M Is for Mama 14: Kids Don't Need Toys When They Have Chores!

[Hazelbunny]

My parents never went on holiday without us kids... might have done them good if they had now and again. (They got divorced 7 years ago, when we kids were between 23 and 30) and I have no Idea where I was going with this post... The Gin-Ginger is addling my brain, I ought to go to bed - but the Gin ws good *cheers*   

[mhainlen]

I was feeling guilty about leaving one toddler with my in laws while we go on vacation.  Maybe I should follow Abbie's Instagram for more advice on how to quash my innate mothering instincts and joy in spending time with my child.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

My kids were a lot when they were little. So I rarely left them with anyone ever. But now that they are older, I feel much less guilt. Because I know they listen to other people way better than they listen to me. So if I leave them with my sister, I know they will be in their best behavior. And then when they get home, they will act up and fuss and whine at me. Better me than them I guess. 

[SassyPants]

Today Abbie said her parents are at her house. Probably easier than taking them to their home. Can’t believe that she didn’t divide them up. Maybe Shaun’s parents put their foot down?  Since  it was her 40th I’ll give her a pass on this trip, but man all those other trips…IMO, it’s too much to ask anyone to watch 10 minors. If you choose to have that many kids, you also need to accept all that comes with it. Maybe she pays her parents? 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

Today Abbie said her parents are at her house. Probably easier than taking them to their home. Can’t believe that she didn’t divide them up. Maybe Shaun’s parents put their foot down?  Since  it was her 40th I’ll give her a pass on this trip, but man all those other trips…IMO, it’s too much to ask anyone to watch 10 minors. If you choose to have that many kids, you also need to accept all that comes with it. Maybe she pays her parents? 

Technically the 3 oldest are probably doing a lot of the work. That’s why her parents can watch them no problem. Because the kids are so parentified. They are used to doing everything themselves. The most work is making sure the youngest three don’t hurt themselves with all the climbing. The rest of the kids take care of themselves and look after the little 3.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

You would have to pay me to get me to fly anywhere. Then again a fundie I know in real life just flew somewhere while 8 months pregnant. I know she'd justify by laughing about giving birth early. She's got a little of Abbie's personality: if she wants to do it, she'll do it.

[Hane]

12 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My kids were a lot when they were little. So I rarely left them with anyone ever. But now that they are older, I feel much less guilt. Because I know they listen to other people way better than they listen to me. So if I leave them with my sister, I know they will be in their best behavior. And then when they get home, they will act up and fuss and whine at me. Better me than them I guess. 

This situation is actually a healthy one! When kids act up at home but behave themselves elsewhere, it’s a sign that they feel secure with their own parents, while realizing that the  outside world has certain standards. Every teacher I’m close to says that if children show behavioral problems at school while their parents (usually mothers) insist “But my child is perfect at home!”, that means there are serious issues going on.

[JermajestyDuggar]

13 minutes ago, Hane said:

This situation is actually a healthy one! When kids act up at home but behave themselves elsewhere, it’s a sign that they feel secure with their own parents, while realizing that the  outside world has certain standards. Every teacher I’m close to says that if children show behavioral problems at school while their parents (usually mothers) insist “But my child is perfect at home!”, that means there are serious issues going on.

My personal opinion is that Jill Rod’s kids act perfectly at home and act up terribly in public. And there is definitely something wrong at home. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My personal opinion is that Jill Rod’s kids act perfectly at home and act up terribly in public. And there is definitely something wrong at home. 

I also think that generally Jill likes the way the kids act when out in public. I think if Jill thought they were behaving badly they wouldn't act like that. 

[danvillebelle]

From the amount of extra info she gave about her trip, it seems Braggie got lots and lots of questions from her humpers about how one can manage such a thing with 10 kids.

Her giant head is so far up her narcissistic ass that I guarantee you she never even gave a single thought to the fact that probably 90% of her followers live on less than half her income (FAR less in many cases), and that such a thing as a couple's trip without kids is pure fantasy realm for them.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, danvillebelle said:

From the amount of extra info she gave about her trip, it seems Braggie got lots and lots of questions from her humpers about how one can manage such a thing with 10 kids.

