicker to share his "less endearing qualities" - I mean it's still throwing side-shade even as she says she only trumpets positive traits. It's like being "I love my kid unconditionally, but let's not go overboard he still does a lot of annoying things but I'm better than those other people griping about it online. But just so you know, he does annoying stuff."

I wonder if she actually thinks she only trumpets the positive. This leads me to believe: 1. Complete obliviousness 2. No concept of actual, uconditional love 3. She holds back so many negative thoughts this seems positive to her. 

In other news, she has an entire series in her stories about "vanity" today. Sequence of posts explaining that vanity isn't just self-obsession, it can also be self-loathing...overlaid with posts of her posed selfies looking at the camera. Just...what???

[danvillebelle]

Pfffft!  Vanity like needing selfies so badly you take them of your reflection in the fucking dryer?  That kind of vanity, Braggie?

ETA: on her stories she has a reel of Toby squatting on the kitchen island, wearing nothing but a diaper, eating some kind of condiment off a tortilla with his fingers.  Her being so anal retentive about so many things in her life but being A-OK with her toddlers sitting on their eating surface in bare skin and their diapered butts is BIZARRO PLANET. 🤢🤮

Edited October 26, 2022 by danvillebelle