Her giant head is so far up her narcissistic ass that I guarantee you she never even gave a single thought to the fact that probably 90% of her followers live on less than half her income (FAR less in many cases), and that such a thing as a couple's trip without kids is pure fantasy realm for them.  

I think it’s partly why she’s so popular on Instagram. Many popular instagrammers have money before they even started their accounts. If you have money, you can do all the things everyone else wish they could do. It’s like a fantasy. Her humpers hope and wish they can one day live in a giant firetrap covered in Anthro crap. They hope they can take extravagant trips and homeschool children who do everything for themselves by age 5. 

[Hane]

10 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I also think that generally Jill likes the way the kids act when out in public. I think if Jill thought they were behaving badly they wouldn't act like that. 

Because her kids are Good Christians (TM), she believes that their behavior is automatically superior to that of “heathens,” no matter how rambunctiously they jump on sofas in furniture stores.

[JermajestyDuggar]

28 minutes ago, Hane said:

Because her kids are Good Christians (TM), she believes that their behavior is automatically superior to that of “heathens,” no matter how rambunctiously they jump on sofas in furniture stores.

And if it isn’t bothering her, then of course it shouldn’t bother anyone else! 

[SuperNova]

Big yikes here. Stunting your children's emotional and personal growth for your own convenience isn't a win in my book. The phrase "molding us into the image of Christ" gives me chills. Children and teens should be pushing boundaries in healthy ways. My daughter was a good kid and well behaved but she still got up to all kinds of nonsense.

I once had a seasonal co-worker who brought her children to work one day. Her kids, 6 and 8, stood still and quiet in the same spot the whole time we chatted. They moved so little that the longer we talked, the more nervous it made me. I grew up in a house that required total obedience and I knew how those kids were so still. She was the nicest lady and I knew it didn't come from her. Then I met her husband and understood.

Abbie ADORES teens. Yeah, I bet she does. They can can co-parent. 

Spoiler

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I am pretty honest with my friends who have young kids. I tell them it doesn’t get much easier until age 5. Then elementary age is fantastic. So enjoy the elementary years. I don’t have teens so I don’t know if it will be bad. I just know the teen years were really bad for me so I hope I can have plenty of empathy for my kids when they are going through those hard times. 

[SassyPants]

2 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I am pretty honest with my friends who have young kids. I tell them it doesn’t get much easier until age 5. Then elementary age is fantastic. So enjoy the elementary years. I don’t have teens so I don’t know if it will be bad. I just know the teen years were really bad for me so I hope I can have plenty of empathy for my kids when they are going through those hard times. 

You sound well prepared. I had zero teen angst. I was so unprepared for having teens. Frankly, I was scarred from the experience. I’d rather be pregnant with and raise quints to age 5 than parent another teen.

[danvillebelle]

Two of my teens were easy-peasy, and two were...um...NOT.  Shocker, the hard ones were the ones with way more of my personality than their dad's.

Adding...the son whom I thought was going to do me in from ages 15-21 is now the most delightful, hard-working, caring, funny (and quirky) 27yo man you'd want to meet.  He is living proof to me of the fact that brains don't completely mature until 25.  

Edited October 18, 2022 by danvillebelle

[JDuggs]

Who’s missing from Abbie’s family photos above? No one here will get that wrong.

I have to say, her five little boys are exceptionally cute.

[luv2laugh]

On 10/8/2022 at 11:10 PM, mhainlen said:

I was feeling guilty about leaving one toddler with my in laws while we go on vacation.  Maybe I should follow Abbie's Instagram for more advice on how to quash my innate mothering instincts and joy in spending time with my child.  

I’m going to stop you here because I believe this is problematic for women. It’s a problem that a mother has to feel guilt for spending time away from their baby. No one would question a man taking a work trip. I HATE that I am defending Braggie, because I believe she’s truly the worst fundie, but NO ONE would question Shaun for taking a work trip while she has babies at home. So, what is wrong with a mother taking a trip when there are babies at home? Nothing. 
 

Indeed, you can choose to do what feels most comfortable for YOU but that does not give one the right to mom shame another woman for taking a trip despite having a baby.

Edited October 18, 2022 by luv2laugh

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

I'm trying to wrap my head around Braggie (and Shaun) leaving one of the children out of the family photo.  I mean of course she did because said child is Braggie's scapegoat and she's a crap mother. And Shaun -- well he's so checked-out a a parent he probably didn't notice.

I do find it interesting the BroDads didn't wrangle the missing child into to photo. Unless they were told not to? That being excluded was said child's punishment for ........ ummmmmm ....... being a child.  A neglected child.

Photos like those above will bite her one day (I hope). Normal parents/people don't leave children out of family photos.

Yes I know, who ever said Braggie is normal.

[SassyPants]

8 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

I’m going to stop you here because I believe this is problematic for women. It’s a problem that a mother has to feel guilt for spending time away from their baby. No one would question a man taking a work trip. I HATE that I am defending Braggie, because I believe she’s truly the worst fundie, but NO ONE would question Shaun for taking a work trip while she has babies at home. So, what is wrong with a mother taking a trip when there are babies at home? Nothing. 
 

Indeed, you can choose to do what feels most comfortable for YOU but that does not give one the right to mom shame another woman for taking a trip despite having a baby.

I don’t shame for leaving babies. I do shame for leaving TEN minors with one nearing 70s couple. I don’t care that there are older kids to help. That’s not their job. I hope she offered all who helped cash payment. When I went to work and left my kids, I paid an adult to watch them. Abbie takes advantage of her parents. Also, from a recent IG, A’s mom(anyone know her name?) cleans when she’s there homeschooling…and receives a pay check.

10 kids is a lot. They are not Abbie’s parents’ responsibility. I just think of the potential issues. What if one of the parents had a medical issue? Would Ezra and Simon be left to pick up the pieces? 
 

Or divide the kids up. They have lots of friends and Shaun’s family. 

12 hours ago, danvillebelle said:

Two of my teens were easy-peasy, and two were...um...NOT.  Shocker, the hard ones were the ones with way more of my personality than their dad's.

Adding...the son whom I thought was going to do me in from ages 15-21 is now the most delightful, hard-working, caring, funny (and quirky) 27yo man you'd want to meet.  He is living proof to me of the fact that brains don't completely mature until 25.  

My hardest teen was an easy child and is a wonderful, successful adult. 
 

ETA- One of these days during her AAW posts I am going to ask Abbie if SHE plans on being the kind of helpful GM that her mother is, and if so, and with 10 kids, how she sees that happening. Of course, I’ll then be banned!

Edited October 18, 2022 by SassyPants

[danvillebelle]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

I don’t shame for leaving babies. I do shame for leaving TEN minors with one nearing 70s couple. I don’t care that there are older kids to help. That’s not their job.

THIS.  

Her mother's name is Beth.  She is 71 years old.

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

ETA- One of these days during her AAW posts I am going to ask Abbie if SHE plans on being the kind of helpful GM that her mother is, and if so, and with 10 kids, how she sees that happening. Of course, I’ll then be banned!

Hopefully she won't have the chance, because they will all move FAR away.

Edited October 18, 2022 by danvillebelle

[luv2laugh]

I’m also wondering if Braggie plans to nanny herself out to her 10 children’s kids to give them the same opportunity of the deal she had with her mother. I have a feeling Braggie will not be up for that. Braggie is not a “kid person” & admits she struggles with empathy.

She’s in for a wild ride because her older kids will eventually find out she used them, yet won’t return the favor by helping out with their kids, and will resent her. 

Edited October 19, 2022 by luv2laugh

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think all the mothers of many who had help from their own mothers or mothers in law don’t want to do it themselves. They would likely use the excuse that they still have children at home to take care. People like Kelly Jo and Michelle still have underage children at home to use as an excuse. Even though we know quiverful fundie kids are on their own by age 10. Does Michelle babysit much? No. Does Kelly jo babysit much? No. Will Jill Rod babysit? Doubt it. Will Braggie babysit? No way. 

[Cults-r-us]

On 10/9/2022 at 8:41 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

My personal opinion is that Jill Rod’s kids act perfectly at home and act up terribly in public. And there is definitely something wrong at home. 

Of course, who knows how they act at home (while their mother is up all night) because they are raising themselves.